Remember Me (24 page)

The
re were no more baby steps needed. Ash wanted to remember. She wanted to know every detail of her life that she’d lost and I was going to make sure it happened.

Before leaving the driveway I called Ford and let him
know what was happening. Unlike my father, he was a very generous boss and understood the importance of what the day represented for my future.

I’ll never forget what it felt like to look in that rearview mirror and see my kids back there, alert and making sounds. It was hard to hold my feelings in. I knew this day would come, but didn’t prepare for the way it would overwhelm me.

I was about to make my girlfriend the happiest woman in the world. She didn’t know I was heading back, and I hadn’t told her I was bringing the twins, just in case her father kept it from happening.

After a short drive we pulled up at the center and I carried both of the kids in their carriers. My anxiety was through the roof and I think the nurses could tell when I burst through the door carrying two child seats.

Ash’s main nurse, Maggie, rushed over and placed her hands over her mouth. “She’s been asking for them all day. It’s so beautiful, I just can’t believe it.” She was talking about Ash remembering and it was beautiful.

“Should I just walk them in there?”

“How about you go back in and relax and then in a few minutes I’ll bring them in as a bigger surprise?”

I kissed her on the cheek. “Maggie, you’re a genius.” After leaving the twins with her, I walked into Ash’s room. It was funny to see her sitting up in a chair looking outside. She heard me and turned, giving me a big smile. “You’re…back?”

I kissed her on the lips, savoring what it felt like to be able to do it again. “I missed you.”

When I pulled away I could see the look of despair in her eyes. “Twins. I … want … my … twins.”

“Don’t get discouraged, baby. You know, I’d do anything for you, right?”

She nodded. “I … remember.”

“
I’d walk through hot coals and sell my soul for you to be happy.”

“You’re
… silly.”

Just then, Maggie walked in with the twins.

It had been months since Ash had seen her children, but she knew they were hers. The energy in the room shifted and there wasn’t an adult with dry eyes in the building. I’d never seen anything more beautiful than watching her hold her arms out for her children. For as big as they were getting, they both sat still in her arms, looking into her eyes and smiling. It was as if God was there with us, giving her time to adjust to the shock of it all.

“Thank
… you,” She cried out.

“No, thank you, Ash. Thank you for remembering us.”

Chapter 30

Ashley

It had taken me a long time to be able to understand
what had happened to me. After waking up from the coma, a month after the aneurism, I couldn’t walk, sit or even speak. I didn’t remember my initial month at the hospital, but later learned from my nurse and my very patient boyfriend that I had received daily physical, speech and occupational therapy, as well as something called neuropsychological learning. Don’t ask me what half of that means, but apparently it was part of my recovery.

My treatment was basically like baby steps.
I left the first hospital and was sent to the rehabilitation center. Once I’d started really making progress the next steps were to get me more mobile.
During those first few days physical therapy sessions consisted of simply helping me to sit up, or roll over in bed. Then I was able to stand up with help. I was eventually placed on a bicycle machine to begin the process of regaining mobility of my hips and legs.

Along with that
I went through occupational sessions.
Initial sessions were aimed at improving my motor skills. At first, improvement was tedious. It took me a half-hour in an occupational session to learn how to change the channel to a double digit number, or to turn the television on and off. I also was required to do activities that would make me use my hands, including puzzles, art, games, picking up things and even learning how to dress myself.

Speech therapy was my greatest hurdle. I wanted to communicate and in order to really do it I had to learn how to talk again. Each day I got better but
initially I wanted to give up. The worst part was knowing that I’d done it before and forgot how.

The problem was that
I had to relearn how to speak. The speech therapist at the first hospital had gotten a good start on it. She would show a picture, like Shayne and give the beginning sound of a word and this would trigger the memory of how to say the word. I primarily worked on simple day-to-day basis. Later sessions at the rehab center involved talking about current news articles or events. Gradually, with help from my awesome therapists, I was able to communicate by myself.

Shayne helped me so much with that part. He never expected me to talk, but each day I tried my hardest to at least say something, even if it was one single word. Of course, at
first I didn’t understand why he kept coming to visit. I think my heart knew there was something between us, but my mind was still so confused. I had this huge blank, especially when it came to recent events in my life. Older happenings were easier to get back, and I found that certain things, like pictures, triggered them. I think that’s why I was all for Shayne showing me pictures. I knew that at some point I’d remember something important enough for me to piece it all back together.

My reaction time to simple
actions were slow . I suffered ridiculous problems with writing. My hand would write a different letter than what my brain was thinking. I was better on a computer, recognizing letters. I would practice writing a single letter over and over. After some time I was able to start keeping a journal in which the progress was displayed in the pages as time went by.

Math was a huge hurdle
for me and some days I refused to participate. Shayne tried to help me, but often joked that I wouldn’t need it much anyway. The thing was, I wanted everything about my life back. The more I struggled, the more motivated I became.

Sometimes I would think that something happened in my past, when really it
was a figment of my imagination. One day I thought I’d had triplets and one had died. Another day I swore I had a sister name Hailey. For that whole day I talked about how we had horses and showed them.

