Revue (21 page)

Untying my shoes, he removed them then yanked my jeans from my legs. My towel slipped from my shoulders, leaving me sitting there in my wet see-through lace underwear.

I looked up to see Brad’s gaze travelling my body, my jeans dangling from his hand. His heavy, hooded eyes stared at my breasts, his Adam’s apple bobbing when he swallowed. My temperature climbed almost instantly.

Brad’s gaze then dipped to my pussy, which I’m sure he saw through the fine bit of damp material stuck to my soft skin. Again, my temperature rose a little higher, and I was no longer cold, instead burning up with need. I needed Brad. I needed to let go, to fuck and to make Josh pay for the times he’d done it to me. I needed to make myself feel better and, in that moment, I’d feel better with Brad’s cock between my legs.

Slowly, I hooked my fingers into the waistband of my G-string and dragged it down my legs, tossing it onto the floor.

Brad shifted on the spot as his eyes found my wet flesh. “Cori, you don’t—”

“Shut up,” I said harshly, reaching back and unhooking my bra, removing it also and tossing it to the floor.

“Fuuuuuuck,” he groaned, running his hand through his wet hair before reaching back and pulling his T-shirt over his head. Our eyes met again, and l let my legs fall open lazily. He fumbled quickly with his jeans and pulled them down, his cock springing free, hard and ready.

I licked my lips. “Yes, I do.”

Before I could blink and take a second to look at the impressive specimen before me, he dropped to his knees and pressed his mouth to my pussy, his warm tongue swiping the length of me. “Oh God,” I moaned, gripping his head with my fingertips.

Brad growled like a man possessed and shook his head wildly, his tongue and lips flicking my clit and tasting every single surface they could taste. His ferocity had me arching off the bed, the glorious sensation he was building within, all I could feel. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t relieved. I wasn’t angry, sad or even mad. I was simply numb to everything but the feel of his lips and tongue inside me. I just wanted to be fucked. No emotion. No words. I wanted it raw, fast, hard, and over with quickly. I wanted all the things that Josh did with every other woman but me.

I. Wanted. To. Make. Him. Pay.

Unfortunately, I was using Brad to do it.

Closing my eyes as a wave of ecstasy travelled through me, the stars on the back of my eyelids weren’t so bright. They were there, but not the way they sparkled when Josh gave them to me.

“Oh yes!” I cried out, shuddering and coming on his tongue, my feet digging into back.

Brad sat up on the heels of his feet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked, his expression pained, I’m guessing for fear I would say no. He reached for his jeans and pulled out his wallet, opening it and retrieving a condom.

I stared at the foil packet in his hand. “No strings?”

He tore it open, avoiding my gaze. “No strings.”

“Okay then,” I said with a half-smile, flipping onto my stomach and elevating to my hands and knees. “I want it hard and fast.”

He cleared his throat, and I heard the crumpled sound of the wrapper followed by the snap of latex.
Yes, Cori, focus on noises and not what you’re about to do.

I wanted to tell my conscience to shut up. To just let me have a meaningless fuck for once. I mean, what was the big deal?

The big deal is you don’t even like him.

I did like him. He was sweet, good looking, funny, and he knew how to use his tongue.

You know he likes you and you’re using him.

So what? So I’m using a man who wants my pussy for sex. He’ll live.

You’re using him to get back at Josh. That’s low, even for you.

Exactly. And at this point in time, I really couldn’t give a fuck.

Warm hands slid onto my hips, his thumbs massaging small circles on my arse. He was soft, gentle and patient, everything I didn’t want him to be. I needed him rough and uncaring, so I pushed back against him and begged. “Brad. Please!”

The tip of his cock teased my entrance, and as he pushed inside me, I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, the incessant rhythm of my heart forewarning of its imminent demise.

Nausea.

Tears.

… regret.

Fuck! What have I done?

Brad and I laid on our backs, staring at the ceiling, sheets pulled up to cover our panting, sweat-covered bodies. The pitter-patter of rain against the window was a timely distraction from what I’d just done. I was trying not to think about it. If I didn’t think about it, it never happened, right?

Wrong.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, rolling onto my side and facing Brad. He knew what had just transpired was a mistake on my part. He wasn’t stupid. And add to that me stopping him from kissing me, well … I’d just become the type of person I despised—a heartless bitch.

“Stop saying that,” he said, choosing to remain on his back.

“But it’s true. I am.”

“I know. But I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, rolling over.

The bed dipped and his tentative hand found my shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. I know that you don’t want me. You love the fuckhead, it’s obvious—”

“I don’t
love
him.”

“Yeah, ya do. Anyway, I get it—you needed him out of your system, and you needed me to help you do it. I’m okay with that.” The mattress dipped again and the sheets moved, indicating he’d gotten out of bed. “Just stop fucking apologising, okay? You’re giving my dick a complex.”

