Reservation (Preservation Series) (29 page)

“Ryan?” Kate darted forward in concern. “You look…pale. Oh my God, are you okay?”

“What are you—” I started but I couldn’t breathe. I was too busy staring at her face. It was the face of an angel, and I’d just pissed all over it by touching that selfish, conniving woman. I blinked, still working to steady myself against the wall. “Um, no, I’m not okay. Far from it.”

“Kate,” Carter’s voice came from the living room, “I’ll be downstairs, okay? So you guys can have a minute.” I hadn’t even realized he was standing there, but I did notice a box of Kate’s things in his hands as he slipped past us out into the hallway. Oh, fuck. This really was the end.

As if I wasn’t pale enough, I was sure more color drained from my face.

“How are you here right now? I was about to get on a plane.”

She placed her arm on my shoulder and my stomach dropped, thinking it might be the last time she ever touched me. “After I spoke to you last night, I took a walk on the beach. I was going out of my damn mind. So I said screw it and bought a ticket for the first redeye out. I told my boss there was a family emergency and just took off. I had to see you…you were right, I was afraid. I was being a coward. I was just so damn angry at you for not telling me these things. So mad that I had to find out through these pictures, these stories, all through the media. And then meeting Amy the last time I was in town…I just lost it.” She wrapped her arms firmly around me, and I just about fell the hell over.

“Kate, we need to talk.”

“I know,” she sighed into my chest, falling against me with all of her weight. No matter what she said Carter was to her, in that very moment, I was her anchor, not him. “That’s why I’m here.” Inhaling deeply, she pulled back to stare up at me. “You smell like stale booze and vanilla. Where have you been all night? When I got in, your phone was on the floor and Sam was calling me, freaking out. No one knew where you were. We were so worried about you.”

“Kate, can we sit down?”

“Yeah, okay.” She studied my face for a moment with a faint, anxious flicker in her eyes.

“I spent the night at my parents’ house. After you hung up on me, I…I lost it, too.” I watched carefully as she sat on the sofa, and my hands began to shake. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pant legs and started to pace.

“Ryan, what’s going on? You look sick. You’re scaring me. Look, everything we talked about last night, all this shit that’s been going on, we can work it out, okay? Together, we can work through this, just like we talked about in the beginning. I had my doubts, and I was scared last night. Everything was closing in on me and I just freaked. But I love you and I won’t run. I’m going to keep my promise. I’m ready to fight for this. For us—”

“Stop! Just stop, please!” My brows pulled together and I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to listen this. “You won’t feel that way when I tell you what happened last night, alright?”

She slowly rose to her feet, arms limp at her sides. “What happened last night?”

“I wound up at The Chateau.”

I chanced a peek at her face and regretted it instantly. Her pale skin went from ivory to stark white, her expression falling. Her voice went quiet. “And?”

“I wanted to be alone, just wanted to drink and have some time to deal with…everything you’d said on the phone. I thought it was the end, that you were leaving me. I paid Charles, the bouncer, extra just so I wouldn’t be disturbed.” My line of vision dropped to the carpet near her feet. I couldn’t handle her beautiful eyes staring back at me. “But I was. Disturbed.”

“Tell me. Tell me now.”

“Amy was there.”

Her hand cupped her mouth, and she staggered back, the heels of her feet hitting the couch behind her. She shook her head, silently begging me. I raised my trembling hands defensively, moving forward to lower myself onto my knees before her. I crouched down and peered up, channeling every ounce of sincerity I could muster onto my face and into my words. “I was mixed up, Kate. Hurt, angry, drinking—and none of it is an excuse, it’s just the truth. I stopped it before it went too far. I didn’t have sex with her, I swear on everything in my life.”

“Oh my God,” she whispered from behind her hand, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She started to shake uncontrollably, and I reached out to try and steady her hands. She flinched, jumping away from me. “You touched her?”

