Regrets Only (31 page)

After
the other toasts were long over, when the guests were finishing dessert and
patting their bellies demonstratively, Jeff stood and tapped a water glass to
get everyone’s attention. He and Kate had stayed holed up together in their
room from the moment Suzanne had dropped him off earlier that day, until it was
time to leave for the restaurant. Suzanne could see they’d gone a long way to solving
whatever problems they had. They both glowed rosily tonight, and she noticed
that Jeff kept Kate’s hand in his, even as he stood to address the guests.

“Kate
and I want to thank y’all for coming tonight. Thanks to Mike and Mary for the
best steak dinner I’ve ever had, and for being such good friends to this family
I’m marrying into. I’m honored to be here with you all, and honored that the
most amazing woman I’ve ever met agreed to be my wife. If any of y’all are
planning to question her about her judgment, I just ask that you do it after
the ceremony tomorrow night.”

A
mild chuckle passed around the room. Someone, Suzanne thought maybe it was
Amber, made a high-pitched “woo-hoo” sound that was at least celebratory, if
not entirely appropriate. Jeff raised his glass in the direction of the
disruption and went on. “I want to thank both our parents for being here and
for their kind words tonight. For my parents, I want to say how much I
appreciate your love and support over the years. I hope that will continue, no
matter what the future brings.”

Suzanne
saw him squeeze Kate’s hand.
Ahh
. “And to Kate’s parents, and my best
friend—my
brother
—Dylan, thank you for trusting me with this precious
girl. I promise to take care of her and our little family in a way that will
make you proud. And, I know it might not be the right time for this, but after
today I realize timing is almost never perfect in life. So I’d like to make an
announcement.”

The
last few whispered conversations died out to give the groom their full
attention. If he was nervous, it didn’t show. Jeff grinned from ear to ear. “Kate
and I are very excited to tell you that we’re expecting our first child in
early January. So this weekend is just making official something Kate and I have
known for weeks—that we’re already a partnership, well on our way to becoming a
family.”

A
collective gasp at the initial announcement turned into scattered applause and
happy chatter around the table. Jeff bent to kiss an ecstatic-looking—and
deeply blushing—Kate, before they began accepting congratulatory remarks from
those around them. Suzanne noticed that Jeff’s parents looked shocked but not
necessarily angry (at least, not yet), and more important she noticed that he
was not even looking at them to gauge their response. Jeff could only see Kate.
Suzanne wiped away tears, and soon Dylan was standing behind her.

“How
long have you known?” he asked, putting both hands on her shoulders. It could
have been an intimate gesture, a friendly gesture, or a preparation to strangle
her.

“Known
what?” she said, feigning innocence. Dylan squeezed her collarbones slightly
and she relented. “I guessed it a month ago, when we were up here before.”

“I
can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he said.

It
had never occurred to her to share Kate’s secret with anyone, even Dylan. But
now that he said it, she realized it was a little strange that she’d kept it
from him, considering how much they had talked about everything else. “It
wasn’t mine to share,” she said honestly.

He
didn’t seem angry, though, and he let his hands linger on her shoulders as he watched
his younger sister across the room. “They’re going to be okay, aren’t they?” he
said.

Suzanne
looked at Kate and Jeff, hands linked, now talking excitedly to Carla and
Guillermo, who had three children themselves. “I think so,” Suzanne said. “I
certainly think they have as good a chance as anyone.”

The
party was breaking away from the table as people gathered their things and
began the long process of chatting their way out. Some would return to the
mountain house and continue the celebration there. Kate and her sisters, and a
few of her close girlfriends, were staying in a hotel in Gatlinburg for the
night. Suzanne would stay to pick up stray gifts, cards, sweaters, and
sunglasses left behind and deliver them to the house later.

Dylan
moved himself to the chair next to her, still watching the bride and groom. “I
thought Kate said you were bringing a date tonight?” he asked. His voice
sounded artificially casual.

“William
had to work late,” Suzanne said. “He’ll be up in the morning.”

“Oh,”
he said. She waited for him to go on but he didn’t.

Might
as well rip the bandage off
.
“And you’re here alone? Misty didn’t—” 

She
was surprised at how the name caught in her throat, bringing back fresh pain
from the last time she’d seen Misty, that horrible day in her apartment.

“No,”
Dylan said firmly. “That’s over.”

Suzanne
was happy to hear it, though she told herself she had no right to an opinion on
the subject. Still, she detested that girl, and even as a friend, she thought
Dylan could do better. She was not sure what to say, so they sat in silence for
a minute or two, both watching Kate and Jeff make the rounds of the room. When
one of the waiters approached with a question for Suzanne, Dylan patted her
knee, stood and quietly faded into a little throng of friends and family.

#

Later,
when everyone had been piled into cars, limos, and taxis bound for the various
destinations, and Suzanne had done three sweeps of the banquet room to make
sure she had gathered all the lost things, plus half of an enormous cake, she stepped
out into the cool evening to drive herself back to the house. She was
exhausted. The quaint little bed in the guesthouse, with its homemade quilt and
the window above opened just a bit, sounded like heaven right now. Once again,
she was grateful to Kate for being so low maintenance, that Suzanne did not
have some ridiculous task to do tonight, like putting personalized stickers on
tiny bottles of bubbles.

As
she got close to her car, her heart lurched. A man was leaning against it,
silhouetted by a street lamp behind him so that she could not see his face. She
froze. It was too late to turn around and run back to the restaurant. Certainly
at this distance he could catch her easily, and the front doors were locked.
She had been the last patron to leave, and the staff was all busy cleaning up
to go home. She had her keys in her hand like always, but her phone was at the
bottom of her low-slung purse underneath everything else she was carrying. Her
heart pounded as she struggled to breathe and tried to make a decision about
what to do.