I rolled over quickly to set him straight, catching sight of his not-so-complex dick. “Your dick did just fine, Brad,” I said, unsuccessfully trying to hide my smile.

He jiggled it in his hand. “You hear that, mate? Cori approved.”

“Oh my God! Brad!” I pulled the sheet over my face. “Put it away!”

“Oh no, you guys are best friends now. He’s going to come to you for advice and shit.”

“Brad! I’m serious. Your penis and I are not friends. Put it away.” I blindly patted the bed for a pillow to throw.

“Sure you are. Here, is this what you’re looking for?” He placed a pillow in my hands and I clumsily threw it, pretty much at myself.

Peeling the sheet back from my face, I was met with his handsome sun-kissed face. I stared, blinking back tears and gently touching his swollen eye. He really was beautiful inside and out.

“Don’t you dare cry,” he said, softly wiping one tear from my cheek. “No strings, remember?”

I nodded, but deep down there being no strings didn’t fucking mean a thing. I was so disgusted in myself. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. The Cori from a month ago would never have dreamed of falling for a guy like Josh, not to mention screwing his mate to drive a knife into his heart. The Cori from a month ago would never have felt so
powerless
and full of shame.

Brad leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. “I don’t regret what we did. I don’t regret being there for you when you needed me. So please don’t regret it either.”

I nodded again. I had no words.

“I’m going to go have a shower, unless you want one first.”

“No, you go. I’ll have one in the morning. I’m just gonna get some sleep.” I went to sit up and move to the single bed, the one I’d claimed.

“Where you going?”

“Over to that bed.”

“No, you’re not. You stay there. I’ll sleep in the single.”

“But what about Josh?”

“He won’t come back. If he was gonna, he’d be back by now.”

I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 3:00 a.m. “Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

Brad winked, grabbed his boxer shorts and headed into the shower. I waited, completely still, and as soon as I heard the water running, I burst into tears.
Cori, you stupid bitch.

***

The movement of the bed jarred me awake, the suddenness of it increasing my heartbeat. I held my breath, frozen, needing a moment to ascertain where I was, what I was doing and why I was all of a sudden alert. The bed dipped and a large warm body slid in beside me, hands finding my hips and pulling me flush with his chest. I knew those hands. I knew that body … I knew that scent.
Josh.

Before I’d fallen asleep, and while Brad was in the shower, I’d put on my PJ shorts and top. So when Josh slid in beside me, my first instinct was not to pull away. I felt safe in his arms. I felt loved. How, I have no idea. I just was. Knowing this was what I felt, I couldn’t contain my emotions and I let the tears fall freely, silently crying against his chest.

He kissed my head while his hands rubbed soothing circles over my back. “Shh … sweetheart. It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. It was far from okay. I hated him … until he was gone. And that’s when I loved him, and hated myself. Yeah, I loved him. I knew that now. Brad had been right when he’d said it earlier in the night. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself, because I’d always believed in the notion of insta-love; that two people could just connect so quickly and effortlessly. But I’d also believed that kind of love to be perfect and sweet, not heart-wrenching and a whole lot of fucking hard work. I mean, how could I love a man who’d just been screwing two other women and then who’d climbed into bed with me? It didn’t make an ounce of sense. But I did love him, and right then, there was no place else I wanted to be than in his arms.

Continuing to cry until I could cry no more, I pulled away, his grip on me tight. “Please let me go, Josh,” I whispered.

“Never,” he whispered back, his lips finding mine, his tongue delicately dipping into my mouth.

I sighed. Josh’s kisses stripped me. They left me bare and wanting more, no matter where, why or how he gave them. They just fucking stripped me.

Brad’s loud hog-sounding snore broke me from my temporary brain lapse, and I forcefully pushed Josh back. “No. I can’t do this. I won’t do this.”

“Just let me hold you, sweetheart. Please, just let me hold you.”

I shouldn’t have, but I did. I let him hold me until I fell asleep.

***

When I woke in the morning, my head was on Josh’s chest, his arm around my body, and Brad was nowhere to be seen. Seeing his bed empty, his bag gone … it hurt my heart. Waking up to find Josh in my bed and me draped over him could not have been easy for Brad. Then again, it was him who’d reaffirmed the ‘no strings’, and it was also him who’d said Josh would not return, but he had, so where else was he going to sleep?

Carefully peeling myself off Josh’s chest, I moved ever so slightly in the hope I would not wake him. I needed a shower, and a chance to freshen up before facing him in daylight. Confiding one’s feelings under the cover of darkness was so much easier than having to stare guilt in the face. And I wasn’t ready for that showdown yet.

