Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (21 page)

“Elder Ezekiel and Jonah have already said they would vote me in for next Bishop.”

“Are you afraid you will be chosen?” I asked in a whisper.

He let out a soft laugh and shrugged.

"My father never wanted the position. He was chosen late, when our old Bishop died. He was a successful businessman, and the role of Bishop is consuming. He never fully embraced it. But I have always enjoyed my time doing God’s work. In truth it was something I hoped for before my Rumspringa. But I am my father’s son. I live with the notion that I will be scrutinized always for my father's failures.”

He straightened up looking at me directly, as if in solemn declaration.

"But if chosen, I will strive to live right and do well by you, because you have shown me there are things worth defending that are honest and true. You are worth defending, Katherine, because already you are Amish in God's eyes. Nathan was right. You are an angel from Heaven to enlighten us all. You will make a good partner for my best friend, and will provide the light he needs, just as he does for you," he said.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, his words resonating profoundly after such a long and troubling day.

"Thank you, Benjamin," I whispered and smiled in appreciation. It was nice to hear from someone other than family and Nathan.

Benjamin nodded and looked back at his father once more.

"I must give hope and kindness to my flock if I am to make a good Bishop, now, am I not?” he asked and smiled.

"I think you are a natural, Benjamin Yoder," I breathed, proud of my friend.

He let out a nervous chuckle and took a deep breath.

"Perhaps. We shall see. But your bravery gives me the strength and courage to succeed and I thank you for that," he said and was quiet for a moment, pulling his thoughts together as he fidgeted with his hat once more.

I watched, as Benjamin seemed to transform before my eyes from the scared lost boy to a man of faith.

"I am renewed by your hope and faith in our Way, Katherine Hill. And it is time you see that you are made for this life," he said, his eyes focusing on me intently. "Do not try to live in the expectation of others. To thine own self be true."

I laughed and shook my head.

"That's Shakespeare, not the Bible," I teased.

His smile warmed and he nodded.

"One thing my father did not learn was that there are other wise prophets in the world from whom we may glean advice," he explained and then looked at me seriously.

"Shakespeare was a wise man. The words provide a truth we should all follow. Follow what is in your heart, because that is where you reside closest to God's way."

"Shakespeare was a wise man indeed, then," I replied.

"And so you shall see your new Bishop bring in fresh thought to this congregation if I am chosen," he said. "Because you and I have seen the evil in the world. We understand what beauty there is here," he replied, a little wistful.

I touched his hand lightly, not wanting to overstep any rules.

"You will be a better Bishop because of that, Benjamin. I am sure of that," I said smiling.

"You will see, Katherine," he murmured. "Things will be right once more. I promise you peace and kindness."

I knew in my heart as I looked at Benjamin that God would choose correctly. He had been a lost sheep. He had endured the trials of fire, and now, standing before me, he was a better man for it. Afraid to fail, worried he would falter. Educated in the ways of loss and suffering.

That made him more a man of God than his father was. He strived to live better, more honestly and more faithfully. What made me most proud was that Ezekiel and those who mattered had seen it, too.

Things would be better.

Our world would be better.

CHAPTER 12

Days moved on, with the fall deepening with each sunrise. Each new day greeted me with the familiar forms of Nathan and Benjamin walking down the hill in the predawn. The autumn, with its chilly winds and resting soil, brought with it new beginnings when the rest of the world settled in to rest. With each step toward winter, a new joy could be found.

Today, that joy would be Emma’s wedding day. .

"We could have waited a few weeks, Katherine. Then you and I would both be wed on the same day. It would have been something special for us," Emma said in the early dawn.

I yawned and shook my head to try to wake up. It was difficult this morning; Emma had tossed and turned all night.

"This is
your
day, Emma," I explained for the tenth time. "We have time."

The truth was, the days were coming faster and faster. Perhaps with the sun going down a little earlier and with less time to spend with Nathan, I simply felt that it was going faster.

