Replace Me (28 page)

Lacey, I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Did you come here to rip out my heart one more time, because that’s what you’ve done? I brought you flowers and whistled my whole way back to work, in which I got off an hour early. I was more than excited to know you were waiting for me. You can imagine the pain I felt when you weren’t there and had left that note.

I don’t care what I said the other night. Given the chance, I would have talked you out of your decision. I sure as Hell didn’t tell you I loved you so that you could leave me.

This sucks. I’m guessing you’re still on a plane heading home. In that case, just know that spending even one extra day with you was worth so much to me. No matter where you are, or who you end up with, just know that you’re the first woman I ever loved. I’ll never forget the way your body felt in my arms, or the way you looked when you were lying naked in my bed.

Love, Joey

My eyes were so blurry that his last sentence was difficult to read. I wanted to continue, but needed to gain some composure before I had a nervous breakdown and had to be committed. My mind was thinking irrational things and all I wanted to do was disappear so that I wouldn’t have to hurt the way I was.

Once I grabbed some tissues out of the bathroom, I was able to bring up the second message.

Why can’t you talk to me? I’m hurting too, you know. Don’t you get it? I was just getting used to moving forward. I’d focused on my job and tried to forget about how much I missed you and then you come walking through my door. You gave me fucking hope and then you took it away. I , at least, deserve an explanation, other than this fucking note. We’re not kids, Lacey. You’re being ridiculous. None of this makes sense to me. Why leave if you were happy? Why rip out my heart on purpose. Did I hurt you? Did I do something that I’m unaware of?

Just talk to me.

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear him telling me he loved me and that we would find a way to be together, but it wasn’t going to happen that way. The inevitable had already occurred. Joey and I had missed our opportunity to work things out. Our lives were in two different places and there was no logical solution to that problem. We were doomed, probably from the beginning. I should have taken my best friend’s advice and stayed away from him.

I stared at the blank screen, thinking of what I could possibly say to him.

Only two words came to mind, so I typed them and hit send.

I’M SORRY.

The next few days were a blur and I refused to look at any of my new messages, on account of them being from him. I even avoided talking to Sky and Shayne. I knew that they didn’t deserve the silent treatment, but I had nothing positive to say and explaining myself would only make my wounds worse. In order for me to heal I needed to block out the world and give myself time.

There wasn’t a single second that went by that I didn’t think about Joey. He consumed me in one way or another and the ache for him grew. It was when I truly realized the difference between puppy and adult love. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that Shayne had always been my past. He was someone I imagined being with, but never really had completely.

Joey was the opposite. He was someone that I never imagined being with, but didn’t want to ever let go of. I could close my eyes and picture us in the future. I could see us settled down together and him coming home to me every night.

For the most part, I chalked my irrational thoughts up to being desperate. A part of me refused to let go of my feelings. It was useless to think that one day I was just going to wake up and have forgotten about our connection. Each time we separated, I found myself needing him more.

One day, more than a week later, while I was in class, I got a text message from a weird number. The vibration caused me to jump out of my seat, so I checked it immediately.

I LOVE YOU- Joey

My heart skipped a beat, before my mind could let myself get upset.

We weren’t together. He was free to move on and see as many women as he wanted. I’d given up on us and made that clear.

His words were like a ticking time bomb. An hour later I was in the bathroom, dousing my face with water, trying to calm down. I was fighting a losing battle with my heart and didn’t know what I was going to do.

All I knew was that the path I was on was destroying my livelihood. Something had to give.

If Joey couldn’t let me go, then I had to force myself to push him away.

That night, I pulled up my account and left him a message. It wasn’t the best decision, but he had to stop holding on to me.

Joey,

Please stop messaging me. We’re over. There’s nothing you can say or do. It was fun, but I can’t do it anymore.

Lacey

Hitting send was like drilling nails into my feet. I knew the repercussions of my words. I also knew that he’d come back one day and when he did, he’d want explanations. When that time came, I’d find something to say, but for now, it was all I had left in me.

Chapter 29

Shayne

When my mattress gave way, I opened my eyes to a bright room and a pregnant chick sitting on my bed. She handed me a cup of coffee. “Good morning.”

I sat up and grabbed the hot cup out of her hand. “Thanks.”

“Parker’s on his way here.”

I knew I had a shocked look on my face. “I was going to go see him.”

“Shayne, let’s be honest. We can’t keep pretendin’. I messaged him last night and he agreed to come and talk to me. We’ve never done it before, so I think it’s important.”

“Do you want me to leave?” I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to be a part of the conversation, being that they were the real parents. I was just some asshole taking care of her and holding her hand through all of this.

She reached over and touched my hand. “No. I want you to stay. He needs to hear how you taken care of me. He needs to know what you’ve sacrificed. You think I don’t see how miserable you are, bein’ here with me and bein’ seen out in public with me, now that I’m showin’?”

“Ash, I’m not embarrassed.”

“Deep down you know this isn’t your mess to have to fix. I know you keep doin’ it anyway, but enough is enough. You need to date and be happy again. I’m just holdin’ you back from that.”

Ashley couldn’t have known how attached I was becoming to her and the twins. She couldn’t know that I enjoyed her company and liked her being my roommate. We were awesome friends and I could tell her anything. In a way, I felt like she was pushing me out. “You’re wrong, but I’d like to hear what my brother has to say. The shit is gettin’ real.”

I hadn’t calmed down, even when she left me to get up and get dressed. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had no say in what was about to happen. My ‘do the right thing’ brother could have decided he wanted to step in, for some reason it bothered me. Ash and I had been living together for months. Our friendship had grown and I cared for those twins, more than he could. He didn’t even want them, claiming they were the biggest mistake of his life. Watching Ashley’s stomach grow and feeling them move, was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. They were little miracles and shouldn’t be taken as pieces of property.

