Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (28 page)

I held my chest and sat down hard on a small stool, trying not to hyperventilate.

I couldn't breathe.

"Katherine, you look pale. Poor Nathan looks almost as nervous as you do," she chided, fanning me to give me air.

I looked up at her in surprise.

"He's here? He's nervous?" I asked.

She laughed and kissed my forehead.

"I forget sometimes how nervous I was when I was married. And Jonah. Yes. Nathan is very nervous," she said.

She tucked a hair back around my ear and shook her head at me.

"The two of you are just too much," she admonished. "I will tell you what Jonah is telling him right at this moment, Katherine. Nothing will keep the two of you apart. You are meant to be together."

I let out a shaky breath and nodded.

"Is it wrong that I am relieved he is nervous?" I breathed, feeling my nerves lessen somewhat.

Fannie laughed and shook her head.

"No, it is not. I think he is more nervous about the after than the here and now," she whispered, looking down at me with the mischievous glimmer I had once seen in Jonah’s eyes when he had mentioned bringing his mare to Nathan’s.

I didn't think I could take hearing the sex talk from Fannie at this moment.

She smiled and shook her head.

"You will love one another no matter what, Katherine. Just remember that young men like Nathan are apt to be nervous and fumbling. He cannot help it."

Nervous and fumbling.

He would not be the only one, regardless of our previous encounters.

"Just be patient and loving," she continued. "And do not be afraid to quell his nerves. He trusts you so much."

There was a knock at the door, drawing me up quickly.

I didn't want to look like I was nervous.

Well, more nervous than usual.

Fannie hugged me, letting me take a quick breath before she opened the door, revealing a smiling Emma.

"Ready?” she asked, her smile widening when she heard me breathe out once more.

"It will be fine, Katherine," Fannie whispered.

I knew it would be.

He was nervous, too.

I took that as a sign that what we felt was normal for couples.

I just hoped I didn't throw up.

As I stepped out of the storage room, I found Nathan sitting near the front, his knee bouncing with pent up excitement while he spoke with John beside him. Emma took my hand and drew me to the free seats across the aisle from Nathan. When I sat down, I glanced his way to see him grinning at me. I offered him a quick smile before hearing Benjamin quieting everyone in the room.

Suddenly things became very serious. I may have stopped breathing when he called my name. And then Nathan's. I had not been expecting him to get right to it. I had figured he would begin with a song or two, maybe a grand speech about love and commitment. Instead he called us up to stand with him. He reached out to take our hands, an affectionate squeeze to offer some ease to our nerves, and then he was speaking, loud and sure.

"A few months ago, a girl, lost, broken, and fearful, took shelter with the Bergers. We know Fannie and Jonah Berger to have such great love in their hearts; they took the girl in as one of their own. She was alone in our simple world. But with a loving heart and an open mind, she embraced our life, and found something worth fighting for, because God works to right the wrongs in our lives. What better way for Him to do this than to unite two lost souls destined to be together?"

I felt Benjamin squeeze my hand again, willing his strength into me as I struggled to breathe.

"Katherine quite literally fell into Nathan Fisher's life. And like a mighty storm, she shook him with her determination to discover what this life had to offer, even when he himself had doubted. Two souls hurting from their own pain and loss, found one another. Just as He intended. Katherine, his Angel, and Nathan, her Healer. Never have I seen His work more than when I look upon these two," Benjamin proclaimed, taking a big breath as he looked from me to Nathan.

"I have been blessed to know Katherine and Nathan. They are my dearest friends. They helped me find my own way back home, and I am so grateful for the love they have not only for one another, but also for those around them. With them, there is no hate. There is no judgment. There is only love and acceptance. They live and love as every man and woman should. Each day I feel inspired to live a little better. To forgive, and to find peace in everything around me. It only seems right that I join them today in marriage."

He smiled and looked around the room, taking in the faces behind us.

