Return to Me (16 page)

was at your house and when I went to church with your family, we talked. You and I were friends.”

Her smile was sad. “True. But you didn’t
notice
me. You talked

to me because I was Roxy’s sister.”

Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut? Maybe honesty
wasn’t

what he wanted just yet.

“You didn’t answer my question. Do you still love Roxy? It only takes a simple yes or no.”

He returned to his chair. “It isn’t that simple, is it, Elena? It’s more complicated than a simple yes or no.”

She paled.

He reached toward her, saw her stiffen, and lowered his hand. “Elena, I loved your sister for a long time. To say otherwise would be a lie. But it was a mixed-up, selfish kind of love, confused by what the world says love is and what I now know it should be. I was young and rebellious, and so was she. We didn’t know God, and it showed in the things we did and in the choices we made.”

He paused, giving her a chance to speak if she wished. She remained silent.

“My feelings for Roxy are complicated because of what she used to mean to me, because of the type of relationship we had, because of my respect for your father, because of my love for you, because of the faith we share. A faith we all share now, even Roxy.”

This time when he reached out, he didn’t stop short. He took hold of her hand. “I love
you
, Elena. I want to marry
you
. That didn’t change with Roxy’s return.”

Behind the tears in her hazel eyes, Wyatt caught a momen- tary glimpse of something he’d never seen in her before — fear. He wanted to wipe it away.

“You mustn’t stop loving your sister because of me. Be there for her while you can. Soon enough we’ll leave Boise as husband and wife, and you’ll regret it if you fail to help Roxy when she needs you most. I know you will.”

Wyatt stood, rounded the table, and drew her from her chair. “I love
you
, Elena,” he repeated as he folded her into his arms.

=

How does a person start over from scratch? Where does one begin to live a new life?

Roxy sat on the grassy bank of the river, rolling those questions around in her mind.

The warm sunshine and clear blue sky had brought many people out of their homes and into the park on this last Satur- day in April. Children’s voices carried to her from the playground, laughing, shouting, squealing. Across the river, joggers followed the Boise Greenbelt, cyclists zipping around the runners, the paved pathway shaded by ancient cottonwoods.

Wyatt said she would see everything differently. What were the words he used this morning? Oh, yes. “Eternal perspective.” Well, eternity with God would be great. She understood that. But what about today? What about tomorrow? She needed a little perspective on the here and now. Her entire world had turned upside down in the last couple of weeks. Or should she say it turned right side up?

She rested her elbows on her bent knees, then, head forward, combed her fingers through her hair.

Roxy had returned to Boise in desperation. She’d had nowhere else to go. She’d lacked the self-discipline to make it as a singer, and she’d lacked patience to make it as a waitress. She’d failed everyone and ended up alone in Nashville. But she’d found her father’s love and God’s love awaiting her here.

What do I do with my life now?

She thought of Wyatt, going off to seminary to become a pas- tor. Would God one day call her into service like that? Should she look into becoming a missionary? Was that what she should do with her life? She wouldn’t do well in Africa or South America. She didn’t care for bugs, blistering heat, or rough living conditions.

Elena could do it.

Roxy smiled, albeit sadly. Her sister could do anything she set her mind to. As a teen, Elena went on all the missionary trips spon- sored by their church’s youth group. She had a passion to share her faith with others. She was born to be a pastor’s wife.

It’s a good thing I refused Wyatt’s proposal. She should thank me

for that.

Roxy recalled the gladness in Wyatt’s eyes as she shared the news of her conversion. She remembered the feel of his warm embrace and her reluctance to step away.

Oh, it wasn’t wise to have such thoughts about him. Not even benign ones. That would be heading the wrong direction on a one- way street. Wasn’t she supposed to be immune to such temptations now that she was a Christian?

She’d better be. Because the one thing she couldn’t afford was letting her mind— or her heart— dwell too long on Wyatt Baldini. He belonged to someone else now.

He belonged to her sister.

