Release Me (The Music Within Book 2) (17 page)

“Yeah,
well, join the club. He’s never been convinced I’m not gay, and he never misses
an opportunity to take a jab at me.”

Cade’s
eyes turned, and he started to say something. He stopped himself and let out a
deep sigh. “Fuckers like him need to mind their own goddamn business.” Mal knew
that wasn’t what Cade intended to say, but he didn’t press. It was probably
something to do with Mal being in the closet, and he didn’t want to get into an
argument on Cade’s last day there. He wanted to make the most of what little
time they had left together.

“Forget
it. Let’s get your four wheeler unloaded and take her for a spin.” Once the ATV
was safely on the ground, Mal went over the controls with Cade. “You ever been
on a motorcycle?”

“Yeah,
I’ve ridden a few.”

“Then
you should have no trouble with this thing. It’s really simple since there’s
not a clutch. Just pop the gear shift with your toe. This here is reverse. Rear
brake is same as on a motorcycle. Both these are your front brakes. Turn the
key on, and make sure it’s in neutral. Open up the choke here, and press the
start button. After it’s idled a bit, close the choke, and you’re ready to go.
Got it?”

Cade
grinned at Mal’s instructions and assured him he could figure it out. Mal got
his machine out of the barn, and the two of them set out toward the back of the
property. Mal led him around the pastures, stopping to check on the cattle
every so often. It was obvious they were used to the four wheeler noise since
they didn’t pay any attention to them when they roared by.

When
Mal felt like Cade had practiced enough, he opened his ATV up so Cade could
feel the wind in his hair. He looked over his shoulder every once in a while to
make sure his rock star was hanging with him.
Shit. He is not
your
rock star.
Eventually they came to the gate leading to the pastures on the
east end of his property, opposite of where they’d ridden the night before. Mal
got off his ATV long enough to open the gate. He motioned Cade through then
drove up behind him. He led Cade to the big pond where he used to fish as a
kid.

When
the motors were off and they could hear each other, Mal said, “You look like
you’ve rode before.”

Cade
ran his hand through his hair, brushing his long bangs out of his eyes. Mal
opened the compartment on the back of his vehicle and pulled out a couple of
bottles of water. He handed one to Cade before unscrewing the cap on his own.
Mal was mesmerized as Cade’s Adam’s apple moved up and down when he swallowed.

“It’s
not hard,” Cade said as he adjusted his cock. Mal caught the motion and raised
his eyebrows. “Let me rephrase that – riding’s not hard.”

Mal
opened his water and drank half the bottle before wiping his mouth with the
back of his hand. His own cock was coming to life thinking about being alone
with Cade out where no one could see them.

Cade
walked closer to the water. “This is nice. I really like it out here. Are there
fish in the pond?”

Mal
put his empty bottle back in the compartment and made his way to where Cade was
standing. He kept his eyes trained on the water for any movement under the
surface. “Not as many as there used to be, but there’s still some hangeronners.
When my grampa was alive, he’d have the county stock the pond every spring, but
now…”

 “Do
you like to fish?” Cade asked.

“I
used to, but I don’t have time anymore. And now that I’ll be in charge of
everything, I really won’t have time. It’s somethin’ I used to do to get away
from the house. From my… Dwight. He hated fishin’, so this was the one spot
that was really my own. I could come out here and know I wouldn’t be bothered,
at least not for a while.” Mal had spent as much time by the pond as he could.
As long as Dwight thought he was taking care of the cattle, he didn’t say
anything.

“Did
you ever bring Tyler out here?” Cade uttered, not looking at Mal. There was
that jealousy slipping through again. He wondered if Cade was that way with
everyone or if he really was jealous of Mal’s old boyfriend.

 “Nah.
I kept this for just me. I did bring Curtis a few times, but he was way too
restless to sit and watch a bobber.” Cade stepped in behind Mal, resting his
hands on his hips. Mal loved when Cade made that move. He felt protected.
Wanted. He enjoyed the way their bodies molded perfectly together. His dick was
hard and so was Cade’s. It was settled against Mal’s ass.

When
he pushed back against Cade’s erection, Cade growled in his ear, “Fuck, Cowboy.
I want you.”  He nipped at Mal’s ear lobe, the skin just below it. Mal
tilted his head giving Cade better access. Cade snaked a hand down Mal’s front,
coming to rest on the hard-on pushing against the zipper. Cade continued
exploring Mal’s neck with his mouth while his hand released Mal’s cock from its
confines. Mal reached behind them, gripping Cade’s ass with both hands. When
Cade wrapped his hand around Mal’s length, Mal moaned and pushed against Cade’s
dick again. Cade hissed, “I want you, Malcolm. One last time before I have to
leave, I want to feel your tight ass milking my dick. I need to sink my prick
in that beautiful hole and fuck you senseless. Can I have that, Mal? Will you
give me what I need?”