Sooner than I could imagine, Nathan and I would have our last baptism class, and the Council would meet to discuss not just changes in the Ordnung, but whether I would be allowed to join the community. And maybe even the choosing of a new Bishop. Just a couple of weeks now and everything could change.

For better or worse.

I sat on the bed, Emma in front of me as I brushed her hair and pinned it up to look fuller than it was. It had grown out well, but was still short compared to other girls our age. It seemed like just a few weeks had passed since I had run away, only to discover my true home in this world. I smiled and pinned Emma's hair deftly, having learned so much in the few months I had lived with the Bergers.

How had I lived before this?

In fear, and in denial.

My smile faltered as I thought back on my life before that fateful buggy ride. Sean had always smothered me and made me feel insignificant. My dad had never supported me.

Escaping that life was the greatest achievement of my life so far.

So far.

I had my entire life ahead of me now.

I would forget about Sean Miller.

Forget about my old life.

I would conquer my nightmares of being trapped in the corn, always running from Sean.

He was my past.

My past could not hurt me anymore.

I hoped.

"What are you thinking about?"

My smile picked up and I resumed pinning Emma’s hair, having not realized I had stopped.

"I was thinking about how beautiful you are going to look standing there beside John when you are presented to us today. And how I can't wait for that day myself," I whispered and leaned in to offer her a little hug.

She turned and grinned at me, her eyes filling up with tears.

"I am only sorry I will not be able to be here with you tonight!" she said and I laughed hard.

"I think you'll be happy where you are sleeping tonight, Emma," I retorted, watching her face brighten.

"It will be strange to be there instead of here," she murmured, suddenly a little forlorn.

I leaned around to see her face fully.

"John is excited to take you into his home, and his father seems excited to welcome you. We'll be fine," I replied, and hugged her again.

“I can milk the cows and get the eggs!” Abigail stated, acting much more mature than I had ever seen her.

“And the washing and the cooking,
and
the mending?” Emma teased.

“Mother will still cook. And I am still a better seamstress than Katherine,” Abigail argued.

I nodded and laughed.

Perhaps Abigail would do well without all of us.

"I am sure we'll manage, Emma. Who knows, maybe Fannie and Jonah will discover what they have missed all those years with a full house," I replied and giggled with them when we both thought about Fannie and Jonah being romantic again.

Not that they didn't now.

You heard a lot of things when you couldn't sleep.

But somehow I wasn't disgusted by the idea of my adoptive parents being intimate; it just made the idea of growing older with Nathan more alluring. The Amish seemed very amorous with their spouses. At least Fannie and Jonah were, and I somehow knew that Nathan fashioned himself after the likes of Jonah.

I couldn't wait for that with Nathan. If I would be allowed, that is.

I sighed and pulled away from Emma, smiling at how much her hair had grown in the last few months to afford her a simple bun under her cover.

"You are beautiful," I whispered. "John won't know what hit him."

Today was going to be a magical day.

I stayed with Emma until it was time to let her and John speak their vows privately with the Bishop, anxiously waiting with Abigail and Naomi Yoder on a bench as Zachariah Ropp led the congregation in song. Nathan sat with Mark near the front of the room, glancing back toward me once in a while to sneak a smile before turning back to listen to the young Bishop’s words.

It seemed like an hour before Bishop Yoder returned, Fannie and Jonah slipping onto their benches quietly. I could tell Fannie had been crying and I felt a moment’s contentment when she leaned in and squeezed my hand. We all turned in our seats to see the newly married couple when the Bishop announced them. Emma held John’s hand like it would disappear if she let go, and John grinned from ear to ear, nodding in acknowledgement of the quiet blessings offered them as they entered.

The Bishop presented them to the room, and a final song of marriage and duty to one’s community echoed throughout the room. It didn’t escape my attention that we sung about how many children would be a blessing. I hid my smile when I noticed Nathan glancing my way with his pink tipped ears. It was the Bishop’s pursed lips as he eyed me that made Nathan turn his head away, his face matching his ears.

