Relentless Hope (Resilient Hearts) (17 page)

The look on my face must show my inner turmoil, as Aiden pauses in between his words, letting me process what he’s saying before he continues. “It’s pretty obvious that all of this is a surprise to you. I should probably stop telling you more. I should let you process this, before I divulge any more of my grandfather’s epic reputation.”

He probably should stop talking. I don’t know if I can take anymore. Today has already been one hell of a day. My senses are all over the place, and I’m starting to feel the exhaustion, but now that I know there is more to the story, my curiosity gets the best of me. I feel like I
have
to know the rest of this story, even if it is going to make me physically sick. “No, I think I need to hear the rest of this.”

“Are you sure you haven’t had enough excitement for one night?” He tries to joke, but we both know that what he is about to tell me is far from funny, so instead of responding I just nod my head. He dips his head back solemnly in response, and I brace myself for what’s coming.

“Grandpa’s personal life was even worse than his business one. Of course, I’ve heard most of this from my family and other people who weren’t necessarily big fans of his, so maybe you should take all of it with a grain of salt. But what I am about to tell you is what people say about him… My grandmother found out he was cheating on her when my mom was about sixteen-years old. Grandma came home early from a vacation with the kids to surprise him and found him in bed with a twenty-year-old wanna-be actress. Afterwards Grandma found out that the girl had been one of many. Grandpa had started making real money by then and as his net worth had gone up, so had the number of his women. Grandma quickly got a divorce. From what I hear, Grandpa made sure she didn’t get much money out of the divorce. My grandmother is actually one of the nicest people in my family. I think that’s why she stays away from this side of the family. After the divorce, she moved away to Florida and has lived there ever since. I hope you get to meet her one day.”

I notice the way his eyes sparkle when he speaks of his grandma, realizing that I’ve never seen him talk of anyone with such affection. For a split second, my heart really does hope that I get to meet the woman who invokes such affection in him, but then I remember that I married her ex-husband, almost on his death bed. I’m a twenty-year-old woman who married the guy who cheated on her with a much younger woman. She would most definitely not want to meet me.

The reality of our situation hits me in full force. Even if Aiden is interested in me, he and I could never be anything because I was married to his grandfather. Tears sting the back of my throat, as waves of sadness ripple through my body. I realize no matter how strong the electricity is between us or what I may feel towards him, our past will never allow us to get anywhere together in the future.

I swallow through the lump in my throat and nod my head for him to continue before my emotions have a chance to get the best of me. He raises his eyebrows in question to ask if I’m sure, and I nod my head again in response, encouraging him to go on.

“After the divorce, Grandpa completely let lose. He didn’t have to worry about Grandma finding out anymore, so he started showing his true colors, and became a notorious playboy. He started becoming a regular at the Playboy Mansion and always had a different bimbo on his arms. He had similar parties in this place too. From what I hear, the parties were legendary; a lot of celebrities and Hollywood types attended them... Then about ten years ago, he started dating an ex-Playboy Playmate. She was…how do I even describe her? I guess she was what you would expect a woman like that to be, obnoxious, annoying as hell, way too shallow, and with a huge rack. I remember him bringing her to a few family holiday parties, and all of us felt uncomfortable around her. And when you’re talking about my family members being unconformable around someone like that, that’s saying a lot. She always showed way too much cleavage. I was just getting into my teenage years. I won’t lie to you, I enjoyed the view, but at the same time it was disgusting to see my old grandpa, who I looked up to so much, with a woman like that.”

He pauses and takes a deep breath, as if contemplating his next words. “That was one of the many times Grandpa disappointed me,” he finally says, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper, before suddenly changing his tone and continuing. “Anyway, this chick somehow stuck around for a while and convinced Grandpa to marry her. Of course, it didn’t last very long. I think the marriage was over in less than six months and from what I heard, Grandpa made sure that she didn’t get much money out of the whole thing. She thought she was fooling Grandpa,” he says with a bitter laugh, “little did she know that she was the one being fooled. Once Grandpa got his fill, he dumped her, basically threw her out. The same way he treated all the other women in his life.
”

He pauses to turn his eyes back to me and a look of concern crosses his face, signaling to me that my face is showing a glimpse of how I feel inside.

