Revive Me (28 page)

“Good job, kid,” I said, giving him a pat on the back.

“Thanks,” he replied, grabbing a handful of canned drinks from the fridge. “She’s going to love this.”

“Or punch us,” I said, laughing. We weren’t throwing her a party per se.

“They’re here!” Derrick yelled, ducking behind the kitchen island. “Get down Dawson, or she’s going to see your goofy ass, and you’ll ruin everything.

I ducked down, balancing myself on my heels, and pointed at him. “Watch your mouth.”

“Dude, I’m fourteen.” I shook my head at him, about to tell him that didn’t mean shit, when I heard the front door creak open. Her parents talked loudly as they came in.

Derrick looked at me as the voices and footsteps grew closer. “Surprise!” we yelled, throwing our hands up, and coming up from behind the island.

Tessa stopped and looked at us with wide eyes. “You didn’t have to do this,” she said, smiling. Her blonde hair was twisted into a braid at the nape of her neck. She was wearing a black pair of leggings with a loose sweater. I smiled in satisfaction that I’d packed that outfit for her.

“Of course we did, Sis,” Derrick said, walking around me and giving her a hug. “It’s good to have you back.” She hugged him back when he tightened his arms around her.

I took my turn when she released Derrick. I grabbed her around the waist and brought into my hold. “I knew you could do it,” I whispered in her ear.

“Thank you,” she muttered into my shoulder. “It feels good to be home.”

I looked over her shoulder at her parents standing in the corner of the kitchen. Her mom’s eyes were watering, and she wiped them with the sleeve of her blouse.

Derrick clapped his hands. “I ordered some pizzas and Dawson brought a cake,” he called out. He grabbed a stack plates sitting on the table, handed them out, and opened up the pizza boxes.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything big, but I figured this would be okay,” I said, grabbing a slice of pizza and handing it to her.

She nodded. “The people I care about are here. That’s all I needed.”

Tessa wrapped her sweater tightly against her tall frame as we walked out her front door and into the cold bite of winter. She eased herself down onto the wooden swing hanging on the front porch. I bent down in front of her and covered her shivering body with the blanket in my hand.

“You warm?” I asked, standing in front of her, waiting to see if she needed another. Her parents had set a heater out to warm up the porch, but it was still chilly. She nodded, and the swing suspended as I pushed my weight onto it. She pulled half of the blanket in her hand and tossed it over my lap. The mug in her hand went to her scarlet lips as she took a small sip of hot chocolate.

“So, what happens from here?” I asked, balancing my feet onto the wood floor of the porch, leaning forward to gain momentum, and swung back as the cold wind hit our backs.

She shrugged her shoulders. “They suggested I go to outpatient therapy a few times a week.”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

She bit her bottom lip and scraped her teeth across it. “I don’t know. It’s like everything is happening at once.”

“You did therapy at the rehab center, I’m sure it’s the same thing, only this time you can curl your hair before you go,” I joked, patting her leg over the blanket.

She gave me a weak smile. “That might be the only advantage.”

I tucked my chilly hand underneath the shaggy fabric, grabbed hers, and interlaced our fingers. “They are there to help you and you getting help is all that matters. If you want me to come with you, I will.”

“It’s just,” she paused, looking at the tranquility of the night. “It’s embarrassing.”

“I keep telling you not to be embarrassed around me, face mask, remember?” She nodded. “Look at me.” Her head slowly turned, and her face illuminated in the dim porch light. “Don’t you ever be embarrassed around me, okay? I’ve seen you sweet, happy, and full of life. I’ve seen you hurt, emotional, and thoughtless. And I’d never wanted a different you. Even when I said I was done, I wasn’t. I never stopped thinking about you, looking out for you, or loving you. And I don’t intend to when you make your next mistake, either. It’s okay to have a breakdown, or a lapse of judgment; we’ve all been there. We’ve all had those moments where we feel like the world is falling out from under us, and the easiest thing to do is to jump. Don’t be embarrassed because you’re human.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me. You just you being here means so much to me. I was a bitch to you. I’d said hurtful things, and you’re still here. No matter what, you’re still here for me. And I’m sorry for what I’d said. I know you’re not using me because you lost Tanner.”

She’d finally realized my want to be with her had nothing to do with losing Tanner. I’d wanted to be with her when I was hanging out with Tanner. I’d wanted to be with her every time I saw her. Tanner or no Tanner, I wanted her.

“When’s your next appointment?” I asked.

“I’m supposed to start tomorrow. They made an appointment with a local therapist and gave me her information. They don’t want me to break the habit or have enough time to change my mind.”

“Are you planning on going?”

She shrugged. “Probably. Maybe.”

“Maybe? There’s no maybe about it. You’re going.”

She groaned, kicking her feet up on the swing, and causing us to jerk back. “Geez, when did you get so bossy? If I recall correctly, I used to be the bossy one.”

“Sometimes you’ve got to let someone else steer.”

