Replace Me (29 page)

Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with you.

I’m not writing this letter to win you back, or make you sad. I just thought you might want to know that you were never ‘just sex’. From the first moment I held you, I knew it was something entirely different.

I’ve been offered a position in Italy, and due to recent events, I’ve decided to seize the opportunity. It’s the chance of a lifetime and passing it up could change my future drastically.

I want you to know that I’ll think about you everyday. You opened my eyes and my heart to feelings that I never knew existed.

Thank you for being with me, even if our time was limited, I will never forget it.

Love: Joey

PS: I burned the naked photos of those women and put the charred remains in the bottom of this box in a bag. I also enclosed that t-shirt you looked so good in. Smile, Lace. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world when you do.

With no regard for my emotions, I picked up the t-shirt and smelled it. His scent was still on it. After holding it against my face and sobbing uncontrollably, I removed my clothes and slipped on Joey’s t-shirt. Then I crawled in the bed and pulled the covers, up before looking at the burnt pictures, enclosed in a plastic bag. I could see that they were the real pictures. Under the bag, there was one picture sitting upside down. It was printed from a computer, so I flipped it over, curiously wondering if he’d forgotten to burn one.

This picture was different.  It was me, sleeping in his bed. In marker, he’d written ‘Joey’ where his pillow sat.

I pulled the picture up to my chest and cried at the memories of waking up in his arms. I missed him more and more each day, and even time wasn’t alleviating the emptiness that was inside of me.

Sky knocked before coming into the room. She crawled in the bed next to me and hugged me close. “What’s wrong?”

“Joey left this stuff for me.” I handed her the letter and gave her a second to read it. With the look of shock, she sat the letter down and looked over at me. “You can’t keep going on like this. You’ve got to call him, Lace.”

“It’s been too long. Joey’s a grown man. He has needs. The women there are beautiful. He’s probably forgotten all about me.”

She smacked me hard on the arm. “Stop being a stupid bitch! He’s poured his heart out to you and you keep walking away from it. Lacey, you’re the one who is to blame for all of this. You’re the one making your life miserable. This man, the one that wrote this note, is crazy about you.”

I shook my head, still in denial that I could ever be happy. “It’s just too late.”

She stayed with me while I cried, but said nothing else. I got that she thought I was making a mistake. I questioned myself daily. Many times I wanted to hop on a plane and show up begging him for forgiveness.

I woke up in the morning to an empty room. Deciding that I needed to be alone, I packed up my things and left before either of them woke up. They didn’t need to see me this way and I couldn’t deal with them telling me I was making a mistake.

Chapter 30

Shayne

After Ashley announced that Parker was going to do the right thing, I sort of shut down. We’d spent so much time together and for some reason it was bothering me that it was going to be over. I didn’t get it, since we were just friends.

I refused to talk about it anymore and kept myself busy with work and getting the things for the twins in order.

On the weekend, I headed to the beach to hang out with Megan, in public, of course. She was finally being nice again and I enjoyed getting out of the house. It was weird, how all of the sudden my mind was on Ashley and the twins so much. I saw Ash every day and it wasn’t like we didn’t speak to each other.

We hung out all of the time, and shared a lot of similar interests. Her dad insisted that we have lunch with him one a week and it was fine, since he never questioned the paternity.

Since I was avoiding the subject, I didn’t want to ask Ashley when my brother was planning on coming forward with the truth. Each day that passed had me more confused.

Then out of nowhere, I got a text that I needed to come home. Ashley was only six months pregnant and she was being rushed to the hospital. I dropped everything I was doing and raced as fast as I could to get to her.

I did everything as planned, by calling my brother and letting him know she was having complications. With him on the way, all I could do was be supportive.

It took me a while to be able to see her. Once inside of her room, I found her in tears. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. “What happened?” I was too afraid to ask about the twins. If something happened to them, it would kill me.

“I was trying to get something on top of the fridge, when the chair gave out and I fell. I started bleeding and called for an ambulance.” She was already crying and I feared the worst.

