Resilience (16 page)

Todd kissed Adam’s hole noisily. Adam wanted to protest when Todd moved, but the

sound of the lube being opened, the gurgle of the gooey stuff being poured, shut him right up.

Then that cold liquid was being smeared around his hole, in his hole, and Adam was

babbling, begging, pleading. His need overrode his pride, and he sobbed as he opened his eyes and reached for Todd.

“I have you, honey,” Todd soothed, kneeling and pulling Adam’s hips up onto his lap.

“Like this, at least at first. I have to see you when I take you.”

“Todd,” Adam breathed as he felt Todd’s cock prod his hole. “I love you.”

Todd’s smile was so sweet it made Adam ache, fitting since Todd’s cock was doing the same, pushing in, spreading and stretching Adam’s opening in a mix of pleasure-pain. Todd shifted them then until Adam was twisted around, lying on one hip, his torso still flat with his back pressed to the mattress.

Satisfied with the positioning, and his gaze locked with Adam’s, Todd thrust, grunting as he buried his shaft to the root. Adam arched his back, popping vertebrae and clenching his ass against the spike piercing him. He panted and fisted his hands in the sheets, wallowing in the ecstatic sensations, in having his man inside him, joining them together in a new way.

“Can I move?” Todd asked, his voice strained.

Adam hadn’t realised he’d shut his eyes again until then, when he prised one open to see Todd. Was that consternation in Todd’s expression?

“Doesn’t hurt, baby,” Adam explained, while he could still speak. “Feels too good, so good, oh my God, yes, move!”

Todd did, with a decisive withdraw and thrust that sent Adam skittering a few inches up the mattress. He slapped his hands above him, whacking the headboard and grabbing a shelf to brace himself. Todd powered into him relentlessly, perfectly, shoving needy cries from Adam.

He started to reach for his dick, close to coming, but Todd grabbed his hand. Adam

cursed but then he gasped when Todd pulled out slowly. “What—” He didn’t get any further than that. Todd grabbed his ankles and pulled and flipped Adam onto his belly.

Adam was disoriented, but he wasn’t stupid. At least, his body knew what was what,

and he was up on his knees in a heartbeat.

“Yes!” he roared when Todd slammed back into him, no tender prodding or slow filling this time. Adam was getting the fucking he’d wanted, all primal and force, thrusts that rattled his teeth and made him scramble to keep upright. He ended up having to drop his shoulders down as Todd latched his arms around Adam, covering him and driving into him in shorter, harder thrusts.

Adam’s breath was driven from him with each penetration, raw sounds torn from him

as Todd ploughed into him over and over.

His balls ached with each slap of skin, and his dick was so hard his gut hurt from it.

Then Todd’s hand was around his length, and Adam screamed, unable to hold back as spunk shot from his cock.

“Agh!” Todd drove into him hard, and Adam’s legs shot out from under him. He was

pinned flat on the bed, his cock still spurting as Todd ground against him, into him. Adam felt the warmth of Todd’s release inside him, the first jet startling him, then, to his mortification, moisture slipped from his left eye—the traitorous one that leaked at all the worst times, damn it!

“Adam, Adam, Adam,” Todd panted, jerking above him, pelting his ass as if he

couldn’t get deep enough. Todd keened and went still after a mighty thrust, and Adam turned his head, wiping his cheek on the sheets, his heart soaring with a joy he hadn’t expected, and he swore he’d never lose it, never lose this man who meant more than his own life ever would.

Adam was trying to figure out how to get enough brain function together to speak just that sort of mushy declaration when the smoke alarm started blaring, and he decided it might be best to prevent the house from catching on fire first.

Todd had a plan. He hoped it was a good plan, but, considering what he knew, it could all blow up in his face and Adam would be the one hurt.

Taking any sort of risk with Adam’s feelings wasn’t something Todd would normally

do, but, the thing was, Adam was hurting regardless. Todd just really, really didn’t want to make it all worse.

The way he saw it, though—and he had examined it from every angle he could think

of—was that doing nothing was adding to the problem. All he was going to do was some digging around, use some of the resources he’d cultivated in the past couple of years. See what turned up. If it was a body, Adam would be crushed, for all that he’d tried so hard to brush off his friend’s abandonment.

