RETRACE (23 page)

Reeves doesn’t sleep this night and I know it because each time I turn through my sleep and open my eyes to him, he is watching me. The next time when I blink my eyes into his, the room is enfolded in soft, pre-dawn light. Reeves stretches his arm for me to nestle on his chest.

Half a sleep I say, “I’m tired, I’m so tired of always being torn, every smile that I smile feels like a betrayal. Each time I laugh I feel like I shouldn’t. How can I laugh and enjoy life when I took the ability to do so from someone else, from someone I loved so much?”

“I’ll make you smile, Nia. No matter what it’ll take of me, I’ll make you happy. I’ll even find you your happy date.”

I lift my drowsy eyes to his and smile. “You make me happy.” Not long after, I finally feel Reeves’ steady breath beneath me and close my eyes, calm and content.

My smile is threatening to rip my face in half as I look at the note Nia left on my pillow this morning, again. I’d step into hell with the wildest of smiles, without even the slightest of hesitations feeling as I feel right now.

Had to go, early class… See you later.

Love u,

Me.

How did this happen? She really loves me? It wasn’t just something she’d blurted last night under a pile of emotions.

Even though this day has been a total bitch, having Jake scold my ass off for my brilliant performance last night. Having a mid-year call with my dad which always ends up with me feeling like someone has just pummelled my gut. Having the most awkward coffee in the history of awkward coffees with Katie. She was crabby in “I got my period and someone ate my cookies” kind of way. When I tried to find out what was wrong she almost bit my head off. All in all, I don’t care. I’m too excited to see Nia soon, all the rest can really just go to hell.

It’s true, time tends to crawl when you’re waiting for something you really want— your favorite song to start, your favorite dish to arrive when you’re starving. Time fucking drags when you’re waiting to see your girl.

“Here’s your drink, just don’t beat me up,” Dan says, sliding a glass my way. They’ve been giving me shit, Eileen and Dan, for the last half hour about me losing it last night. They both snicker at Dan’s last witticism. I shake my head with a friendly-warning gaze.

“Okay, that’s the last I hear of it, one wrong word more and
I will
beat you up, Dan. And you, I’ll just lock you in the storage room.” I look at Eileen, saying the last part with a tug of my lips.

“I’m game, Reeves, as long you are locked up with me.” Eileen winks, making sure her voice has a sultry lilt. They grin at me in unison.

“Do you still have your job?” Eileen plants her elbows on the counter, talking low enough to make our conversation private.

“Don’t worry, still got my job.” It was never at risk, not that I’m about to explain to anyone about my special terms of employment with Jake.

“I’m glad, you know I kinda have a crush on you.” She winks again, I chuckle. We both know it’s just a friendly tease, she loves her cat and mouse thing with Dan.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, I get it and read a message from Nia.

Can you meet me in the toilets in 5?

My lips pull up so hard and fast, in a nanosecond my face is lit up like a Vegas strip.

Dig where you’re going w/that. No to the toilets though, there’s a room at the back, second door from the toilets, be there.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not already semi-hard.

As I spot Nia a few minutes post-text, entering the bar with a cheerful group and a very joyful Alex, I make my way to the notorious backroom, boner still intact.

She doesn’t even have a foot in before I grab her and pin her against the door I’ve just kicked shut. My mouth swallows her yelp of surprise.

“Hi beautiful.” I lunge my tongue inside her sweet, sweet mouth. My hand flings her thigh around my hip. Instinctively, her hands reach my neck. She absorbs my kiss with smiling lips. I lean back to look at her.

“Oh, hi there.” She grins.

“Hi yourself.” I lean in and bury my tongue in her mouth again, determined.

“Reeves,” she mumbles through our vacuumed lips, “hey.” She brings her hand between us and lightly pushes my chest back.

My brows constrict thickly as I reluctantly ease back. I cock my head, prompting her to explain this ridiculous pause.

“I wanted to talk to you before we go outside and join everybody.”

“Listening.” I kiss a freckle just above her collarbone.

“Can we keep our thing private?”

I stop short with my lips next to another tiny dot, and my eyes tip up. Not feeling the love for her hesitant tone, or the words that just left her sexy lips.

“What do you mean?” I slant back, studying her expression.