=

Elena had a sick feeling in her stomach as she and Wyatt left the photographer’s studio. She wasn’t crazy about the selection they made. The color of the invitation still wasn’t right, and no matter how long she tinkered with the suggested wording, it felt wrong. But the choice was made and paid for, for better or worse.

For better or worse.

She glanced sideways at Wyatt. He’d treated her with kid gloves after telling her he loved her. As if afraid she would crack like fine china.

“Want to have lunch before I take you home?” he asked.

A persistent image popped into her head: Wyatt and Roxy hug- ging in her living room that morning. Wyatt, so handsome, the smile on his face warm and genuine. Petite and beautiful Roxy, her cheek pressed against his chest.

“It isn’t that simple, is it, Elena? It’s more complicated than a

simple yes or no.”

How often in the past had she seen the two of them in a similar pose? Fifty times? A hundred? More?

“It isn’t that simple, is it, Elena? It’s more complicated than a

simple yes or no.”

Wyatt loved her. She knew he did. And yet . . . “Elena?”

“Hmm.”

“Do you want to have lunch?”

She didn’t look at him. “No. I guess not. I’ve got a lot to do at home, and this took longer than I expected.”

“Okay. If you’re sure. I just thought — ” “I’m sure, Wyatt.”

Which made it about the only thing she
was
sure of right now.

=

Roxy tossed the latest issue of
Entertainment Weekly
onto the coffee table moments before her father appeared in the doorway. When he saw her on the sofa, he smiled. His expression made her feel good inside.

“Hi, Dad. How was your golf game?”

“Not bad but not great. Two under par.” He entered the room. “How about you? What did you do with your day?”

“I went over to Elena’s. You know. To share what happened to me the other night.” She slid forward on the couch. “Wyatt was there, so I got to tell them together.”

“That’s terrific. I’ll bet your sister was overjoyed when you told her.”

She ignored the comment, not certain it was true. “They were on their way to select wedding invitations, so I didn’t stay long.” She rested her forearms on her thighs, clasping her hands between her legs. “Dad, I need some guidance.”

“Sure thing, honey. I’ll help if can.” He sat in a chair oppo- site her.

“After I went to Elena’s, I went to the park to sit and think.

There’s so much swirling around in my head.” Her father nodded. “Understandable.”

“I’m wondering what to do next. With my life. All I ever wanted to do was be a singer, but that didn’t go anywhere. My own fault, but still.” She shrugged. “I have a job now only because you own the business, not because I have any special skills. I don’t even know if I want to stay there forever. I mean, I know you and Elena love it, but I’m not sure it’s for me. So how do I . . . you know, find where I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to do?”

He watched her in silence for a short while. “My first piece of advice, Roxy, is not to take on too much at once. Take it a day at a time. You’ve had a lot change in your life in short order. Let the

dust settle before you tackle more. Give God a chance to speak to your heart. Sometimes waiting on Him is the hardest part, but it can also be the most rewarding part. He knows what your future holds. Let Him guide you.”

She sighed. “I’m not much good at waiting.”

“You always went a hundred miles an hour. You’re like your mom. I couldn’t keep up with Carol half the time.”

“I wish I could remember more about Mom.” “Me too.”

“Why’d she have to die?”

“I don’t know, but it helps me to remember that her life was not cut short in God’s eyes. She lived the full number of days allotted to her.”

“But didn’t God know we needed her? Why was she allotted fewer days than you? Why fewer than many evil people in the world? Like terrorists or child molesters?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea. I only know God is in control and He is just and loving.”

“But maybe if Mom was here when I grew up I wouldn’t have

. . . made the choices I did.”

“It’s useless to second-guess what might have been, Roxy. We can’t change a moment of our pasts. But we can make better deci- sions today so that we won’t have more things to regret tomorrow.” Her father didn’t have a clue how many bad choices she’d made. He didn’t know how low she’d sunk. She hoped he never learned the whole truth. Confession might be good for the soul, but

confessing to him would be too terrible for words.

“Jesus died for
all
your sins, Roxy. Don’t believe the lies the enemy whispers in your ears.”

“I’ll try.”

“I know you will. And your family will be here to help any way we can. We love you.”