Jameson Ventura had been—was still, even if only in memory—an important person in

Adam’s life. Todd didn’t believe Jameson had just up and forgotten Adam. How could

anyone forget Adam? Especially someone who’d loved him, and Jameson had loved Adam.

At first Todd had been jealous about it, and he wasn’t proud of the petty emotion at all. Now he understood, and honestly wanted Adam to have his friend back in his life.

What Todd feared, though, was the scenario that was most likely. People didn’t just

vanish because they were living a happy life. They didn’t get whisked off their feet by a stranger, run off with the stranger when they’d always been sensible before, or, if they did—

because by Adam’s account, Jameson had willingly moved away with his boyfriend—they

didn’t cut off everyone else.

Unless their partner, boyfriend, spouse, lover, whatever, was abusive. Possessive,

dangerously so. Todd had seen it too many times—hell, he’d lived it in a manner, what with his parents being twisted as they were.

It could have happened to Jameson. Statistically, it probably did. A whirlwind

courtship, a move away from everyone and everything familiar. Jameson would have had to depend on his boyfriend for everything. It was just the perfect sort of situation an abusive person wanted.

And, so, Todd had waffled about looking for Jameson, afraid he’d end up finding out

Adam’s friend was dead. There were so many unidentified bodies, and Todd’s

understanding was that Jameson had no family. No one would look for him, try to have dental records matched with remains or do whatever was necessary to determine if he was deceased.

The burden fell to someone else or no one. The latter was unacceptable. Adam had

shared stories about Jameson over the past two years. There’d been more than once he’d saved Adam from a really bad decision, possibly even saving his life in one situation where Adam had made the mistake of drinking too much then trotting off to an alley with a bit of rough.

Todd shuddered just as he did every time he thought about it. Adam could have been

raped, beaten, murdered. Jameson hadn’t allowed anything bad to happen to Adam other than a slap. From Adam’s telling of it, Jameson had burst out of nowhere (Todd imagined there had been a back door at the club, but what did he know?) and proceeded to stomp the shit out of Adam’s attacker. For that alone, Todd owed Jameson.

Todd looked over the notes he had. Jameson Ventura was average height and slender.

He had a black belt in tae kwon do, which explained how he’d kicked a bigger, more

muscular man’s ass. While some would say the black belt meant Jameson could never be a victim of abuse, Todd knew better.

Just because someone had the ability to use force didn’t mean they would, and almost everyone wanted to be loved, cherished. There were master manipulators in this world who knew how to exploit that need, and even someone with a black belt could fall victim to such a skilled sociopath.

Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, thirty-two years old. Disowned by his family, no arrests, nothing remarkable on the outside of his life. But Jameson had been a remarkable man.

Adam deserved to have his friend found, even if… Todd grimaced at the burning in his eyes.

He wished he weren’t such a wuss sometimes, but the idea of Jameson being dead hurt because it would decimate Adam.

Eventually he’d recover, sure, but there’d always be that pain, the loss of someone loved. There was the risk, but he had to take it. Adam, and Jameson, deserved to have the truth known.

Of course, there was always a chance Todd was way off base, and Jameson had just

been a really good actor. Maybe he’d never given a shit about Adam after all, or Jameson could have fallen into a drug or alcohol habit, or had a lobotomy…

Todd rolled his eyes at his thoughts. He was stalling.

After reading over what notes he had, Todd made a bullet-point list of what he needed to do. First, he would run a more thorough background check. He also wanted the full name of Jameson’s boyfriend, and all the details about the guy Adam could give him. Todd didn’t want Adam to know he was actively looking for Jameson, though, not until he had some idea of the man’s fate, so he’d have to pry carefully. Otherwise, he was afraid Adam would get his hopes up only to be more shattered—

Or Adam might tell him not to bother trying to find Jameson. Sometimes the pain of

abandonment was so deep Adam said angry things about his friend, which Todd

understood. He’d thought nasty stuff about Jameson too for hurting Adam, until it’d

occurred to him, in bits and pieces, that Jameson’s disappearance didn’t add up to the man Adam made him out to be.