Since I didn’t want Ash to notice how much it was bothering me, I kept to myself until my brother arrived. When I saw him standing on the other side of the door, I wanted to tell him to go away, but instead let him in and shook his hand. “Long time no see, bro.”

“Yeah, man. How you been?” Parker walked directly into the kitchen where Ashley was sitting on a stool. He froze, seeing her baby bump for the first time. “Whoa.”

“Nice to see you, too, Parker.”

He threw up his hands. “Sorry. I wasn’t expectin’ you to be so big.”

I could tell from the look on Ashley’s face that she took it the wrong way. She looked shocked, as if he called her a fat heifer and laughed afterwards.

“She’s carryin’ twins, little brother. That’s what happens.” I did my best to take up for her, but I could see that she was still offended.

She folded her hands on the counter. “I think we should cut to the chase. We all know why you’re here, Parker. I’m goin’ to be honest with you. You haven’t done shit for me and that night we spent together was a huge mistake. It never should have happened. Your brother has not only supported me, but stepped in and done everything to make sure your children have a home and they are provided for.”

“He volunteered that shit on his own. It wasn’t like I could leave school. I’ve got responsibilities.”

My brother was naïve. He had no clue how to be a parent, because he was just a kid himself. Ash was a good five years older than him and even she had her moments. “I did it because it was the right thing to do. Look at you, you’ve got your head so far up your own ass that you can’t see how serious this is. It’s not somethin’ that’s goin’ to go away. For the next eighteen years, these kids are goin’ to need a father.”

Parker sat down and placed his hands over his face, moving them up and down. He was frustrated, but I was about to kick his little ass. “What do you want from me? I didn’t come here to be ambushed.”

Ashley looked at me and smiled, but I knew it wasn’t a happy one. “Shayne, can you give us a minute alone?”

I was a little mad with her question. If anyone needed to leave the room it was my brother. I stood up and started walking toward the balcony. “Whatever.”

I stood out there, thinking about the whole situation and how my family was going to be devastated. Parker needed to tell the truth, before more time passed. My parents would forgive him. They would help him.

Then I started thinking about Ash and the twins. I thought about living in this apartment alone. I pictured my brother setting up the cribs and preparing their arrival. My hands clenched the railing thinking about it. I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but at some point, I’d become attached to them. I didn’t want to share and I sure as Hell didn’t want them leaving.

Unfortunately, it was out of my hands. Ashley was going to make Parker come clean. It wasn’t my place to ask her to continue with the lie.

After a while, she came out on the balcony. Her feet were bare and it was quite cold. “You need shoes on.”

“Your brother just left.”

“He didn’t say goodbye.”

She looked right at me, with no real apparent look on her face. “He’s goin’ to do the right thing, Shayne. It’s for the best.”

What could I say? They were his children, not mine. This had been temporary the whole time and I knew that.

It didn’t hurt any less.

Lacey

I wanted to think that life would be easier as the weeks went by. I steered away from the internet and hadn’t visited Sky and Ford at their apartment since I’d been home from Italy. After her begging, I’d agreed to spend the weekend with them.

I drove to the familiar location, pulled into the driveway, and stared at Joey’s door. Before I could get choked up, I grabbed my things and headed for Sky’s. When I heard someone calling my name, I felt dizzy, until I turned around and saw a younger version of Joey standing in front of me. Behind him was Shayne’s sister Peyton.

“Hey, Lace. How have you been?”

I shrugged. “Fine. What are you doing here?”

She looked at Jamey and then back to me. “We’re together. Since he’s watchin’ the place for his brother, I come here on the weekends, so we can be alone.”

“Your dad allows that?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m an adult. I don’t care what he says.”

I pointed toward Sky’s door. “It was nice seeing you, but Sky and Ford are waiting for me. We’re going to order dinner.”

Jamey grabbed my bag so I couldn’t walk away. “Wait. My brother gave me somethin’ to give to you when you came to visit. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but you haven’t exactly been around. Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t know what to do. My legs wanted to run toward Sky’s and never look back. I had no idea what he had for me, but anything that had to do with Joey was a bad idea.

Jamey came out and handed me a box. It was about the size of a shoe box. I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Tell him hi for me. He hasn’t called to check in for a while now.” I was puzzled to think that he hadn’t told his family we weren’t together.

“Sure.”

I walked away before they saw me starting to cry. By the time I made it inside Sky’s, I’d calmed down enough where she didn’t notice. I placed the box and my bag in the spare bedroom and went out to be with them.

No matter what we were doing, or talking about, all I could think of was the box, sitting in the other room, waiting for me.

I knew I shouldn’t open it, because whatever was inside was going to rip me apart.

Finally, after hours of watching movies and eating Chinese food, I made my way to the guest room and sat on the bed, staring down at the box in front of me.

He’d taped the edges, so it wouldn’t fly open. I used my fingernail to break it and lifted the lid off.

Inside was an envelope with a letter taped to the front. I recognized his writing, from notes he kept on the refrigerator. My name was written on the outside.

I opened the note and stared at it before I could let myself read.

Lacey:

It’s been three days since I found out that you slept with Shayne again. I guess part of it was my fault, for not being clear. You see, I’ve developed feelings for you, that I’ve never had for another woman. When you’re in my arms I feel complete and when you leave, I miss you.

I know I came on to you the wrong way. It was all I’d ever done, and I never expected us to be anything more than fuck buddies. The thing is, hearing that you slept with Shayne, ripped me apart. You can imagine what it’s like to hear that the person you’re in love with has gone back to their ex.