“I’m just not ready to talk about… There are some really nosy people out there. And well, Paul is Kenneth’s brother. I think it’s better not to shove
us
in his face.” The mentioning of Fishguy rubs me the wrong way, to say the least. “Please?” She leaves a supple kiss on my lips.

“Fine.” I twist my mouth and help her to her feet.

“I’ll go out first,” she says. She brushes her hand on my chest before turning on her heels. “I’ll make it worth your while later.”

My lips reflexively radiate joy. Yeah, I’m a guy, that just made everything okay.

I grab her arm before she reaches the door. “
your home
this time, Nia.” I say it gravely enough to convey the weight of my solemnity. A surrendered sigh and a short nod confirms her acquiescence.

As Nia joins her friends, I go hang out with Jake in his office, counting the minutes till Nia and I split out of here to be together, alone. I aim a dart at the board as I listen to Jake tell me he spoke to Hunter yesterday. Not that I haven’t seen this one coming. I know full well I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear.

“I’m sorry man, I had to,” he says after telling me he told Hunter about my outburst. My immediate exasperation is channelled into my throw. The arrow collides with the pierced dock foam with a distinctive thud. I stay with my back to Jake, listening to his next words, moving the last arrow from hand to hand.

“You might be out of the intel circle for the time being, it’s up to him to decide, I’m just giving you a heads-up. Now, as you can imagine the offer from a couple of days ago is off the table, I’ve assigned that job to Malcolm this morning.” Jake pushes out his next exhale. “Hunter said he’ll drop by to talk to you. He wants you back in therapy.”

I turn back to look at him.

“Reeves, there’s one thing going all caveman, beating up whoever touches your girl, it’s a completely different song losing control on a job. No matter how you put it, you still lost control.” There’s nothing I can say in my defence, he’s absolutely right.

“Will you?” Jake shrugs off his jacket, throwing it at the back of a chair.

I watch my fisted palms and release the grip. “I’ll schedule an appointment with Dr. Barnes.”

Jake takes a couple of steps my way. With his hand curling around my shoulder he says, “it’s the right thing to do.” I nod. “And I’m sorry I had to take back the job offer.”

“I assumed you would. I wasn’t going to take it anyway. I don’t want to be away for such a long time.”

It’s his turn to nod. “Wanna join the people?” He tips his chin toward the bar.

“Yeah,” I answer, still considering what I’ve just agreed to. I hate therapy. I can’t stand talking about everything I’m trying so hard to keep tucked away.

Walking out of the corridor that inhabits the storage room, Jake’s office and the toilets, my eyes skim the room. When they land on a smiling Nia, my lips arch. Nia’s group starts a semi-slurred, but much elated, “Happy Birthday Alex,” as Jake and I reach the bar. We turn our heads to the loud crooning that’s followed by whistles and cheers.

“Yo, throw me the Partido,” Jake calls to Dan, who in return flings a half empty Tequila bottle over the counter right into Jake’s waiting hand. “Get some glasses,” he asks of me.

“To the birthday girl,” Jake holds a shot glass in the air moments later, prompting everyone at Alex’s table to raise their own full glasses. When we throw back our shots, Nia and I do it with locked stares.

“So how old is the birthday girl?” Jake eyes zero in on Alex’s deep cleavage. She slants her gleaming eyes at him and he gifts her with his trademark crooked smile. She slowly drinks him, running her eyes over his faded jeans, dark, tight tee, prickled jaw, and straight, unruly auburn hair. The girl has so much sass in her eyes it’s almost impossible not to smile. “Old enough for everything naughty big girls can do.” She cocks her purple spiked head sideways with a devilish grin.

Jake’s head drops back with a chuckle which makes me wonder what the current status quo between Carmie and Jake is. It usually varies from “seeing” other people while together. To “seeing” other people
together
. Or the last one which is a great rarity: not “seeing” other people at all. I’d go with either option one or two, higher stakes on two, given Carmie is currently still living with Jake.

Validating my assumption, Jake doesn’t dawdle much before turning a seat next to Alex and sits himself with his chest pressed to the chair’s back. He leans in and whispers something to her attentive ear that ends with both regarding each other with a knowing smirk. I’m far from being a prophet, but I see a threesome in the near future.

