Rejoice (18 page)

And clearly he wasn’t handling the pain.

She wasn’t sure if her family’s suspicions about the pain meds were founded, but she could see in Peter’s face that he was tormented. In the past days more often than not she would be working with Hayley or helping Maddie with her bath and an image would come to mind. Peter, the way he looked that night at the hospital room, holding on to Hayley’s feet as she cried. The helpless look in his eyes and the vacant stare as he bid them both good-bye.

He wasn’t trying to destroy their family; he himself was already destroyed, devastated by what had happened. Since that awful Saturday he’d done nothing but spin wildly out of control. And even though they’d been at odds before Hayley’s accident, Brooke couldn’t find it in her heart to hate him now.

Tonight, with their home so warm and inviting, Brooke wanted a second chance, an hour or two to welcome Peter back, to take him in her arms and rock away the pain and horror of all they’d been through. She thought of his awful behavior, the cold way he’d treated her, and she knew she wasn’t feeling these things in her own strength. But living in the hospital, watching Hayley regain her sight and find a connection with her family again, had changed something in her heart.

Whatever it was, Brooke simply had no room in her life for hatred.

Maddie was watching a video in the next room, and beside her, Hayley sat strapped to her wheelchair. Maddie had her hand on top of Hayley’s, her fingers making soft circles on Hayley’s wrist.

Brooke looked in on them and the feeling in her heart swelled.
Peter should be here; if he could see this, feel it, maybe we’d still have a chance. . . .

She didn’t wait another minute. Turning her back on the girls, she headed to the kitchen and picked up the phone. Working from a slip of paper where she’d written his new number, she dialed Peter and waited.

“Hello?” He sounded tired, as though maybe he’d been sleeping.

“Oh.” She hesitated. “Did I wake you?”

“Brooke?” Irritation tinged his voice. “What time is it?”

She shot a look at the clock on the microwave. “Not quite eight.”

“Okay.” He sounded more awake but no less irritated. “What’s  up?”

“Well,” Brooke’s courage melted like the vanilla candle. She could no longer remember why she was calling or what had been so pressing that she’d had to call him. “I guess I wondered what you were doing.” A tense pause hung between them. “We’re all settled and, I don’t know, there’s a fire in the fireplace and the girls are . . .” Her words ran together and she clenched her fists. “The girls are awake and I thought maybe you could join us for an hour or so and . . .”

Silence.

“Peter?”

“Brooke, I’m half asleep. I don’t think . . .” He exhaled hard. “Not tonight.”

“Okay, I just thought . . .” Her voice trailed off and anger replaced her goodwill. “Never mind, Peter. Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t be mad, Brooke. I was tired, okay?” A sound that seemed half moan, half cry came from him. “I want to keep a friendly front. For the girls, anyway.”

“A front?” Was that what he thought this was? Her way of keeping up a good front for the girls? or at least for Maddie? All the hurt from the past few months came back threefold. “Good-bye, Peter.”

She hung up before he had a chance to say anything else, before his words could do more damage. Her angry mood lasted until she rejoined the girls. If Peter didn’t want to be part of the family, so be it. She could do as he asked; she could put up a friendly front. But next time she would know better than to believe they had a chance to ever reconnect again.

“Hi, Mommy.” Maddie pointed at the television screen. “It’s the best part, where the prince comes back and they live happily ever after.”

Brooke slipped in between the girls and put one arm around Maddie, her other arm alongside Hayley’s. As the movie played out, the joy from earlier today soothed her soul, and her anger faded once more. Peter wasn’t being himself; he was in too much pain to be part of their lives. At least for now.

After she tucked Maddie in and made sure Hayley was safely situated in her bed, she wandered about the house remembering. She remembered the beginning of her days with Peter, the promises they’d made to each other, and the way he’d wanted nothing more than to be a father.

No wonder her heart had grown soft toward Peter. He was the father of her children, the love of her life. Yes, he’d walked out but he couldn’t stay gone, couldn’t stay away forever. Even now—though it went against all reason—her desire to pray for him was stronger than her desire to hate him.

That has to be you, God.

Yes, daughter, pray . . . pray often.

The response was a subtle whisper, a reassurance that, indeed, her feelings of hope and grace toward her husband were nothing she had mustered up on her own.

