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He glanced at his watch and shifted his weight. The occasion warranted something new, so he’d bought a pair of black dress slacks and a short-sleeved, pale blue, button-down shirt at a shop on Fifth Avenue.

The ring was in his pocket.

His thoughts ran a hundred miles an hour while he kept his eyes glued to the elevators. Maybe they’d settle in New York after all. Fighting fires for the FDNY had gotten into his blood, just the way Jalen said it would. He was healing from the loss of his friend, a little more each day. Twice during the past week he’d taken a call, rolled on it, helped put out a fire, and handled the cleanup without ever once imagining that he was doing the work in Jalen’s honor, keeping Jalen’s memory alive.

No, more often lately he was working for himself, savoring the rush, enjoying making a difference in a city of seven million people. A city in desperate need of firefighters. Where every call could mean life or death. And now that he’d been offered a lieutenant’s position…

A future in New York City seemed to have God’s fingerprints all over it.

One of the elevator doors opened, and Ashley stepped out. The sight of her made him gasp just a bit. Her outfit, a sleeveless gray top and black pants, was silky and moved with her. She was striking, and people around her took a second look as she passed. The guys at the fire station thought she looked like Winona Ryder, and she did. But something in her eyes was deeper, more loving than any starlet’s.

She saw him and smiled, clutching a small bag to her side, making her way closer. He reached into his pocket and felt the velvet box.
God, bless this night. Make it special so the two of us will remember it forever.

When she reached him, she slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Hi.” She pulled back and smiled.

“Hi.” He caught something in her expression—regret, maybe, or fear. But just as quickly it was gone, and he dismissed the idea. He put his arm around her waist and drew her closer. “So tell me what happened.”

“Today? At the gallery?” Her eyes shone, but something tired remained in her expression. “It went great. They loved the new pieces.”

“And you promised them three more in a few weeks, right?”

There it was again—something strange in her eyes, something he was certain he’d seen. A sorrow, almost. But what could she possibly be sad about? Her life was playing out like some kind of magical dream.

When she said nothing, he angled his head. “You aren’t waiting until fall, are you?”

She bit her lip and let her gaze fall to his chest. “I’m not sure.”

“Hey—” he lifted her chin with his fingertips—“you have to come back sooner.” The feel of her in his arms was intoxicating. He leaned closer and kissed her, slowly, with a passion that went way beyond desire. “I missed you, Ash.”

“Me, too.” Her eyes closed, and this time she moved her lips over his. The contact was brief, but it let him know for certain that she loved him the way he loved her.

He drew back and studied her. “You look beautiful.”

“And you.” Her voice was breathy, and she raised an eyebrow as she took in his new outfit. “Nice.”

“Thanks.” He grinned and pointed to the restaurant. “I made reservations.”

His hand found hers, and he led the way across the lobby. The place was dimly lit, with candles and linen cloths on each table. A maître d’ led them to a high-backed leather booth in a quiet corner, several spots from the place where a pianist was playing a slow Lionel Ritchie number.

They sat across from each other and looked at their menus. Landon was too excited to eat, but he didn’t want to give away the surprise. He scanned the items and then looked up and caught Ashley’s eye. “Hungry?”

For a moment, it looked as though she might shake her head, but then she nodded. “Sure.”

Throughout dinner they talked about the gallery and the break in the humidity, which had made for gorgeous Manhattan weather. Landon asked about Kari’s wedding shower, and Ashley told him every detail, how all her sisters were there and how the guests insisted Kari replay her story of meeting Ryan and falling in love with him.

“When the shower was over, the four of us sorted through Kari’s gifts and stayed up talking until after midnight.”

“That’s one thing I always knew would happen.” Landon tore off a piece of his dinner roll and popped it in his mouth.

“What?” Ashley studied him over her iced tea.

He finished chewing and swallowed. “The four of you girls would wind up being friends.” He could feel his eyes sparkling. The moment was getting closer. As soon as the waitress cleared their plates, he was going to reach for the ring.

He focused on what he’d been saying. “I remember when you thought Brooke didn’t care about you or Kari or Erin. When any of you might not have been getting along.” He felt the corners of his mouth rise. “But you Baxters have too much love to stay apart for long.”

“That’s why the Luke thing is killing us.” She narrowed her eyes. “All of us.”

Landon reached his hand across the table and took hold of her fingers. “You know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”

She ran her thumb over his and looked deep into his eyes. “What?”

