Remember Me (23 page)

Thurington might even stumble on the answer of what had

happened to me, and even more importantly, was there a way I could get back? Even though his theory of multi-universes made the most sense, I still wondered if it wasn’t possible that this world was the only one. There was only one timeline, and there were no hard rules to play by. When I told him about how Emily had not been born, his response was, “Naturally.”

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Like any other ego-maniac, I was here to serve him. If it wasn’t for the great money potential, he would have tired of me much sooner. I could tell Thurington was also uninspired to answer my questions. It was clear that I was not in his league intellectually. My inability to debate him at his level left me no further ahead than I was before I met him. Nothing outside of my sole appearance in this world seemed to interest him.

I could agree with him, nothing more. I didn’t stand out and draw attention to myself—a trait he perfected in himself. A couple of pretty girls from his Advanced Physics II class sat down next to us. Soon they had monopolized his attention.

I grew extremely tired of the sexual undertones and flirting.

Before I could erupt in a manner, unbecoming even to me, I excused myself. The thought of my own daughters, when they were at college, having to deal with losers like him made me all the angrier. I tossed a twenty on the table and said my goodnights. He didn’t even acknowledge me, nor did the girls with him.I made my way across the campus to the visitors’ general parking lot. It was a nice evening. It was still early enough for campus life to be in full swing. I passed by a bench where a couple was sitting. They were deep in conversation and paid no attention to me as I drew near. In the waning light of dusk, the outline of the girl seemed familiar. It was more like a feeling of déjà vu. I knew and felt something, but I couldn’t quite get a handle on what. I couldn’t stop myself from slowing my pace.

The alarm bells were going off inside of me, ringing with the warning of danger. My mouth went dry, and I suddenly realized who the couple was. The man said her name out loud and it was now a certainty; “Amy.”

My heart began to race, and my legs felt rubbery. It was all I could do to just keep walking ahead. The moment of déjà vu had been my spirit touching hers. Just like a mother will always S 171 S

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know her own child, I had just walked by my Amy and reacted to her mere presence. This Amy was still young and wasn’t yet the Amy I held close in my heart. She never would be mine in this upended passage of time. For the Andrew of this time, she might never be at all either. As I’d walked by, I tried to get a good look at her. I was old enough to be her father. She was younger in age right now than my own daughters were in my normal time. Her very presence, this close, still got to me. My heart ached, and I felt that familiar pull to run to her and wrap her in my embrace. I nearly turned around to…to what? To try and convince her I was her husband from another time. What a scene it would be. She would laugh at me and wait for the police to come. After the police, the men from the insane asylum would haul me off in a straight jacket. That’s what it would get me, a padded room at the nearest mental facility.

I kept walking to my Blazer. “God, how could I have been so stupid,” I said to my reflection in the rearview mirror. I’d waited to kick myself until after I had safely shut myself in the car. Thankfully, and for my own personal sanity, the mirror didn’t answer back. I settled down and tried to delve into my memories. I drudged up enough bits and pieces to remember that Amy had graduated from college in nineteen eighty-eight.

That would be a year from now in this present. There could be no doubt then that the man with her was her future husband, Tom Powell.

I racked my brain trying to remember any of the past (in the future) conversations Amy and I shared about her university life. I knew she had graduated with honors and earned a degree in marketing. Later, she would work for the local television station as their director of programming. That’s what she did until the kids came along. The station had tried to keep her on full-time. When she put her heart and soul into something, she was unstoppable. Being a full-time mother meant so S 172 S

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much more to her than a personal career. She never had any agendas for world conquest. In the end, she agreed to take on a less responsible role that would allow her to work more from home and on special assignments for the station. She still won two industry awards in her diminished capacity at the station.

She was always being sought out by other television stations for employment. She turned every one of them down so she could stay with the kids.

Thinking about Tom made my blood boil. “Scoundrel” was

the nicest word to come to my mind. Amy would always refer to him as the “children’s father.” Tom was two years older than Amy. They met while both of them were attending the University. She was an underclassman, and he had been in graduate school, working on his Master’s degree in mechanical engineering. He was as smart as he was lucky. Smart wasn’t the best description for him, though he was good at what he did. Conniving would be a much better description of what he was really like. He manipulated his way to one of the top positions at Barrett Inc, a manufacturer of ambulance chassis.

The company had worldwide recognition, and during their marriage, he spent much of his time traveling overseas.

Amy and I had always been open in our discussions about

our previous marriages. Neither of us ever pried or asked too many questions of the other. The offerings and insights came when it had been warranted. With her children being younger than mine, I had the honor or dishonor as Amy would say, of being a part of the children’s ongoing relationship with their father. On my side, she and Tami crossed paths infrequently.

Over the years, Tom and I had several opportunities to become acquainted. We had shared many conversations, even though the subject was always of Tom’s choosing. I had no time for him and his self-absorbed nature. In return, he couldn’t have cared less what I thought of him. He was, first and last, totally S 173 S

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into himself. He commanded attention from the room, and he expected it from the people in his house.

There have been very few people in my life that have actually made my skin crawl. Tom was at the very top of my list. It was not just because of the way he had treated Amy and his children, but because of who he believed he was. Throughout my life I’d watched people like him. They dance around the room, good looking, sweet talking, and full of unkempt promises.

We galvanize their sense of grandeur by bowing to their will rather than standing firm and fighting for our principles. It was never their fault, and they always had the proof to back it up.

Sometimes you couldn’t stop yourself from believing in the lies they spread. Before you knew it, you were in too deep, and they held you captive. There was no way to facilitate your escape. I would watch in amazement as people I considered to have common sense and intelligence would bend so readily to their will.