"Today I see family and friends, here to witness their union. I cannot express the joy I see in your faces. There is so much love in this room; surely we are truly blessed this day," he said and turned back to us, his gaze falling on me. His voice softened when he spoke.

"Katherine Berger. You have chosen this life. You have committed to the Way, and by that choice, you have offered yourself to live in peace and love. You stand here today, to share in that commitment with the man beside you. What say you? Do you take Nathan Fisher as your husband, to love and support, to guide and to nurture, to listen to and to comfort, for all of your days?"

I swallowed and inhaled, terrified I would somehow mess up those two words.

"I do."

I could feel the smile spreading across my face. Benjamin grinned and squeezed my hand once more before turning to Nathan. I looked over to find Nathan looking down at me, his eyes so full of love I thought I might falter from the intensity of them. I was lost in those eyes, hearing only his affirmation to his pledge, followed by a brilliant smile. I felt the familiar heat of his hand in mine, looking down to see Benjamin had joined our hands before us, his own above and below.

"We have heard their vows confirmed to one another, and as husband and wife they shall go into the world and live as is our Way. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. There is nothing more precious than their love for one another,” he said and paused, squeezing our hands once more before drawing away to lift his arms up to the congregation.

“Let me now present to you Nathan and Katherine Fisher," he said in a loud voice to announce throughout the house.

We turned to our guests, my eyes returning to Nathan’s adoring gaze when he pulled me a little closer beside him. I never let go of his hand, no matter how many people came to congratulate us. We smiled and thanked so many people it was all blurred memory. My cheeks hurt from smiling, and my heart swelled with each gentle squeeze of my husband's hand.

My husband.

My Nathan.

Everything may have passed in a blur, but Nathan remained clear and true beside me.

His joyful eyes.

His mirthful laugh.

I vaguely remember smelling food.

I may have eaten.

I don't know.

I only remember my husband and his soft words when he leaned in to whisper into my ear whenever we had a moment alone.

"My wife."

"My husband."

His face would light up and he'd hold my hand a little tighter. I was never letting go of him. So as the afternoon began to wane, and as our guests wished us well as they departed, the feeling of what lay in store for us made my stomach flutter once more. Nathan's fingers flexed and tightened more frequently with each blessing offered, until at last we were standing on the Berger’s porch, tearful goodbyes said as we prepared to depart to our home.

Emma and John stepped in first; Emma's hug nearly crushing the breath from me.

"I will miss you, my sister," she whimpered.

"Emma, she will be a short walk away," Hannah snorted before leaning in to hug me tight.

"I love you both," I said, feeling the tears building once more. I had made it nearly all day without crying.

Abigail came rushing up to us, catapulting into our embrace so that we stumbled together, laughing quietly against one another.

"Sisters always," Hannah whispered, the four of us holding onto one another before we drew away.

"All right, let these two get home. I am sure they are exhausted!" Mark exclaimed, his wink obvious as he pulled Hannah apart.

John and Mark chuckled when they noticed both Nathan and I look down bashfully. I didn't want to think that perhaps John and Mark had spoken with Nathan about tonight. Perhaps that was why he was so nervous. Everyone had an idea of how our night was going to end up.

Except, perhaps, for us.

Everyone needed to have faith that whatever happened, it was on our terms. Whether Nathan lasted a moment or all night. Whether it hurt or was magical. We had enough to be nervous about without everyone's suggestions. So I held Nathan's hand a little more firmly, never letting go of it when I hugged Fannie and Jonah and turned to Benjamin, who had a small suitcase in his hands.

Fannie then stepped forward and handed Nathan one very similar.

"Your wife's clothes. You may pick up the rest tomorrow," she said simply.

I looked over at Benjamin as he turned toward the house. Jonah was already waving him in.

"A good night to you, Nathan. Katherine. Do not worry about Benjamin. He will take Hannah's old room," Jonah explained, winking at us.

Nathan's hand squeezed mine almost as hard as I did at the very same moment.

"Let us go before they say anything else that makes us any more uncomfortable," he whispered near my ear.