Again he sensed a heaviness there. Something wasn’t right. But soon things would be better than they’d ever been for either of them. Then the strange fleeting sadness would be gone from Ashley’s eyes for good.

He forced himself to concentrate. “Reagan’s going to call Luke.” Landon hesitated. “He’ll go to her, and they’ll fall in love all over again. Then he’ll return to your parents and make everything right. He and Reagan and their son.”

She smiled. “Sounds very storybook.”

“That’s the thing about the Baxter family.” Landon gave a light chuckle. “No matter where life takes a strange twist or turn, the final chapter always works out.” He hesitated. “Look at Maddie.”

“Yes.” Ashley brought his fingers to her lips and kissed them. Her eyes never left his. “It always works out, but not always how everyone thinks it will.”

Landon blinked. Why did he have the feeling they were talking in riddles? He kept his fingers woven together with hers and told her about his time with Reagan. “This time I think it will, Ash. Not the way they’re worried it might, but the way everyone thought it would a year ago.”

The waitress cleared their plates, and they turned down dessert. When they were alone, Landon eased his hand from hers and slid it into his pocket. For a long time he stayed that way, his hand wrapped around the tiny velvet box, his eyes captured by hers.

When he finally spoke, his voice was filled with an emotion deeper, different than any he’d ever known before. “Ashley, I have something to ask you.”

Then, as her mouth fell open and before she could say another word, he slipped the velvet box from his pocket and placed it on the table where they could both see it. Even in the warmth of the candlelight, Landon could see the blood drain from Ashley’s face, see her expression go from shock to dismay to something that looked like sheer terror. And for the first time since he’d had the ring made, Landon considered something he’d never even fathomed before.

What if she said no?

T
HROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EVENING,
Ashley had kept her composure.

When she stepped off the elevator and took in the sight of Landon, all six-foot-four inches looking like he belonged on the cover of a calendar. When she came near and breathed in his cologne and the faint mint of his breath. A moment later when they kissed. She’d even remained calm throughout dinner, when she knew her announcement was coming, that they had less than an hour to share together this way. Less than an hour.

For all time.

Through all of it she kept herself from breaking down, forced herself to enjoy the evening with him since it would be her last. But when he brought out the velvet box, the ground beneath their table tilted wildly out of control. Her cheeks flashed hot, and then she felt the blood drain from her face and neck.

“Landon…” His name came out as a faint cry, a plea for help. She stared at the velvet box and shook her head. “What…are you doing?”

Disappointment splashed across his features, and she hated herself for ruining this night. Along with everything else her positive blood test would take from her in the years to come, it wanted this night first. This moment.

“Ashley, I…”

His voice faded, and he brought his lips together. Instead of talking, he opened the box and held it up so she could see what lay inside. Her breath gathered in her throat and stayed there. It was a ring—an engagement ring. A solitaire surrounded by three smaller diamonds on each side, all set in the most brilliant white gold she’d ever seen.

She reached out and let her fingertips play over the top of the stones, and almost without realizing it she began to shake her head. Her eyes lifted to Landon’s, and she hated the pain she saw there, the raw mix of confusion and anger and frustration.

Tears filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks before she could stop them. “Landon, I can’t…”

He stood then, holding the box, and slid around the table to the seat next to her. “Ashley, I haven’t even asked you.” His voice was a strained whisper, racked with questions he must’ve been afraid to ask. He set the box on the table and took her face in his hands. “I’ve been planning this for months.” He swallowed, but still his tone was tight, almost desperate. “Last time we talked I told you we should get married and you…you seemed okay with it.”

“Landon…” She let her face fall forward just enough to rest in his hands. As she did her tears came harder and she closed her eyes.
God, deliver me from this. I can’t bear it.

The time had come to tell him the truth.

He must’ve taken her silence for acquiescence. “Ashley, it’s okay to be nervous. Maybe it’s too soon. I just thought we could make a plan now so that when I—”

“Stop.” She opened her eyes and lifted her head from his hands. For a long while she searched his face, his expression. He had to know, before he went another moment thinking that somehow she doubted her feelings for him or that she wasn’t sure about the life they might’ve shared together. She took his hands. Her fingers eased between his, and together their hands fell to the table between them.

“Ashley…” His expression looked stricken, tight and pinched, almost worse than it had the afternoon of September 11 before he boarded the bus for Manhattan. “What is it? What’d I do?”

“Not you, Landon. I love you more than life.” She gave his fingers the gentlest squeeze and forced herself not to fall into his arms and weep for the sadness exploding within her. “It’s
me.”
She clenched her jaw. The simpler she could make the news, the better. “Something’s happened.”

