Removing the Mask (12 page)

I manage to get down the first flight of stairs but freeze when I come to the second. I can hear everyone talking downstairs, and laughing, there’s lots of laughing.

My hands start shaking, it becomes harder to breathe, tears sting my eyes, it feels as if electric currents race through my nerves and I realise… I’m having a panic attack.

An ugly noise escapes my throat; I clamp a hand over my mouth to quieten myself before turning and stumbling back up the stairs and collapsing on the top step.  

How long has it been since I had one of these? A very long time. Is it a sign? Should I not tell them? The frustration from all these questions racing through my head makes it harder to stop the noises escaping my throat and to calm my breathing.

The front door bangs open and then closes. I hear Ida asking where I am and the sound of bags being dumped carelessly onto the floor.

“She’s still upstairs.” I can just make out Jimmy’s voice.

“I’ll go get her!” I hear scuffling before the sound of footfalls that really shouldn’t be heavier than a fly, rushing up the stairs.

“Ken?” I listen to her search the second floor; the clunk of her boots strangely calming. Why am I not moving? Do I really want her to see me like this?

She appears at the bottom of the stairs; when her gaze lands on me, the first swear word I’ve ever heard her say slips from her lips; she makes the vulgar word that we all use too much, dainty and alien as it sounds wrong in her small voice. She runs up the stairs and drags me into the room that is obviously mine because of the “get outta my room” sign dad bought as a room warning gift.

Shoving me towards the bed, she rushes into the bathroom before coming back with a wet flannel; she slaps it onto my forehead and scowls at me with her hands on her hips, but her scowl softens as she starts pacing in front of me. “I told him, he should tell you, but no. He thought you’d get
mad
.” Sighing, she sits down beside me while I calm down.

“We already know! Why are you so freaked out?”

My body becomes still. “All of it?” My voice is thick from crying so I clear my throat hoping to sound normal again. 

“Yes, he told us everything! He told us because he didn’t want us to over react, and then for you to get upset. So then when you told us, we wouldn’t freak out. Though I don’t know what you were afraid we’d do.” She bumps her shoulder against mine when I continue to stare at the floor.

“You know.” It takes a moment to accept this and I do as I look at myself in the mirror; my makeup’s smudged and my face is blotchy from crying, but it’s as if a switch has flicked in my head. “How long have you know?”

She looks down in thought. “Tuesday; he asked us to stay after school and told us while you were working at the bakery.” She looks confused as she tells me but she doesn’t realise what this means.

“Nothing’s been weird…” I let out a long sigh and get up to clean the ruined makeup off my face, when a black smear of mascara comes off on my finger as I rub my eye; I can’t go down stairs like this. 

“Why does this make you feel better? Why were you freaked out in the first place?” She watches me speedily reapply my makeup.

“I think I was afraid you guys would treat me differently, and you knowing this week, with me not knowing, has done what no amount of talking would be able to do because you guys didn’t treat me differently!” I don’t just say this to tell her, I say it out loud to make sure it’s still makes sense outside of my head. I fall backwards onto the bed, my panic attack completely forgotten as the relief takes its place. Though my breathing still hitches every now then and my legs don’t feel as strong as they normally do, I’m as happy as a kid in a sweet shop. 

“So you’re good now?” She asks cautiously.

I can see she’s itching to go downstairs by the way she’s poised to stand up. I can only think of one reason. “Bradley’s here isn’t he.”

Sighing, she sags backwards and looks at me apologetically. “I’m a horrible friend aren’t I?” “No, you’re just crushing like a teenage girl.” I smile at her as I check my makeup for the last time and adjust my top.

“I am a teenage girl.” She links her arm through mine as we walk down the stairs.

“Well, then, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.”  I say in my poshest accent as we enter the living room; bags and coats are everywhere while everyone’s lounged over the sofas; among them are the puppies.

Jimmy’s in front of stereo system with his iPod and glances at me when we walk in. “What took you so long?”

“You told them.” I cross my arms and lean against the door frame after casually nudging Ida towards Bradley, who’s sitting on the sofa closest to the front window.

“You told her?” Jimmy demands as he turns his attention to Ida; I can see her tense up as everyone glances between the two of them. Ida doesn’t usually hang out with these guys, as she’s mostly kept to herself before, like me, but the last week she has. She hasn’t settled into them like I have, but she’s trying really hard. 

