Regrets of The Fallen (Victis Honor Book 1) (56 page)

Isabella had to take a break, though; Haruka said nothing and simply smiled and sat with her, but Bella knew she was worried, and she had good reason to be since her wife was finding it harder to do certain things these days. Bella could, for now, still get through a normal day with little to no trouble, but climbing and hiking like this was harder. She needed more breaks than she thought she should. She wanted to apologize to Haruka, but that would just draw attention to it and she knew she wouldn’t accept it anyway. So instead, they just pretended they were taking a break to look into the canyon. “Do you think this was created by natural causes?” Bella asked as she looked along it. “It’s oddly straight.”

“There are stories,” Haruka said, leaning back on her hands and looking over the area. “People like thinking of legends about places like this. One says that it’s where a great swordsman struck his final blow on his mortal enemy before laying down his sword – a blow so powerful it split the earth.”

“It could be true,” Bella said with a look at her. “What do you think?”

Haruka smiled. “I like to believe whatever’s the most interesting possibility. Everything should have a little magic.”

“In that case, it’s true. Not only that, but he laid down his sword afterwards to live a normal life with his family – he didn’t believe in fighting without need.”

“That could be why his name was forgotten. He probably didn’t care about fame or legend or wealth; he was probably fighting for the right to live normally.”

“Do you think he had a happy ending?”

Haruka shrugged. “Who could tell? But… I think sometimes, a happy ending is deserved. I’ll believe in one anyway – maybe someone decided he deserved it.”

Isabella nodded. “Or maybe someone made it happen,” she added with a glance at Haruka before standing up slowly. “Alright… Let’s get to the top of this thing before the sun sets, I don’t want to have to spend a day sitting there waiting for the next one!”

Haruka stood and caught her hand; she didn’t let go for the rest of the night.

IXH

Three Days Later

Isabella was coughing. It wasn’t pleasant for her – every few minutes she would spit out blood, but she didn’t complain. Her throat was raw to the point that swallowing made her eyes water, but she didn’t complain. She was finding breathing difficult and couldn’t speak very well, but she didn’t complain. No, Isabella had been in worse situations and worse states than this – perspective really helped when suffering. She said she could think back to one of the times she was tortured or one of the harder battles she was a part of, and then this seemed like nothing.

Still, Haruka admired her stoicism. She was taking care of her as well as she could – making sure she was drinking water, keeping her in bed. Fortunately they had found a roadside inn, and thus they were staying there right now. Isabella lay on her side (the only way she could breathe) and Haruka held her, talking to her when she was awake. Despite the situation, Isabella’s mood was still surprisingly light – while she was awake she was rarely not smiling, and though she could only whisper she still said endless jokes. When Haruka got up the courage to ask her why, she had answered simply, “You look sad enough for the both of us.” Haruka couldn’t deny it – try as she might, sometimes she found it hard to keep a light-hearted mood. It seemed odd for Isabella to be the one comforting her, but that was just the way the knight was.

The next day Isabella was much better and was dragging her out of the inn to their next destination, allowing Haruka to be happy again – but the thoughts remained in the back of her mind, and they were never going to go away.

IXH

One Week Later

Isabella’s grin was an image that Haruka never wanted to lose. They were on an Imperial Airship, having – by some miracle – secured passage on one of the normally military-exclusive vessels. Haruka’s Black Sun stature had actually worked in their favor, since no one knew yet that the Black Sun’s leader no longer existed. Currently they were out on the deck as the airship flew high above the land, giving a breathtaking view of the full expanse of the Imperial City and the surrounding lands. Isabella was leaning on the railing and looking down, laughing at something Haruka had just said. “Freya’s ship was awesome, yes, but it was over the ocean – there wasn’t a lot to see. And as for the
dragon
, yes, I was too busy to notice the view or enjoy the flight.”

Haruka chuckled, giving her a sidelong glance. “A dragon took all of your attention? I thought you were awesome.”

“I
am
awesome! Hey, if you wanna go fight a dragon, go ahead.”

Haruka laughed and raised her hands. “Alright, I give up. I’m not as crazy as you are.”

“Damn right you aren’t,” Isabella said with a smile, looking back down over the edge. “When I was younger, I would have jumped this, you know.”

“I thought you didn’t have wings like the others of your kind do?”

“Oh, I don’t. That wouldn’t stop me though,” Bella said, grinning. “C’mon Ruki, we could survive this jump. You could
still
do it.”

Haruka peered down at the ground far below. “Mmm… Maybe. This looks about at my height limit. I still wouldn’t want to watch my wife leap over the edge.”

“I wouldn’t try to
now
,” Isabella said with a small smile, folding her arms on the railing and resting her chin on them. “It’s just a dream, really.”

Haruka looked at her, watching her for a long moment before looking over the edge again. She looked over her shoulder at the guards walking past, then slipped her hand into Bella’s. “If we die, I am so haunting you, even though we’ll both be ghosts.”

Isabella blinked, looking from their linked hands to Haruka’s face. “What are you-“ She cut herself off with a scream as Haruka leapt over the railing and pulled her with her. She began laughing as they fell, looking at Haruka’s grin as the wind rushed past them. “You
are
as crazy as me!”

“It’s your fault, too!” Haruka responded as she looked down. They were
very
high, which was going to work to their advantage – she started channeling her energy at a normal pace, since they had time. As they fell, Haruka sent her energy out in certain patterns that created wind resistance in front of them and caught it behind them, slowing their fall more every few seconds. She took it slow so that they could enjoy it, laughing with Bella and pulling her in closer.