“Scarlett?
You okay?” It took a minute for her to process the voice and the nickname, and
for her terrified brain to put together that these things added up to Dylan. He
stepped closer into the light, so she could see his face. Relief washed over
her and tears of panic streamed down her face.

“Hey…oh
my God, what’s wrong?” he said. Her heart was still racing, but she managed to
wipe her tears on her sleeve as he approached to take the cake box from her
arms and put it on the roof of her car. “Darlin’, what’s wrong?”

She
shook her head to clear it. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I thought you left with
Jeff a while ago, and when I came out, I couldn’t see your face and I thought…”
She couldn’t finish.

“Oh,
God. After everything you’ve been through I go and scare the shit out of you
again.”

“No,
it’s fine. I’m just embarrassed. I thought I was past it.”

He
hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. “Of course you’re not past it. It’s
been less than a month. Cut yourself a break. I am just sorry as hell I scared
you. That wasn’t my intention.”

She
managed a few deep breaths and began to feel better. Her heart was slowing now.
“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

He
released her from his embrace and helped her get the cake and other items into
the car. When she closed the trunk, she turned to him. “I thought you’d be with
Jeff tonight? Aren’t the guys doing something…manly?”

Dylan
laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re down at Gatty Freight playing pool and
drinking beer. I’m supposed to be with them.”

“Surely
you’re not bailing on your future brother-in-law’s last night as a free man?”
she asked. She was beginning to feel better, more centered.

“No,
I’m going. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on those idiots. But I was hoping maybe
you’d give me a ride?” He looked around the deserted parking lot and gave her a
sheepish grin. “Well, actually, I was kind of
counting
on it. I wanted
to talk to you.”

She
nodded and they got in the car. He pointed to indicate directions, and she
waited. For a few minutes, he didn’t say anything except “right,” “left” and
“it’s about three miles this way.” Finally he said, “Kate says you’ve done a
great job with the wedding. I wanted to say thank you.”

So
that’s what this was? Professional courtesy? “You’re welcome. She’s been very
easy to work with.”

“It
means a lot to me that you’ve been helping her with this. Kate’s a sensitive
kid and I think some people would’ve bullied her into doing more than she
wanted, knowing that there was…money around.”

“I’m
happy to help,” Suzanne said. “Kate’s a wonderful girl.”

More
silence. They came over a hill and she saw the sign for Gatty Freight, along
with a retired boxcar that sat out front, perhaps fifty yards away. “Is that
it?” she asked. Dylan nodded.

She
wondered whether that really was all he wanted—to thank her. But he could’ve
done that any number of times: earlier in the evening, tomorrow night at the
wedding, on the phone. He looked nervous. “Just park in the back for a minute,”
he said, as she pulled in. She did as he said, but left the engine running. No
way she was getting sucked into whatever revelry was going on inside.

“I’ve
been wanting to say this for a month,” he said finally. “I owe you an apology.
For what happened. For Misty.”

“No,”
she said, shaking her head as she had moments before, trying to keep calm. “You
don’t. You saved my life, Dylan. You don’t have to apologize for any part of
it.”

“But
the night before, when we kissed—”

“And
then we mutually decided that was a big mistake and that things would never
work between us. We were
absolutely
right.” Her tone was icier than she
intended, but she knew that if she wasn’t firm, she might fall apart. She felt
vulnerable enough already; she would
not
fall apart again tonight.

“I
wanted to tell you that what happened with Misty; it was—”

“You
don’t have to explain yourself to me, Dylan. We are friends. I owe you my life,
and I hope someday I can repay you for that. But we weren’t dating then and
we’re not dating now. I’m seeing someone, and you are free to date,
or fuck
,
anyone you’d like.”

She
was surprised to see that he looked wounded. Part of her wanted to scream and
cry and tell him how much he’d hurt her. How her chest tightened every time she
saw him and the thought of him with Misty—or anyone else—made her physically
sick. She wanted to touch his cheek and feel his arms around her and never let
go.

But
her outward composure of the past few weeks disguised a fragile lattice-work
inside. The events of the spring had revealed that what Suzanne had always
believed were her internal pillars of strength were actually elaborate, but
fragile, illusions. The attack had not only disrupted her peace of mind, it had
shown her the hollow places in her heart. She had spent the last few weeks
trying to re-create herself in an existence that felt safe. If she became
vulnerable now, it would all fall apart and she would have nothing left. She
would not let anyone do that to her. Not even him.

He
stared at her for a moment. “Fine,” he said coldly. “I wanted to apologize to
you and I have.”

“As
I said, it’s not necessary.”

“I
heard what you said, Suzanne.” The words were white-hot with angry intensity.
She could see him seething in the passenger seat, and for a second she thought
he might lash out at her. But he seemed to regain himself. “I have to go. I’ll
see you at the wedding. Thanks for the ride.”

The
car door slammed and he walked into the bar without looking back. She forced
herself to navigate the dark roads to the mountain house, put the cake away,
walk to the guesthouse, and get into her pajamas and under the quilt before she
allowed herself to collapse into sobs.

Suzanne
had to admit, for as much as she hated planning weddings, she did a nice job
putting Kate Burke’s together. Kate and Jeff got married at sunset, on the deck
at Dylan’s mountain cabin. The lovely—and pregnant—bride wore a soft, flowing
empire-waist dress and a wreath made of wildflowers on the crown of her head.
Suzanne had decorated the deck with simple maypoles hung with ribbons that
would blow in the breeze, along with Mexican-style white paper banners and,
after sunset, large white Christmas lights to light the dance floor.