Remember the Night: a Heroes of the Night military romance novel (22 page)

Three glasses of champagne created a pleasant numbness over Evelyn's entire body. She'd managed to avoid her mother for the last thirty minutes or so. Nathan, on the other hand, had been an entirely different story. Since Cody had disappeared, he'd been hot on her heels.
Where the hell is Cody?
She moved into the corner of the main party room and squared off against Nathan. "Why are you following me?"

"It makes your mother happy. When she's happy, everyone's happy." He lifted his glass, the third or fourth if she'd counted correctly, in a mock toast.

She leaned against the wall, the weight of life pressing down hard on her shoulders, giving the knots a few more tightening turns. "Don't you get tired of pretending? God knows I do."

"It's just for one night, Ev. We can do this. Hell, we did it for how many years?"

There was so much more she wanted to say, but now was neither the time nor place to say all she needed to. A small confession was in order. "Way too many to be healthy for either of us. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a clean break from the expectations of others. For what it's worth, I'm glad you found happiness with Monique. Everyone deserves to be happy, don't you think?"

In that moment, the niggling returned, stronger and more powerful this time. She was a mess. Her life was a mess. At thirty-four years old, everything she'd ever known or believed about herself was being called into question.

"Picture time! Everyone in the family take your places." Marie began arranging everyone around Melodie. Evelyn struggled to put her internal crisis aside long enough to allow the happiness she felt for her sister to shine through in the picture.

Her father emerged from the hallway with the children in tow. "Found these stragglers in the playroom."

"Very good." Marie practically beamed at her husband.

Hearing Marie's voice, Evelyn questioned the lifetime she'd spent trying to emulate her mother. The lost years crashing over her heart in one big wave, tightening her chest and making it difficult to breathe. Why? After seeing the way Marie treated people, moving them about as though they were puppets on the stage of her perfect life, it didn't make any sense. A burning sensation in the pit of her stomach moved upward, filling her with the fire of regret. Her life didn't require minor adjustments. It needed an overhaul.

Peripherally, Evelyn sensed people being moved around her for the picture. Her mind refused to engage in the external activities and insisted on one defining thought. She needed to find Cody and be as honest with him as he had always been with her. He'd wanted in, but she loved him too much to drag him into the uncertainty. Her life resembled a war zone, and God knows he'd had enough of that for a lifetime. He deserved better. Decision made.

"Smiles, everyone." The photographer, an old family friend who'd captured every momentous occasion in the Alexander family, prompted them all to smile, fake or otherwise. Several bright flashes later, and the event became part of recorded family history.

She blinked a couple of times to clear the bright spots. When her vision returned, she noticed Cody standing off to the side watching the events unfold. An undefinable ache filled her body at the thought of letting him go, but in her heart, she knew it was the right thing to do. Moving away from her family, she crossed the room and slipped her hand through his arm. "Will you step outside with me to get some air?"

He smiled and tightened his hold on her hand. "I thought you'd never ask."

The cool air caressed her heated cheeks, and she inhaled a deep breath. She lifted her gaze to the night sky, focusing on the specks of white and red denoting stars and, of course, the normal air traffic surrounding the Chicago area. The old tale about star-crossed lovers came to mind. It was time. Returning her attention to Cody, she offered a half smile. "I remember the very first time I saw you. Something about your intensity, your smile, and the way you looked at me started me on a journey that brought me to where I am tonight."

She lifted her hand and caressed the smooth skin of his cheek and blinked away the tears threatening to derail her good intentions. "You were never interested in the perfect version I tried to portray to the rest of the world. You saw beyond that to the real me, and despite my flaws, you still wanted to be around me. Through your actions, I slowly realized I needed to discover the woman you always saw in me. I can never thank you enough for giving me that gift."

He combed his fingers through her hair and used his thumb to wipe away the errant tears. "That's what we do for the people we love. You know I love you."

The tears slid unhindered down her cheeks now. Why did doing the right thing hurt so much? "It's because I love you, too, that I have to let you go."

He lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck. The ache inside her body magnified. She shook her head. "We just keep meeting at the wrong times. The first time we met, I wasn't free to love you. Then, when I saw you again at Mel's wedding, I wanted to believe we could make it work. We tried, Cody. I know we did. You have been so wonderful and patient with me. But, the bottom line is I come with entirely too much baggage right now. When you showed up at my house tonight, a man of your word, to escort me here to the party, I knew right then and there that you deserved so much more than I can give you, especially right now."

