Release: New Adult Sport Romance (Fire and Ice) (23 page)

My boots pound out a steady thump toward the racks. I see Kaleb’s snowboard and skis. I touch the warm top skin of his board when I walk by as if it can somehow transfer my touch to him. I pull my skis out of the rack, and they seem unusually heavy. Sighing, I make my way to the back door. The metal clink as the push bar releases hurts my head. The bright sunlight should fill me with warmth, but today it’s harsh.

I make my way to the chairlift. Grateful for the lack of a lift line, I manage to get on a chair alone. I lean against the metal bar and let the cold slice through my cheek. Tears fall freely as I stare at the snow below. It looks soft and inviting.

The idea of freezing to death plays in my mind. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Once hypothermia sets in, you feel disoriented and no longer cold. The body relaxes, and it’s easy to drift off into sleep. I imagine that would be better than the knife that tears my heart to shreds. The cold of the metal on my cheek has dissipated, and I remember how easily my body can deny the discomfort of cold to the point of hypothermia.

With one last, longing look at the fluffy snow below, I shake off the morbid thought and pull myself together. Almost at the top, the rough leather of my glove scrapes at my nose when I wipe it, and I pull my poles out from under my leg. I haven’t bothered to unbuckle my boots, and I don’t stop when I get off the chair. Instead, I glide toward a trail and tug my pole straps over my gloves.

I stand at the top and take a deep breath through my nose. The air is cold and soothes my sore nostrils. I open my mouth and take an even deeper breath to get the icy oxygen in my lungs. Sunlight makes the snow sparkle like millions of tiny stars. My senses are heightened, and the beauty astounds me.

I point my skis down the hill, and their metal edges rasp as they carve through the snow in a turn. The power of my thighs moves my skis into the next one. I focus on my muscles as they flex and contract while I try to make perfect turns. My rhythm is flawless and easy. My poles swing, and I lift my body to start the next turn. I’m one with the terrain.

Breathless from the exercise and the pleasure, I stop. I lift my face up to the sky, and tears brim in my eyes. I wish I could share this with Kaleb. I squelch my torment and start skiing again. This time it feels forced and clunky. I make my final turn and stop.

Instructors walk into the Kids’ Castle, and I take off my skis to join them. I see Kaleb walk to lineup with his board behind his back and resting on his curled fingers. His head is down, and he shuffles his feet. He’s sad, too.

I’m sorry, Kaleb. I really am. A tear rolls down my cheek, and I will my heart not to break.

Chapter 38

Casey must have heard me pull in because she opens the door before I can ring the bell. She yanks me through by my hand. “What’ll it be? Alcohol or sugar? A movie with Channing or Ashton?”

I can’t help but smile. “Um, sugar and Ashton.” Because alcohol won’t feel good tomorrow, and Channing’s body is too much like Kaleb’s.

Megan’s voice carries from the kitchen. “Oh, good! Nick will be impressed with his sober girlfriend instead of the drunk one like the last time we did this.” She jokes as she walks into the living room with a platter of chilled chocolate-covered fruit. I grab a strawberry. When I bite in, sweet juice explodes in my mouth. The chocolate flavor follows and should tantalize my tongue. It tastes flat instead.

Gretchen steps out of the kitchen and waves an empty martini glass. “How about one weak drink? I can make you a Casey Cosmo. And I promise not to splash more vodka in.”

“Okay, that sounds good. Thanks.”

“But wait, there’s more.” Casey mimics a television commercial and waves her hand over the coffee table. Next to the tray with veggies and sliced meat on it, I see a big squeeze bottle with dark yellow contents and various nail polishes. “You’re getting a pedicure, compliments of me and Megan.”

I smile. “You guys are too much.”

Casey pushes me gently, and I land on her couch with a whoosh. She slips off my boots and socks, and I hear water run in the kitchen. Megan walks out with a dishpan full of suds and sets it down in front of me. Casey rolls up my yoga pants, and I put my feet in. Warm water sends waves of pleasure up my legs. “Oh, this is wonderful.” I sigh and lean back.

Gretchen hands me my drink and speaks in a snooty voice. “Your cocktail, madam.”

I smile up at her and mimic the accent. “Why, thank you.”

I watch Gretchen cue up the movie as I take a sip of my drink. Bubbles tickle my throat, and the taste of vodka is faint. “You guys are spoiling me. Thanks.”

Megan sits on the floor to my right and takes my foot out of the water. She squirts an oily liquid on my skin and rubs. A course, sand-like substance scratches my skin. The massage of her hands relaxes me, and I sink a little lower into the couch.

Casey sits on my left to work on my other foot. These girls are amazing. Tears form in my eyes, and I let them roll down my cheeks. Without a word, a box of tissues appears in my lap, and Gretchen takes my drink from my hand. I smile up at her, and she gives me a wink. I wonder if I cry for more than heartbreak. I focus through blurry vision to get lost in a feel-good chick flick.

When the movie is over, I tell them about my past with Lucas. I start with when I was a big-eyed twelve-year-old and explain how I slowly became a victim of domestic abuse. Megan interjects with supportive facts and heaps of compassion.

While telling them is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, it’s also cathartic. A part of me hopes these women are now able to see the signs and help someone else or themselves.

I look down at my fuchsia nails and wiggle my toes. “I dare say I have some sexy feet. Thanks, guys. You’ve made me feel special tonight.”

“Cupcake, you are special.” Gretchen plops down next to me on the couch with her bowl of plain fruit. “Want me to rough up Kaleb for you?”

This makes me smile. “Naw, he’s got a good reason for breaking up with me. I understand why he doesn’t want to be with the psycho chick. I just wish I hadn’t fallen in love with him before he figured it out.” I sigh and shove the threat of tears away.

