Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (26 page)

It looked different with no barn.

But that could be replaced.

Nathan's smile could not.

I silently offered my thanks as I lost sight of him, glad that he was still there to bring me joy. I wasn’t sure how I would able to sleep that night, but I did. I had a dreamless night and for the first time in a long time, I felt at ease.

My nerves picked up some when Nathan and I walked to the Yoder house the next morning, waiting outside while members of the community passed us on the way in for the Council meeting. I watched as several men took turns leaning in to speak with Nathan as they passed, his demeanor reserved and often almost hesitant as they spoke. He nodded and shook hands several times, the men continuing in for a place to sit.

It was strange to wait outside with those who had not yet made the choice to join the Amish yet, mostly children much younger than us, with a few men and young women scattered around the buggies, bundled in coats to keep warm.

“Are you cold?”

I looked over to where Nathan leaned against the porch column, smiling in the morning light.

“Not really, just nervous,” I said and wrapped my shawl around me a little more securely.

“This meeting should not take long,” he said and glanced back at the front door leading into the Yoder home. “Changes to the Ordnung are rare. I think they have little to decide upon.”

I let out a breath and looked out at the fields, long cleared and dry in anticipation of the coming winter.

“Just our future, Nathan,” I reminded him, winking.

Before the night of the fire, I would have been more panicked. But the Bishop’s words had given me hope that he would be on our side. After all we had been through, the idea of leaving it all behind was an impossibility for me. If denied, I would simply wait and show them all that I was indeed made for this life.

“I cannot see them denying you, Kate,” he said and moved closer to me, wrapping his arm around me to offer some warmth in the cool morning air. “You have proven yourself to all.”

I smiled and let out another long breath, my nerves still working their way into my stomach. As the minutes turned into an hour, and then longer while we waited, my nerves continued to grow. Nathan and I took a short walk to help to distract us, but every time we looked back, the doors remained shut to those not baptized.

It was close to midday when the doors finally opened and a deacon called for us to come inside. Nathan took my hand for a brief moment before walking with me up the steps, trailing behind the other youth. With a quick smile he left me at a bench near the front, making his way to sit beside John and Mark. Alone on the bench, I felt as if my judgment was at hand.

I was taken by surprise when I felt a light hand on my shoulder. Looking up I recognized the woman standing beside me from previous gatherings, but had never formally met her. She smiled down at me, the wrinkles around her eyes accentuated as she regarded me. Behind her, several other women stood, many I had never met.

"I am Marta Jensen, Sarah's sister," the one closest said. "I want to welcome you. Please forgive me for having not spoken with you before. Thank you for your courage."

I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I was a little dumbstruck. Having been in the community for over three months, I felt even more exposed in the moment. I understood their reservations, but I couldn't understand why she was thanking me.

"Thank you," I replied quietly, knowing I probably looked uncomfortable.

"We would like to bring some things you might need to the Fisher farm before the frost. Would that be all right?" she asked.

I blinked and nodded my head, still confused by the surrounding women as well as their words.

"We thank you," I said, my nerves growing when I heard a murmuring behind me from the women.

"We will see you then, Katherine. Let us say the day after the wedding," Marta said, patting me on the shoulder with a wink.

Sarah’s sister continued to smile and step to the side, where another woman stepped forward, touching me softly and speaking her name, only to step aside as the next woman stepped forward. Some offered a welcome, some offered thanks. I grew more nervous with each woman’s greeting.

As they left to find seats, whispering and nodding to one another, I chanced a glance toward Nathan, who was smiling over at me. I looked at him askance, only to be interrupted when Emma and Hannah sat beside me. I felt their arms wrap around me, my discomfort wiped clean in my sisters' embrace.

"We are so sorry we did not speak with you last night," Emma said against me. "Mother said you were in need of rest after everything.”

"You look much better this morning. Are you ready for today?" Hannah asked, effectively steering the conversation away from the pain of the last few days.

