Removing the Mask (13 page)

As soon as I open the door, I’m hit with a wave of warm air; it carries the smell of home cooked food and the musty smell of the antique alcohol bottles.

I hold the door as Jimmy, Bessie and mum shuffle in behind me. While Bessie instantly starts searching for Eloise, mum hangs back, hesitant.

“Ida’s here.” Jimmy nudges me and points to the other side of the pub. True to his word, I spot Ida talking animatedly to a lady that looks to be her mum.

“See anyone else?” I ask as I go onto my tippy toes to see through the crowd; I have to place my hand on Jimmy’s shoulder to keep from falling over when someone comes in behind me.

“You two planning a runner?” I turn to find a man that looks to be in his thirties; his eyes crinkle with humour.

“Na’, we’d be gone by now if we were. D’you have a good set planned for us tonight, Albert?” Jimmy smiles at him as he shakes his hand.

“I thought I’d play the spoons; keep it real.” The man laughs loudly before letting his gaze land on me. “So this is the good ol’ McKenzie.” He holds out his hand and I clumsily shake it. 

“You’re Eloise’s son?”

“One and only.” He’s called to from a little way down the bar and he excuses himself politely before slipping around the little crowd gathered around the bar to a man waiting for him.

“We’ve been spotted.”

It’s not hard to figure out who he’s talking about because a group of teenagers isn’t hard to spot. “I hate to sound like a boring old tart, but while I’m here I want to write; maybe me going over there isn’t such a good idea.” I wince and avert my gaze as they continue to wave us over.

“If you don’t go over there, Ida will probably follow you over to the other side of the pub, just come sit with them; they won’t care if you write, after all they
know.
”

When I hesitate, Jimmy shoves me forward while rolling his eyes. “Move it.”   

“Eloise is waving me over; I’ll go see her and then come over to you guys.” With a pat on his arm, I make a bee line straight for her. One: because I know not to keep this lady waiting long and two: it gives me a minuet before going over to them; tonight’s going to really show whether or not they really are cool with all the writing I do.

“Hi, Eloise!” I slip in beside her and lean my back against the dark wood of the bar after making sure it’s completely dry. 

“I’m glad you made it, McKenzie. What do you think?” She gestures to the various antique farm tools and then points out the vast collection of alcohol bottles that are displayed over the large brick fireplace; it takes me a moment but I realise with delight that it’s lit and slowly burning the large pile of wood logs set up inside. 

“I think I need to write it down.”

She smiles in delight before reaching for a bag behind her. “I have something for you! Now, if you don’t want it then, fine, but I would love for you to have it!” She reveals a box and opens it facing me, so I can see what’s inside it.

“Holy…You want to give this to me? It’s beautiful! I don’t mean to sound rude but why would you want to give this to me?” I stare open mouthed at the slim, intricately detained fou
ntain pen. Its detailing imitates a vine crawling up a tree, I can even make out the leaves.

Ignoring me, she gestures for me to take it. “Hold it, see how it feels. I used to write with it in my journals, before a crazy ex-boyfriend came along and burnt them all. I could never bring myself to start again so this pen hasn’t been used ever since, though I’ve always treasured it. I would like you to take it.”

Biting my lip, I hesitate before taking it from its safe place inside the box. Gently, I ease the top off to reveal the nib.

“I never thought I’d describe a pen as stunning, but this really is something else.” I place the top back on with a solid click before placing the pen back into the box. “Are you sure you want to give this away? This means a lot to you with good reason, even if you don’t write with it anymore, don’t you want to keep it for
a keepsake?”

“McKenzie Prince, stop trying to talk me out of it. Will you accept my gift? Or will you insult me and say no?” She scowls slightly and I suddenly feel bad for putting it there. I want to say no, because it obviously means a lot to her, but I also know she’s going to be upset if I refuse it. It obviously means a lot if she wants to give me something so precious.

“I don’t know what to say.” I let her slip the box into my hand and smile with as much heart as I can manage. “Thank you.”

