REMEMBER ME: GODS OF CHAOS MC (10 page)

He remained still, watching me silently, his huge blinking eyes the only thing moving on his body, outside of the small patch of white fur on his chest that pulsated with each beat of his heart.  He was tiny, but majestic, and something about his complete stillness calmed me.

Slowly, I reached out my hand towards him, touching the side of his soft wing.  I was amazed that even with my touch, he remained seated calmly in front of me.  His eyes searched mine, and I smiled at him, as I petted him as gently as I possibly could.  His feathers felt like velvet under my fingertips, and I smiled.

“
Wow
,”
I whispered.
 “
Yo
u’
re absolutely amazing.  Do you live around here?  Are these your trees?  If only you could tal
k
…”

“
If only he could
,”
Ryder said behind me, jolting me from the peaceful moment.  I had
n’
t heard him approach at all and I jumped up when I heard his voice.  The owl flew away quickly, disappearing into the trees behind me as I faced Ryder.

“
Hey
,”
he said casually.  As if I were
n’
t running away from him, as if we were
n’
t standing on a dirt road in the middle of the night, as if his lover had
n’
t just assaulted me on his porch, as if, once again, my entire life did
n’
t depend on this moment.

“
Hey
,”
I replied, just as casually.

“
So, where ya headed
?”
he asked.  If I were
n’
t so upset, it would almost be funny. 

“
Oh, you know
,”
I replied, shrugging.
 “
Just thought
I’
d hitch a ride into town or something
.
”

“
Hitch, huh
?
”
 
he asked, cocking an eyebrow.  It was dark, with only the moonlight falling around us.  I could
n’
t see his face very well, but I had a sneaking suspicion he was trying not to laugh at me.             

“
Yeah, or you kno
w…
walk, whatever
,”
I said.

“
Yeah
?
”

“
Yeah
.
”
 
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans, kicking at the dirt with my boot.  His boot.  Fuck.  He was all I had.  Why in the hell was I running away?

“I’
m sorry about Cherry
,”
he said quietly.
 “
I do
n’
t even know what to say about her
.
”

“
Oh, tha
t’
s fine. Nothing to say, I guess.  Sh
e’
s drunk, I think.  And she did
n’
t say anything, reall
y
…”

“
No?  Tha
t’
s not what I heard
.
”

“
Oh.  Well, u
m…
look, Ryder, it does
n’
t matter.  I get it okay?   I know
I’
m a burden
.”
The words began tumbling out of me before I could stop them, the panic and fear churning inside me again now that my new owl friend had abandoned me.
 “
A big burden. And I appreciate you getting me away from the gu
y…
whoever he was.  But yo
u’
ve done enough.  I
t’
s time for me to go find some help, figure out who I am, and go back to my life.  Whatever that is
.
”

“
You are
n’
t a burden, Sam
,”
he said, the deepness of his voice thick with emotion.

“
Oh, yo
u’
re kind, but really.  I understand.  I do
n’
t want to get in the way of anything you have going on, you kno
w…
with Cherry, or whoeve
r…
and I do
n’
t belong here.  Yo
u’
ve done too much.  I
t’
s time I get out of your hair
.
”

“
Get out of my hair
?”
he asked.  His face was still hidden in the shadows, but the sound of his voice cut right through me. 

“
Yeah, you know
,”
I replied.
 “
And listen, I wo
n’
t tell anyone about you, okay? 
I’
ll just say I woke up on the side of the road, and that I ca
n’
t remember anything.  I
t’
s the truth, pretty much, anyway, right?  You do
n’
t need to worry about the cops or anything
.
”

“I’
m not worried about the cops, Sam,
I’
m worried about you
.
”

His words were like a knife to the heart.  This man really was concerned about me.  He had no reason to be, he owed me nothing, in fact, it was me that owed him everything.  I owed him my life.

“
Ryder, thank you for everything, really
,”
I said, taking a step back from him.
 “
But you do
n’
t have to worry about me anymore, seriously. 
I’
ll be fine.
I’
ll catch a ride into town and
I’
ll be okay
.
”

I turned to walk away from him.  I made it three steps before the heat of his fingers wrapped around my arm.  I thought he was going to argue with me.  Ask me to stay.  Offer to give me a ride.