As I slowly inched off the bed, I took in his peaceful position, how his top row of pearly whites was only just visible through the tiny slit of his open mouth. And how his wet hair had dried in bed overnight, giving him an adorable scruffed-up ’do. I wanted desperately to run my hands through the scruff. I reached out but then retracted my hand, thinking better of it. My hand had not been the last to glide through his hair and that made me feel ill. My hand had been elsewhere, as had his. This wasn’t right. Him and me now, just wasn’t right.

Standing free of the bed, I turned and headed into the shower, turning on the water and climbing in. Hot water pelted my skin, washing away traces of Brad and Josh. I felt dirty, no matter how much water cleansed my body. Bending over, I picked up the shower gel and squirted some into my hand so that I could lather myself up and attempt to feel artificially clean. It was better than nothing. As I placed the bottle back on the floor, the curtain was wrenched open, an absolutely livid Josh standing in front of me, still wearing his boxer shorts. He stepped into the spray of water and pinned me with his seething eyes.

“You fucked him?” he spat.

I took a step back, frightened. He was furious. “Wh … what?”

“Brad,” he yelled. “You and Brad fucked?” The empty condom wrapper from last night was thrust into my face.

I looked at it and blinked, needing a second to gather my bearings.
Where the fuck does he get off yelling at me like this? And who the fuck does he think he is?

Snatching the packet from his hand, I got up and into his face. “Yes! We fucked. Right about the same time you were fucking not one, but two women. Perhaps I should’ve invited Noah into the bed as well. That would only be fair, right?”

His eyes flared with rage and he stepped farther into the shower, backing me up against the tiles, the shower’s spray sticking the satin of his boxer shorts to his thighs. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU?
”
I said, stabbing him in the chest with my finger, eyes welling with liquid pain.

“YOU!” he yelled, caging me in. “Everything about you is what’s wrong with me. I didn’t want a woman in my life. All I wanted was to fuck and fuck them off. Then you come along, and now all I want is YOU!”

I cried and placed my hands on his chest. I needed distance. “I gave you me. YOU gave me back.”

“I didn’t deserve you.”

“You still don’t.”

Silence.

He stared at me, eyes darting, then he dropped to his knees. “I know. But I’m a selfish prick and I want you anyway. I want you back. The way you were. I want the Cori you gave me before.”

“She’s gone, Josh,” I said, looking to the ceiling—anywhere but him—tears falling. The unbearable hurt was suffocating. “You destroyed her.
I
destroyed her.”

“No,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist, hugging me to him. “That’s bullshit. You’re not gone. You’re still here.”

Crying, I cradled his head to my stomach. “I can’t do this anymore. I hate you. I hate you for what you’ve done. I hate you for not loving me.”

He looked up, a smile swimming on his drowned face. “I do love you,” he said quietly, pulling me down to sit on his lap. “I do. Every time I look at you. Every time I touch you. Every time you smile and every time you frown. I love you. I just don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do with that.”

Running my hands down his face, I kissed his wet lips, sobbing into his mouth. “You don’t do what you’ve been doing. You don’t do that. Anything but that.”

“I know,” he said, nodding. “I know that now.”

Josh and I sat on the shower floor, tangled in one another’s limbs until our tears ran dry. I wasn’t sure for how long, or if the rest of the cast and crew were waiting. We were both selfish arseholes, embroiled in our own tormented farrago of love and hate. And that needed to stop. It needed to stop now. Today.

“This needs to end, Josh,” I whispered.

“I know.”

My heart sank. As much as it pained me, us being together in the manner that we were poisoned everything around us. I nodded, kissed his head and stood up, exiting the shower to get dressed and endure yet another heartbreaking day.

***

As Josh and I walked to the bus, I pulled my sunglasses over my red, puffy eyes. There was no doubt everyone on that vehicle knew what had happened overnight and this morning. They were a tightly-knit group with mammoth mouths. Nothing was kept secret.

Sucking in a deep breath, I held it when Josh’s hand slipped into mine. My feet stopped. His didn’t. Our arms stretched.
What is he doing?

“Josh? What are you doing?”

“Sweetheart, when you said ‘this needs to end’, I wasn’t agreeing to us. I was agreeing to the bullshit. I was agreeing to not knowing what we are. I now know, and so do you. Some serious shit was said in that shower this morning. Serious shit I take … seriously. Like you telling me you love me, and me telling you the same. That sticks.” He placed my hand over his heart. “That sticks right here. And when it sticks, it stays.” Josh lightly tugged on my arm, pulling me to his lips where he held me tightly and kissed me deeply. I melted in his arms and saw stars in the daylight, something only Josh could have me do.

Powerless.

He rendered me powerless in the most wonderful and terrifying way. And I now realised that was exactly how it should be. Love should be pain immersed in comfort. It should be fear wrapped in courage. It should never be easy.