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Eighteen

Roxy rinsed the casserole dish and set it in the bottom rack of the dishwasher, enjoying the silence of the house as she pondered what Pastor Steve said in his sermon that morning. Unlike the previous Sunday when she couldn’t get out of church fast enough, Roxy had found herself scribbling notes on the bulletin, wanting to catch every word, every nuance. Now, with her father dozing in his easy chair while a golf tournament played on the big-screen TV, she planned to look up the Scripture references she wrote down during the service.

She retrieved the two-toned Bible her father gave her yesterday, the bulletin, a small spiral notebook, a highlighter, and a pen. But before she could check the first reference, the phone rang. She con- sidered ignoring it but rose to answer instead.

“Hello.”

“I’m calling for Roxy Burke. Do I have the right number?” “This is she.”

“Roxy, it’s Pete Jeffries.”

“Pete?” She smiled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t recognize your voice.” She leaned her backside against the counter, crossing one ankle over the other. “I didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“I wanted to make sure you made it to Boise all right. I guess you did.”

“Yes, no small thanks to you. I owe you big time, Pete, and I don’t mean just for the bus fare.”

“I’m glad I could help.” His voice softened. “How’re you doing, Roxy? You looked pretty shaky the last time I saw you.”

“I’m good.
Really
good. So much has happened in the short time I’ve been home. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

It shouldn’t surprise her that he wanted to know. Pete was more than an agent. He was her friend too. He’d tried to steer her clear of bad influences and the hangers-on that were everywhere in show business. He’d encouraged her to stay focused, to be willing to start at the bottom and work her way up. She hadn’t listened to his advice; she’d disappointed and failed him. Yet still he cared.

“Well, for one thing, I don’t look like a scarecrow anymore. My dad’s housekeeper is a great cook, and I’ve eaten like a horse since I got home. I’ve already gained five pounds. Maybe more. Dad gave me a job in his office. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, but I’ll learn. It beats waiting tables, that’s for sure.”

And I’ve become a Christian.

She didn’t say the last part aloud. It was too soon to share with someone who wasn’t a believer. She didn’t know enough yet, and she felt she should know more before trying to explain what happened.

“That’s great, Roxy. You sound happy.” “I am.”

“Will you promise to stay in touch every once in a while?”

The request pleased her. “Sure. I’d be glad to. And as soon as I get my first check, I’ll pay you back for the loan.”

“I’m not worried about the money.”

“I know you aren’t, but I want to make sure I keep my promise. I’ve broken too many of them in the past.” She drew a deep breath. “You always treated me better than I deserved, Pete. I . . . I hope you’ll forgive me.”

There was a period of silence before he answered, “Sure, kid. You’re forgiven. And you know, I never stopped believing in your

talent. If you ever want to give Nashville another try, you know who to come to.”

“You bet.” Like that was going to happen.

“Great. Well, I’ve got to run. It was good to hear your voice.

Don’t forget to keep in touch.”

“I won’t. Thanks again for calling.” “Bye now.”

“Bye, Pete.”

A bittersweet feeling washed through her as she hung up the phone, a temptation to linger over the what-might-have-beens. But as her father told her yesterday, she couldn’t change the past. It was what it was.

She returned to the table, sat down, and opened the Bible. The gilded edge of the pages stuck together. She riffled through them, first the top corners, then the bottom ones.

Okay, God. I’m ready. Show me the things I need to know.

The melody from a praise song they played in church that morning drifted into her mind. She closed her eyes, listening to the music and the words, and felt a spark of real hope for the future.

=

Using her key, Elena unlocked the front door of her father’s house. “Anybody home?” It was a pointless question since she’d seen the cars outside the garage.

“In the kitchen.”

The muscles in her neck and shoulders tightened at the sound of her sister’s voice. She hated herself for reacting the way she did, yet she seemed unable to control it. When she entered the kitchen, she found Roxy at the table, an open Bible before her.

She almost did a double take.

As if Elena had spoken her thoughts aloud, Roxy grinned. “I was looking up references from the sermon this morning.”