Instead, his lips possessed mine again, only this time, the sweetness from earlier was gone, the gentleness had turned to raw passion, and his lips moved against me urgently, hungrily, devouring me.  I moaned against him, the sheer force of his kiss bringing all that emotion that I had worked so hard to stuff down right back to the surface of my heart.

He tore his lips away from me, and I stared up at him.  The moonlight reflected in his eyes, giving me a chance to see what I could
n’
t earlier.  Desire and yearning flashed in them like a bright light, before he lowered his head once more, engulfing my mouth, his kiss even deeper this time, searchingly assaulting me with his tender passion until, once again, I melted into the comfort of his arms. 

“
Sam
,”
he whispered as he broke away again
,“
you belong with me.  Let me keep you safe.  Unless we figure out that you belong with someone else, but until then, I want to keep you close
.
”

I nodded, his kiss and his words having stunned me into silence.  Is it possible he could care about me like this?  He did
n’
t even know anything about me.  If there was even anything to know.

“
Come back to the clubhouse.  Do
n’
t worry about Cherry. 
I’
ve already taken care of her, and she wo
n’
t be bothering you again. Le
t’
s keep plugging away at our plan. Something will give,
I’
m sure of it
.
”

I nodded again, at a complete loss for words. 

He put his arm around me, and turned me around.  Arm in arm, we strolled back to the club, the moonlight lighting our path.  When we heard a soft whistling hoo-hoo-hoooo in the distance, Ryder shook his head and chuckled.

“
That damned owl
,”
he whispered.

“
He a friend of yours
?”
I asked.

“
I guess you could say that
,”
he murmured.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ryder

I missed the whole scene with Cherry and Sam, but I heard about it from five different people about thirty seconds after it happened.  After bitching out Cherry, and reminding her that she had no claim on me, and never had, and never would, I set off to find Sam.

I knew she would
n’
t have gotten far on foot, and I was right.

What I did
n’
t expect was that I would round the corner and find her crouched down and petting that damned owl.  What was with that guy? I wondered for a moment why he was always alone.

He needs a girlfriend
, I thought.  

I knew I should tell her the truth.  I knew in the back of her mind, she was probably thinking that asshole was going to come back for her.  Or, that he was looking for her.  But she had
n’
t asked me directly, and like a fucking coward, I had
n’
t told her that he was dead.  Because I knew she would hate me if she knew.

That was the thing about being one of the Gods.  People looked at you like they knew what you had done, whether you had done anything or not.  Sure, I had broken laws.  A whole fucking lot of them.  But it was rare that anything turned violent, and when it did, I was
n’
t immune to the violence. I was
n’
t a fucking monster.

That did
n’
t stop everyone from thinking that I was.

But not Sam.  She looked at me like I was human. Like I was almost normal.  I did
n’
t want to be normal, no fucking way.  It was the last thing I ever thought about before she came along.  But now that she was here, and I saw the way she looked at me, without that familiar fear in her eyes, without crossing her arms over her chest defensively, - hell, just the fact that she looked me directly in the eye was more than I was used to - now I wanted it.

She trusted me. 

Trust.  That was a foreign concept to me. 

And for the life of me, no matter how much I tried to not give a shit, I did
n’
t want to lose that. 

At least not before I had to.  And if I did
n’
t have to confirm to her right away that I was a cold-blooded killer, then so be it.  I knew it would
n’
t matter that I was defending her, she would still never look at me the same.  I knew it.  Hell, she was going to leave soon anyway.  I might as well enjoy her before she remembered whoever she was and waltzed right back out of my life again.

So, instead of telling her what I really was - a criminal, a murderer - I kissed her.  And then, I kissed her again.  Once I had a taste of her mouth, I could
n’
t stop.  Once we got back to the clubhouse, the party was starting to break up.

“
Is it okay if I just go back to your room?
I’
m not much in the mood for a crowd right now
.”
Sa
m’
s eyes were full uncertainty, and I knew she was feeling lost.  I wished like hell there was a way I could help bring her memories back.