“It’s goin’ to be okay.”

She shook her head and let me lean in to comfort her. “I thought I lost them, Shayne. The pains were terrible. I thought I killed my babies.”

I looked at her and couldn’t explain the happiness that came over me when I realized the twins were alright. “They’re okay?”

She smiled through her tears. “They were able to stop the contractions. The doctor says they are okay. He says I’ll probably have to stay on bed rest, and will end up delivering early, since it’s multiples.”

A knock at the door caught us off guard. My brother walked in like he was disgusted. Ashley became uptight. “What are you doin’ here?”

I was confused. She’d told me he was going to do the right thing. It made no sense why she wouldn’t have wanted me to call him.

He looked at me and then back to her. “It would have been cool if you told your roommate what I was plannin’.”

“Wow, you can’t even ask if their all okay? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Ashley grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Shayne, don’t.”

I pointed to Parker. “He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get that this is serious.”

“Yes, he does.”

Parker shook his head and handed me a set of papers. I didn’t understand what they were until I looked at them. “What the hell? When did you do this?”

I was looking down at papers giving up parental rights and he’d signed them. “I figured I’d give them to you now, since I was here.”

I looked from Ashley and then back to Parker. “Why would you do somethin’ so stupid?”

“Shayne, I ain’t ready to be a parent. I can’t do it and we all know it. Ashley and I made the decision, because too many people are goin’ to get hurt. It ain’t fair to make you lie about this anymore. Ashley’s agreed to tell her dad that she doesn’t know who the real father is, and that you were just being a friend to protect her secret. You’re free from it all. Don’t you want your life back?”

The question echoed in my ear, but I refused to answer it. Did they all really think that I just sat there, looking at the papers and then at the two of them. “Ash, is this really what you want?”

She shook her head. “I can’t keep expectin’ you to play house with me, Shayne. You’ll never know how much your friendship means to me, but I’m not bein’ fair to you. I’m goin’ to break the news to my dad and move back home. He’ll make sure the twins are provided for until I can figure things out for myself.”

“So that’s it? You’re just goin’ to move out?”

She nodded and it felt like she’d kicked me in my heart. I stayed there with her, until her parents showed up. My brother left shortly after our conversation and there was no changing his mind. He wanted nothing to do with those kids and it made me sick. They were our blood and he was pretending they didn’t exist.

I went home that night and sat down in the twin’s room. We’d started painting it different colors and one of the cribs had been put together. I opened the closet and looked through the neutral colored outfits and blankets. Ashley had decided that she wanted to be surprised about the sex and I couldn’t wait to find out what she was having. Whether it was nieces or nephews, I knew that I was going to love them.

Of course, her decision was impacting everything. I couldn’t tell them I was their uncle. I couldn’t ever let them know that we shared the same blood.

I sat in that nursery and sulked, thinking about having to give up two unborn children that I’d already fallen in love with.

Normally, if I was upset, I would have turned to Ashley for conversation or advice. Admittedly, she had become one of my closest friends and helped me through a lot since we’d been living together. Thinking about her not being around got me more upset.

Then I remembered something she’d said to me about love. She told me that she knew it was real when she couldn’t imagine not being with them. I thought about the twins and Ashley and what I’d signed up for. I questioned myself over and over.

When I was more confused than sure, I called Lacey. I needed advice and someone to tell me that I wasn’t just being irrational. My head was in a disarray and I couldn’t focus on anything except finding a way to keep her from moving out.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lace, it’s me. I’m sorry to call so late, but I’m in a bad way and I need your advice.”

“Are you okay?”

“No. I’m not.”

I proceeded to explain everything that had happened and the feelings that I was experiencing. Even after a few snickering comments, it was obvious to Lacey as well. “Shayne, I think you’re falling in love with them.”

Hearing the words were freaking me out. “Yeah right. She’s just a friend. I’ve known her for years. This was a favor for my brother.”