“Oi!” I say to
make sure to capture everyone’s attention even though I have no idea what to say. “I started…freaking out.” I say remembering how Ida described it. “She reassured me that you guys already knew and I’m glad you told them for me; I got to see that nothing changed.”

“I still can’t believe you’ve written a book, yet I tested for an E on my English essay.” JJ says from her stop on the floor; Amanda sits behind her on the sofa plaiting her hair.

“You make it sound easy, it’s not.” I fall onto the sofa besides Jason, bringing my legs up beneath me as I lean against his shoulder.

“But you did it!” Amanda argues.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Manda! That hurts!” JJ complains as Amanda twists the plaits into a very pretty bun on top of JJ’s head.

“Shut up you big baby!”

I laugh as they start getting into an argument about who the baby is, though the best argument is that Amanda is forty-five minutes older.

Jason nudges me and subtly nods in Ida’s direction. I look out the corner of my eye and just see her as she disappears out into the front hall. When I send Jason a puzzled look he leans to talk in my ear to keep the others from hearing.

“She looked upset.”

I shift so that my back isn’t to him, and keep my voice low. “Go talk to her for me, I need to talk to Bradley.”

“Can’t you talk to her? I’m not good with…you know…” He looks away, embarrassed.

“Fine.” Sighing, I jump to my feet before hastily following Ida out into the front hall. I find her sitting at the bottom of the stairs with her phone in hand; when I see the look on her face, I’m glad I came rather than Jason.

“What’s the matter hun’?” I sit down beside her; I think about putting my arm around her but think otherwise, suddenly uncomfortable with the tears that make her eyes glisten.

“Nothing…it’s stupid!” She dips her head as her hands creep into her hair.

“Come on, I can’t read your mind; I wish I could read minds, but I can’t, so out with it.” I nudge her arm, like she did mine when we were up in my room; it draws a smile out of her though it fades quickly.

She looks drawn for a moment but gets up and gestures upstairs. “I’ll tell you upstairs, I don’t want
them-” she jerks her head towards the living room “-hearing.” I get the feeling that it’s only one person she
really
doesn’t want to hear. 

Nodding, I follow her up the stairs to my bedroom, only this time, it’s
me
comforting
her
.

The second we cross the threshold of the door, she’s venting.

“Hebrushedmeoffandhe’sneverdone-”

“Ida!” I can feel how wide my eyes are because of her outburst.

Her head snaps towards me and it seems her eyes are just as wide only it’s for a different reason, one I don’t know yet because she’s not comprehensible.

“Try that again, but so that I understand it!”

She nods slowly and visibly takes a deep breathe. “He brushed me off, like seriously, brushed me off. He’s never done that before!” Her lips go into a pout.

Frowning, I sink down onto the sofa. “More detail please.”

“Bradley!” She says exasperated.

“Well, yeah! I got that far! What I want to know, it what did he say?” My voice becomes louder as I try to communicate with her but quickly scold myself and being my voice back to real level. “You might have read it wrong.”

“Are you calling me stupid?” Her eyes shimmer with hurt.

“No! I’m just saying, boys are hard to read! This guy used to call me this really irritating nickname and I thought he was doing it to really annoy me, but it turned out he liked me. Sometimes you just read them wrong!”

She relaxes slightly and nods. “Sorry. I said that I loved Josh’s hoodie and he shrugged and scowled slightly; like I offended him or something.” The hurt becomes fresh in her eyes.

“Ida, honey, he was jealous. Go down stairs and complement his hoodie, he’ll puff up like a turkey.” Relief floods me, as hope blooms that he might like her back, jealously is certainly a good sign.

“Really?” Her eyes brighten.

Smiling, I nod. “Yeah, don’t worry; he’s not brushing you off. I’m not saying he likes you likes you, I’m just saying there’s a big chance!”

She falls back onto my bed, arms spread, with a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god! I mean gosh!”

Giggling, I grab her hand before towing her back down stairs.

***

“I win!” Jasmine practically screams as she leaps from the gamer chair; her character’s dancing on the screen while Jimmy’s sulks on the other side.

Looking at Jimmy, I can see the slight clench in his jaw which means he’s not a happy bunny.

“Aw, that was so
close.
” Dustin croons as he sends Jimmy a sympathetic look. He doesn’t seem to realise just how upset Jimmy is because as soon as he says it, Jimmy’s getting up and leaving with the excuse of getting a drink.   