So, information, more information, get Adam to talk… Yeah, he was going to blow that one.

Todd sighed and rubbed his forehead. He sucked at subterfuge. It was a damned good thing most of the crimes here in Shasta were petty things now that his father was in prison and his mother had moved away. Kaufman had disappeared, or, rather, moved, but no one cared

enough to find out where he was. Things were generally peaceful in Shasta.

He was going to have to tell Adam, wasn’t he? He hoped Adam didn’t tell him not to

try to find Jameson, because Todd had a gut feeling about it. He had to do it.

Todd was concentrating so hard he didn’t even hear the annoying electronic ding of the door to the sheriff’s office opening. He yelped and slid halfway out of his chair when Gabe spoke.

“Looks like you’re working hard,” Gabe said before snickering at Todd. “Well, maybe

not! Are you looking at porn while you’re working, Sheriff Benson?”

“Why would you even say something like that?” Todd asked, his voice pitching high

while he pressed a hand to his chest. Damn it, his heart sure felt like it was going to exit his body! Gabe had scared the tar out of him!

Gabe shrugged and his smile grew bigger. “Because you jumped and squeaked and

your neck and face are red? All signs of guilt to me, but, then again, I’m not the one wearing the badge.”

Todd could see Gabe’s point, but he was still wrong. Sort of. “You just… You s-scared the crap out of me. I was trying to figure out how to do something without pissing Adam off or hurting him.”

And, just like that, Gabe’s teasing stopped. He straightened up from leaning on the

door frame and walked over with a loose-limbed stride to plop down in the chair in front of Todd’s desk.

Then, keeping his eyes locked with Todd’s, Gabe put his elbows on the desk and

propped his chin in his hands. The sincerity in his green eyes warmed Todd through and through. Adam had had this kind of friendship with Jameson, and both of them deserved answers.

Gabe blinked once and sniffed the air, a weird habit he’d developed in the past year.

His eyes darkened and he seemed to grow more alert, although Todd couldn’t say how he knew this. He just knew Gabe, had for years, just as Gabe knew him.

Which was why, when Gabe looked at him with that kind, intent expression and said,

“Tell me what’s going on,” Todd did. And it was why he listened when Gabe suggested he come clean with Adam and tell him what Todd intended to do. Gabe was smart, he was

compassionate, and he could rip someone’s head off verbally in a way Todd envied.

Todd respected Gabe as much as he respected Mika and Adam. He felt better having

heard Gabe out. Todd couldn’t imagine his life without a friend like Gabe in it. No one should have to go through life without one good friend who could be depended on to set them to rights when they were about to screw up.

“You’re going to try to find Jameson?” Adam leant back in his chair when Todd nodded jerkily. “I’m not sure…” God, his throat felt so tight and dry it wasn’t funny. But, then, nothing about this conversation was funny. “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea,” he finished lamely.

Todd reached over the table and took Adam’s hand in his. His earnest expression

touched Adam, chasing away the beginnings of a dark mood that could consume Adam if he wasn’t careful. “Why are you afraid to find him?”

Why was he? Adam’s mind spun with two reasons that tumbled from his lips as soon

as they popped up. “Because he might not have wanted anything to do with me anymore.

I’ve been an ass quite often in my past. Or he might be d-dead. I’d rather believe he just hated me than find out something bad had happened to him.”

Adam clenched Todd’s hand in his when Todd started to rise. He shook his head,

knowing he’d end up a sobbing mess if Todd came over and held him. “You have to understand, Jameson is one of those people, like Gabe except nicer.” Todd laughed, and the warm sound helped Adam gather a little more of his control back. “At first glance, he might have seemed plain, but when he smiled? Oh, man, I’ve seen guys trip over their own feet, even seen one walk into a door and brain himself because he was too busy staring at Jameson.”

Todd’s half-grin was every bit as transforming in Adam’s opinion. Todd cocked his

head towards the living room. “He just looks like a guy in the picture of you two at Lost Maples.”

It was nice of Todd to say so, but Adam knew better. Jameson’s happiness, his

enjoyment of the outdoors and, yes, Adam’s companionship, had shone in his entire