"I was," I mumbled and glanced back at the women sitting behind us. "Why are they thanking me?"

Emma squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper into my ear.

"They are grateful for your courage the night before last," she whispered. "If you had not done what you did, we would be in mourning instead of celebrating."

I shook my head and frowned. What I had done last night had been selfish and idiotic. I had gone in to get to Nathan and Benjamin because I would have died myself if they had perished because of me.

"Don't they understand why the barn caught fire?" I whispered.

It was Hannah's turn to lean in.

"They know everything. It was not your fault, Katherine. They know and understand that you are truly one of us," she replied.

I looked between the two and their shining smiles told me everything.

“They have agreed to allow you, Katherine,” Emma said and leaned in to hug me tight. I looked past her to see Nathan grinning, shaking hands with Benjamin. I watched as Benjamin turned around, catching my eyes and nodding in silent conversation.

“There is something else, Katherine,” Hannah said, interrupting my thoughts.

I swallowed and pulled away from Emma’s embrace to hear the news Hannah had.

“The Council ran long for a reason,” she started and glanced back to Benjamin, who was making his way forward to his father, the Bishop, who stood at the front of the room. Hannah leaned in and whispered in my ear.

“The community is thankful to you because today you gave us the opportunity to welcome the new Bishop to this Sermon.”

My eyes widened and I watched as the two Yoders bent their heads together to converse before turning together to quiet the congregation. Benjamin glanced over at me once more, and I saw the determination in his stance. He nodded to me, as if to remind me of his promise that day he had been baptized. The congregation quieted down, many smiling at the sight of father and son standing at the front of the room. The elder Bishop Yoder cleared his throat looked around the room, his voice clear and sure.

“As many of you know, I have asked to step down as Bishop, as I believe my need at home has made me forget what is important to this community. Love, and faith — something I had lost along the way until recently,” he announced, looking my way in silent acknowledgement.

“The Council has met and agreed,” he continued. “And four men were nominated this morning; voted in by their peers, and God has chosen. It is with a humble heart that I can present to you the new Bishop, my son. With this most special Sermon today, which shall strengthen our flock with the addition of its new members, I think it fitting that this be his first of many Sermons for those of us in West Grove. We are truly blessed today.”

With an agreeable murmuring of the crowd, the elder Yoder stood beside his son, holding the Bible for Benjamin so that the younger man could begin the Sermon. Benjamin glanced over at me for a brief moment and smiled, letting his eyes close as he spoke, his voice soft, but clear in the quiet room.

"Today is a special day, in that we welcome two young people into the Way," he began. He opened his eyes, looking around the room.

"We have been blessed this year, after such a difficult year past. Many losses, and so much heartache. But today marks a new day for these young people, as well as our ever-growing community. Our strength comes from our love and our faith. From courage and commitment. Today we gain all these things by blessing our friends, Katherine Hill and Nathan Fisher into our community."

I swallowed at his well-spoken words, feeling an overwhelming sense of duty and acceptance wash over me as Benjamin motioned for us to follow him out of the room to recite our pledges. I walked in front of Nathan, keeping my head lowered so I could not see the eyes on me as I passed. We walked into the room we had taken our baptism classes in, Mrs. Yoder welcoming us with a broad smile on her face.

I stopped when Benjamin turned around, taking my hand and Nathan's in his own. He looked from me to Nathan, his voice soft in the room while the congregation sang in the other room. I could feel his nerves coursing through him as his hand tightened around mine.

"As a Bishop, I welcome you into our fold, into the heart of God, who loves you as you love Him. As a brother I welcome you as family, to forever have a home, to forever have a shoulder to lean on, for as long as you live in our Way. And as a friend, I welcome you into my life, for only by your love and perseverance was I saved."

