REMEMBER ME: GODS OF CHAOS MC (13 page)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Grace

I had a memory.  Finally.  And yet, it was completely useless.  The houses we looked at online were totally different, and much nicer, than anything I had seen in my dream. 

Disappointment filled my heart as I tried to go about my day, hoping something else would come back.  Ryder kept trying to make jokes to make me smile, but I was having a hard time and it was taking all my strength not to cry again.

“I’
m going to take a walk
,”
I said to him after lunch. 

“
You want company, babe
?”
he asked.  I smiled. 
What use was coming up with a name
, I thought.  All he called me now that we had slept together wa
s‘
bab
e’
, with the occasiona
l‘
darli
n’
o
r‘
sweeti
e’
thrown in. We were in his room and in between trailing our hands all over each other and making out like teenagers, I was trying to find a way to put my head back in the space it was in earlier. 

It was so frustrating knowing all my memories were in there, they were just locked away from me when I needed them the most.

“
Sure
,”
I said, kissing him, touching his face, running my hands along his cut as we lay on his bed together.  Reluctantly, I untangled myself from him and sat up and put on those boots again. 

“
Maybe I should shop for some clothes
,”
I said, before I realized I had absolutely no money.  I felt my heart beat increase as the familiar panic reared up.  I took a deep breath, and stood up, pulling him with me.

“
Never mind, I ca
n’
t afford it right now
,”
I said.

He stood up, wrapping his arms around me and smiling down at me. 

“
Tha
t’
s alright, babe.
I’
ll be your sugar daddy
,”
his eyes twinkled.

“
Oh, yeah
?”
I said.
 “
I guess I could use one of those.  I
t’
s a deal
,”
I said.
 “
What do I have to do in return
?
”
 
I asked teasingly, pressing my breasts into him.

“
Yo
u’
re already doing it, beautiful
,”
he replied.
 “
And very well, I might add
.
”
 
He brushed his lips against mine, grabbed my hand and led me out the door.

The sun was shining as we walked out of the house.  Zander and Valerie, who I had met at lunch, were just leaving, both of them wrapped in leather and straddling Zande
r’
s very loud, very large bike.  Valerie had taken Cherr
y’
s place as the clubhouse cook at lunch, and Cherry was nowhere to be seen.  I did
n’
t ask about her, but I was grateful not to have to deal with another awkward scene. 

They waved at us, and roared off down the road, dirt kicking up behind them as they disappeared around the curve. 

“
Have they been together a long time
?”
I asked Ryder.  He was still holding my hand, and we walked down the steps and took off down the road. 

“
Sure have.  Been fucking forever.  As long as
I’
ve known Zander, h
e’
s had Valerie by his side.  Sh
e’
s a good old lady
,”
he replied, nodding his head approvingly.

“
What makes a good old lady
?”
I asked, slightly amused.  There was definitely a bit of a misogynistic scene going on here, but everyone seemed to accept it, I noticed. 

“
Well, I guess my idea of what makes a good old lady might be different than what most of the brothers would think
,”
he said.
 “
I like a lady wh
o’
s a little more independent, a little more assertive, than what some of them are used to
.
”

I nodded my head, falling a little in love with his head, in addition to his body. 

“
If I were to have an old lady, that is
,”
he finished, his words hastily said, like an old habit. 

“
Yo
u’
ve never had one?  I find that hard to believe.  Yo
u’
re s
o…,”
I paused, searching for the right words
,“
virile
.
”

He smiled. 

“
Well, bein
g…
virile, as you put i
t…
is different than having an old lady.  I had one once.  Julie.  A long, long time ago.  But she died. 
I’
ve kinda sworn off relationships since then
.
”

“
Oh,
I’
m so sorry, Ryder
,”
I said.
 “
How did she die
?
”

“
Car accident. We had just gotten married. It was over before it could begin
.
”
 
His eyes clouded over with pain, and I did
n’
t know what to say.
 “
Twenty years ago
.
”

“I’
m sorry
,”
I repeated.

“
I
t’
s okay, like I said, it was long ago. 
I’
m just not the old man type, tha
t’
s all
,”
he said.

“
Right. Right
.
”
 
I got it.  I did.  And I was on the same page.  Sure, he was fucking sexy as hell.  Sure, making love to him had touched something deep inside of me, but I had no choice, and we both knew it - I had bigger fish to fry than Ryder. 

I had to either remember something else, or I had to keep searching.  Something had to give.  I could
n’
t just stay here interrupting his life. 
I’
m sure he had things to do, as well.  I was
n’
t sure what that was, and to be honest, I was afraid to ask.  He already told me they were outlaws - that was why he could
n’
t go to the cops with me.  I understood.  I had no choice but to understand, and to be entirely grateful for him at the same time.  By what he told me, if he had
n’
t shown up when he did, that man would have killed me.  Instead o
f…
.

Instead of what?

“
What did you do to get him to leave
?”
I asked Ryder quietly, still not sure I wanted to know the answer.  He stopped walking, the quickest hesitation, and then began again.

He looked out over the trees as he answered, avoiding my eyes as I tried to catch his gaze.

“
What do you mean
?”
he asked.

“
Well, how did you get him to stop beating me?  You never said.  You just said you showed up.  Did he just run when he saw you?  Or, what
?
” 

“
I, u
m…,”
he hesitated, his jaw twitching. 

“
I mean,
I’
m so thankful you did, do
n’
t get me wrong.  I was just wondering.  Did you get in a good hit before he left?  H
e’
s probably out there with a limp or a black ey
e
…
”
my voice trailed off as I tried to imagine the scene.

“
Yeah, I hit him
,”
he said, his hand tightening around mine.  I pulled it up, kissing his palm and looking over at him.

“
Thank you
,”
I said, leaning into him, loving his sturdiness, his warmth, his strength.

He was solid.  I needed that.

“
I do
n’
t know what to do now
,”
I said, as we continued walking.
 “
I wish I could force the memories somehow
.
”

He let go of my hand, putting his arm around me, and holding me close.  Our steps fell into synch, our hips moving together as we walked. 

“
Ther
e’
s no hurry, Sam.  No hurry at all.  You just let it come naturally, and do
n’
t worry about a thing.  I
t’
ll come when i
t’
s supposed to
.
”

“
I hope yo
u’
re right
,”
I said, sighing against his chest.  His vest was smooth and cool against my cheek.

“
Everythin
g’
s going to be okay, babe, I promise
,”
he said.

We walked in silence for another hour before heading back to the clubhouse.  I was hoping for another flash of a memory, but nothing came.  Just the same loop I had seen in my dream, over and over.

I stopped when we got back to the clubhouse, and turned to face him.

“
Ryder
,”
I said
,“
yo
u’
ve been so good to me. I feel like
I’
ve known you forever.  Whatever happens, I want you in my life. I know that much
.
”

He smiled, his hand resting on my waist and pulling me in for a kiss.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Ryder

“
I found something
.
”

Riot was pacing around like a lion when we walked back into the clubhouse.  The sun was beginning to set and the rays of light streaming into the house were filled with dust, and casting shadows on the hardwood floor.

“
What
?”
I asked.

“
Another house. I looked up 605 NE 52nd Boulevard instead of Street.  I found another hit.  I
t’
s in Lincoln City
.
”

Sam squeezed my hand hard as we walked over to the laptop Riot had open on the bar.  

“
I already pulled up the street view of the house for you
,”
he said, moving to the side so Sam could see.

When Sam laid eyes on the house, all the color drained from her face.

“
Tha
t’
s it.  Tha
t’
s the house in my dream
!
”