“What?” The ring box still lay on the table, cold, untouched. “Whatever it is, we’ll work it out.”

Her tears came harder, silent and steady. She shook her head and sniffed. A flood of sorrow the size of Niagara Falls was pressing at the door of her heart. If she didn’t hurry, none of what she had to say would make sense. For several seconds she closed her eyes and held her breath. Then—as she’d done on the airplane the day before—she exhaled through pursed lips. And somehow she found the strength to meet his eyes once more.

“Tell me, Ashley.” With slow movements he loosened one of his hands from hers and took hold of the linen napkin still stretched across her knees. He dabbed a corner of it beneath her nose and along the outline of her jaw. Then he set the napkin down, leaned forward, and kissed away the tears from first one eye, then the other.

Ashley melted beneath his touch, but it took only a few seconds for her to stiffen, sit straighter as his hand found hers once more. It was wrong to wait, but she didn’t know where to begin.
How
to begin.

Landon searched her face and tried once more. “I’ve known the best and the worst about you, Ashley Baxter. Whatever it is, just tell me.”

She’d prepared for this moment since getting the news more than twenty-four hours ago. She’d known then that when she told him, he would insist on maintaining some kind of relationship. A friendship, maybe—or even an engagement—something they could take one week or one day at a time.

But she’d made up her mind. Landon was young and kind and impossibly attractive. She would not have him waste time on her when they could never have a future together.

She sucked in a slow breath and held it for a moment. Her heart was racing, but that was okay. Whatever happened next, she had to tell him. “Several days ago—” her eyes found his—“a woman from Paris called me. She…she said she’d been asked by a doctor to contact a list of names.”

Confusion reigned in Landon’s eyes. “From Paris?”

“Landon…” Ashley’s mind was spinning. She tightened her grip on his hands and struggled to find the words. “Jean-Claude is dying of AIDS.”

A series of emotions flashed across his face: shock…disbelief…horror…and finally hope. “It’s been years since—”

“Landon.” She let her gaze fall again. His eyes were too kind and deep, and she needed a few seconds to build up the strength to continue. When she looked up, her vision was blurred by fresh tears. “I took the test last week.” The pause that followed was the longest silence in her life.

“And…” One emotion remained in his voice now. A raw kind of fear that knew no bounds.

“It was positive.”

There. She’d said it, and now nothing between them would ever be the same again. She let her chin fall, let her eyes find the place where their hands were linked. When she spoke, her tone was so broken she barely recognized it. “I’m sorry, Landon.”

For several seconds he said nothing. Then his words rushed out, as though by asking questions, by searching for answers, he might somehow change the situation. “Tests can be wrong, Ashley. Where’d you have it done?”

Before she could speak, he had his own answer. “Wherever it was, it doesn’t matter. Mistakes happen. Besides, even if it
is
positive, there are options these days. Drugs…medicine. It’s not like it used to be, you know that, right, Ashley?”

“Don’t, Landon.” She freed one of her hands and brought it to the side of his face. Her fingers moved along his cheekbone, down the length of his jaw, memorizing the feel of him. “It’s over.” The tears spilled onto her cheeks again. “God wants me to move on, return to Cole, and figure out some kind of treatment.” The lump in her throat felt like a grapefruit. “I have to let you go.”

“No!” A controlled anger shook Landon’s voice. “I want to marry you, Ashley. We’ll find a way to make it work, we have to, no matter what happens.”

She let her hand fall to her lap. In her rehearsal of the conversation that was taking place, she had imagined a dozen things. That he would tell her it was a mistake and insist on another test; that he would promise her he still cared, still wanted to be in her life even if she was HIV positive.

But she had never expected a marriage proposal.

Seconds passed, and she could do nothing but stare at him, allow him to fill her senses while she marveled at the man he was. The man he’d always been. But his goodness made her decision all the more firm. A man like Landon deserved a wonderful life, a healthy girl with a future ahead of her, a woman without a sordid past who could give him a family and a lifetime of happiness.

And he’d find that woman only one way.

If Ashley climbed onto an airplane bound for Indianapolis and never looked back. Not ever. No matter what he thought he wanted, that would be the best thing for him, the thing that would prove her love for him like nothing else she could ever do.

“Ashley, what are you thinking?” Fear was back in his voice. “I don’t care about the test.”

She closed her eyes one more time, and when she opened them she felt more composed. Her mind had been made up since she’d learned about Jean-Claude. Now they needed to find some place where they could say good-bye.