I feel sick to my stomach. My heart rate has picked up. Anger simmering beneath the surface.

For the second time in a few months, I feel utterly betrayed by a man I trusted and loved. I willingly moved into this guy’s house and agreed to marry him without even doing a proper Google search. With the kind of reputation he had, I can only imagine what people thought of me. How could I be so naïve and stupid?

No wonder when Aiden first saw me here, he reacted the way he did. I don’t even want to think about what my family thought of me when they found out I lived in David’s mansion. It must have confirmed for them all of the things Imran had told them about me. I know I shouldn’t care about what my family thinks after the way they treated me, but I can’t help a desire deep inside me to prove to them how wrong they were about me. And this. The fact that I willingly moved into a man’s house who had a reputation like David’s, does the exact opposite. And the worst part is that I had no idea. I was an ignorant fool, just like I had been with Imran.

I feel tears pooling in the back of my eyes, but I can’t let them spill over. I fear if I let just one drop get through, the dam will break open, making me lose my grasp on my fragile emotional state. After everything that’s happened tonight, I feel like a wall of thin glass, ready to shatter and fall apart with the smallest hit. But I can’t let myself fall apart in front of him, so I bite the inside of my mouth and take a few shallow breaths to hold the tears at bay. All of the pent up emotion inside my body needs an outlet to escape, however, and before I know it, my hands are shaking uncontrollably.

“You’re shaking. Come here,” Aiden says, as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. His arms almost instantly calm my aching heart. Even though my whole world has just been turned upside down, his mere scent relaxes me. His proximity is like a balm to my wounded soul.

I put my head on his shoulder, and wrap my arms around his hard torso. He runs one of his hands through my hair, while drawing circles with his other hand on my back. I close my eyes, and let myself enjoy the comfort he is offering, and just like that, the shaking stops. Long after I stop shaking, we continue to hold on to each other tight. Both in a trance.

With our chests touching in these silent moments, unspoken words are exchanged between the hearts behind them.

Unfulfillable yearnings communicated.

Impossible longings conveyed.

My heart inflates and deflates to the rhythm of his and his responds to mine.

Time stops.

I don’t want this trance to ever end, fearing that when it does, I may never experience this feeling again. So I hold on tight and bask in the feeling while it lasts.

Alas, he pulls back after a few minutes to search my eyes.

“You okay?” he whispers.

I untangle my arms from his body so I can fully face him. Taking a trembling breath, I start. “Yes. No… I don’t know. Tonight’s just been really overwhelming… And I can’t wrap my head around the fact that the David I knew is the same guy as the one you are talking about… Now I understand why everyone in your family reacted to me the way they did. It all makes sense now. I feel like the biggest fool on the planet.”

He pulls me back into his arms, holding me tight. “I’m sorry my grandpa took advantage of you. I had no idea you didn’t know what you were dealing with,” he whispers into my hair.

Despite everything I’ve learned tonight, for some reason, I feel an urge to defend David. “I don’t think he took advantage of me intentionally. He did tell me from the beginning that he had done a lot of things he was not proud of in his younger days. I just feel like a fool for never asking any questions.”

His eyebrows pucker in a deep frown. “You are still trying to defend him? Even after you find out about everything he did in his past and the fact that he didn’t tell you any of this before he married you?”

I lift my head up and look him directly in the eye, considering for only a second whether I should divulge any of my painful past.

“Your grandpa
saved
my life,” I blurt out. “I’ll always be grateful to him for that, no matter what. I still feel extremely betrayed, but I have to remember that I wouldn’t be here without him.”

Something changes in his face. I can see his internal struggle play across it. It’s clear he’s dying to ask me questions, but he holds himself back. I decide to put him out of his misery. “I just… I really can’t talk about how or why? But that’s the truth.”