She rolled her eyes. “There can only be one chief, and that’s me, buddy.”

I laughed. “Yeah, well sometimes the chiefs have to consult with the other Indians,” I pointed to myself, “and they give her advice.”

She groaned and threw her head back. “Fine, you can be in my tribe.”

“I better be getting home.” I wanted to give her time. She hadn’t had a moment to herself in over a week. She needed it. “If you need anything or want to talk, my phone will be by my side all night.”

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Why are you doing this Why do you care about me going to therapy or how I’m feeling. I know you said you love and care about me, but why now? All of the sudden you’re in love with me?”

“All of the sudden?” I repeated. “My love for you isn’t all of the sudden. I didn’t wake up one morning and have this giant epiphany about my feelings for you. No. I’ve had these feelings for years. The moment I met you, I liked you. Then as the years passed and we got closer, I started to more than like you, and more than liking you turned into really liking you. By our junior year, I was certain I was completely head over heels for you. Now, I’m positive I’m in love with you.”

“But why are you just now telling me this?”

I cringed. I dreaded telling her this, but I had to. “I made Tanner a promise that I’d never date you or tell you about this promise.”

Her eyes grew wide. “What? That little asshole.”

“It was before I met you. He made me promise, and I’ve regretted it every day.”

“Yet, you still hooked up with other girls?”

“First off, there weren’t that many girls.” She gave me a look. “I swear! I don’t get why people always assume just because you’re hanging out with someone you’re banging them.”

“Because usually people are,” she said, shrugging and taking another sip of cocoa.

I shook my head and tried to hold back a smile. “
Anyways,
those
few
girls didn’t mean anything, they were filling the void. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could find a girl that would make me feel the same way you did, but no one could compare to you. It was an endless search, but I didn’t want to break the promise to your brother.”

“So what? You’re going to say you love me, but can’t do anything about it because you promised Tanner?”

I felt like shit. Tanner was my boy and my best friend. I was about to break the one thing he wanted from me. I was going against his honor.

“I’m done letting a promise I made years ago impact my decision and feelings for you, but you’re still in recovery. We’ll take it slowly, let you take time for yourself, but I wanted you to know I do love you.” She opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her. “You don’t have to say anything. In fact, I don’t want you to yet. I know you love me, but you tell me when you’re ready, okay? I want you to love yourself when you tell me you love me.”

Tears dropped from her lashes. “Look at you, Mr. Romantic,” she said, giving me a smile.

“I aim to please, babe.”

She pushed my side. “I appreciate your honesty and
finally
telling me why you kept turning me down. I seriously thought you weren’t attracted to me.”

“Are you shitting me?” She shook her head. “I wasn’t attracted to you? Did you miss every time my eyes would follow your body? You’re fucking gorgeous. But the thing is, you’re not only the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on, you’re the girl that gets me, and that’s more attractive to me than anything. Those other girls, they don’t know about my family shit or how eating shellfish makes me sick.”

“And puff up like a marshmallow,” she added, grinning.

“See, no other girl knows that. Just you. And I want to keep it that way. It’s you and only you who knows the real me. Shit, even my mom doesn’t know who I am.”

“And you’re pretty much the only guy besides Tanner who knows me.”

“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?” There were so many questions I wanted to ask her about Reese. Did she sleep with him? Did she tell him she loved him? Did she love him? Jesus fuck, I was jealous of the biggest douche bag in town.

“Okay, I should probably go. You need to get your beauty sleep, babe,” I said, trying my hardest to shake away those thoughts. I’d been with other girls, and I couldn’t be mad at her for anything she did before we got together. But the thought still made me sick to my stomach.

“They gave me sleeping pills to help me for the next few days, so hopefully that helps.”

“Did they put you on anything else?”

She nodded. “Just an anti-depressant until I feel better.”

“Make sure you take those.”

She saluted me. “Got it, doctor.”

I grabbed her chin, kissing her gently on the lips before pulling away. “Come on, I’ll walk you in.” I got up and held my hand out for her to grab.

She shook her head. “I actually want to sit out here a bit longer. I think I need some quiet, me time.”

I nodded. “Okay, but not too long, it’s cold out.”

Tessa

T
he brisk wind hit me with every stride as I swung back and forth, but I didn’t stop. I felt free. The past week had been a soul-searching, heart wrenching, and insane reality check for me. My legs shot out to stop my movement, and I pushed back against the swing so I could get a glimpse of the stars lighting up from a distance. They were so beautiful, so free, and no matter how much darkness surrounded them, they still shined. I wanted to be like that.

The doctors told me I was masking my pain with the combination of cutting and alcohol abuse. Alcohol abuse. I’d chastised my parents for doing the same thing I was guilty of. When the fog in your head begins to fade and grow clear, you look at things in a different perspective. You start to truly see the real world. You notice things you’ve missed, the bad decisions you’ve made, and you start to think of healthy ways to fix them.