Richard Yates (16 page)

his head while making peace signs with both his hands.

They had begun making double peace signs in photos after seeing many Japanese people doing it on the internet a few weeks ago. Haley Joel Osment photographed Dakota Fanning standing in front of a restaurant. They went in the restaurant. Dakota Fanning text-messaged Pedro that she was wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. Haley Joel Osment thought about text messaging someone. He didn’t want to text message anyone. “I felt alone when you were texting Pedro,” he said to Dakota Fanning after a few minutes of being quiet.

The restaurant had half-circle-shaped tables where ten people sat facing a chef who cooked things while trying to make everyone laugh. Dakota Fanning told Haley Joel Osment that one of the obese heavy metal fans at their table photographed her about a minute ago. Haley Joel Osment asked if it was the smaller one or the bigger one. The smaller one was wearing a Megadeth T-shirt. The bigger one was wearing a Slayer T-shirt. Dakota Fanning said it was the bigger one. She said the person was probably going to masturbate to her photo later. Haley Joel Osment said it was an opportunity for the person because it’s rare to see someone wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. He said Dakota Fanning should photograph the person and put it on the internet saying he photographed her for masturbation purposes.

“Okay,” she said and held her camera. “I’m afraid,” she said. “Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment. The heavy metal fans ordered steaks substituting broccoli with potatoes. The bigger one pushed his salad aside. Dakota Fanning did not fi nish her pasta and offered some to Haley Joel Osment who kissed her and ate the pasta. “She stopped herself from mhp-yates-01.indd 127

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eating too much, she is aware and doing things,” he thought with a very neutral facial expression. “I feel happy, we’re getting better.”

In his parents’ house they watched a movie about two people in a relationship in Mississippi. Dakota Fanning was asleep after about fi fty minutes. Haley Joel Osment had seen the movie a few years ago and wanted to see it with Dakota Fanning. In bed he asked if she liked the movie. She said it was okay. He said he felt alone when she was asleep.

A few nights later they were having sex and Haley Joel Osment sat and did things to Dakota Fanning’s vagina with his fi ngers for about eight minutes. She orgasmed. She said

“Sorry.”

“What do you mean?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I should have stopped you.”

Haley Joel Osment lay and they held each other. He thought about saying it was okay. After about a minute he asked what she thought about while trying to orgasm. “I thought about you fucking me,” she said and was quiet for about thirty seconds. “What do you think about when I’m giving you a blowjob?”

“Mostly I don’t think anything,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I just feel it.”

They were quiet and then Dakota Fanning asked when he last masturbated. He said probably before going to New Jersey to come to Florida. Dakota Fanning asked what he thought about when he masturbated.

“Different people, I think,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do you think about me?” said Dakota Fanning quietly.

“Yes. Sometimes. Usually I think about different people.”

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“Who?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Strangers, that I’ve seen that day, usually,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What do you think about?” he said after about fi ve seconds.

Dakota Fanning said she usually didn’t think about sex at fi rst. She thought about writing an essay or doing other schoolwork until she was ready to orgasm and then she thought about different people. She said she always thought about Haley Joel Osment when she orgasmed. They talked some more about sexual things. Haley Joel Osment said he had to think about different people to stay aroused for a long time. Dakota Fanning was quiet and then said she needed to pee and left the bed.

A few hours later they were on a bed they had made on the fl oor. It was light outside. They had not slept. Haley Joel Osment was crying a little on his back with his arms by his sides. Dakota Fanning was kneeling over him saying “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry” while lightly touching and sometimes hugging him.

About ten minutes later Haley Joel Osment was thinking “She is crying alone ‘over there’” with his eyes closed while still on his back. Dakota Fanning was on her side facing away. She rolled toward him and hugged him very hard and went downstairs. Haley Joel Osment thought about why she hugged him so hard. He went downstairs. In a bathroom the door to the area with a toilet and a bathtub was locked.

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a guest bed. He walked to the door and knocked. He sat on the fl oor. “Please let me in,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “I’m afraid. Please. Dakota.” He heard metallic noises. He opened the door. Dakota Fanning was standing in the bathtub wrapped in the shower curtain. He unwrapped the shower curtain. There was blood on the front of Dakota Fanning’s bright-orange American Apparel dress.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

They sat on the edge of the guest bed. He moved her dress and saw cuts on her chest. She said she had lied about the scars on her thighs being from cutting too deep when she wanted a little blood to use in Valentine’s cards for her friends. She said she had cut her thighs because she hated herself and wanted to remind herself of things. She said something about tape man. “You probably think I’m a stupid melodramatic 12-year-old now,” she said.

They talked for about thirty minutes.

Dakota Fanning said she wouldn’t cut herself anymore.

They slept until around 2:30 p.m. and then drove to the beach. They looked at many dead jellyfi sh on the sand.

They put their clothes and sandals on a towel. Dakota Fanning was in her underwear. Haley Joel Osment asked if her cuts would hurt in the water and she said probably but that she didn’t care. They jumped against the waves and swam parallel to the shore. On the drive to Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house the sky was red and purple and other colors.

They parked under a bridge and looked at dolphins in the distance.

At Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house they showered together and drank smoothies.