His beautiful, sinfully sweet lips were pressed into thin lines. "What I deserve is to be with you." The strain in his voice demonstrated for her how tight a rein he had on his emotions. Far more than she was managing, that was for sure.

"I'm so sorry, but I can't be in a relationship with anyone, especially not someone I love and care so much about, when I'm still trying to figure out who I am. As cliché as it sounds, I have to find myself again. I need to be deserving of the love you want to give me. Please tell me you understand."

He pulled her into his strong embrace. "My brain might eventually understand, but my heart knows we're right for each other. I've tried time and time again to show you how good we are for each other. I'm not asking you to be perfect and have it all figured out. We can figure it out together."

She tilted her face up and framed his face with her hands. Pulling his mouth to hers, she allowed herself one final kiss good-bye. She loved him, more than she ever thought possible. She kissed first the top and then bottom lip before angling her head to deepen the kiss. For a moment, she allowed herself to get lost in the cascading emotions. Decadent warmth eased the ache as the pressure of the kiss increased. Raw emotion pricked at her nerves as she slid her hands around his neck to hold his body close.

Forcing herself away, she gently kissed him one more time. "This I have to do alone, Soldier. Thank you for loving me and all my curves and edges. Maybe someday fate will be kinder to us, but for now, it's not meant to be."

The hurt and pain etched into the smooth lines of his face grinded the remaining pieces of her shattered heart into dust. The strong need to comfort him tore at her very soul, but it would only make it harder for him to leave and for her to let him go. His gaze held her immobile, lost in the obsidian pools of his eyes, until he shook his head, turned, and left her standing alone in the cool night.

Evelyn managed to sneak back to her old bedroom without anyone seeing. Between Mel, Daniel, and her mom and dad, she didn't worry about the boys. No amount of duct tape or Super Glue could put her life back together right now. Humpty Dumpty had finally fallen…and fallen hard. She loved Cody with all her heart…well, with all that was left of her heart. It wasn't the
Pleasantville
picture perfect kind of love she thought she knew before. No, this was messy. Images of the two of them in India, Mexico, and in her home flooded her brain. She would miss him, but she owed it to him to deal with the shattered pieces of her life. She couldn't offer perfection. Thankfully, that's not what he needed. Whether he realized it or not, he deserved some normalcy. He'd pointed out, on more than one occasion, her actions and emotions jerked him around, and he was right.

"Do you plan on hiding out here the rest of the evening? I expected more from you." Her mother's voice fueled her anger.

"Well, I expected more from you, so I guess we're both disappointed."

"Might I remind you you're in my home? A little respect, please."

Honestly, what was it with this woman? Forget Mother of the Year. Bitch of the Year sounded more appropriate. The anger gave her much needed energy. She moved to a sitting position, clasping her knees tightly to her chest. "You demand respect but never give it. But you know what? It's not even your respect I want anymore. I want your love and understanding."

Her mother crossed her arms. "You can't possibly expect me to understand why you would divorce Nathan and take up with someone far less suitable for you."

Years of submitting to her mother's every whim and nasty comments manifested itself in a raging ball of heat deep within the pit of her stomach. No more. "Enough! Do you ever consider how your words hurt others? You are so selfish."

"I beg your pardon."

Evelyn stood, squaring off toe-to-toe with her adversary. "You should beg for my pardon. You have such a perfect life in this perfect world you've created for yourself. No one can ever hope to live up to it. My marriage was falling apart. That's right…falling apart, and instead of being able to confide in you and seek guidance, I suffered in miserable silence as I pretended day after day, year after year that my life was just as perfect as yours."

"You and Nathan were happy." Marie's challenge lifted Evelyn to new heights of hysteria.

"He cheated on me mother…for years!! If that's your definition of happy, you are more messed up than I thought." Not exactly how she'd wanted to share the news. In a moment of rational thought, she prayed the boys weren't close enough to hear.

Marie took a small step back, the whites of her eyes bright in the semidarkness of the room. "He cheated on you?"

"Yes." The anger diminished, replaced with resignation. "Monique and he are living together, very happily, I might add."

