Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (6 page)

"He loves you," she whispered as I slipped into bed beside her.

“I thought Hannah said you couldn’t hear anything from the porch,” I hissed, a little embarrassed.

“I did not need to hear the words,” she whispered. “His eyes throughout dinner spoke for him.”

I felt her hand grip mine, and her smile glowed in the darkness. I hugged her fiercely, her soft laugh a confirmation that she knew how I felt. Tomorrow would be Sermon day.

My first day of Baptism classes.

I knew it would be a big day.

It was a long time before I could even think to close my eyes.

CHAPTER 4

Breakfast couldn't come fast enough.

I felt overly sensitized for the day, preparing for the Sermon and for my first lesson with the Bishop. To say that I was nervous for the interaction was an understatement. Between the troubling dreams I seemed to have inherited from leaving my old world, to the stress of being judged by the one member of the community who didn't want me there, I had slept little and woke up early once more, joining Fannie and Jonah before the rest of the family.

I felt like I was invading on their private time. But their open arms and welcoming smiles belied any disappointment they might have of being interrupted. I worked with Fannie to prepare the breakfast, waiting for Emma and Abigail to come down so that we could begin our morning chores.

Routine.

It was so easy to find peace in it.

Milking the cows, filling their stalls with hay, gathering eggs for the morning meal.

Seeing Nathan coming down the hill to intercept us.

Feeling the calm with him nearby as we ate. I wondered how it would feel with him apart from me at the Sermon.

Nathan watched me throughout breakfast, the food on my plate never disappearing, only moving from side to side. It was quiet at the table this morning, as if everyone knew I was getting ready to stand up to my biggest obstacle. I forced a few bites down my throat, knowing the Bergers would worry if they knew how nervous I really was.

Fannie saw it all, though, and excused me from cleaning up in order to accompany Nathan to the Bishop's home, where the Sermon would be held. I took a deep breath when I felt Nathan's hand wrap around mine as we stepped out onto the porch. He guided us out into the morning sun, the walk up the hill quiet as we both lingered in our own thoughts.

"You did not eat much," he finally said as we neared the barn.

I shook my head and tried to offer him a reassuring smile, but he was as perceptive as Fannie.

"You are nervous. I can understand. But there will be others there. It will not just be you and the Bishop," he explained and let me go so that he could pull an open buggy out enough to get his horse harnessed into. I studied it for a moment, having never seen it before. He turned and watched me as I touched the seats.

"It is sometimes called a courting buggy. Young men are given these in order to openly court a girl. Without the walls, it will be obvious of my intentions," he said, grinning.

I blushed and looked up at him through my eyelashes.

"So everyone will know you are courting me, then?" I asked.

His smile widened and his ears pinked up as he looked away bashfully.

"I think many already assume, Kate. I think this will just confirm their belief in it," he teased.

I looked away, suddenly nervous for what that meant. I was already under scrutiny for simply existing in their community.

"Kate, it is all right. People will see how beautiful you are," he whispered close to me.

I turned and felt his fingertips graze across my jaw before his lips came down to brush across mine. His energy passed through me, settling some of the nerves I had. He always seemed to make me feel better. His lips brushed alongside my ear, his voice soft.

"I know you will do well today. I have no fear," he murmured and pulled away with some effort to go and get his horse.

I watched as he stepped inside the stall, speaking low to the big black horse, Magnus. I took a tentative step back when he came out with the horse, its massive size making me feel tiny in comparison. My head barely met its shoulder. The horse stamped with impatience as Nathan strapped him in, the horse’s dark eyes watching me as he stood there.

The dark horse was a bit intimidating.

I had never been around horses much before coming to West Grove.

They were big animals. Much bigger than the cows in Jonah's barn.

"Ready to go?" Nathan said as he stepped around the horse.