Brooke closed her eyes.
Be with him, God. He’s been mean and awful, but I know he has to be hurting. Maybe even hurting himself.
She remembered how his hands had trembled back at the hospital that night, the night he told her he wanted a divorce. Maybe her family’s suspicions were right; maybe he was taking something to numb the pain.

A sigh made its way through her clenched teeth.
Help me look for ways, Lord, ways to include him, to bring him back to me and the girls. Sometimes it all feels so hard.

A faint scent of vanilla brushed her senses and reminded her of the day’s warmth, the progress she’d seen with Hayley. Peter would come around eventually, and when he did, he would see how wrong he’d been. She yawned and rolled onto her side. Watching
Cinderella
with the girls had been the closest thing to a normal night they’d shared since Hayley’s accident. Maddie had been so sweet, clasping her hands and squealing about how wonderful it was that the prince had returned, how happy that life would have a happy ending after all.

As sleep found her, Brooke allowed herself to remember the days when Peter wouldn’t have considered missing such a night, back when he’d been every bit her Prince Charming. Her last thought was a simple one. A wish, really. That somehow God would change Peter’s heart—the same way he’d changed hers—and that one day soon they’d stumble onto the best part.

The part where the prince would come back and they would all live happily ever after.

Chapter Eighteen

From the moment they arrived in Manhattan, Elizabeth felt better than she had since summer.

The family had four adjoining rooms at the Marriott Marquis in the theater district of Manhattan’s Midtown West area—Kari and Ryan and Jessie in one room, Erin and Sam next to them, Ashley and Cole and Maddie in the third room, and Elizabeth and John in the fourth. Brooke and Hayley would stay with Ashley when they arrived on Tuesday.

Once they were all checked in, they had dinner at the hotel and firmed up plans for the week.

“This is gonna be the bestest fun time,” Cole announced that night.

And so it was.

On Sunday, Luke and Reagan joined them on a tour of the city, complete with a visit to the Statue of Liberty and a cruise around the harbor. It was the first time Elizabeth had been to the city since the terrorist attacks, and she and the others were quiet as they took in the changed skyline.

“Still makes you want to cry, doesn’t it?” She leaned her head on John’s shoulder, her voice a whisper.

“It really happened.” John narrowed his eyes and gazed at the place where the twin towers had stood. “Until you see it for yourself, I guess it’s hard to believe.”

The twelve of them had an early dinner together at a place near Central Park, and then walked to the New Amsterdam Theatre on Forty-second Street for a performance of
The Lion King
.

When they were filing in, Ashley leaned over and kissed Elizabeth’s cheek. “Thanks, Mom . . . for making this happen.” She held Cole’s hand as they made their way down to their seats. “Cole’s never seen anything like this.”

When they were all seated, the lights dimmed, and the theater came to life with a procession of dramatically costumed actors, each playing an animal from the play.

“Hey, Grandma.” Cole tugged on Elizabeth’s sleeve. “They’re real! I can’t believe they’re real!”

Elizabeth wasn’t sure which was more fun to watch, the stunning drama taking place on the stage or the awe and wonder on the faces of her grandchildren. In the end, she split her time watching both, grateful that from the beginning of the play, Maddie and Cole were captured by the story.

Afterwards they walked down Forty-second Street and found an ice-cream parlor where they relived the play’s highlights.

“We’ll have to come back in a few years when our little girl can enjoy it.” Erin took Sam’s hand and grinned.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “Little
girl?”

“Wait a minute.” John lowered his ice-cream cone. “Are you making an announcement?”

Sam chuckled and looked at the faces around the table. “We found out the day before we left. The birth mother is having a girl.”

“Yay!” Kari held Jessie’s hand in the air and made a victory hoot. “A girl cousin for you, Jessie.” She high-fived Erin across the table. “That’s perfect.”

“Hey, boy cousins are good, too.” Cole crossed his arms and made a half-serious pout. “I’m the only boy cousin in the family.”

“Don’t worry, Cole.” Ashley grinned at Erin and Sam. “They’ll adopt a boy next, right guys?”

Erin laughed and slipped her hand into Sam’s. “Sounds fine to me.”

Ashley nodded at Kari and Ryan. “And I’m sure Aunt Kari will have a boy one day, too, right?”

“If I have anything to say about it.” Ryan chuckled and kissed Kari on the cheek.

“Do we have a name for this newest little granddaughter?” John anchored his elbows on the table.

Elizabeth studied him. In light of the moment, he looked younger, more full of life than he had in years.