“Oh, stop running your mouth! You’re welcome.” She pulls me into a brisk hug before pointing to the table in the corner. “You have a lot friends over there waiting for you, and you have some writing to do. From your empty hands I see you don’t have anything to write on though.” She eyes me accusingly.

“I was going to use my phone.” I say defensively.

“Well that won’t do!” She turns, waving over the guy behind the bar. “Benjamin! Do you have a pad this young lady can write on?”

“Give me a minute, I’ll see what I can do, Eloise.” He taps the bar as he turns to start his search.

“Do you know everyone?” I ask her in slight awe.

“What kind of a question is that? I own a bakery!” She smiles as Benjamin arrives with an order pad.

“This is all I can find.” He hands it to Eloise before scurrying off to the other end of the bar to serve someone.

She hands it to me before nodding to the other end of the pub. “I think they’re getting impatient.”

Looking over my shoulder, I notice both Jason and Ida are watching me from the table they’ve managed to claim in the corner. “Better not keep them waiting any longer.” With one last smile, I make my way across to them.

I pretend not to notice mum’s watchful eye as I pass her, and the way my stomach tightens from the look in her eyes.

***

I lay back on my bed. I can still hear the live music in my head; it’s completely different from everything I listen to which makes it refreshing.

As much as I want to write it up while it’s still fresh, I want to sleep more; lack of it the last two nights definitely hasn’t gone unnoticed.

Before I can move a muscle towards getting ready for bed, the door opens and closes. I know it’s not Jimmy and Bessie because they
always
knock, which leaves one person.

Tilting my head, I look at her upside down; as soon as I see her face I know she’s angry, it’s only when she stands scowling at me that I realise it’s because of me.

“Mum?”

“You told them! You told a bunch of teenagers you haven’t known two weeks your secret! What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me!” Everything come’s tumbling out of me; I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired or she’s just caught me at the right moment. “God! Mum, why do you do this? What is so wrong about trusting my friends and sharing the other part of me with them? I trust them! My friends know! My boss knows! I wrote a book! They don’t give a monkey’s uncle about it because it’s just that, I wrote a book. I told a story. That’s something I should feel proud about, but its moment like these,
conversations
like these that make me wish I’d just posted it online.” Somewhere in my rant, I’d risen to my feet, so I stand in front of her ready to throw back everything she throws at me; I’ve had it up to my earholes of this nonsense.

“When I was your age all I had was a dream, you could make it a reality though; I want you to have that!”

I feel as if a light bulb goes off in my head, one second I have no idea what she’s talking about and the next, I feel stupid for not seeing it.

“You were
that
girl.” I scoff as it all settles into place. “You wanted to be the girl draped across the magazine cover. That’s why you’re trying to push me in the spot light! You want to live it thorough me.” I stare at her waiting for her to either deny it or justify it in some way, but she just stares back and then eventually turns to leave. 

“I’m not you; I don’t want that. I wish you would accept that, and actually acknowledge that I’m an author, not some actress or singer. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told you that, maybe if I keep telling you, I’ll get lucky one day and you’ll listen.”

She shuts the door behind her. I have to stop myself grabbing something and throwing it, instead, I turn the light off and after throwing off my jeans, crawl straight into bed. I focus on breathing through my nose until I’m given a break from mulling through my thoughts and fall asleep. 

“Hello.” I say after I somehow manage to accept the call on my phone and put it on speaker, thankfully sitting on my bedside table.

“You’re still in bed? You lazy cow!” Jimmy chuckles through the phone.

Frowning, I look at the clock; sure enough, it reads one in the afternoon. “Damn, that’s the day gone. Why’re you calling me? Where are you?” I throw the covers off as I scrape myself off the bed before shuffling into the bathroom. When the light comes on and I see my panda eyes and ruined makeup, it’s like a scene from a badly made horror movie.

“I’m over the road. You okay? You don’t sound that good.”

Sudden yelling erupts in the background and I take it someone’s winning whatever game they’re playing.

“I had a fight with mum last night.” I say as an explanation.