I nodded and took his hand as I climbed into the seat of the open buggy. It felt a little unsafe, wide open with no sides to hold us in, but with Nathan next to me I remained quiet about my nerves and held onto the side of the seat discreetly. He smiled as if he knew I was nervous and urged his horse forward, a quick flick of the reins and a sound from his mouth that sounded almost guttural.

The buggy jostled along, lightweight enough to bump along every little hole. But Nathan kept us to the side of the road, steering clear of some of the larger potholes. He sat beside me, hands on the reins, smiling into the morning sun, eyeing me time and again as I took in the landscape. That sense of peace relaxed me, knowing that when we were together, Nathan always seemed to be content. I looked at the day then not as a challenge, but as the next step in our lives. I had classes to go to, to learn this new way of life.

My peace didn't last long.

I felt my nerves spike at the sight of the house ahead, buggies situated along the road. I had no idea the Yoder's house was so close to the Berger’s. It had felt like mere minutes that we had ridden. Nathan pulled his buggy up close near the shade, helping me out of the seat with his hands securely wrapped around my waist. As soon as I touched the ground, he released me, let out a disappointed sigh as he looked down at me.

"We may be courting, but I miss not being able to touch you," he whispered.

I fought my smile and stepped away, knowing that we needed to keep a respectable distance. He walked beside me as we neared the house, more buggies arriving as we slowly mounted the steps. Nathan paused at the top, his fingers touching my arm to halt me. He licked his lips, his brow furrowed as he pulled his thoughts together.

"I will not be able to sit with you. But when you are in your class, remember that I will be there with you, regardless of the space between us," he said.

I looked at him, confused.

"I thought you had taken these classes," I replied, stunned.

He shook his head and looked down at the ground.

"I would have started them this spring. I chose not to," he replied.

I understood. He had turned away from a lot after his family had died.

"That makes me feel better, knowing you are doing this too," I whispered and fought again to hide my smile.

"I do hope Elder Ezekiel spoke with the Bishop about allowing us to take the classes privately. I do not think I like the idea of waiting so long," he said with a sigh.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well, I have a feeling we will need to learn that patience is a virtue," I mused.

He pretended to scowl at me and shook his head.

"You learn much from the Book," he replied and opened the door for me to enter.

I didn't have time to respond. As we stepped into the front room of the Bishop's house, I heard my name and turned to see a young woman rushing toward me. Her face was brilliant as she looked at the both of us, nearly bouncing before me as she took my hand.

"Katherine! I am so happy to see you! I am Naomi, Bishop Yoder’s youngest daughter. Elder Ezekiel was here this morning, and told us the great news that you will be preparing for baptism! I am as well!” she exclaimed and nodded to Nathan as he disappeared down the hallway, leaving me with the Bishop’s young and exuberant daughter.

“Come! I want to get a good seat!" she exclaimed and pulled me down the hall.

I glanced back to Nathan, but saw he was already in conversation with one of the deacons.

Naomi pulled me along into the kitchen, where the hustle and bustle seemed rather frenzied. I saw Sarah Jensen there again, the woman who always seemed to be at every function and handled herself in the kitchen well every time. She offered me a fierce hug and loud welcome before returning to her tasks, too busy to make small talk. A number of women I had met at the Frolic looked up from their duties and smiled my way as we passed. I felt much more welcome in the Bishop’s house than I had expected to.

We navigated to the back of the house, away from the busy kitchen. Naomi reminded me of her brother, Benjamin, with her dark hair and eyes. But her energy rivaled Abigail after too much pie. She was perhaps Emma’s age, a few years younger than me. And she was chatting away beside me.

"I had heard you had gone, but now you are back and I am so happy to hear you are staying and taking the classes. I heard Old Ez asking to hurry the classes. Have you and Nathan made plans to marry then?" she asked as we walked through the crowded house.

I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable talking about our plans to marry.

Naomi merely shrugged and held my arm a little tighter.