Other days my brain was overloaded with real memories, especially when the twins were around. As much as I wanted to get home, I knew it was for the best that I continue with my progress to better prepare me for when I was home.
Though my father tried, once I started recovering memories, I realized why he was trying so hard to control everything. I would have liked it to have been because he loved me and wanted me to get better. Instead I discovered that he wanted to keep me and my children away from Shayne. While I was lying in a hospital bed he’d been torturing him. I couldn’t forgive that. As much as I wanted to start every aspect of my life over, I couldn’t forgive those actions. Not after everything I’d been through.

When I got the strength to do it on my own, I let my father know that I remembered the last conversation we’d had. Parts were missing, but the gist was that I
’d told him to stay out of my life.

He tried to argue his case, stating that his actions were in my best interest. However, nothing he said was going to change how I felt. That was one thing I was
completely sure of.

After that call he never came to visit me again. It hurt at first. Even though I’d been the one to send him away, it still bothered me that I was his daughter and he didn’t care.

I had to stay focused on the positive and luckily I was in the perfect place to do it. The medical team that worked with me had become my friends and I appreciated everything they did for me, and even for Shayne.

After he’d brought the kids to visit me the first time, they’d never gone back to my father’s house. Of all people to help him, Shayne’s parents went to the house the pick up the twin’s belongings. He never discussed
with me if anything was said between them.

After that I saw a huge change in Shayne. There was so much missing with my memories, but I knew they’d come back eventually, and even if they didn’t, I’d learned that we could make new ones. I wasn’t afraid of what I didn’t know, because I had support and knew that I was in good hands.

After almost six months in the rehab center I could walk with assistance from a walker or even crutches. I was doing better, but still found it difficult to concentrate and even had little lapses of memory recognition and even loss.

Through all of my struggles there was one constant in my life.

Shayne and the twins.

I couldn’t get over how many months I’d missed without them, but honestly, they made me work harder to get my life back. Each visit with them made me stronger. My doctor was always impressed
and I strived to never give up.

With the help of his sister, he’d managed to work a full-time job, stop and see me everyday at lunch and bring them to visit me on weekends and holidays.
Every visit he’d bring me pictures that he took from his day, but never did he show me one of the house. He talked about all that he’d done, but wouldn’t tell me anything else, as incentive for me to get better and see it for myself.

Even though I’d finally gotten to a point where I was going to be allowed to go home, I still had a bunch of therapy to go through. My doctors were telling me that it would most likely be a year before I could slow down and only have monthly visits. I longed for the day where that would happen, but wanted to move forward.

Once I knew I had two little babies that depended on me, I knew that nothing was going to stop me from being with them, so I strived for the best, pushing myself beyond the expected visits.

Shayne showed up on the day of my release.
I couldn’t explain how overjoyed I was to finally go home. I expected the twins to be with him, but he informed me that they were at our house waiting for me. He called it our house.

It’s difficult when you know memories are there, but you can’t seem to find them. It’s like
when you hide that extra twenty bucks and can’t remember where you’ve put it.

I understood that I almost died. I got that I was lucky, but it didn’t help the frustration of seeing the pain in Shayne’s eyes every time he knew I was struggling. Like every step to recovery, I had to take a deep breath and keep pushing on, because even if I couldn’t remember all of my past, I certainly wanted to recall all of my future.

Shayne gave me hope. I could never have expected a man to stick by me and my children the way he had. Our relationship was still new. He didn’t have to drop his life for me the way he did. Most men would have moved on, even if it hurt them. Shayne wasn’t just devoted to the old me, he’d accepted that I would never be that person again. Sure, we were in love, but we’d grown, changed, and even had hurdles that prevented us from normal relationship tendencies. Shayne had signed on to being with someone that needed assistance. No matter what bad news we received, he took it with optimism that we could get through anything together.

I can’t even describe how it felt to get into a car and be alone with him. Like a young girl on her first date, I felt nervous. My palms were sweaty and I could feel my whole body shaking. As many times as I remembered being intimate with Shayne, it felt as if we’d never been together before.
When he reached over and grabbed my hand I felt this spark between us. Sure we’d held hands and even kissed a lot in the rehabilitation center, but this was so much more private, making the moment between us something that we hadn’t done in a long time. Also, I had to keep my memories in check with my body. Even though I remembered things that I’d done before, just like walking, I had to relearn how to do it. “Shayne, I’m scared.”

He pulled over the car and looked right into my eyes. “I’ve waited so long for this day. If you’re not ready, we can go back.”

At first I thought he was serious, but then I watched his lips forming a smile. “Ash, I’m jokin’. I’m takin’ you home today and there’s no arguin’ about it.”

He started driving again and I thought about the last couple of months and how he’d slowly told me what it was like to go through everything without me. It was hard hearing how my parents had tried to take the twins from him, and even more difficult to learn that everyone knew Parker was the
twin’s biological father. I was embarrassed, but somehow glad we didn’t have that hanging over our head. Before my aneurism, my biggest fear was that years down the road the truth would come out and ruin so many lives. Even though I struggled with rationalization on even small topics, I knew for sure that I felt humbled that everyone knew.

Once we pulled up at the house, I felt a little overwhelmed. “Shayne. I don’t remember.”

I was starting to freak out. In my head the house was old. The porch was small and falling apart, while the yard was an overgrown mess. The house I was staring at was nothing like that. The large wrap around porch was welcoming and gray cedar siding covered the entire outside of the structure. “I tried to make it exactly like you described, baby. I wasn’t sure about the color of the porch, so I just went with white. What do you think? Ain’t it beautiful?”