I reached again, this time for her legs, groveling at her feet like the pathetic excuse of a man I was, but she shrieked in anger, maneuvering around me. I struggled to my feet and spun around to face her. “She started taking her clothes off and she kissed me, and I just snapped. I kissed her back. Please, Kate, please listen to me. I’ll do anything. Anything on this Earth to prove to you that you’re all I want, all I need. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it. I can’t lose you.”

Her shoulders rose and fell as she breathed deep, her arms coming up to cross against her chest. She was holding herself just like she was waking up from one of her nightmares.

Now I was one of them.

“You went to….that
place
, and you knew exactly what you were doing there.” Her tone turned fierce, and her stance was clear—she would never forgive me. “You put yourself in the line of fire and then you touched that whore
,
while I was on a plane, on my way to come see
you
?” She stepped forward and ensnared me with her gaze, hot, angry, and silent tears trickling down her cheeks. “There is nothing on Earth you can do to make this right, and you know that. It’s why you look so sick and pale, because you know it’s true! You just confirmed my worst fears and if you expect me to stand here and give you so much as one more minute of my time, you’re out of your fucking mind.”

“No, no, no!” I raced to her side.

“You haven’t changed. You haven’t changed at all. I’m such an idiot.” She tore her ring off and chucked it to the floor, then pushed me out of the way and dashed toward the door, coming to a screeching halt when she opened it to find Amy’s pleased face.

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” She looked Kate up and down and then over at me, while dangling an envelope in front of her in the air.

Kate didn’t move. Her back was to me and she was staring straight ahead, right at Amy. “She knows where you live,” she said quietly.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Amy beat me to it. “Of course I do, honey. He used to take me home all the time. Why act surprised? It’s not as if you didn’t know it all along.” She smiled pertly at Kate, that wicked gleam shimmering in her cold eyes.

I surged forward and tried to step between them. “I think you’ve done enough fucking damage. Get off my doorstep right now.”

“Fine,” she sneered, slowly dragging her gaze from Kate to me, “but I thought you might want to know all of these lovely photos just went to The Daily Fill.” She tossed the envelope at my chest and I didn’t miss the way Kate turned her chin down in disgust as she inhaled, probably catching the same whiff of vanilla I did. “Maybe you’ll think twice next time you decide to leave me naked at The Chateau. I’m sure your precious Kate here will love seeing all the pictures of you and—”

I tried to stop it, but it was too late. Kate’s fist had already sprang forward and collided with Amy’s nose, a sickening crunch sound accompanying the blow.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kate said, watching as Amy fell to her knees. “Am I interrupting something?” She bent down and yanked her head up by her hair, dragging her forward to stare directly in her face. “You have no idea how pathetic you look showing up here like this, you know that? I suggest you listen to the man and get the fuck
out
. Now.”

“You crazy bitch!” Amy screeched, clawing desperately for the door frame to pull herself up. “Let me go!” Kate gave her another sharp yank and pushed her backward, letting her tumble into the hallway. Then she stepped over her and stalked toward the elevator.

I jolted forward to scramble after her. “Kate! Please, wait!” The elevator doors slid open and out stepped Carter and Dean.

I was pretty sure I was about to die a thousand deaths.

“Kate?” Dean rushed toward her, his hands reaching for her shoulders. She tried to dart around him, sniffling,sobbing, and emphatically waving her hands in the air.

Carter took one look at Kate’s state and bypassed comforting her altogether, instead stalking straight toward me. Fury was written all over his face as he reached out and shook me, using all of his force to slam me hard against the wall. His eyes flickered toward the apartment door and he caught sight of Amy stumbling to her feet. She held her bloody nose and darted off in the other direction toward the stairwell at the end of the hall, disappearing through the exit. “What did you do to her, you son of a bitch?” he yelled, shaking me harder. Never mind the fact that he was thinner and shorter than me. I let him toss me around. I deserved it. “Tell me what you did, Ryan!”

The sound of Kate’s voice pierced through the tension of the hallway. “It doesn’t matter, Carter, I’m done. We’ve got my stuff, let’s just go.”