Wincing, I peek at Jasmine to catch the slightly wounded look on her face. She looks at me with a slight frown and I jerk my head towards to door. She nods before getting up to follow him.

“What was that all about?” When I look up I find Josh’s taken Jimmy’s spot and Amanda’s sitting in Jasmine’s.

“I’m not sure.” I mutter as my phone pings in my pocket, alerting me to a text. Ignoring it, I get up to grab the third controller.

“I wanna play too!” I squeeze onto the gamer chair with Josh; he sets up the game for three and gives us random characters before pressing Start. As soon as the light goes green on the screen, I jam my elbow into Josh ribs and jump up before he can get me back.

“You cheat!” He shouts and he’s lost in the dust of both mine and Amanda’s cars.

“You snooze, ya’ lose!” I grin as everyone’s laughter fills the air. Before I can prepare myself, an arm sweeps my feet out from under me, and another catches me before I hit the floor; with the surprise of it, the controller flies out of my hand, allowing Josh to catch up in the race and overtake me.

“No!” I struggle against Bradley until he puts me down before lunging for Ida’s drink and tossing it down Josh’s t-shirt; pulling a strangled yell from him.

Grabbing the controller, I manage to catch up to him but not before he and Amanda pass the finish line, leaving me in third and Amanda first.

“You soaked me!” Josh accuses as he shows up the back of his t-shirt and his jeans; the guys all chuckle as the girls start
to giggle, I just stand with a grand smile on my face. 

“
Oops, sorry
.”

His eyes narrow at my sarcasm. “Mind if I borrow one of Jimmy’s shirts?”

Shrugging, I turn to the PS3. “Sure, help yourself.”

“We should play a game.” I look at JJ and find an evil look on her face.

“What’d you wanna play?”

At Ida’s question, JJ’s grin widens though it doesn’t seem possible and my stomach tightens with unease.

When midnight rolls around, the guys head over to Josh and Jason’s as promised.

The girls head up to my room while I grab the last bottle of Coke and plastic cups before following them.

When I walk in, everyone’s sitting in the middle of my floor in their pyjamas, which mostly consists of onesies; Jasmine’s is the best as it’s Wonder Women.

They all look at me when I walk in; secret smiles are on their faces and they all seem to be hiding something from me.

“We want to ask to something…” Jasmine beams at me as I put the bottle of coke and cups on the dresser and sit between JJ and Amanda.

“Okay…fire away.” I look to Ida, who suddenly looks really nervous.

She catches my gaze and holds it. “Just don’t take this the wrong way.”

“Why would I take this…” I freeze when I catch a glimpse of what Amanda’s hiding behind her knee.

“What’re you guys doing?”

“We thought it’d be cool if we all read your book and now that we have, can you sign them…” Ida looks even more nervous when she sees my face.

“You don’t have to! We just thought that when Jimmy told us-” JJ stops abruptly when Amanda shoots her a look.

Taking a deep breath, I shake myself before I can over think anything and force a smile.

“No, it’s cool…what did you guys think?” I lean back and grab the pen off the dresser before turning and holding my hand out for a book.

“I thought Margret was behind it all, but then Dave pops into the picture and completely throws you off!” Ida speaks with such enthusiasm that my smile easily turns real.

“I wanted her to pick Sam though, not James.” Ida pouts slightly.

“Are
you mad?” Jasmine explodes beside me, making me jump. “Sam was a grade A jerk! And he’s Dave’s son! Of course she’s not going to pick him!”

While they continue arguing about my story, I sign each book uniquely, neatly and with love because they’re my friends.

“You know, the second book is about Sam…” I trail off, a smile stretching across my face.

Jasmine gives me a look of a kid on Christmas. “Can I read it?”

“It’s not finished yet, but sure; I’ll print you out a copy.” 

“Hey! What about us? Can we read it?” Little Ida protest
s for everyone; all of a sudden it’s like she’s sunk into the mould of everyone, found where she fits in the group.

“Yes! You can all read it!” I laugh as JJ and Ida high-five each other. “But, it’s still in the early stage so there are quite a few mistakes. Also, you can’t show anyone or tell anyone.”

With that settled, Ida looks round at everyone. “So what’re we going to do?”

“I’ve brought a load of movies round, wanna watch one of them?” Amanda asks as she starts pouring the Coke into cups.