She caught his gaze and held it. “Can we get out of here?”

Landon swallowed, his eyes wide. He returned to his place on the other side of the table, pulled a credit card from his wallet, and set it at the edge of the table. Neither of them said anything while the waitress ran his card and returned the check to him.

He signed it, stood, and reached for Ashley’s hand. Before they left he took the velvet box from the table, closed the lid, and slid it back into his pocket. She didn’t have to ask him how he felt. The hurt was written clearly across his face, screaming from his eyes.

The news she’d given him tonight had devastated him. And what was about to come figured to be even worse.

When they were in the hotel lobby, he turned to her and searched her face. “Where?”

“The lobby near my room.” She blinked. “We need to be alone.”

In silence, their hands linked, they rode the elevator to the eighteenth floor. Once in the small, nearly dark sitting area, she turned and faced him. “Landon, it’s over. All of it.”

He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and twice his mouth opened as though he wanted to protest. Finally he reached for her hand again. “Ashley, this is crazy. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember.” His eyes drilled hers, begging her to understand. “A blood test isn’t going to change that.”

She wanted to break down and cry, to pull him close and tell him it hadn’t changed her feelings either. But that would make the eventual good-bye worse.
Love is a decision.
The words played over in her mind like a song she couldn’t forget. In her decision to love Landon, the last thing she could do was appear unresolved.

With her free hand, she took hold of his arm, her gaze direct and unwavering. “It changed it for me.”

He searched her face, her eyes. “Ashley…” Tiny beads of sweat dotted his brow. “That’s not fair. You love me…you
know
you love me.”

“Yes.” Her voice was a broken whisper. “I love you. But God wants me to let you go.” She bit her lip to keep it from quivering. “It’s time, Landon, that’s all.” She moved her hand from his shoulder to the side of his face before burying her fingers in his dark hair and drawing him close. Her lips brushed against his cheek, his lips, and then she pulled back.

“You’re panicking.” His eyes were dark with desire. “We’ll take it one day at a time; I can do this, Ash. Give me a chance.”

She went to him then, allowed him to draw her into an embrace that said all they couldn’t bring themselves to speak. He clung to her, begging her to work it out with him, but she could feel her body stiffen, resolute. Nothing would make her change her mind.

Her love for him was that great.

“Landon.” They separated, and she refused another wave of tears. “When I leave tomorrow, don’t call me; don’t come after me.” She kept her eyes on his, ignoring the sobs that welled within her. “Honor that, please.”

He slid his hand in his pocket, and she guessed he was fingering the velvet box. Tears gathered in his eyes, tears that hadn’t been there even when he returned from Ground Zero, from finding Jalen.

After a long while he sniffed hard and looked deep into her soul. “If you need time, I’ll give it to you.” He reached for her hands; then he kissed her one last time. He was breathless when he found her eyes, and his words were directed straight to the center of her being. “I’ll let you go, Ash, but only for now. Until you have time to catch your breath. But one day…one day I’ll return to you, and then you’ll know.”

She wanted to disagree, to insist that he forget such thinking because it would hurt them both when it didn’t happen. But she couldn’t stop herself from going along with it. She swallowed hard. “Then I’ll know what?”

His eyes shone, and Ashley wished she could freeze time, wished she could collect her easel and a blank canvas and capture his look in case this moment was the last they’d ever share together. “Then you’ll know what God’s really telling you.”

Ashley watched him turn and walk toward the elevators a few doors away. He pressed the button, then turned and leaned his shoulder against the wall, his eyes never leaving hers. When the door opened, he mouthed the words
I love you.

Then he was gone.

Ashley stepped back and dropped slowly into an overstuffed chair. The heaviness of her heart was such that she couldn’t stand up under it another moment. She buried her head in her hands and released the tears that had built there.

She wanted to scream, rail against the consequences that had come upon her now, just when life was coming together. And then—for the first time that night—the truth about Landon’s plans hit her full force. He’d bought her an engagement ring! He’d been planning to propose to her, and if she’d never heard from Marie in Paris, this night would’ve been her most wonderful ever.

At this very moment they would’ve been kissing and laughing and admiring her ring. In the glow of candlelight, they would’ve talked about a wedding date and announcing the news to their families. Especially to Cole.

Somehow she struggled to her feet and found her way to her room. Thoughts of her son made her tears come twice as hard. Landon was his best friend. Her bad choices in Paris had cost Cole any chance at a father, all possibility of a normal life. They might even cost him his mother as well. Or his own life.