Reserved (31 page)

“Kenna?”

“What?” she yelled, and he heard something fall to the tile.

“What are you doing in there?”

She let out a sigh he could hear through the door. “I’m cleaning.”

“The bathroom is pretty clean already.”

“Yeah, well, that shows what you know. This grout is dirty. Just leave me alone.”

He said nothing, just sat there wanting to be near her.

She wasn’t scrubbing.

“Should we talk about anything?” he said quietly, somehow knowing she was on the other side listening.

“No.” Her voice was soft and close. She was sitting directly on the other side; he could feel her.

“Okay, well, since you’ve moved on and are clearly fine . . . you’re cleaning, so you’re obviously fine, I’d like to get a few things out.”

She was right there; he could hear her breathing.

“I miss you.” Three words and his eyes were already threatening to tear up. “And even though it’s not going to work and you’re doing fine, I want you to know that I’m still not giving up. I’m still loving you. Can you feel that, Kenna?”

Nothing.

“Maybe we both have things to learn. You know, we’re different, but that doesn’t mean this won’t work. Paige showed me this video once. It was an owl that was friends with a cat. I guess it was on some farm, she didn’t tell me, but it was pretty cute. There was a picture of this black cat with his paw around like a barn owl, I think. Weird, right?”

Nothing.

“I remember because I told Paige if those two could get along, maybe she could be friends with Sierra.” He laughed and wiped the tear from his face. “She scrunched up her face, you know how she does, and said that was different because Sierra was a predator.” He continued laughing and then he heard her through the door. At first, it sounded like she was breathing heavily again, back to cleaning, but Travis realized she was crying. He thunked the back of his head against the door. “Christ, Kenna, please talk to me.”

He heard a sniffle and then the scrub brush. Travis ran a hand over his face, stood, and went back to work.

Makenna couldn’t breathe. She heard him walk away, and now her sobs were coming in gulps of air as she continued scrubbing. She missed him, wanted him, but she wanted her sanity, her order even more. That’s what it had come down to for her over the last couple of weeks. Every time she looked at her phone or walked past him, she vowed to maintain her normal. She needed it for her daughter and for her own heart. It served neither of them if she was some mushy basket case, but her heart hurt every time she saw him and it wasn’t getting any better. She kept trying to move forward. It had worked before, but he was still there, still loving her, as he said.
This will pass
, she told herself. All she needed to do was to continue being complicated and he would eventually move on too.

Makenna sat Paige down that night and talked about the lunches and her Travis. She explained that he was part of her life, but maybe not as big a part as she was making him. She tried to direct her six-year-old back to Logan, Garrett, and her Donk. Of course, she didn’t say it, but she wanted Paige to know that these were the men in her life; they had always been there and would continue to be there even if things became complicated. She also wanted her to understand that while her Travis made great lunches, so did her Mama. Paige said she understood. Kenna knew it was as much as a six-year-old could understand, but things seemed to be under control. Kenna started putting carrots and little cups of buttermilk dressing in her lunch, and apparently Sierra asked her where she got the little cups. Major points!

Chapter Thirty-Two

S
age was already sitting on the yellow couch when Makenna arrived at Lux on Sunday morning.

“Where’s Paige?”

“Gracie and the babies. She never wants to leave the farm now.” Makenna took out her phone and showed Sage more pictures.

Sage took the phone and thumbed through the pictures, oohing and ahhing. “Can you blame her? I wouldn’t want to leave the farm either.” Sage held up the phone, and the screen was filled with a shot of Paige sitting on Garrett’s lap.

“Oh dear Lord.” Kenna snatched her phone back and threw it in her purse.

Sage laughed, and Makenna got in line for her tea. She was still trying to like the damn tea.

“So, how are things?” Sage asked tentatively and sipped her latte as Makenna sat down.

“Things are good.”

Sage tried to catch her eye, but Kenna was certain if she looked at her friend, she’d start to cry.

“That’s not incredibly convincing.”

“Well, it is what it is. We’re fine.” Makenna broke open her cranberry muffin and took a bite. “It’ll get better. I just need more time.”

“You know, you’ve been my friend for a long time and I love that you call me out on my bullshit, so I’m going to return the favor. You love that man. Did he screw up? Absolutely, and you should be enjoying watching his ass grovel, but what you’re doing has nothing to do with him. You’re blaming him for every letdown in your life, and that doesn’t seem fair.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be my friend?”