Erin and Sam exchanged a look, and Erin grinned at the others. “Amy Elizabeth.” She looked at Sam again. “We came up with that on the plane ride here.”

“Really?” Elizabeth felt giddy, her heart even lighter than before. Amy Elizabeth? A grandchild with her own name? She smiled at Erin and Sam. “I’m honored.”

“That’s beautiful.” Kari punctuated the statement by raising her ice-cream cone in the air. As she did, her top scoop bobbled off the cone and splattered chocolate on her white shirt. Kari peered down at her blouse and muttered, “Very nice, Kari.”

Ryan stifled a laugh, but then couldn’t contain it. He patted Kari on the back, “We’ll call this one Grace.”

“I’ve called her that since she was four.” John laughed. “If only her agent could see what goes on when the cameras are off!”

Kari stood and did a little curtsy for the group, and then held up a finger as she headed for a stack of napkins at the front counter.

Everyone was still laughing, and the conversation splintered into several silly discussions. Elizabeth watched them, the happy way they looked, and she wished with all her heart that the moment would last forever. They were together, whole and healthy, this side of so many uncertain times: Erin and Sam’s marriage troubles; Ashley’s jaded attitude after Paris; Luke and Reagan’s separation, the way they almost missed out on finding each other again; Kari’s traumatic times with Tim and his murder and her struggle about when to let go of her husband’s memory, when to move on and let herself be with Ryan the way she’d dreamed since she was a schoolgirl.

Watching her family now, Elizabeth was reminded of a Scripture about Mary, the mother of Jesus. The Bible mentions that after Jesus was born, Mary pondered what was happening around her and treasured the moment in her heart. That was Elizabeth now, knowing that her family was together only for a short time before life would take them in different directions again.

But here, now, celebrating Christmas and Luke’s wedding in New York City, knowing the joy of being together, Elizabeth pondered every moment and treasured the sum of them in her heart. Where she would treasure them until she drew her last breath.

Monday sped past as the family took a tour bus to Niagara Falls, over the bridge to the Canadian side, where the view was amazing. The trip would take six hours each way and would make for a full day with only two hours at the falls, but Elizabeth watched her family and didn’t think any of them minded. The ride was pleasant and gave them all a chance to visit, commenting often on the sights and the excitement ahead with Luke’s wedding.

They arrived at the falls at just after one o’clock, and despite the cold weather, the sun was brilliant overhead, glistening off the ice that floated at the basin. The mist from the falls was thick enough that they purchased rain slickers for the group and walked along the pathway overlooking the dramatic flow of water.

Maddie grabbed hold of the handrail and peered over the stone wall at the mighty force of water. Her eyebrows lifted and in a voice only Elizabeth and John could hear, she said, “I’m glad Hayley didn’t fall in there.”

Elizabeth’s heart slipped to her knees. She lowered herself to Maddie’s level and soothed her hand over the child’s hair. “Me, too, sweetie.”

“Know what?” Maddie took hold of Elizabeth’s hand, her eyes wide and earnest.

“What?” Elizabeth kissed Maddie’s cheek and silently thanked God for healing her of her fevers. She couldn’t imagine life without this precious granddaughter.

“Hayley can’t swim anymore.” Maddie looked over her shoulder at the roaring water rushing down the falls. “Her arms and legs don’t work; that’s why.”

“No, they don’t work yet.” Elizabeth bit the inside of her cheek and brushed Maddie’s damp bangs off her forehead. “But one day God will make her arms and legs better. Maybe she can swim then, okay?”

“Well . . .” Maddie looked at Elizabeth again, but this time her expression was stern, like a miniature Brooke. “Only if she wears a life jacket.”

“Yes.” Elizabeth swallowed back the lump in her throat. “Only if she wears a life jacket.”

The rest of the group was a few feet ahead, so Elizabeth took Maddie’s hand and the two skipped together until they caught up.

Ryan was saying, “Maybe we should take the boat trip, get the other view of all that water.”

“Actually—” Elizabeth made a subtle motion to Maddie—“we can see it pretty well from here.”

A look of understanding filled Ryan’s face. “True. Besides, we’d get too wet down there, right, Maddie?” He made a funny face at the child and patted his own head. “I can’t let my fancy hairdo get all messed up, can I?”

Maddie giggled, and the sorrow that had come over her was suddenly gone.

They took an entire roll of film, breaking into small family units, and then asking a passerby to finish the roll with pictures of the entire group.