“God,
yes,” Mal choked out as Cade stroked his leaking dick. Cade twisted the head,
rubbing his thumb through the pearly liquid. He stuck his thumb in his mouth
and licked at Mal’s essence. Mal just about came right then. Obviously ready to
be inside Mal, Cade pushed Mal’s jeans down around his ankles. While Cade undid
his own pants, Mal toed off his boot so he could slide his leg out of his
jeans. He leaned over his ATV and spread his legs. Cade retrieved a condom and
lube out of his back pocket and made quick work of rolling the rubber down his
shaft. Mal shivered when Cade poured the liquid onto his ass. His lover caught
it with his fingers before it rolled past his pucker.

Cade
worked two fingers inside, twisting and opening the hole, getting it ready. Mal
pushed back against him, “Come on, Rock Star, and fuck me already.” Cade added
a third finger and found Mal’s gland, torturing him. Mal was rocking himself on
Cade’s fingers, his breaths getting shallower. He was stroking his cock in time
with Cade’s fingers gliding in and out of his ass. Cade pulled his fingers out
and slammed his dick home in one thrust.

“Oh,
fuck!” Mal exclaimed at the sudden fullness. When Cade started moving, Mal
ground out an “Oh, fuck” of a different kind. Cade kept one hand on Mal’s hip
as the other explored his back. His side. His throat. Cade pushed his shirt up
and softly kissed his way up his spine. His hand snaked around Mal’s body and
lovingly caressed the scar bisecting his chest. Mal tensed, but Cade leaned
over and offered soothing sounds. Gone were the dirty words that got Mal so
worked up. In their place were touches and kisses. A gentleness Mal had never
experienced. Cade was letting those soft caresses speak for him.

Mal
was braced against the four wheeler with one hand and stroking his dick with
the other. The tender way Cade was touching him was too much. This wasn’t
fucking. This was making love, and Mal couldn’t take it. Mal had told himself
he would take what Cade gave him, and he’d be okay with it, but he was wrong.
He couldn’t allow this man to offer himself up to Mal only to leave in the next
few hours and take it all away. Mal began stroking harder, faster. He needed to
get this over with before he lost something of himself he could never get back.

Cade

Cade
pushed Mal’s shirt up and placed open mouth kisses on all that beautiful, naked
skin. He poured everything he was feeling into the slow, even strokes of his
cock and into the touches of his lips on Mal’s back.

“Cade…”

One
word – his name – could have meant a number of things depending on how it was
said. It could have meant
fuck me harder
, or
that feels so good
.
It could have, but it didn’t. His name coming off Mal’s lips in a broken voice
was an indication that Mal felt it, too.
It
being the emotions, the
connection between them. Cade leaned over Mal’s body, and for once, his dirty
words were silent. Cade let his body do the talking. He let his hands and his
mouth and his dick speak for him. Mal’s hand gripping the four wheeler
tightened, his knuckles turning white as Cade rode his body with an intensity
he’d never offered to another human being. In that moment, right before his
orgasm took him, Cade let himself go. In that moment, he gave everything he
had, heart and soul, to Malcom Wilson.

“Cade!”
Mal ground out as his ass tightened around Cade’s dick when he shot his load.
Cade followed Mal in his release, spilling his seed into the condom. He had
every intention of staying in the moment, relishing the feel of Mal pulsing
around him, but the cowboy had other ideas. He pulled away from Cade, barely
giving him time to grab hold of the rubber. Mal hurriedly pulled his pants up
and shoved his foot in his boot. Cade hadn’t moved by the time Mal turned
around. Gone was the euphoria from just seconds before, and in its place was
dread. Obviously, Cade had screwed up in offering himself over to Mal. He had
pushed too hard, too soon.

Cade
turned his back on the other man as he removed the condom and tied it off. He
didn’t want to throw it on the ground, but he didn’t want to stick it in his
pocket either. Remembering the compartment on the back of the ATV, he held onto
the rubber until he got his jeans fastened. Silently, he tossed the condom in
the plastic utility box. He had no words to express how he was feeling that
wouldn’t alienate his lover more.

“Cade…”

“You
ready to ride?” Cade asked before Mal could give excuses or belittle the moment
when Cade lost himself. It was bad enough he felt the way he did so soon after
meeting Mal. He was even more confused than ever. Not just with his feelings
for the man standing three feet away, but for the waning love he had for Tag.
Losing Tag hurt – this was something else entirely.