I can practically feel him wince through the phone. “Why don’t you sneak over here? Bring your laptop and chill with us- Yes! Told you I could still beat you!” His voice returns to the phone and I can just imagine him smiling arrogantly. “Both Jason and Josh think you should get your butt over here. Come on, I’ll meet you at the front door.” With that, the phone goes dead and I’m left staring at my scary reflection.

With the motivation of getting out of the house and away from
her,
I get showered and changed quicker than usual and am sneaking downstairs with my laptop in hand not fifteen minutes later. I don’t make it to the front door though, because someone’s standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Dad!” I throw my arms around him, not caring that my laptop bag gets squished between us. “What’re you doing here? Mum said she was coming, but she never said you were going to come up as well.” I release him and step back.

“I wasn’t going to, but then I got a call last night and I realise I’d better be here to try to calm things down a little bit.” He gives me a look that says I should know better, but I just look away; too stubborn.

“I was going to go over the road to avoid her; Jimmy’s already over there and wants me to join him.” I gesture down to my laptop bag.

“What is ‘over the road’?” He raises his eye brow.

“Friends’ house; they’re really great.” Just thinking of the twins brings a smile to my face.

“Friends? You sure? There’s something a little too bright about that smile.” He gestures to it with a wave of his finger and I blush before looking down in an attempt to hide it.

“Dad! They’re my
friends.
” I roll my eyes and watch his smile grow bigger. “If I go, you’ll still be here when I get back later, right? I don’t want to go if you’re not; there’s so much I want to tell you!”

“I’ll be here, don’t worry. You better go though; your mum isn’t in the best of moods.” As if to back up his statement, I hear a door slam upstairs followed by the sound of mum’s boots; you know they’re hers because they
click
on the hard flooring. 

“That’s my que.” I say it only loud enough for dad to hear before rushing to the front door. I don’t risk getting my coat and slip straight out the front door before legging it down the driveway and when it’s safe, across the road.

As promised, Jimmy’s standing in the doorway with an amused expression; he’s obviously noticed my haste. I slip in past him without a word and sit down on the stairs to take off my shoes.

“Did you get caught?” He asks as he looks out the window, making me worry that I’d been followed.

“No. Why?”  I get up with one boot still on and dash with a limp to look out the window; the driveway and road is empty. I glare at the now grinning Jimmy before slipping off my other boot and following him upstairs and to the sound of shooting and then a very gruesome death.

“I told you to go through the other door.” Jason’s smug voice hits my ears just before I see him. He’s got a laptop on his lap as he leans back against the bedframe.

“Die again did ya’?” Jimmy asks unsympathetically as he sits down next to Josh on the sofa set up in front of the telly.

“Hi Ken.” Josh nods with the most pathetic smile before turning to Jimmy. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today, I can’t do anything right.”

While Josh expresses his frustration and Jimmy mocks him like the good friend he is, I look at Jason who only jerks his head to the space beside him on the bed; because it’s a double there’s plenty.

I take my time getting my laptop before settling down beside him; my cold arm touches his warm one but I don’t move away. Not long after sitting down, my laptop chimes with a message and I read the IM from Jason.

Jason: Hi ;)

I look up at him and smile; he returns it before looking down and typing something into his computer; my laptop chimes again. This time it causes both Josh and Jimmy to glance over before carrying on with the rather destructive looking race on the screen.

Jason: U r cold.

After muting my laptop, I reply.

McKenzie: I know.

Jason: Y.

McKenzie: No coat because I was in a rush.

Jason: Wanted to c me that bad huh? ;) 

McKenzie: You wish. ;p.

Jason: It’s okay u dont have to lie. :) 

McKenzie: Whatever.

I glance at him and catch him grinning from ear to ear. A couple minutes go past and I think that’s that the end of the conversation before he starts typing again and another message appears.

Jason: I wanna play COD. Play with me?

McKenzie: But they’re playing.

Jason: In my room. Have own Xbox.

The thought of is too tempting and my answer is closing my laptop and smiling at him.  

His room is nearly the same as Josh’s apart from the desk is different and it’s arranged in a different way.

“Are you alright?”