He nods his head, studying my face. Our eyes remain locked for a few seconds, the intensity of his gaze penetrating my every nerve. He lowers those fierce eyes to my lips then, and immediately the energy in the room changes. One moment we’re wrapped up in an innocent embrace, giving and receiving comfort and the next, the air crackles with sexual energy. Our faces are so close I can feel the tingle of his breath on my lips, making my heart rate pick up to a frenzied pace. My body is screaming at me to close the distance, to give in to my heart’s desire. But right before I give in to this forceful longing, I remember how he pulled himself away from me a mere few minutes ago. With the sting of rejection still fresh on my mind, I jump back instead of leaning in.

“I should head to bed. It’s been a really long day,” I say in a rush.

The look in his eyes says everything. He looks disappointed, but also relieved and I know exactly how he feels.

“Let me walk you to your room.”

I walk out of the room first and he follows me quietly. We haven’t taken more than a few steps when he suddenly turns to me and grabs my hand unexpectedly in his. My heart rate picks up immediately, my mind reeling with questions at his unexpected behavior. But since we’re surrounded by his friends, I keep my questions to myself.

We walk hand in hand through the sea of partygoers, and almost everyone stops to stare. I try to pull my hand away from his, but he tightens his hold. I lean into Aiden’s ear to whisper, “Your friends are all staring. They’re going to start talking.”

“Let them talk all they want,” he whispers back, “I want all of these people to know that if they mess with you, they have to deal with me.”

My heart melts, peeling another layer off of the wall of ice thickly wrapped around it. Once we reach my bedroom, he opens the door to usher me in, but right before I step over the threshold, he turns me around unexpectedly to place the most tender of kisses on my forehead. The gesture is so sweet it literally takes my breath away, leaving me speechless. He mistakes my shocked silence for objection.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…I couldn’t help myself. But I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. I promise… Sweet dreams,” he says in a rush. I stand there stunned, my lips unable to form any words. He turns to walk away, taking a few steps down the hallway before abruptly looking back.

“Don’t forget to lock your door tonight. I don’t want any of drunken friends stumbling their way into your room.”

I
wake up with a smile on my face. I think it is quite
telling that out of everything that happened last night, Aiden’s unexpected affectionate behavior towards me is the first thing that comes to mind when I open my eyes. Remembering the way he protectively held my hand and the sweetness with which he kissed my forehead makes me giddy with joy.

Something shifted between us last night. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and I’m too terrified to analyze it deeply, but I can’t deny it.

My mind tells me to remember how he refused to kiss me last night. How he’s so wrong for me. How I have to stop being so naïve around men. But my heart, my heart refuses to hear any of it. My heart only remembers how safe and comfortable I felt in his arms. How my body fits so perfectly against his. And how his mere scent had me intoxicated with desire. The mere memory of his simple touch quickens my heart rate, making butterflies soar in my stomach. God, I’m hopeless. I need to put a grip on my emotions and clear my head. Going for a run might just do that for me.

I put on my sports bra and shorts and head for the door. As I approach the living room, I hear the sound of the TV. I figure one of those drunken partygoers must have left the TV on last night, the staff forgetting to turn it off. But as I reach the living room, I realize my mistake, as I walk upon a sleepy looking Aiden. He is lying on the couch facing the TV, but his eyes are glued to the hallway I’m walking from instead of the screen. When he sees me, a slow sexy smile spreads across his face.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning to you. You’re up early. I figured you’d be sleeping all day, given that the party was still going on almost till the sun came out.”

“I couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d come lie here, so I could see you when you leave your room,” he says, with a shrug of his shoulder. “How are you feeling? Is your finger okay?”

A warm feeling spreads across my chest at hearing that he stayed up to make sure I’m okay, but then I remember how I almost fell apart in front of him after he told me about David, and realize he’s probably just feeling guilty because of everything his family and friends have done to me.

I shrug my shoulders. “I’m fine. I’m actually doing great today. Just heading out for a jog.”

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asks quickly.

“You want to join me for my jog?” I ask in surprise. “Are you sure? I just recently started getting back to exercising, so I’m very slow. I’m pretty sure you’ll get bored to death within five seconds.”

“It’s not always about how fast you can go, sometimes it’s more about how long you can last?” he says with a smirk.