"Monique, the pool girl?"

To Evelyn's surprise, airing her secrets to her mother brought about a sense of relief. She'd promised herself to stop pretending, and it was high time she did that. Finding the courage to tell her mother the whole truth proved a positive first step to finding out who she really was. "That's right. Let it all sink in. My ex-husband was happier with the pool girl than his successful attorney wife and the mother of his children. How's that for failure?" She was on a roll. Might as well get the whole truth out. "Speaking of successful attorney, that won't apply for much longer either."

"What are you talking about, Evelyn? You must've consumed too much champagne. This isn't like you."

Evelyn smiled, confident for the first time in a long time. This might not have been like her in the past but represented who she really was or wanted to be. "You don't get it…this
is
me. I'm human, just like Monique…just like everyone else. I'm a flesh and blood human who fails from time to time. I decided to be human and take some vacation time to be with my sister, her new husband, and friends. I wanted to spend some time with my sons to help them through the fallout from the divorce. The partners think I'm no longer dedicated enough since I want to spend time with my family. They're calling for a vote in two days."

"Oh, God…" Marie's voice trembled, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

Time for strike three. Might as well rip the Band-Aid completely off. "Finally, for the record, something I should've set straight during our first conversation tonight. I love Cody. He loves me, flaws and all. Hell, I love him enough to know he deserves far better than what I can give him right now."

"You just met him a few weeks ago at your sister's wedding. You can't be in love."

She needed to sit for this confession. Though the newfound transparency was liberating, this confession would disappoint her mother beyond anything else she'd shared tonight.

Her voice quieted, and Evelyn lowered her head. "I met him over a year ago…in India. I had a one-night stand. Nathan had been cheating for quite some time. It doesn't make it right, but I was lonely, and he was there. He brought out a side of me I didn't know existed. He's incredibly brave, wounded twice in Afghanistan, and a caring family man. His artistic talent rivals any painting you have hanging on your walls. If you'd taken any time to get to know him… Anyway, I've said good-bye, so it's a moot point now."

The deafening silence haunted each passing second. No way did the great Marie Alexander respond to this confession with silence. When she found the courage to lift her head, only an empty room stared back at her. She'd expected disappointment, disparaging comments, not defection. The truth had set her free all right. Free from Cody. Free from her mother. Exhaustion blanketed her entire body. She pulled back the covers, curled into a ball, and prayed for sleep.

Darkness bathed the entire house when she finally forced open her eyes. Each muscle protested the attempt at stretching, and her teeth wore a fur coat due to not being brushed before sleep.
The boys!
Dear God, she might yet give her mother a run for worst mom in the world. Her stiff and lethargic muscles benefitted from the shot of adrenaline bolting her straight out of bed.

"They're okay. Daniel is playing video games with them in the playroom."

The energy drained as quickly as it emerged, and Evelyn settled back onto the bed. "Thanks, Mel. I'm sorry if I ruined your party. I swear that wasn't my intention."

Melodie chuckled. "No one intends to argue with mother. No one in their right mind anyway. The party was pretty much over, and your room is at the back of the house. No party ruining on the agenda for you tonight." Melodie moved over to sit next to her. "Besides, you and I both know this party was for her, not me."

Evelyn knew Mel spoke the truth. All of the parties in her honor… She would've been just as happy with a family dinner and celebratory toast. "One must keep up appearances, right? Speaking of appearances, any idea where mother disappeared to? I confessed more to her than I've confessed to the priest, and she walked out at some point."

"Remember what you told me about a year ago about mother and her control issues?"

She smiled at her younger sister, "I remember that night."

"Well, she's losing control over you, and we both know she doesn't handle that well."

Evelyn leaned into her sister and put her arm around her. "We've both gone rogue now. I can't leave things as they are, though. I need to talk to her—try to work this out."

"You also told me that night to go after Daniel and fight for him. I'm giving you the same advice. As for mother, she's in her room, as far as I know. I'm going to check on the boys. Try to not say anything that will render me an only child."

Evelyn chuckled. "I'll do my best to not let that happen."