Sage laughed. “I am being your friend. You’re not going to be able to just clean him out of your life. He’s deep inside you, honey, and I think you have to face that, don’t you? Maybe you need my therapist. Do you want to talk?”

“No. I just want to go back.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t. What’s done is done. You love him, he loves you, and now the work begins. You’re all about work, so get in there. You’ve already had one great guy. I’m not sure you’re going to get another one if you two can’t figure this out.”

“I’m fine on my own. Paige and I are actually better than ever.”

“Again, babe, bullshit. You’re a sulky, distracted mess, and last week you hit the bathroom tile with a toothbrush. If that’s not a cry for help, I’m not sure what is.”

Makenna laughed. “I was just trying out this stuff I bought from an infomercial. I hate the grout in that bathroom.”

“Find a way to forgive him.”

Makenna started to cry and Sage pulled her into her arms.

“Fix this, honey, because I love you so much. Sure, you’ll survive without him, but it’ll break my heart to watch it, and after all, it’s all about my heart.”

Makenna laughed and wiped her tears on Sage’s orange sweater. “Have you always been this smart?”

“I really have.”

They both laughed.

“That, or I just read too many of those ‘be your best self’ books.” Sage finished her coffee and got up for another.

Makenna finished her muffin and split the side of bacon Sage returned with. They played a couple of rounds of their “What’s his story?” game, and Makenna cried again when Sage asked her to describe Travis if he walked in. He was no longer the hungover bachelor; his details were so vivid and she missed him.

“Did you really close your profile?” Makenna changed the subject.

“Yup, I’m officially off the market. I never liked shopping anyway.”

They both laughed.

“Besides, my cocktail contest is coming up. Can you believe it’s already October?”

“No. Any ideas yet on what you’re going to make?”

“I’m thinking of making something with rye.”

Makenna looked at her and Sage put on her very best confused face, but she wasn’t buying it.

“Maybe you should just tell him, you know?”

“Tell who?”

“Cut it out. Just be honest with him and say, ‘Garrett, even though you smell like a cross between dirt and sweat most of the time and even though I will never get you in a suit unless it’s for a funeral or a wedding and even though you have never shown one moment of interest in giving a woman what she needs or wants, I’m desperately in love with you and would like to have your children.’”

“Yeah?”

“I think you should go for it.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sage ate the last piece of bacon.

Travis spent Sunday letting Brick kick his ass again. He’d scheduled an extra session because he needed something to do, something to get his mind off of how the hell one field day had blown everything up. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with his completely jacked up panic attack or his family. He needed help, so after he crawled out of the gym shower, he called the one person he knew would have some ideas.

He watched Logan walk past the front window of Libby’s and then take a seat across from him.

They both ordered coffee, and suddenly Travis didn’t know where to start.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“So, how are things?” Travis winced at the stupidity of his question, but it was all he had.

“Huh, well, things are great with me, but you’ve been in a pretty big shitstorm lately. I’m hoping that’s what we’re here to talk about; why I left my warm fiancée alone in our bed on my one day off. Please tell me you have something more than stupid chitchat.”

“I don’t know how to get her back. It’s like there’s all this space between us and she won’t let me in.”

“Right, well, you left her.”

“What? Oh man, are you going to bring up the damn field day?”

“No. Maybe. It’s not the field day, but I’m guessing it’s how she’s processing it. Maybe I should back up. I’m not sure what you know and what you don’t know. You know the story of our mom. She left and blah, blah.”

Travis nodded.

“You might not know Makenna’s side, though.”

“Her side?”

“Yeah, she was a little younger than Paige. She was in kindergarten and our mom picked her up at half day. She was always late, so that was Kenna’s norm, but on the day she left, she never showed at the school.”

“Shit.” Travis ran a hand over his face.

“Kenna sat in the school office for four hours until someone told me and Garrett and we went to pick her up.”

Logan told the story pretty matter-of-factly, but Travis could still sense the pain—Logan’s and Makenna’s—and then it hit him.

“School. She was left waiting at school.”

“Bingo.” Logan took a bite of his toast. “I think that’s what this is all about, and if I know Kenna, it’s pretty deep in there, so she’s already buttoned herself back up.”

“What does that mean?”

“The week after our mother left, remember she was only five, Kenna cleaned her room from top to bottom. Lined up all her animals, folded all of her clothes, like she was getting ready for something.”