The sexy way, in which he says this, has my mind instantly going to places other than running, making a blush creep up my face.

“Hey. What are thinking, you dirty mind?” he asks with a knowing smile. “I was talking about running.”

“I’m sure you were,” I say, returning his smile.

“So, what it is going to be? Can I come?”

“Sure, but you’ve been warned. I’m not responsible for your boredom, and you are
not
going to laugh at me.”

He burst into laughter. “I make no such promises.”

Ten minutes later, we walk out the front door side by side.

“I forgot another warning,” I say tilting my head toward his, “I usually put my earphones on and get into a zone. I’m not much of a talker when I exercise.”

“That’s perfect. That’s how I like it too.”

We start and I try to push myself to run faster, but within ten minutes, I’m panting and loosing speed. He stays by my side. I try to wave my hands at him to signal that he should go faster. He scrunches his eyebrows in question, not comprehending my made up sign language. I take out my earphones and manage to get out in between ragged breaths, “Go ahead, I’m going to slow down a little bit. You don’t need to stay back because of me.”

He just shakes his head and stays by my side. We run in silence the rest of the way in easy companionship and it feels comfortable. Natural even.

Once we get back to the house, he asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day.

“I was going to just take it easy today, maybe lay by the pool and finish a book I’ve been reading. And then I might go to a coffee shop or something to review some of my course materials.”

“Course materials? What course materials?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“My school materials. I’m going back to UCLA in the fall and I’ve been out of school for almost six months. I want to review some of the classes I had to drop out of, so I’m prepared when school starts in a few weeks.”

He nods his heads. “That sounds perfect. I have a book that Grandpa wanted me to read too and I also have instructions to review my school course work, so maybe I can join you?”

I try to curb my excitement at the fact that he wants to spend his whole day with me and respond nonchalantly. “Sure, if that’s what you want to do,” I say with a shrug.

I stand inside my walking closet trying to decide what to wear
for
going down to the pool. The hot July sun demands a bathing suit, but I’m hesitant to spend the afternoon with Aiden in a bathing suit. Not because I lack self-confidence, but because I don’t trust myself around him.

As excited as I may be at his recent attention to me, closeness to him is also unnerving to me. I constantly feel like I’m being pulled into two opposite directions by different parts of my body. My brain and my heart in constant battle. My heart leaps in joy every time Aiden so much as looks at me. That in and out of itself is enough of a warning for my brain to tell to me to run the other way as fast as I can.

I can’t get involved with a guy like Aiden. I’ve been burned enough by men with playboy reputations. It was merely last night that I learned how much of a fool I was to trust David, and he was a sweet old man who had given me no reason not to trust him. I have witnessed firsthand what Aiden is like with women, and with the way my heart reacts to his mere presence, I would be a fool to think I can stay casual with him. The only way for my heart to get out of this unscathed is to not get involved with Aiden. I have to keep my distance from him.

I put on a pair of white Capri pants and a pink tank top over my pink underwear and head down stairs with a renewed determination to stay distant from Aiden.

I open the French doors that lead to the outdoor patio, but my step falters as soon as I walk out and lay my eyes on him. He’s lying on one of the lounge chairs facing the pool, shirtless and with a pair of sexy swim trunks hanging low on his hips. His eyes are covered by his Ray-Bans, his head turned towards the ocean, his hair styled in that sexy messy way that is his trademark. But it’s his body that takes my breath away; broad tan shoulders that meet a built chest, down to rippled abs meeting his sexy V. I stand there watching, mesmerized by this magnificent figure. My mouth goes dry, my heart quickening its pace.

God.

How I am supposed to resist this man, when a mere look at his body has my head swimming with emotions and my body tinged with electricity? I’m in so much trouble. I
have
to put distance between us, both physically and emotionally, or I’m certain to get burned.

I walk slowly towards him, stopping a couple of chairs away to ensure we’re not too close. He doesn’t move from his position, not even turning his head. Just when I think he hasn’t noticed me, he startles me, “You planning on swimming in that outfit?” he says, without turning to look at me.