“Cade,
stop. Please, just listen.” Mal walked over and pulled the key out of the switch
rendering the machine useless. With his other hand, he reached out and placed
it along Cade’s jawline. Mal was conflicted, that much was certain. He shoved
the key in his pocket so he could hold Cade’s face in both hands. He stepped
closer and touched his lips to Cade’s so softly Cade thought he might have
imagined it. Cade didn’t lean in, didn’t kiss him back. Mal needed this time,
so Cade gave it to him.

Mal
leaned his forehead against Cade’s and whispered, “I don’t know what you want
from me. I know you said a relationship, but I have nothin’ to offer you, Cade.
I’m not exactly relationship material. Everything you see around us, it isn’t
mine. I have some clothes, a beat up truck, a used four wheeler, and some of
the stuff in the house. I have a bar that I probably won’t have much longer.
That’s it. That’s all I own in this world. I’ve given you my body, but you can
get that anywhere. You say you won’t, but why wouldn’t you? You’ll be leavin’
here tonight, and nothin’ I have will entice you to come back. So please, tell
me, what could you possibly want that I could give you?”

“
You
,
Mal. I want you. Not your personal belongings, not your house or your truck. I
want you. Your time, your friendship, and yes, your body. I just want to be
able to spend time with you when I’m not busy with the band. In all honesty,
you have more to offer me than I do you. Forget the money, forget the
possessions. I know I’m asking a lot, because yes, I’m going to be traveling
eventually. But for now, all I’m asking is for you to spend time with me,
however much or little we have to give. Forget what I said about a
relationship. Can we please just take it a day at a time? If we get too busy to
see each other, then we’ll reevaluate the situation, but don’t cut me out of
your life before we even give it a chance.” He didn’t know what else to say. It
was all up to Mal on whether Cade left with his heart hurting or whether he
held onto hope that they would move forward and see where this path led them.

Mal
leaned into Cade, hugging him tight. He laid his head on Cade’s shoulder, the
same way he’d done at the hotel before he broke down. Cade did the only thing
he could and held Mal. He was done talking. If Mal didn’t want to try, there
was nothing he could do about it. But he wanted to remain in contact with Mal.
He would call and text and, when Mal got a computer, he’d teach him how to
Skype.

“I’m
broken,” Mal whispered into Cade’s neck.

“No,
you aren’t. Maybe a little bent, but you’re not broken, Babe.” Cade kissed
Mal’s hair and held on tighter. “A broken man would have caved to what happened
to him. A broken man would have turned to drugs and alcohol and not kept the
farm going the best he could. A broken man would have abandoned his mother when
she needed him the most. He’d have let the bar go and not given two shits about
it. You did none of that. You are the strongest man I know, so much stronger
than I would have been.”

“I
had no choice,” Mal offered.

“Sure
you did, and you made the hard choices. Took the hard road. That makes you one
hell of a man. Now, how about we ride a little more? I want to see all the
property you’re going to be in charge of so when I’m home alone, I can imagine
you out here riding the range on your horse with the dogs running alongside.
Thinking about you sitting on a horse with a lasso is going to be one of many
fantasies I have of you while I’m jacking off.”

Mal
laughed and pushed away. He pulled the key out of his pocket and handed it
over. “Let’s go, Rock Star.” He didn’t agree to anything else, but Cade was
okay with that. What choice did he have?

By
the time they returned to the barn, Cade’s stomach was growling. They had
skipped lunch, and it was closing in on suppertime. He wanted to take Mal out
to eat, but didn’t know if he’d go for it. Cade parked his ATV next to Mal’s
and turned the motor off. “Thank you for today. That was the most fun I’ve had
in a long time,” he admitted honestly.

“Yeah?
I find that hard to believe,” Mal replied.

Cade
shrugged. “I’ve spent most of my time touring or recording. The last vacation I
took was to an exclusive island so I could actually relax. I did some
snorkeling, but other than that, I just laid around doing nothing. I haven’t
done anything exciting in forever. Riding with you was exciting.” Cade
remembered what Mal said about never having traveled, and he wanted to take Mal
to the beach. He wanted to rent a house on some remote destination where nobody
knew who he was, and they could do whatever they wanted without being
disturbed. Cade wanted that and so much more with Mal, and it scared him. He
really needed to get back to LA and get his head on straight. Being around the
cowboy was putting thoughts of a future in his head, and he wasn’t ready for it
yet. He still had lots of music to play.

They
walked back to the house side by side, and Mal grabbed his hand. “Where’s the
one place in the world you’ve never been but want to go?”