“You aren’t psycho. Not even close.” Gretchen leans against me and sticks a blueberry in my mouth. “Boys are just stupid. And I still plan to kick him in the shins for you.” She jokes. “I’ll make it look like an accident.”

I giggle. “You’re the best.”

Casey speaks. “Do you plan to ski tomorrow morning?”

My mind flashes to skiing with Kaleb and remember I’ll be alone. “Yup.”

“Want to ski with me?”

Megan says, “I’m coming too.”

“That sounds great.” I sneak a piece of banana out of Gretchen’s bowl.

Casey says, “It’s a plan.”

I yawn and stretch my arms. “I’m ready for bed. I think I’m going to go.” I stand up and collect things for the kitchen. “I can’t thank you all enough for this.” I look around the room at their faces. “Really.” I remember how lonely it was when I was dealing with the aftermath of Lucas. The kindness of friends tonight helps me know that with time I’ll heal and move on.

Chapter 39

“Okay, ladies, let’s do it.” I lead as we walk up the metal steps and they clang out a happy melody. It’s a beautiful spring skiing day. Skiing a few mornings a week with Casey and Megan the past couple of months has been fun. They both are such great teachers, and friends.

Today they think I’m ready for bumps. I’m not so sure, but I think positively.

Casey is behind me. “I think the snow is still soft from yesterday. It’s a great day for you to learn.”

“And for me to get better. Right?” Megan catches up to us once we hit the snow.

“You don’t need to get better. I have a reputation to protect.” Casey jokes while she drops her skis and clicks in. Megan does the same. But I stare at the lift line. Kaleb is there with Gretchen.

I sigh and drop my skis too. I don’t have to see Casey and Megan to know they exchange a look. It’s been two months, and they probably wish I would move on.

Casey says, “Hey, did you guys know Gretchen is filming for a snowboard movie next week?”

“Is this a new one?” asks Megan.

“No. They just needed more footage and set up a three-day shoot to get it.”

I step into a binding. “That’s awesome. She must be excited. Where’s she going?”

“Crested Butte. She’s trying to convince me to let her take my Saab.” Casey says. “That thing’s my baby. No way am I letting Gretchen drive it, even if it’s only three and a half hours.”

Megan asks, “What’s the matter with her car?”

“It’s a piece of junk, and she doesn’t trust it to go that far. I’m surprised she got out here from Vermont.”

We slide over to the lift, and I can’t help but watch the chair that has already swooped up Kaleb. Sadness weighs on me. Yet again, I blink back tears and try to focus on the conversation happening around me. This is getting old.

“Lori?” Casey’s face is expectant, and I realize she asked me something.

“What?”

“I asked if you wanted to join us for a girls’ dinner on Sunday. It’ll be Gretchen’s last night before she leaves.”

Megan pipes in, “We’re thinking pizza.”

“Sure. I work until seven though. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll just be getting started,” says Casey. She speaks loudly to be heard over the roar of the chairlift. We sit on the chair as it slides under us. The sun is bright in the clear blue sky, and I lift my face to the heat.

When we get to the top, Casey takes us to a trail with smaller bumps. The snow crunches under our skis, but it isn’t icy. Her green eyes command my attention. “You’ll pick this up quickly. You’ve been flying off cliffs in the bowl. I told you you’d be hanging with us by the end of the season.”

Her words stroke my ego, and a smile forms on my face. “I’m trying.”

Casey’s skis scratch as she slides down into the gully between two bumps. “We traverse the trail up and over bumps. With each bump, I want you to suck up the height of it with your legs as if they’re shock absorbers.” She crosses the trail, and I watch as her knees bounce up and down together.

Megan goes next and does the same. I follow and concentrate to lift my knees up as I am on the top of a bump and push my legs down to fill the valley on the other side.

“Nice,” says Casey. “Keep going and really work those legs. Push and pull them with your stomach muscles.”

We move back across the trail, and it becomes easier to do.

“Excellent,” she says. Now, let’s take a look at the bumps ahead and figure out how to get down them. We need to find the line, just like we do in regular skiing. But bumps make it complicated because you often—” She pauses. “Okay, probably never actually complete it. But we try to start off right, and it helps you learn to read as you go.”

Megan chuckles. “That’s for sure. Lori, I swear Casey can actually ski a whole line she plans, but we mere bump mortals can’t.”

Casey speaks. “Think of it this way. If you poured a bucket of water down your line, where would the edges of the water go? You try to ski the snow between the top of the bump and the valley between.” She pauses for it to sink in. “Megan, show her what I mean.”

Megan nods. “Got it.” She goes down the trail, and I’m awestruck.

I say, “She makes it look so easy.”

Casey looks at me. “She’s been skiing them since she was a child. C’mon. Follow my line. I’ll ski an easy one for you. It’s time to put what I just showed you to use.”

She starts down, and I follow. We go over a bump and then turn. As we move in the other direction, we suck up a bump and then turn again, which gives me plenty of time to recover between turns. Yet we still maintain a rhythm.

We stop next to Megan. She taps my pole with hers. “So? What do you think?”

“I think I like it, but how many years until I get good at this?” Megan and I chuckle.

Casey smiles at us. “I’m still trying. I think that’s why I love them. They never get boring.” She says, “All right. Stop talking and start doing. We’ve got years of practice ahead.”

Megan rolls her eyes, but Casey’s pole taps mine to indicate I should follow her, and she takes off. We bounce down the trail, riding over a bump between each turn until we’re almost at the bottom. The bumps are tiny here, and Casey makes a few quick turns. I manage to follow her line, and we stop at the end of them.