Checking how I could thread a chair next to Nia’s, my eyes catch a glimpse of a blond, wavy halo entering the bar’s space.

It’s time I had a serious conversation with her. Due to her dinosaur with cramps mood this morning I didn’t get to that earlier when we met. I leave the group and head toward Katie.

After our usual kiss-hug greeting ritual, Katie asks me to dance with her which I dismiss by telling her we need to talk. She tells her friends she’ll be right back and follows me to Jake’s office. I close the door behind us and face Katie, donning a firm expression.

“What did you tell Nia?” I forego the kid glove treatment I usually give Katie.

“Um, what do you mean?” A light flush spreads on the apples of her cheeks. Her hands, much more incriminating, knot together.

“Katie…” I look at her pointedly. Her head dips and her eyes move to her fidgety fingers. I take a step forward and take her clutched hands in mine.

“Katie, you’re the closest thing to a family I got. I care about you immensely.” She lifts her light blue eyes to mine. Her white cotton dress clad body stiffens as she waits for me to go on. With my free hand I caress her cheek. “Please don’t abuse that. You know I could never stay mad at you. You know I’d do anything to make you happy, right?”

She utters a soft, “yes.”

“Can I ask you to do the same for me?” I hold her timid stare. “Katie,
she is
my happy. Nia is
my happy
.”

She gives me a reluctant affirmation which is followed by a compromising nod. “Are you guys together now?”

I clearly hear the undercurrent of dejection in her voice, however, I guess I need to hand it to her as it is. There isn’t really much I can say to embellish or soften the fact that Nia and I
are
officially together now.

“We are. Please treat her nicely next time, can you do that for me?”

I find it somewhat immature that her answer is a shrug.

“It doesn’t change anything between us, I’m still here for you, just like it’s always been. Anything you need, Katie. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” she answers, still not exactly the happiest camper.

“Let’s get back so I can buy you a drink.”

“You better…” She finally smiles at me.

Nia’s eyes burn at us as we step back into the bar. Her stare retreats when she notices Katie giving me a hug after I buy her a drink.

When I reach them, Paul, Fishdude’s brother, glares at me. Alex’s hand is already on Jake’s thigh, and Nia is focused on whatever the blondie next to her is saying. Since Nia is bunkered on both sides, I take a seat opposite her. My irritation spikes when I think about her ridiculous request, which I’m not sure why I’ve agreed to, to play it as though there’s nothing between us. I reach for my phone and text her.

I talked to Katie.

Nia grabs her device and checks the message. She shifts her head to look my way and shrugs.

I told her about us.

This time her eyes jolt to mine, I nod with a hint of a smile.

Told her you’re my happy.

The stunning smile that lights her face is incredible. I notice how she is making a visible effort to look attentive to whatever the blonde beside her is chatting about in her ear. Each time Nia steals a gleaming peep my way, my smile grows bigger. I just watch her, my chair slightly leaned back by the press of my foot on the table’s leg, peeling the label from my bottle. I plead guilty to obsessed, I just can’t take my eyes off her.

Everyone, those who are intoxicated, and those just lightly buzzed, shoot the shit for too long. Just when I’m about to go all caveman on Nia, throw her over my shoulder and take her home, screw whatever I’ve agreed to earlier, she beats me to it.

I literally spit the next swig of my drink as Nia asks out of the blue, “who’s up for a game of Scrabble?” I’m in love…

“Good game. Big fan,” I say with a humoured bite.

“Are you any good?”

“I can hold my own.”

“You do, huh?” She teases. The pull of her lips is mighty adorable. I nod, my eyes jumping with mischief. It seems like everyone at the table is either too shitfaced or has lost interest in our little exchange.

“You up for a match?” She pretends to crack her knuckles.

I snort a laugh. “Oh, believe me, I couldn’t be more ready.”

“I’m so going to own your ass…”

She grins at me while I rock back on my chair, my eyes already stripping her off her clothes. I stand and gesture with my hand, over the packed table, for Nia to go ahead. “After you, darlin’.”

We meet at the table’s end where Alex is about to give Jake a lap dance. I bring my hand to the small of Nia’s back, looking to guide her out of the bar, when Jake’s voice stops us.