Before they left, Cole pointed at the falls and looked at the grown-ups around him. “Did God build that thing?”

Ashley smiled at her son. “Yes, only God could’ve built Niagara Falls.”

“God’s a good builder.” Cole planted his hands on his hips and studied the force of the water. Then he turned to the rest of them and patted his own head. “When he was finished with all that water, he builded me and Maddie and Jessie and Hayley.” He gave a serious nod of his head. “That means God’s a busy guy, I think.”

Elizabeth smiled and covered her mouth with her fingertips so Cole wouldn’t see her giggle. Of all the grandchildren, Cole would always be special. For three years of his life, he was with her and John more than he was home with Ashley. It wasn’t until Landon became a greater part of Ashley’s life that she seemed to wake up and realize what she had in that special son of hers.

Ashley hadn’t called Landon, hadn’t asked him to join the group this week. Things had obviously cooled in their relationship, and Elizabeth could only figure it had something to do with her health. Ashley would never have wanted to put Landon at risk, but still . . .

Landon belonged with Ashley—and he definitely belonged with Cole.

The thought reminded Elizabeth of her daughter’s uncertain health. Another reason to hold on to today, to rejoice in the moment. Because tomorrow held no guarantees. If God had taught her one thing over the years, it was that. However good or bad a season was, it would change. Nothing stayed the same.

They were tired when they returned from Niagara Falls, but they made time for carriage rides through Central Park. By the time they reached the skating rink, a light snow had begun to fall. As they strapped on skates and made their way around the ice, Elizabeth took another mental picture, one she knew she would recall forever. She couldn’t have scripted the moment any better.

Tuesday they met for breakfast and afterwards, the guys headed for the city golf range, and Elizabeth and the girls took two cabs to Fifth Avenue. The next few hours took them to FAO Schwarz and a dozen other high-ticket stores.

“This is torture!” Kari had two bags full of gifts hooked to Jessie’s stroller, and it wasn’t lunchtime yet. She kept stopping the group every few feet, marveling over one window display or another. “I’m falling in love with everything I see.”

Elizabeth grinned. “You always were a shopper, Kari.”

“I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.” Ashley gave Kari a teasing elbow to the ribs. She had rented a stroller for Cole and Maddie as well. Otherwise the walking would’ve been too much for them. “A suitcase so you can carry it all back to Bloomington.”

“The question is . . .” Kari cast a quick smile at Ashley. “Will we have enough wrapping paper?”

Reagan had been walking next to Elizabeth. Now she took a few quick steps and squeezed in between the sisters. “Not to worry.” She slipped an arm around each of their shoulders. “My mother has an entire carton of wrapping paper. She hits the sales when Christmas is over. All year long we have to navigate a forest of Christmas wrapping paper every time we use the storage closet.”

“Mother!” The word came in unison from Kari, Ashley, and Erin. All three of them turned and looked at Elizabeth and surrendered to an instant case of giggles.

“Okay, okay . . .” Elizabeth held her hands up in mock surrender. “Reagan’s mother and I have something else in common.”

The shopping trip ended and that afternoon, they all met up at the hotel to wait for Brooke’s arrival. She called Elizabeth as soon as she and Hayley were in a cab headed for the Marquis.

“We made it!” Brooke sounded tired but happy. “Meet me in front of the hotel.”

When the cab pulled up, Elizabeth, John, and Ashley were on the sidewalk ready to help. Brooke stepped out first. “Yeah . . . we’re here!”

Her face was lit up, and Elizabeth studied her. She should’ve looked worn-out, defeated, and devastated over the turns her life had taken in the past three months. Instead, Brooke seemed genuinely joyful. Stronger than before, and more connected to the rest of them. Maybe because for the first time in her life, she couldn’t rely on her own intelligence. As a result, she’d had to depend fully on her faith, and that, in turn, had brought life to her heart, life she hadn’t really had before.

John stepped forward and helped release Hayley from her car seat. “How was the flight?”

“Good.” Brooke lifted the strap of one of her bags onto her shoulder and went around to the trunk for the other one. “Hayley slept the whole way.”

At that moment, the child woke up and looked dazed, a vacant stare on her face. Her nose tubes were out, but her mouth still hung open. A wet spot on her pink T-shirt was proof she’d been drooling. Her eyes grew wide, and she looked at the faces in front of her, fear written across her expression.