Fannie remained on the porch to watch us go. It was such a strange feeling to walk into the dark, Nathan at my side.

"Is this what it felt like every night when you left?" I asked as we crested the hill.

"No," he replied. "Because my heart is here by my side this time."

He had no idea just how incredible he was. I pulled him closer, his lips meeting mine for a brief kiss while we walked. I couldn't wait to show him just how much he meant to me. We walked the rest of the way in silence, the sound of my heartbeat thrumming in my ears when we stepped into the dark house. Nathan's hand slipped away for just a moment, the striking of a match lighting him in a dim glow.

Nathan lit the hand lantern by the door, his voice a little shaky when he turned back to me.

"I have not had a chance to fill the other lanterns, and the gas lamps are still shut off from the fire. I have candles upstairs," he said, licking his lips when he glanced up to the second floor.

"All right," I whispered and eased my suitcase from his grasp, taking his free hand in mine and smiling.

"Are you thirsty? Or hungry?" he asked, gesturing toward the kitchen with the lantern. "You did not eat much today."

I shook my head and gripped his hand a little tighter.

"We can go upstairs, Nathan," I said, hearing him let out a long breath, as if trying to draw the courage.

He nodded and together we made our way upstairs, down the hall to his parents’ old room. We paused in the doorway, Nathan taking a deep breath before guiding me in. It was another milestone in the reshaping of the Fisher home — saying goodbye to the lingering memory of what this room had been, and welcoming what it would now become. No words were necessary to remind him of the past and the need to let go, his slow tracing thumb along my wrist an unspoken desire to forge ahead into the future.

“It is dark, one moment,” he murmured and his hand slipped from mine so that he could light the candles by the bed.

I stood in the middle of the room, my suitcase in my hands while I watched him illuminate the room. The candles offered inviting warmth, and made his hair glow in the darkness. When he turned to me, he gestured toward the bathroom.

"Do you want to change? I brought up fresh water earlier, in case you wanted to wash first. Before," he stammered, letting out a nervous laugh before looking down at his feet.

"All right. Thank you," I replied, trying to diffuse his nervousness. "I'll just be a minute."

He nodded and watched me close the door before I realized too slowly that there was no light in the bathroom. I opened the door quickly, startling him. He already had one side of his suspenders dangling at his side, the other caught up in his fingers.

"Sorry. It's dark in there, too," I said, laughing softly when he fumbled to give me the lantern.

I closed the door once more, well aware that he stood just on the other side of it, waiting for me.

I took a deep breath and jumped into action, pulling the cover off of my head and releasing the pins to let my hair fall over my shoulders. The dress came off next, to be hung on the peg by the door, a daily routine that had become second nature to me. Stripping down to nothing I splashed the cold water over my face and washed in a rush, shivering in the chill air. I freshened up as fast as I could, wanting to be back in the room with Nathan. I rummaged through my small suitcase and found a fresh shift to put on.

I smoothed my hair one last time, taking a steadying breath before opening the door.

I found my husband standing there, dressed in only his underclothes in the middle of the room, watching me as I stepped out. In his hands, his shirt hung limp in his fingertips. I drew close, and pulled the shirt away slowly, watching as Nathan's eyes followed my movements.

His fingertips traced up my arm, the backs of his knuckles dragging over my shoulders before sliding through my hair and drawing me close. Warm lips brushed across my temple, moving down to my cheek, until they found my lips. They barely grazed, his breath spilling out over my mouth as he sought to control his nerves.

When he pulled away, I could see his heart beating hard in his chest.

He was trembling.

I watched as Nathan struggled to pull off his undershirt. So many times before, we had seen one another in less. But tonight was different.

Tonight we would be one.

We were both nervous.

He was breathing heavily, his mouth open slightly as he looked down at me with timid eyes.

"I am a bit nervous," he admitted softly.

I touched his cheek, drawing his eyes to my own.

"Me too," I whispered and gently guided him to the bed, touching the waistband of his underpants. "Will you let me do this for you?"