It was like being in the presence of a known celebrity. It didn’t matter what they really were like. It became an addictive drug, it was about the power they exhibited, and you couldn’t stay away from them until you got a much needed fix. They were moths drawn to the flame—a flame that would claim their souls.

Tom was powerful and successful. He was also fuller of

himself than anyone I’d ever known. To be in the same room with him made me want to take a shower and clean the retched stink off me. He was the polar opposite of Amy, conniving to her kindness, manipulative to her helpfulness, and ungracious to her humbleness. When she needed it most, she had the

courage to rise above the threats and fear, and to walk away from him. Seeing them on the park bench had helped me to remember a story she’d shared about their courtship. He was preparing to graduate, and she still had a year left before she would graduate. He felt it was the right time to ask her to marry him, and she said yes. The weekend before finals she S 174 S

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went home to share the exciting news with her parents. Tom celebrated by spending the weekend in a drunken stupor and in bed with two different women. He kept his exploits to himself. When Amy shared it with me, all I could do was imagine what else he’d hidden from her. Guys like him always seem to have it all and never enough. I hoped hell had a special place reserved especially for him.

They got married two months after Amy’s graduation from

Iowa State. His infidelity finally came out after their first child was born. He’d been caught by her in a lie he couldn’t wriggle out of. He’d confessed and begged for mercy. In a moment of truth, he came clean about the college incident as well. Amy stood fast in her commitment of marriage and the responsibility they shared to their children. He seemed to be sincere, and she gave him another chance. When a strange woman rang her doorbell and asked to see Tom, she knew that the end was in sight. When he was confronted about the woman he chose to be indifferent. This time she fought back. It was more than he believed she was capable of. He never envisioned the strength or conviction she had that allowed her to follow through and face him head-on. In the end, she got the children and he got the money—along with his precious freedom. She came out

the winner and we both knew it.

It was her heart that drew me to her and mine to her as

well. Her children became my children, and I treated them and her with the one thing he never accorded them—respect.

Now here I was seeing the story about to unfold right in front of me. I banged my hand on the steering wheel again and again as the thoughts of Tom made me simmer to the point of near explosion. Another thought permeated my brain: tomorrow

was Friday, the weekend before finals. What I had just witnessed, in all likelihood, had been the moment when Tom

asked Amy to marry him.

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I accepted the fact that the Amy of this time would never be my Amy. It was even possible she would never become the Amy of my alternate self. This Andrew’s life had already been changed. It was my own personal sorrow; he would never

even know what he had lost. My Emily wasn’t a part of his life. It hurt to even wonder if she still existed in my world.

Jasper Thurington had many unsubstantiated theories on the topic. He did believe she was there, living her life as if nothing had changed other than me being gone. Wasn’t one mistake enough? I could and should walk away from this. I had no current involvement with this Amy, she and I were not connected to each other. I shouldn’t be influencing the outcome of their lives. I had no business taking matters into my own hands. The reasons to stay away were numerous; but…I couldn’t stand by, knowing what I knew, and walk away from it either.

One thing that Jasper seemed to be conclusive about was

that major historical events would probably occur no matter how involved I became. To a lesser extent, I could change the daily lives of those around me without disrupting the big picture. The only evidence I could draw on seemed to collaborate his theories. It also furthered Thurington’s doctrine of multiple universes. It didn’t make me feel any better to know that Emily might still be living in an alternate reality. It also didn’t instill within me a
carte blanch
attitude to do whatever I wanted.

In my world, Amy had three children with this man. If a

brief encounter with Tami had cost me Emily’s life, what would my interference cost Amy? What if I intervened and managed to convince Amy who I was. What possible explanation could I give her, that she would be sorry if she married Tom, even I wouldn’t believe me. It was personal to me—pure and simple.

There were no good reasons for her to listen to what I had to say. It was beyond me to rationalize the possible ramifications S 176 S

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of even saying hello to her. If I did prove it to her, what would she do with the knowledge? Would she walk away, or still marry him anyway? I didn’t have the answer. It would be better if I didn’t share my thoughts with anyone at all. If I did anything, it would need to rest forever on my conscience and in my heart alone.

I drove away from the campus and back to my motel. I

unlocked the door to my room and flipped on the light by the bed. I turned the television on to a local station and watched the news. The television was on, but I wasn’t really watching it. My mind raced with endless possibilities. In every scenario I could conceive, the outcome always managed to end horrifically. Take Tom out of the equation and Amy’s children would be gone as well. If history was a general constant, then Amy might marry someone different and have kids with him. That is…if it was historically significant, and some form of preordained destiny truly existed. Only I would be aware of the differences. Could I live with that? Only time would tell. If Amy’s life ended up being worse because of my decision to interfere, I would never recover. I was pretty sure it would kill me in the end.

Maybe the best alternative was to catch Tom in an uncompromising position and confront him with a threat to toe the line or lose Amy altogether. I could stand guard over him and keep an eye on him for the rest of my life. For me it would be easy, and I would have no problem doing it. I didn’t believe it could work, but it still might be the only choice to make in my current thought process. I didn’t anticipate Amy believing me if we ever spoke. If I managed to prove to her who I really was, and what her life was going to be like—would she change directions. I couldn’t see it happening. No, she wouldn’t ever break the sanctity of the marriage vow or her promise of marriage. In reality, I was already too late.

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Sleep was what I needed. I shut off the light and got down on my knees by the side of the bed. I offered a prayer, “Lord, I need your help, your comfort, and your wisdom. Guide me to do what is right. Let me act with love and protect those from the potential harm I might innocently inflict on them. Amen.”