That
was an easy one. Cade replied, “New Zealand. Have you seen
The Lord of the
Rings
movies?”

“Yeah,
that’s where those were filmed. It’s beautiful lookin’, I’ll give you that.”

“What
about you, where do you want to go?”

“We
have trees and mountains here, so I want to see the ocean. I want to put my
toes in the sand and let the waves roll up over my feet.”

Cade
could make that happen so easily. “What about swimming in the surf. Are you
scared of sharks?”

“I
can’t swim,” Mal replied honestly. “I’ve never needed to learn. The other kids
got to go to the local pool, but I never did.”

Cade
couldn’t believe that the things he took for granted all his life, this man had
missed out on. He wanted to kidnap Mal right then and drag him home to LA. It
was still a little early as far as the weather went, but his pool was heated
during the winter. He would love to get Mal in the shallow end and have his
wicked way with him in the water. “One day, I’ll teach you how to swim. That
way, when we do make it to the ocean together, you’ll be able to enjoy the
waves with me.” Cade stopped and pulled Mal to him. “I want to make love to you
in the ocean.”

Mal
gasped at his words, and Cade took advantage of his open mouth and went in for
a kiss. When he released Mal, he said, “I’m hungry. Will you let me take you
out to eat?”

Mal
began shaking his head in protest. “Not this time. I still have a lot to do to
get ready for my call tomorrow with the new owners. I saw some things while we
were ridin’ that need fixin’, and I want to add them to my notes. I have plenty
of stuff here to fix us to eat. Let me make us somethin’ quick, okay?”

Cade
wasn’t going to argue. He wanted their last bit of time to be comfortable for
Mal. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He stopped and knelt down to pet the dogs who had
remained with them all day. As he rubbed their fur, he asked, “What’s up with
your sister and the douchebag? I mean, she’s pretty and still looks good for
having three and a half kids.”

“You
eyeballin’ my sister, Rock Star?”

Cade
laughed. Jealousy wasn’t a good look on anyone, but seeing Mal squinting at him
with his hands on his hips was hilarious. “Not eyeballing. Making a statement.
I only have eyes for one member of the Wilson family, thank you very much.”

“But
you have been with women, right?”

“Yeah,
I have, but I prefer men. Women are too soft and fragile. I like to be able to
let go, and I’ve found most women don’t want that.” Cade stood and gripped
Mal’s chin tightly. “I like the feel of a rough jaw rubbing along my thighs. I
like a man’s mouth on my dick, sucking like he wants to be sucked. I like the
feel of a hard cock filling my ass while a calloused hand jacks me off.”

Mal’s
eyes flashed with lust. “Fuck, Cade.”

“I
wish we had time. I would love to go home with whisker burns.” He licked at the
stubble that had grown out slightly on Mal’s face. “Next time we’re together,
I’m going to give you a couple days warning, and I want you to forget your
razor. I want you to leave your mark on me.” Cade pressed his mouth to Mal’s
and kissed him hard and quick. “Now, you said something about feeding me. I’ll
get my things together while you find us something to eat. A sandwich is fine
with me, or if you have leftovers. When I said I wasn’t picky, I meant it.”

Cade
would rather Mal fix something quick than spend a lot of time cooking. He left
Mal in the kitchen while he tossed his dirty clothes and toiletries in his bag.
He carried it to the back door and dropped it there before heading to see what
Mal was whipping up. Left over fried chicken was sitting alongside baked beans
and potato salad. Cade was going to miss this southern food when he left.
Before he could ask, Mal was handing him a glass of sweet tea. “I have beer,
but I figure you can get that anywhere.”

Cade
grinned and downed half the glass. “Ahhh,” he said, smacking his lips. “So
good.”

“I
hope this is okay.” Mal pointed, indicating the food.

“It’s
perfect.” And it was. The two men ate in companionable silence. Afterwards, Mal
opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly.

“What?”

“It’s…
nothin’.”

“Mal,
what is it?”

“I
was hopin’ you’d play the piano again.”

“Oh.
Yeah, sure. What do you want me to play?” Cade was surprised at his request.
When he played for Suzette, Mal hadn’t commented, so he figured the cowboy
didn’t like classical.

“Whatever
you want. It can be rock, or classical, or whatever.”

“Okay.”
Cade thought about it while he was walking to the back room where the piano
was. He grinned inwardly when he thought of a good song to play. “I’ve got it.
And you might even know this one, so if you do, sing along.” Cade warmed up his
fingers before he began playing. By the time he got to the chorus, Mal was
laughing and singing with him. “…Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be
cowboys...”