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Around 11:00 p.m. they walked about thirty minutes to Blockbuster Video and rented a movie about corporations and a movie about a depressed Japanese person in Bangkok.

They drank coffee and watched both movies. During the second movie Dakota Fanning stood and walked to different areas of the living room while looking at the TV screen.

Haley Joel Osment asked what she was doing. She said she was moving so she wouldn’t fall asleep. “I’m glad she wants to stay awake, but I don’t know,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Is that really the best way.”

Around 5:00 a.m. they went upstairs to Haley Joel Osment’s room. Dakota Fanning talked about wanting drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment asked why she wanted that if she already didn’t have time to do other things. After a few minutes she said she didn’t want drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment became upset that she was wearing her purple dress on their last night together instead of the orange dress. She said her orange dress was dirty. Haley Joel Osment said she could have washed it in the bathtub when they got back from the beach.

Around 8:30 a.m. they drove to the airport.

Dakota Fanning went to New Jersey.

That afternoon Haley Joel Osment text-messaged her and she said she was surprised. On Gmail chat he asked why she had been surprised. “I don’t know,” she said. “You just seemed upset this morning. I thought either you were never going to talk to me again or you’d just stop for a few days.”

“How do you feel now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

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feel sad because we’re so far away.”

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment.

A few days later on Gmail chat around 1:00 a.m. Dakota Fanning said she had to sleep because she was leaving around 4:00 a.m. for a tow-truck convention in Texas with her mother. Haley Joel Osment said something about how in Florida Dakota Fanning had said she was going to make a stuffed dog for his mother.

“I am,” she said. “But I can’t until I get back from Texas.”

“Are you tired,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yes, I am tired. Do you want me to stay?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Are you sure? I’ll stay.”

“Take caffeine when you are tired,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I want to fi gure out why you don’t take caffeine right now. I was always the one to make us take it. Or else we’d be sitting there feeling shitty the entire time in Florida.

I want to fi gure out why that is.”

“I took it all day today on my own,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I didn’t take it now because I should sleep before I leave. I’m not like you, I can’t sleep 14 hours a day. I need to sleep a little tonight because I probably won’t be able to sleep when I get to Texas because I can’t sleep well in hotels. It’s not good to just continuously take caffeine and never sleep I think.”

“Why isn’t it good to never sleep? I mean when you’re with someone. Not when you’re alone. I mean you only started taking the pills after I said things in Florida. So I feel like I’m the only person wanting to stay awake and actually do things with the other person.”

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“That was bad,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sorry to make you feel that way. I will remind myself to get out of the habit of waiting for you to do things fi rst. I waited in Epcot because I didn’t think you wanted to drink their shitty coffee so I was nervous about it so I waited until you asked.”

“But I like it when someone I like wants to drink coffee on their own volition in order to be more alive around me,”

said Haley Joel Osment. “Why would you not want that, I still don’t understand.”

“I do want that but I always wait until you want it too.”

“But tell me why,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I wait to ask because I’m a robot. I told you this before. I need your approval for pretty much everything. I’m a robot. I wait for you to say things because I’m too afraid to ask or say things that I’m not sure you will approve of.

That is bad. I will remember. It’s wrong to wait for you to ask instead of just asking myself for coffee.” Dakota Fanning typed coffee as caffe and Haley Joel Osment stared at that. “It’s not wrong,” he said. “It’s what you do naturally.

Tell me why. Also if you want to lose weight why would you want to drink that smoothie instead of a normal green tea at Wal-Mart?”

“Because I don’t understand how important caffeine is I guess. I didn’t think caffeine would make me walk longer distances or something. I thought it would just make me awake and faster.”

“Even if you don’t feel better, wouldn’t you think it would make me feel happier if I saw that you wanted to try to have more energy to match what you say instead of doing the opposite of what you say?”

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“I really didn’t think that,” said Dakota Fanning. “Yes it would. I’m stupid for not thinking that way.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to make yourself awake and

faster, if you think you’re boring to me? I’m not angry or accusing you of anything. I just want to know.”

“I need to be more extreme I think,” said Dakota Fanning. “Getting caffeine or making sure I don’t have bad breath should be as important as making sure I go to the bathroom before I piss myself. I will make it as important.

I was very careless and selfi sh. Doing things to make you more comfortable and happy should be more important than anything for myself. When we were driving I should have asked you to stop somewhere so I could get coffee and mints or something just as I asked to pee. I want to be considerate and energetic for you, I don’t care about not sleeping anymore. That isn’t important. I want to stay and talk with you. I should be glad when I’m not sleeping because then I have more time to do better things like talking to you and exercising and reading.”

“You shouldn’t ‘should’ anything,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just think about what you do that you do without thinking to do it, like stopping to pee, why do you want that more than what you say you actually want? It can only mean that you don’t actually want what you just typed. You are extreme when you cut yourself or starve yourself but not when it involves me. I’ve made you less extreme. You are just comfortable with me. You don’t go running or stay up all night.”

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is because I’m selfi sh and don’t care as much as I say or don’t really understand what it means to be in a relationship or that I am too comfortable with you. I feel terrible to say that but that is it. I think it’s good for me to say it because it hurts me and makes me want to do more.