I kept my head down, the tears rolling down my cheeks at his kind words. Never before had I heard such acceptance as I had in coming to this place. For everything that had transpired in my life, I finally felt the love I had hoped for. Benjamin's hand squeezed mine, drawing my eyes up to his. I watched him swallow down his emotion as he addressed me.

"Katherine," he murmured, his voice thick. "You have the chance to step away from our world, with no one to judge you for your choice. Or you may choose to be one with us. As a daughter, as a sister, as a wife and as a friend. In your decision to accept the Amish Way, you choose to live as we do, and will gain from that the love of your family. You will be washed of all sin, and pledge to live an honest and good life in our Way. I ask you now, if you so choose to be one with us, to live in His light, and practice peace as we do. What say you?"

I swallowed, trying to form the words. This moment was what I had struggled to reach since I had arrived. And it was finally here. I felt his hand squeeze mine once more, offering me some courage.

"I choose this, the Amish life," I whispered, hiccupping as the monumental decision of my vow took root in my heart.

Benjamin grinned and turned to Nathan, asking him the same question. Nathan didn't even pause.

"I choose this, the Amish life," he replied, his voice wavering some. I turned to see him emotionally worked up as well.

"Join hands, my brother and sister, and be of the Way," Benjamin said, my hand slipping into Nathan's and gripping it tightly.

Mrs. Yoder stepped close and raised her hands to remove the cover on my head, leaving my head bare. Benjamin cleared his throat and tightened his grip over our hands.

"I will walk in ahead of you, and you will follow," he began, looking at each of us individually. "Come to the front of the room and kneel before me. We will recite our pledges once more for everyone to hear, and I will then baptize you. Once done, you will be whole, and washed of all sin. I am so honored to have you as my first baptism."

One last squeeze of encouragement and he was walking past us, back out into the room. I took a breath and walked out ahead of Nathan, feeling his fingers brush my arm before following behind me. We took our places on the floor before the congregation, Benjamin leading everyone in a song for baptism. We recited our pledges one at a time, and upon saying the words out loud once more for all to hear, I awaited the final step.

I didn't bother to hide the tears, understanding at last how one must feel at this moment. Everything was washed clean; my past to be washed away and forgotten. I had only to look to the future that offered love and peace and family.

I felt the water as it hit the back of my head, a light drip that soaked through my hair just above my bun and trailed to the sides of my head, to be intermingled with the tears that dropped to the floor. They mixed as one, and as I felt a light hand on my shoulder, I raised my eyes to see Benjamin smiling down at us.

"May I present to you our two newest members, Katherine and Nathan!"

The rest of the sermon flew by in a blur, my mind whirling with the ecstatic feeling of being a part of something real and special. Emma and Hannah held my hands, surely keeping me from floating away in my joy. As we settled into a bench for lunch, the immensity of it all finally came to me.

I was no longer an Outsider.

I was no longer English.

I was Katherine Berger.

And I had chosen the Amish life.

CHAPTER 16

Being welcomed into the community after the Sermon was overwhelming. People I had met once or twice in my time came to welcome Nathan and me for much of the afternoon, leaving us both a little hungry as we never seemed to have time to sit and eat before a new person came up to congratulate us. It was nearing the end of the day when Benjamin could break away to sit with us, his grin difficult to erase all afternoon.

“Bishop Yoder,” I greeted, laughing when he gave me a strange look.

“I will need to get used to that,” he replied, chuckling to himself as he stretched on the bench seat next to us.

“I’m happy for you,” I said reaching over to grip his hand. “Thank you for your words today.”

“Thank
you
,” he replied, emphasizing the word to let me know he meant more than simply choosing this life.

“So what are your plans, now that you are Bishop?” Nathan asked, happy to see his friend so at ease.

Benjamin scratched at his bare chin and looked around at the congregation, seemingly in thought.

“Marry a few, baptize some, and hope that I can bring this community the guidance they need to be successful in the Amish Way,” he said, winking at me when he noticed Nathan’s bright smile.