I spin from where I’m examining the pictures on the wall to look at him; his eyes are soft as he studies me and I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear.

“Yeah; I mean, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I drag my suddenly sweaty hand through my hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He comes and sits down beside me as he’s already put the disk into the console. The way he looks at me makes me warm all over.

“Maybe later; it’s still quite fresh.” I accept the controller he offers me.

“Sure.” He sits down beside me and I become aware of just how much space there is between us; which isn’t a lot.

Halfway through the Death Match he sets up
, my phone rings in my pocket. I don’t know how I know but my gut tells me it’s the last person I want to talk to, and a glance confirms it. I consider not answering it, but if she’s ringing me there has to be a good reason, right?

“Hello.” My sigh catches Jason’s attention and he mutes the game when he realises I’m on the phone.

“Have you picked who you want to do the charity with? I need to know by Tuesday so the arrangements can be made.”  

“No; but I’ll have made my decision by tomorrow night.”

“You better; We can’t leave it any later.”

“Okay.”

“Good. See you when you get…home.” The phone goes dead.

I stare down at the phone in my hand and feel Jason’s gaze on me. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm the sudden rush of energy. All of a sudden I want to be out, in the rush of people where I’m just another person going about their daily business. Before moving here, I would have hopped up and skipped out the door not caring if I got into trouble, but now, I’m reaching for my phone to text Bessie.

Me: Where is the nearest bus stop or train station?

Bessie: Why.

Me: I need to get out.

Bessie: I don’t want u going traipsing about on your own.

I want to tell her with or without her help I’m going, but instead I just text her back a simple ‘okay’ before slipping my phone in my pocket.

“If I felt like just getting out, wanted to go wandering around the shops, where could I go?” I bite my lip.

“Other than Fairingford?” He asks referring to the town our school sits on the edge of.

“Yeah.”

“You could go to Kembling; it’s like a twenty-five minute train ride.”  I can see the cogs working in his eyes. “Why? You want to go?”

Hesitantly, I nod. “I need to escape? I don’t know, I used to do this a lot; hop on a bus or train and disappear for the day, my parents used to give me hell for it but there’s only so much I can take of staying home.”

“You’re not home now, why do you still need to ‘escape’?”  He shifts so that he’s facing me and I do the same.

“I don’t know; whenever I get this…feeling inside me I just jump at every impulse and usually that involves getting a bus or a train. I have an app on my phone that gives me the times
and prices specifically for those times.” I look down, slightly embarrassed that I just revealed that.

“Well, what if you change what you do when you get that feeling. Rather than jumping on a train and ending up who knows where, why don’t you just play a video game or watch a movie or something.”  His head cocks to the side.

“That sounds too simple.” I say stubbornly.

“Well, why don’t we try it? Let’s watch a movie as we were just playing Xbox. It’s got to be one you like though, otherwise it won’t work.” He’s already getting up to look at the small collection of DVDs he has. He holds one up and I recognise the blue cover.

When I nod, he puts it into the Xbox to play before shutting the curtains to shut out the light and turning the lights out. He sits back down beside me; again I’m very aware of just how close he is.

What is this? Do I like him in a different way than I thought? I thought I liked Josh, especially after the first day I ever met Jason when the way he acted made me feel sorry for him.

I don’t pay attention to the movie for the first half as my mind struggles to decide what twin I like but when Jason shifts beside me and my attention snaps to him, I realise it’s quite obvious.

With a start I realise that fidgety, nervous feeling I had is now gone and replaced with butterflies because Jason is so close I could shift and be leaning against him, but as much as I want to I don’t have the guts to, instead I get the pillow from the end of the sofa and place is next to his leg before lying down with my head on it; at least now o know I can’t embarrass mys
elf by doing something way miss-judged; I don’t even know if this boy likes me that way.

The movie feels longer than it actually is because I’ve seen the film before and because of that, my mind is free to wander. When the movie does eventually end, I breathe a silent sigh of relief before sitting up back and propping myself up against the pillow.

It worked though, I don’t have the urge to be out and about anymore; but it makes me wonder if it was the movie or the company.