“Are they scary?” From the way she asks, I don’t know if she wants them to be or not.

“Some are, but we don’t have to watch
those if you don’t want.” JJ reassures her as she reaches for Amanda’s bag behind her.

“I love scary movies! I’m always watching them at home so I’ve probably seen the ones you’ve brought.” She turns shy suddenly when everyone looks at her, and looks down.

Never would I ever have pegged little, nervous Ida for a scary movie lover.

“Paranormal Activity it is then!”  JJ hands me the DVD so I can put it in the player. .

I’ve never been a big fan of scary movies, but I’m not about to tell them that.

The conversation moves on as we all crowd round the telly to watch the movie; I know I’m going to fall asleep, my eyes hurt from not
sleeping last night and they droop and I snuggle under a blanket next to Jasmine, who holds a pillow ready to cover her eyes.

With my eyes closed, I try to ignore the sounds coming from the telly, and think of what comes when I wake up. I know I have work, and I know mum’s coming, but what’s the chance of it going smoothly?

***

“How was your sleepover?” Eloise asks with a warm smile as she mixes glace icing.

“It was really good; I had a lot of fun.”

She walks past me and pulls on a lock of my hair, leaving it sticky from the icing on her fingers. “Hair up, please.”

“Sorry!” I fling the apology over my shoulder as I head back to the front, knowing there is a table that needs clearing from this morning. When I come back I throw on my apron before standing and watching Eloise as she finishes a dozen or so cupcakes for a birthday party.

“My son is playing at The Queen’s Crown tonight, I told Bessie though I’m not sure if she remembers. I think you should talk to her about coming, it’s very inspirational.” She doesn’t look at me as she speaks; instead her gaze stays on the cupcake as she presses a little fondant football into place.

Frowning slightly, I shift so that I’m leaning against doorframe. “What do you mean by that?” I look at her through narrowed eyes.

“Exactly that.” She doesn’t look at me until I let out a sigh of frustration. “If you want me to spell it out for you then I will, it might give you some ideas for your writing… and it’s a lot of fun.”

When I just stare at her; refusing to react, she sighs dramatically and smiles at me warmly. “Don’t look at me like that, McKenzie.”

“How did you find out?” My hand clutches the door frame as I stare at her, waiting for her answer.

“I wormed it out of Jimmy; don’t worry I won’t tell anyone,” she chuckles. “I wish you’d have told me though, I understand why. Still, I’m very impressed.” She smiles at me and as much as I know I should be wary, all I can do is smile back because for whatever reason, I trust her.

“Do you want me to pack them away?” I nod towards the cupcakes.

“No, I want you to put the kettle on and tell me how you managed to write a book at your age.” 

“What do you want to know?” I flick the switch on the kettle that looks older than me, and grab two cups, a couple of tea bags and a sugar cube. 

“Everything; start at the beginning, how did it all start?”

***

Music rattles my eardrums as I hurry up the driveway; it’s just starting to spit. The weather forecast this morning said we were in for a rainy night; guess they were right for once.

The song ends, giving me a chance to hear a familiar sound. I look up to find Jimmy partially hanging out the window, obviously not bothered with the rain.

I pull out my earphones. “What’re you-”

“Your mum’s here.”

Blinking, I stare at him open mouthed before stepping forward to unlock the door and slam it behind me.

“Mum?” My voice is answered by silence as I shrug off my coat.

“She went shopping with Bessie; the fridge is empty. Should’ve heard the argument they got into before they left.” I turn to find Jimmy bounding down the stairs.  

Surprised by the disappointment that floods through me, I struggle to come up with something to say. “I…I bet they’re having fun; they’re like water and oil.” I smile, though it’s a pathetic attempt.

He doesn’t laugh; just continues to stare at me with an almost sympathetic look.  

“Don’t look at me like that; I don’t need you looking at me like that.” I huff before stomping up the stairs, heading straight for my room.

“Ken!”

“What?” I spin on my heels, looking at him from the top of the stairs with my fists clenched at my sides.

His face strained as he tries not to smile, though a smirk has fought its way through. “You have icing in your hair.”

I stare at him before hesitantly feeling for the icing that he says is there. My hand lands at my temple where I find the offending pink frosting; I watch a few dry flakes fall slowly to the floor before looking down at Jimmy. His face is stretched out with his classic smile.