Bishop Yoder glanced my way, a smug look on his face as he walked past.

“He is trying to intimidate us,” Nathan whispered near me as we claimed our plates for the meal.

“It’s working,” I whispered back.

“Only if you let it.”

I forced a smile on my face and tried to put Nathan at ease, but I knew what the Bishop had said to me. There was no way he would ever allow me to join. It would take an overwhelming vote of the community to allow me to commit to this life.

“His opinion of you will not sway everyone,” Nathan said as we sat at the table with the Bergers.

“There are many who would see you a happily married Amish woman,” Fannie added. “Everyone who has met you has seen your kind heart.”

“Do not fret, Katherine,” Jonah said. “When we meet at Council, it will all be decided. You will see.”

Jonah’s words didn’t ease me. Especially when he didn’t explain himself.

It wasn’t until I was alone with Nathan late that afternoon that I expressed my concerns openly.

“What happens if they deny me?” I whispered into his chest as he held me.

“It will not happen,” he maintained.

I looked up into his eyes and saw the determination there.

“They will think that all I bring here is violence every time something from my old life comes back,” I whispered. “They have to be upset that Sean is loose.”

“Jonah and Ezekiel will speak for you, do not worry,” he soothed. “We have one last class and then it is a matter of choosing.”

He offered me a chaste kiss, groaning when he moved to step away.

“Only a few more weeks and then it will be our turn to marry,” he murmured and deepened the kiss. “I cannot wait for that day.”

“Me too,” I murmured and put aside thoughts of being denied.

He pulled me along, away from the house and toward his hill.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"There is a little place across from my home that I wanted to show you. It is not far. And we have a little while before the sun dips too low," he explained and pulled me a little closer when the house fell away behind his hill.

We walked in silence, the air full of the smell of late autumn, with its dried plants and crispness of the waning afternoon. I wrapped my shawl a little tighter to keep out the cold breeze.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"A little. I get cold easily," I replied, wondering how I would stay warm in such a cold place during the winter.

"Nathan, how do you keep the house warm all winter?" I asked, hoping for central heat but knowing that probably didn't exist.

"We have a furnace, and the fireplace in the front room. We close the registers in the rooms we do not use, but it does get a little chilly, especially at night," he explained and then chuckled.

"What?" I asked, smiling at his continued good mood.

He laughed a little louder and tugged on my hand, pulling me closer still.

"It will mean we will have to remain very close to one another at night," he said, grinning down at me.

"I think I'll like winters here," I replied happily.

We came upon an old gazebo, long abandoned along with the land that grew wild around it. Nathan helped me up the steps and brushed off the long bench that looked to have withstood the neglect. Sitting, I was able to look around and take in the vines that grew up around the sides of the gazebo.

It looked like something out of a romance novel. Perhaps a gothic romance novel with the tattered beams and floorboards, but the air seemed to have a special energy as we sat there. It was private and closed in and quiet, surrounded by a thick bramble of bushes, still dense even without the leaves.

"Do you like it?" he whispered and leaned in to let his lips brush against my temple.

"It's lovely. I didn't even know it was here," I breathed, closing my eyes for a moment to imagine the bushes full of flowers and the warm breeze in summer.

"It is overlooked and private," he murmured, letting his hand slide up my arm until it cupped my cheek, drawing me to his lips.

He let his lips move against mine with such ease; it was as if he had always known how to kiss me, that there had never been reservations. Every kiss reaffirmed that we were made for one another. I felt his hands move along my back, drawing me closer as his kiss deepened. Having him pressed against me was the most amazing feeling ever, warm and safe. He sighed and broke off the kiss, burying his head into my shoulder as he held me tight. My fingers found their way to the nape of his neck, playing with his hair there. Nathan groaned and nuzzled a little deeper into my neck, the heat of his breath causing me to shiver.