I don’t know how he can tell what I’m wearing. I’ve been watching him since I stepped out and he hasn’t turned his head towards me once. I wonder if he saw me checking him out and heat rises up my cheeks.

“So?” he asks, finally swirling his body to face me.

I can’t remember what he asked me. “What did you say?” I ask.

A smile turns up the corner of his mouth. “I asked you if you were planning on swimming in that outfit.”

“Oh, I’m not going to swim,” I respond with a shrug.

“We’ll see about that.”

His devious smile makes me nervous. “You better not do anything stupid,” I try to warn, but fail miserably, offering a huge smile instead.

“I never do anything stupid,” he says, with a smirk.

“Hmmm…arrogant much?”

“I prefer to think of it as confident.”

“Seriously, Aiden–if you push me into the pool, I’ll kill you.”

“I’d like to see
that
.”

“Aiden, I’m serious.”

He just smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

“So, what are you reading?” he asks tilting his head towards my eReader. I recognize his attempt to change the subject, and decide to go with it.

“Fiction.”

“What kind of fiction?”

Oh, how do I answer that? I really don’t want him to know the kind of fiction I’ve been reading recently.

“Oh, I like all sorts of fiction,” I say trying to steer the question away. “I read whatever comes well recommended.”

“You didn’t answer my question. What is the book you’re reading now about?”

Heat rises up my cheeks, as I realize I’m trapped. I either have to tell him the truth and risk his laughter at me or lie to him, neither option being ideal.

He suddenly sits up, his eyes peering over the top of his sunglasses. “Wait a minute. Are you reading a
Fifty Shades
type of book?”

My face turns crimson red. “Wha…what…do you mean?” I stutter.

A huge grin crosses his beautiful face. “You are, aren’t you?” He chuckles, “Our sweet innocent Aleah is into kinky books?”

“Who said they’re kinky?” I blurt out, before I have a chance to think about what I’m saying.

He bursts into laughter. “Who would have thought?” he says, with a shake of his head.

I cover my red face with my hands, embarrassment radiating from every ounce of my body.

Sensing my discomfort, he decides to go easy on me. “Hey. It’s okay. We all have our vices. Yours is probably the healthiest.”

“Reading is not a vice,” I say firmly, my face still covered with my hands.

“Whatever you say,” he says with a smile.

I realize the only way to gain my footing here is to change the topic.

“So what are you reading?” I ask pointing to the thick book sitting on the table by his chair.

“It’s a book about motivation. What motivates people and how to get motivated in life. It’s a load of crap if you ask me, but the old man ordered me to read it, and the
boss
gets what he wants…even from the grave,” he says, his voice laced with bitterness.

“Why do you hate him so much?” I can’t help asking.

“I don’t hate him,” is the only thing he says.

He remains quite for a long time, as if debating how to explain his feelings towards David. I give him the space he needs. Just when I think he’s not going to say anything more, he opens his mouth, sucking in a deep breath before starting, “I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Grandpa almost all my life. When I was little, I looked up to him like a super hero. He was my famous Grandfather; the
super-rich and powerful man who demanded respect from everyone, but was the kindest sweetest person to me. I idolized him for a very long time. When I was a kid, he would sit on the floor playing with me for hours whenever he came to visit. He was always bringing me the best gifts and scolding my parents whenever they tried to discipline me…trouble was, he would come around so far and few in between that I always had to beg him to come by. As the years went by his infrequent visits became more and more rare. When my parents separated, my mom and Grandpa got into a huge fight. After that, things at the house…” He pauses, taking a shaky breath, “Things started getting really messed up at the house. I would call Grandpa to let him know what was going on. Whenever I was able to reach him, he would be as kind as ever over the phone. He would promise to help us out, to make things better, but he rarely showed up. Instead, he would send us a new nanny, more toys, more money, but never his actual time and attention. When I was fifteen, something…something happened that I had to run to Grandpa for, but even then, he made promises he never kept. Every time he made a promise and acted like he cares I would get excited thinking he’s finally coming through, but then he would break his promise again, causing even more disappointment.”