“
Yes, consider it your room for now, okay?  You can go there anytime
.
”

“Are you sure Cherry wo
n’
t murder me in my sleep
?
”

“
I can assure you that Cherry will stay far away from you from now on.  Go on in, turn on some music, relax a little. 
I’
ll be right there and we can u
m…
tal
k…
a little more
,”
I said, having every intention of doing more than talking.  If she would let me, that is
.“
I just have to talk to Zander for a second
.
”

Amusement sparked in her eye and I knew she was thinking along the same lines.  She certainly did
n’
t shy away from my kisses earlier.

“
Okay, thank you
,”
she whispered, silently walking through the few stragglers that were in the living room.  I watched her walk away, my gaze lingering on her full, curvy ass.  My cock throbbed in my jeans.  I could still taste her on my lips.

“
Never mind
,”
I said, following right behind her.
 “
Zander can wait till tomorrow
.
”

She turned her head, looking over her shoulder at me, her long, blonde hair swaying down her back.  The smile she flashed at me was full of light.  Joyful, yet seductive. Knowing. My cock swelled even larger, and I reminded myself of the need to go slow.  For fuc
k’
s sake, she had only been awake for a day.

I closed the door behind us, and turned on the lamp by my bed. 

“
Music
?”
I asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous.  When the hell was I ever nervous?  This woman had me under a spell.

“
Please
.
”
 
Her voice was so quiet I almost did
n’
t hear her.  She sat down on the bed and watched as I put a record on the record player.

“
Waylon?  Willie
?
”

“
Okay, sur
e
…
”
her eyes narrowed briefly before she smiled at me. 

“
Willie Nelson is my favorite singer
,”
I said
.“
My dad was a big fan
.
”

She nodded her head silently, as the well-worn songs of the country legend filled the room.  Old country was all I had, so it was a good thing she liked it.

I sat down on the bed next to her, and pulled off my boots.  When she saw what I was doing, she took hers off, too.

“
Thank you for letting me borrow all this stuff
,”
she said. 

“
Sure, yo
u’
re welcome.  I
t’
s just some old used gear we had laying around.  Glad it fit
.
” 

I watched her profile, and was captured by her beauty once again.  I had spent three days looking at that profile, and had memorized every freckle, every curve and swell of her cheeks, the line of her jaw.  She was easy on the eyes for sure, but every time she turned those green eyes on me, it was
n’
t easy anymore.  I loved it, sure.  Like I said, those eyes were filled with trust and acceptance, and it was addicting. But for a man who was doing his damnedest not to succumb to the desires of his one-track-mind cock, those eyes were not helping the situation one bit.

Luckily, she called the shot before I could even begin to try.

“I’
m exhausted again.  Is
n’
t that weird
?
”
 
Oh. Sleep. Right. She wanted to sleep. I wanted to sink my cock so deep into her that she would beg me to keep doing it all night long.  We were on two different pages, apparently.  I must have read her wrong.  But that was just fine.

“
Of course you are.  This whole thing must be taking such an emotional toll on you
,”
I said, my hand reaching out and rubbing her back.  She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I could smell my shampoo on her hair. 

I swallowed hard, my resistance being tested with a vengeance. 

“I’
m so thankful for you, Ryder.  Yo
u’
ve been amazing to me, thank you so much
,”
she said.
 “
Yo
u’
re a good man
.
”

She almost whispered that last part, but I heard it.  And instead of making me feel good, it just reminded me that I was not a good man.  I was a liar.  Not to mention everything else.

I did
n’
t answer; I did
n’
t have any words anyway. 

“
Will you stay with me tonight?  I hate the thought of you having to slee
p…
well, elsewher
e…
and
I’
d love it if you just held me.  I do
n’
t want to be alone
.
”
 
Sadness filled her voice, and I felt awful for her.  I wanted to make it all go away, and it was the one thing I could
n’
t do for her.

“
Of course, babe
,”
I said, putting my arm around her and pulling her in close to my side
.“
Anything you wan
t
…”

We curled up on the bed, still fully dressed, falling asleep to Willi
e’
s songs.  It was a good thing, too, because if there had
n’
t been any clothes between us, nothing would have stopped my massive erection from finding exactly what it desired.