“You’re more dangerous than any dragon,” Isabella said to her as she clung to her, and Haruka smiled as she turned herself and cradled her in her arms. She landed her feet on the ground at just enough speed to crack the earth and send out a shockwave of dirt, but doing no damage to them. Bella laughed again, kissing her hard before Haruka put her down.

“You didn’t look very scared,” Haruka said, releasing her only to set her down before sliding her arms around her waist.

Isabella rested her own arms around Haruka’s neck, smiling. “I wasn’t. I trusted that I was safe with you. I’ve been doing that for almost a year now, and it hasn’t failed me yet.”

Haruka smiled and kissed her, lifting a hand to take one of hers. “I won’t let you down. Of course, now we have to walk
back
to the city.”

"
Worth it.”

IXH

A Few Days Later

Haruka looked back at her wife worriedly. The museum they were visiting had a lot of steps, far more than she would have liked. It did have a large collection of all sorts of art from all parts of the world – something Bella had specifically wanted to see – but the knight seemed distracted as she walked it. She seemed happy and smiled softly as they walked, but several times Haruka caught her staring distantly at nothing. They took another break outside in a garden area, sitting on one of the benches there.

Isabella sighed, leaning heavily into Haruka as she watched an insect fly around the flowers a few feet away. “It’s nice here… Quiet… For a long time I didn’t appreciate silence, but now I’m starting to understand its appeal.”

Haruka slid her arm around Bella’s waist, watching her. “It’s restful.”

Bella nodded. She raised a hand to run it over her eyes. “I’m so
tired
these days…” she said, truly sounding it in that moment. “Sleep doesn’t seem to do as much as it used to. And… it’s a little frightening, to be honest. I no longer feel like I once did.”

“That happens to everyone,” Haruka said, taking Bella’s hand in her lap. “You don’t need to be like you once were. It’s just us now.”

Isabella smiled, lifting her head to look into Haruka’s eyes. “That’s what makes it work. A day with you is worth a thousand others.” She laughed softly. “Maybe that’s why I feel so old.”

Haruka chuckled. “So now we not only act like an old married couple, but we
are
one.”

Isabella raised a hand to Haruka’s cheek with a softer smile. “Every other accomplishment I’ve achieved pales in comparison to this one.”

“You’re becoming quite the poet in your old age,” Haruka said as she turned her head to kiss her hand. “Do you want to go? You did say you wanted to write more in the Mystery Book.”

Isabella smiled, answering the unspoken question, “I’ll tell you eventually,
don’t you worry.”

Haruka helped her stand up, taking her arm as they went to leave. “I’ve got patience.”

“Since when?”

“Since I’ve had to deal with you.”

“I’m a problem, huh?”

“Yes,” Haruka said with a smile. “And the solution.”

IXH

Two Weeks Later

Haruka yawned, glancing out the windows of the train. The countryside sped past, a blur of peaceful beauty. This train connected the Imperial City to a town in the west, the previous destination on their trip; at the moment, they were on their way back to the Imperial City, which had served as their sort of base during the past few weeks. She looked back at Bella, whose head rested on her shoulder as she slept. She’d been excited for the first hour or so of the train ride, but had eventually grown tired and had taken Haruka’s advice to take a nap. Bella slept more often these days – she went to sleep earlier and it was more difficult for her to wake up. Twice Haruka had experienced difficulty in waking her up, and both times had panicked her enough that Bella had been worried after waking.

Isabella was trying, she knew that – she pretended not to be tired in the evening, she jumped up and bounded around with energy in the mornings, she didn’t complain while walking or climbing or running. But all of that took effort for her now. Haruka knew that if Bella didn’t actively try, she wouldn’t be so energetic or alert. At least, since she had given up transforming or actually using her power, she didn’t have a lot of pain most of the time. There were still some days where she couldn’t do much of anything, but mostly she just seemed generally drained and tired, even weak. She no longer carried anything while they travelled – Haruka handled their supplies and belongings. She no longer wore any kind of armor or her cape, and often dressed in a simple light robe. It helped, and she wasn’t going to be fighting anyway – if anything interrupted their travels, Haruka took care of it.

Haruka took care of a lot of things these days, and she wished she could do more. Isabella had her hands full with staying awake and energetic. Haruka knew Isabella as a childish girl with boundless energy, one who preferred to skip rather than walk, who preferred to climb things and hop over obstacles and walk along railings, and who had a heart that was a third of her real age. It pained her to watch her walk slowly, to notice her eyes travelling the paths her feet would take if her body could still perform such actions, to see her struggle to lift something and try to hide it.

For as long as they had been together Haruka had known Isabella was dying, but
knowing
it and
seeing
it were two different things. Only now did she get the stark reality that she was watching her die, and it hit her harder than anything she had ever experienced in life. Twice now she had broken down only for Isabella to smile softly and reassure her, and it was only the fact that Bella was so upbeat and accepting of everything that let her keep herself together as much as she did. They had fun every day and did everything they could think of; they bantered almost constantly; they went on all kinds of dates and saw all kinds of shows, ate all kinds of food and talked about all kinds of things. It was without a doubt the best period of both of their lives, but as Haruka looked back down, she realized that it was time to face the truth: their time was up.

Isabella was dying; it was time to go back home.

“I love you, Ruki.”

When Haruka stepped out of the carriage with Isabella, she saw it in their faces as she carefully helped her down. Isabella smiled to greet them, and they smiled to greet her, but Haruka saw it in their eyes; they were shocked. Bella looked so
tired
and worn down, and moved slowly and with little energy, capturing Suria in a hug with a soft smile, but the reactions were apparent. They hadn’t been there to watch her degrade day by day, Haruka knew, and so they hadn’t expected her to be so bad now. With sad eyes Haruka watched the reality finally hit each of them, and when Isabella turned back to meet her gaze Haruka knew that she saw it too.