She kissed her sister on the cheek before heading off to do a little reconnaissance before confronting her mother. Slipping quietly into the broom closet on the wall opposite her parents' room, she stilled her pounding heart and listened for signs they were awake. Thank God she'd discovered one of the vents in their room shared a vent with the hall closet. It had given her a great advantage in dealing with them over the years.

"I've lost both of them. No, that's not true. I never had Melodie."

Evelyn closed her eyes to focus on every word and, more importantly, the emotion behind the words.

"Marie, my love, they aren't children anymore. You have to let go of your need for iron-grip control. Holding on to those we care about too tightly either strangles them or forces them to try to escape."

"But holding loosely doesn't work either. I know that firsthand."

What was her mother talking about? She needed to know—needed to understand what drove the relentless force of Marie Alexander.

"Your parents did what they thought best. They wanted you to be free and happy."

"My mother wanted me to be just like her. No drive. No ambition. No self-interest. For her, life was about her husband and children."

"Your mother was happy, wasn't she? Taking care of her family was all she ever wanted."

"Regardless, I wanted more from life—needed more."

"You don't get to decide for anyone else but yourself what the path to happiness is. You're going to lose them completely, Marie. Is that what you want?"

Evelyn had always respected her father, but he moved a notch or two higher on that scale. She envied his ability to have a calm, rational disagreement with her mother. In her experience, he'd been the only one.

Marie sighed. "You know that's not what I want. I do want them to be happy."

Steven chuckled. "Well, let's be honest, my dear. You've wanted to assess their skill sets and set them on a path you believed would make them happy and control every step along the way."

"I have control issues. This should not surprise you. Melodie dodged my control every step of the way. I've never known how to help her. In the past, though, Evelyn and I were on the same wavelength. But, I don't know how to help her now, and that scares me."

"Talk to her. Better yet, try really listening."

"I'll try it your way—this time."

Evelyn hurried from the closet in order to have this
discussion
out of earshot of the boys. She made her way to the kitchen to brew some coffee.

"Evelyn, I was just coming to speak with you."

"I'm listening." She fought to keep the hurt out of her voice. She would give her mother the courtesy of listening even though Marie hadn't extended the same to her.

"I'm sorry."

This was new. She couldn't remember her mother ever apologizing…for anything. "About?"

"Walking out on you earlier. Avoidance is not my style, but your admissions took me by surprise. I was at a loss for what to say. I don't enjoy that position."

I bet she doesn't.
"I didn't need you to say anything except you loved me and everything would work out. A hug wouldn't have hurt, either."

A moment later, her mother's arms encircled her body. "I do love you. I have no idea how everything is going to work out, but I'm confident you'll figure it out."

She allowed herself a moment to enjoy the rare display of affection from her mother before Marie pulled away. Brief yet a start. "I'm not sure I can…figure it all out. One hug and an apology can't fix all that's wrong with our relationship."

Marie narrowed her eyes. Now that was the mother she knew and loved. A small smile emerged on her face. "Takes a while for a leopard to change her spots, especially an old set-in-her-ways leopard. I'm trying, Evelyn. Believe it or not, I happen to be a flesh and blood human who makes mistakes from time to time."

Evelyn noted she didn't admit to failure. You had to recognize progress, however. "Prove you're trying harder. Make some of your amazing coffee, and really listen to my problems this time. I do have a strategy for solving the work crisis, but I'll need your help to make it work. I'm going to put the boys to bed, and then we can brainstorm. Her mother's talents were better suited to help with the professional problems, anyway. Maybe now the dialogue had been started, they could deal with their personal issues more appropriately in the near future.

Marie nodded. "As long as all these changes in your life don't mean you've started adding cream in your coffee. I'll go on record now. I won't stand for that."

Evelyn offered her a small smile. "Duly noted, and no worries. I still take my coffee black. I'll be back in a few after I get the boys tucked in.

She put Jason down first in Mel's old room and then ushered Michael into her room. There would be no sleep for her tonight, so he might as well get use of the bed.

"Mom? Where did Cody go?"

The ache in her heart reverberated throughout her upper body. She knew she'd have to explain everything to the boys but hadn't planned on doing so tonight. No more pretending. "I asked him to leave."

"Why? I know I'm not an adult and all, but it's not hard to see he cares about you. Jason and I really like him, too. If you asked him to leave because of us, you didn't have to."

Fresh tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "It wasn't because of you, I promise."