“Are you arguing with me, or yourself?”

“How could I let this happen?”

Lacey laughed at me. “You don’t let it happen, you fool. Love catches you by surprise when you least expect it. You’ve been living together for months. It’s only natural that you would develop feelings for her and the twins. You’re invested in them now.”

“What do I do now? She’s movin’ out. Her mind is made up.” I was fighting my feelings over what was taking place.

“Shayne, I never thought I’d be saying this, but one of us has to find happiness. You go after her. Did you ever consider that she’s leaving because she has feelings for you and feels guilty about it? You took her in and protected her, when nobody else would. She’d be a fool to not want you.”

“I talk to her about other girls. She knows I’ve been seeing someone.”

“Exactly. She thinks she’s in the way.”

“She’s not. She’s never been in the way.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, Shayne, but I think you need to talk to each other, before it’s too late.”

“You’re right. What about you, Lace? How are you doin’?”

She got quiet. “I miss him more and more each day. I thought I’d feel better as time passed, but the void in my heart is still there, reminding me every second of what I’ve given up. What if he was the one? What if he was my one chance at happiness and I pushed him away?”

“That’s not true and you know it. Look at us. We suck at romance.”

“True. At least you have a chance.”

“Ford’s goin’ to kick my ass again, but I think I want to date Ashley. I need to know if I’m being desperate or this is for real.”

“I better get going. I’ve got class in the morning.”

‘Thanks for the advice, Lacey. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“I’m glad too, Shayne.”

We hung up and I knew what had to be done. In the morning, as soon as visiting hours started, I was going back to that hospital and I wasn’t leaving until I knew where I stood.

Lacey

I’d slept in his shirt every single night, because it made me feel close to him. I missed him so much. My depression had never been so bad and my whole body ached every day.

Sky did her best to comfort me, but I was empty inside.

On a Friday, I drove to her place, planning on spending the night. Like always, Joey’s car and motorcycle was in the driveway. My heart skipped a beat when I glanced at them. After getting out, I noticed a bunch of other cars were parked along the road.

Once inside of Sky and Ford’s place, I noticed that they were getting ready, like they had plans to go out. I’d only packed comfortable clothes and had nothing to wear to go out anywhere, not that I was in the mood.

Sky came out in a skirt and blouse. She was hooking an earring in her ear. “Hey, you need to change.”

“Why?”

“We’re going to a party.”

“I’m not in the mood. I’ll just stay here until you get home.”

Sky pulled me by the arm. “I knew you’d fight me. Come on. You can wear something of mine.”

I pulled away. “Seriously, I didn’t come for this shit. I don’t want to go.”

She put her hands on her hips and gave me a dirty look. “You’re going. Don’t make me kick your ass.”

She practically undressed me and threw something tight over my head, pulling it down to my thighs. The black dress was way too hot for a normal party. “Where the hell are you taking me?”

She smiled. “It doesn’t matter.” She drug me into the bathroom, doing my hair and makeup. I felt like a cross between a princess and a hooker when she was done. “Look at you!”

I smiled and pretended to be excited. The three of us gathered together and headed outside, where I thought we’d be getting into a car. They looked at each other. “Shit, I forgot something. Can you help me for a minute?” Sky asked Ford.

“Can I get the keys? It’s freezing out here.”

I felt something being placed over my shoulders. It was black and leather and I turned to see who was offering me a coat.

My eyes had to be mistaken.

He couldn’t be there, looking back at me, like he was.

“Joey?”

He placed his warm hands on my cheeks. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t deal well with breakup letters.”

I was still in shock and my breathing was out of control. “When did you get back?”

“This mornin’.”

“Are you visiting?”

He shook his head and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs. We stood there, staring into each other’s eyes. “I came all this way to chase this girl. You see, I don’t chase women, but this one slipped away from me. She thought she was doin’ the right thing, I suppose. She didn’t get that I would have done anything to keep her with me. She didn’t understand that my future was nothin’ without her in it.”