"Well, I am sure we will hear about it soon enough. I am excited for you! And to think that Papa thought I should marry Nathan!” she said and laughed at my shocked face. “You have no idea how relieved I am that you came along! He is nice, but Nathan Fisher is not for me!”

I stumbled along behind her as we neared the end of the long hallway and nearly ran into the youngest Yoder when she turned quickly to face me.

“My mother was excited to hear that my brother was at the Berger’s last night," she whispered and slowed by a closed door, looking at me intently.

"He was. He looked after the Fisher farm while Nathan was away," I explained, cautious not to give away anything Benjamin may not want to reveal.

Her eyes closed and she let out a slow breath, possibly the first one she had taken since I had met her.

"Then maybe he will come back," she murmured and opened her eyes once more, wiping away a tear. “He looked well?”

"Yes, healthy and earnest in helping his friend," I replied and squeezed her hand.

She nodded and motioned toward the door.

"My mother wanted to meet you, but she was not feeling well enough today to come down. I may have told her about you a bit," she said and blushed when she predicted what I was thinking. “Women talk. You have been a topic since you first arrived. Papa has his own thoughts, but keeps them to himself, mostly.”

I swallowed at that.

So it was public knowledge that the Bishop despised me. That wouldn’t help me in winning over the community to allowing me to remain, I was sure. But then, Naomi and others had welcomed me with open arms. It was confusing.

Naomi and I stepped into a small room, a couple of benches laid out on either side of a chair set at the front of the room. Nathan and another young man sat at one bench, two girls at the one opposite. Naomi directed me toward the bench with the girls and sat down next to me. As soon as we had settled, I heard the door close off the voices of the congregation that had started singing. Glancing back, I watched as the Bishop strode forward and sat in the chair before us, his lips set in a thin line as he regarded me. His dark gaze lingered on mine for just an instant, a brief quiver to his lips as if he thought to smirk. And then he straightened his back and looked away from me purposefully, and spoke.

"Gottes Liebe umgibt uns. Wir leben um ihm zu dienen, so wie es uns die Bibel lehrt…”

I sat rigid on the bench and forced my face to remain neutral. To steady my breathing as I listened to the Bishop speak.

In their language.

I understood that brief smirk he had given me now.

He had agreed to teach me, but by his rules. I didn't dare look at Nathan. If I did I was sure to see his worry. Or his anger that I wouldn't understand the Bishop.

Really, I didn't.

I heard maybe half of the words, understood even fewer.

God's Love. Serve him. Live simple. Refuse the outside world. God in our heart.

But so much of it I couldn’t translate. I could understand some of the context, but hearing it was harder than reading it. Some of it sounded like English, only muddled with the guttural prose of their language. Both Emma and Nathan had assured me that I wouldn’t need to learn their language to be allowed to join the Amish. But they also didn’t know that I knew a little of what he said. I seemed to remember something about the Amish speaking Pennsylvania Dutch.

Was that why I was having such a hard time? It sounded something like German but not quite. He was doing this on purpose. He was trying to make me fail. I listened as well as I might, paying attention like I did in my physics class, trying to piece together words to gather context so that maybe, I could prove that I belonged.

Always proving.

Always striving.

And at that moment, feeling so inadequate.

I felt the inner turmoil bubbling to the surface, my breath struggling to tear out of itself, when the Bishop turned to me, smiling.

A smug look that said he thought he had me at last.

Challenging me.

He directed the next question to me, still in his language.

I held my breath, working the words in my head to translate as well as I could.

What reason to live simple, and reject modern life?

That was what I could gather, and he expected me to come up with an answer. I was never good at answering a teacher's question. I always felt put on the spot; and speaking another language, to one who knew it so well. It was so much more than replying,
“the ball was round or the bier garden was close by
”. I swallowed and opened my mouth, knowing I had been silent too long. He was turning from me as if he knew I did not understand. That snide look, the one that no teacher or man of God should have on his face, made something in me snap.

The shy girl disappeared, and from my open mouth I spoke.