“Pink suits you!”

Before I can hurl the words that sit on the tip of my tongue, he ducks into the living room; seconds later, the sound system is blasting so loud the mirror vibrates beside me.

“Holy mother! McKenzie get your arse down here quick!” His voice is so loud, I can make it out over the deafening noise of the stereo system, though not long after he shouts the music cuts off abruptly, making silence settle like a ton of bricks.

“McKenzie!”

“I’m coming!” I practically fall down the stairs as I run into the living room. “Bloody Hell.”

I watch in horror as the puppies spread the
mess
everywhere. 

“What do we do?”

I give him an irritated look. “We? You let them out in this state! You caused this mess! It’s your fault!” 
I can see him grappling for something to say. “They’re both our responsibility! Fifty, fifty remember?” 

“This is your fault!” I wince as one of the messiest puppies rubs against the sofa leaving a smear.

“Please Ken! Bessie’s going kill me!” His gaze pleads with me and all I can do is growl.

“Fine! I’ll take them upstairs and bath them. You can deal with the mess down here!” I say ditching my hoodie, leaving me in my t-shirt and jeans.

He doesn’t argue and runs to the kitchen to grab a mop and bucket. “You better bath them down here; don’t want to risk them making any more mess. Use the sink.” He appears in the door way, the sound of running water drifts out from behind him. In his hands is a washing basket. “Stick ‘em in this!” He grabs Monster, the closest one and dumps him inside. He looks up at me through his mop of hair, “don’t just stand there! Get your butt in gear!”

Gulping, I grab
hold of the basket when Jimmy skids it in my direction; poor Monster look positively terrified.

“How long do you think we have before they’re back?” I fight to keep the four squirming puppies in the washing basket as I cart them to the kitchen.

“Not long enough! Damn it! How the hell am I supposed to clean that?” He gestures down the sofa.

I dump the basket in Jimmy’s arms. “Start bathing them. I’ll take care of this.”

By the time I’ve stripped the sofa and shoved the cushion covers in the washing machine, moped the floor of the living room and puppies’ multiple times, disinfected everything and lit every candle I can find, I’m exhausted.

When I come back downstairs from changing, mum and Bessie are carting in Tesco bags.

Jimmy appears from the living room; he shoots me a look and smiles at Bessie when she looks at us questioningly.

“What’s going on? One of you want to explain why the sofa is bare?” Her gaze settles on me but I point to Jimmy.

“Ask him! It was his fault!”

He glares at me but I just shrug as I go past, “you’re not going to pin this on me, mate.” 

I embrace mum before taking two of the bags out of her hands.

“Look at you! Who are you and what have you done with my Kenzie?” She laughs and I smile though I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
So it begins.

“It’ll stain!” I look over slightly alarmed when Bessie raises her voice.

“No! No, don’t worry! I did stain remover and everything! It should be fine; we just have to wait for the wash to finish.” I reassure her over my shoulder as I put the bags on the kitchen table.

“What about the temperature and-”

“Guide lines were on the label! It’s fine and if it’s not, Jimmy can buy you new covers!” 

She smiles with relief and comes over to hug me. “Thank you! You’re a diamond!”

“Thanks.” I give her one last squeeze before turning to put the milk in the fridge. I spare a glance at mum, and find her watching me with a look I can’t read. Before I can ask her what’s wrong, an alarm goes off and I rush to answer my phone before it cuts off.

“Hello.”

“Hi!”

I smile at the sound of Ida’s chirpy voice. “Hiya! What’s up?”

“Are you going tonight? Please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top say you are.”

“Erm, give me a sec.”

I turn and bounce up beside Bessie, “are we going to this pub thing tonight? Ida wants to know if I’m going to be there.”

Bessie smiles, “of course we’re going! Eloise would be heartbroken if we didn’t!” She winks at me, “I know Over The Road are going.”

“How do you know? Are you sure?” I bite my lip and she laughs.

“Yes, they said so this morning.” Her voice drops to a whisper, “I think a few people would be disappointed if you didn’t show up!” She winks again. 

My mouth pops open audibly and she grins before laughing again.

Slapping the phone back against my ear, I can get the grin off my face. “We’re going!”

“Oh my god! I mean Gosh! Jasmine says she’s going, and so are the twins! I think everyone’s going to be there!” She squeals with excitement. “This is going to be so much fun!”

“It sure is.”