Dean was holding her tight in his arms, panic and confusion sweeping his face. I broke free from Carter’s grip. “Why were you taking your stuff if you weren’t ready to leave me, Kate? Please, we can still fix this, please!”

Her head tilted a fraction in my direction, but she couldn’t look at me. “We had plans to start preparing for the move, remember? I was starting to move some of my stuff back to the apartment and Carter and Dean were helping. It doesn’t matter anymore, Ryan. This is over. Go on, run after your whore. That’s what you do when you can’t handle the tough shit, right?” She pushed past Dean and walked into the elevator, and he rushed after her, shooting Carter a look.

Carter shoved me back into the wall, his eyes blazing. “Don’t you ever speak to her again, you hear me? Don’t call her, don’t come to her, don’t look in her fucking direction. Just stay the hell away.”

And then he was gone, joining them in the elevator, leaving me with the scene that would forever be burned into my memory as the last place I ever spoke to Kate Parker.

My Kate.

14. SUNRISE

June

Post Kate

The chips were stale, and the soda was flat. Nothing in the kitchen tasted right anymore. My energy to go for my daily swims was depleted, but that was okay, because what little energy I did have left, I put to use taking leisurely strolls through the city. I hadn’t bothered to try and evade the photographers anymore. They followed me wherever I went, and I just let them do their thing. It was still hectic and annoying as hell, but the original aversion I’d felt to the whole scene seemed to fade into blackness. I couldn’t care less what pictures these people took anymore, and what was said about me in the media nowadays was immaterial.

Neda had assigned me a new publicist; a short, kind, balding man who was such a push-over, I found it a miracle he’d lasted as long as he did in the business. His attempts to clean me up and get me back on track were futile, but God love him, the man tried his best.

“Ryan,” Neda said to me on a Friday afternoon, “your tour starts one week from today. This is your debut novel, your first impression. You’ve missed three interviews in the past month, and the media is having a field day with you right now. This tour is turning into something it was never meant to be. No one is taking it seriously anymore, because they see that you’re not. It’s going to be a joke if you don’t get your act together. It’s going to be—”

“A laughing stock,” I finished her sentence. “That’s what you were going to say, right?” I sat slumped in her office, the tone of my voice mirroring my flat enthusiasm. I deserved to be a laughing stock.

I’d made Kate one.

Neda gave me a sympathetic glance. “That is correct.”

“Then what am I doing, Neda?”

“You need to ask yourself that question, Ryan. I cannot answer it for you. Bob Hall says you look like hell—and sorry to say, my friend, I agree—and you won’t listen to a thing Marcus has to say.”

“Marcus isn’t like Danny.”

“No,” she laughed, “he most certainly is not.” Since Neda fired and divorced Danny, she seemed lighter. More free. I envied her. “Have you considered any alternatives?”

“To what?”

“To this contract with Bob? I hear your—” she paused and cleared her throat—“I hear Kate is home from the West Indies, and that means you will likely run into her at Simon and Warden. Your paths will cross as her book releases. Is that something you can handle, Ryan? Because looking at you right now, I’m not so sure you’re ready for that.”

“What am I supposed to do, crawl in a hole and avoid her for the rest of my life?”

Neda sighed heavily and walked around her desk. Her patience was starting to wane. She stationed herself in front of me and crossed her arms. “You’ve come to a crossroads. If you want out of this contract, now is the time to say so, and you must be aware of the complications you’ll face. Not only with your career and reputation, but financially as well. The advance must be returned and there will be all sorts of other legal penalties and stipulations involved. Then there’s the film deal to contend with...it would be a mess.”

“I’m aware.” And I was. Since Kate left me, I’d done a lot of research. Mostly on the independent publishing world and the perks it had to offer in comparison to traditional publishing. For the first time, I’d actually considered writing and marketing my work all on my own. I suddenly found the freedom very appealing, given my lack of enthusiasm for the limelight I’d been thrust into. There would be no one breathing down my neck, no one directing me to do this event or that event, no pushy expectations or loss of creative control. Even if I didn’t have half the success I’d have with Simon and Warden, I could be happy. Content.