Ride (Alpha Male Romance): In Between the Covers (Carolina Bad Boys #3) (9 page)

His body wracked and I could hear him swallow.

“You took me in. You made me feel safe. You made sure I knew my door locked, Jase.”

“It wasn’t enough.” He pulled away from me.

“Yes, it was.”

Silence stretched between us as we sat apart. I dried my face and blew my nose.

“Jase?” I was so scared about how he’d look at me now.

His eyes were red-rimmed and his lips pressed together. His hands balled beside him on the sofa. “What is it, precious?”

“Do you hate me?”

“What? The fuck? Of course not. Jesus Christ.”

“Do you think I’m disgusting now?” I held in my tears and the sob in my throat. “Because you’re sitting way over there, and you stopped holding me . . .”

“I’m trying not to crowd you. I’m trying not to run out and commit murder right now.
And I’m trying . . .
to give you space.” Rising to his feet, Jase walked over to me. He kneeled in front of me. “I don’t know if you want me to touch you right now.”

“I always want you to touch me.”

I slipped from the sofa and into his safe embrace.

****

I was home, the home Jase shared with me without ever pressuring me for rent or bill money. All he asked was that I be me, that I become the person I used to be, thought I might be, before Duncan Locke had raped me.

Since the afternoon I’d told Jase the whole truth, the horrible, shameful secret about Duncan Locke I’d learned to lock—
lock
, how fitting—inside, he’d been more careful than ever. Jase didn’t challenge me. He didn’t dare me to cross the threshold of my own desires when he used to be so certain my needs met his every step of the way.

I shouldn’t have told him.

I missed the way Jase touched me, with intensity that bordered on something so primal the mind was shed, leaving only growling, hard, gritty need that could only be assuaged through sheer animal passion.

It had been two weeks. I wanted that back. I needed Jase to take me, show me. Fuck me, make love to me, and he still hadn’t. Tonight, I was done waiting. I’d take. I’d show. I was hungry, starving for more than affection. I wanted the mind-blowing, uncontrollable sex he sent off from his body as if he lived and breathed from needs so deep only skin-to-skin contact would ever be close enough for the two of us.

Except he wasn’t home yet.
Still
wasn’t home. And I had no idea where he was or who he was with.

It bothered me, these almost-nightly absences of Jase’s.

I almost dragged my cardigan back on to curl my fingers into the cuffs but forced myself not to. A cell rang somewhere down the hallway. It wasn’t mine. It was Jase’s.

Following the noise, I entered his bedroom, my bedroom, smiling at the rumpled bed. The scent of him and me lingered in the air.

Jase’s phone rang again.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Jase is late.” The feminine voice was as smooth as a polished stone but with a jagged line of crystal quartz inside.

I looked at the name on the screen.
M. Delesselaine
. No one I recognized. “I’m sorry. I . . . who are you again?”

There was a slight hesitation and then a throaty laugh, a mature and knowing laugh. “Oh. Oh my. Are you his girlfriend? Are you the reason he’s been so irregular with his regulars lately?” M. Delesselaine dropped the smooth and polished and went straight for the jugular. “When will you twits ever learn? That boy, that man, is nothing but a hot cock he likes to get off because little college girls do not compare to money, power, and all the looks a Dallas plastic surgeon can buy.”

Nausea roiled in my stomach.

Sweat popped out on my forehead.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“Oh, honey. Your boyfriend is nothing but the finest whore. Jase Everly is the most sought after male prostitute this little Texas town ever did see.” She paused while the breath punched from my lungs. Her voice lowered to a purr, “He fucks me so good I could orgasm just thinking about the way he moves his beautiful cock inside me.”

Buy. Bought. Paid for. Sex. Jase.

I swallowed back the acid filling my mouth. I wished for ignorance. I wished I’d never answered Jase’s phone. I wanted the sick feeling to miraculously disappear.

Gripping the phone, I couldn’t get a word out of my mouth.

I wanted my innocence back. I wanted to be blinded by gorgeous bad boy Jase and his unlikely generosity.

I’d planned on seducing him tonight. Looking at my bare feet, my awkward knees, my too-big boobs beneath one of his shirts unbuttoned to my breasts, I . . . put some starch into my back and swore he’d regret using me as a pretty little bedtime sleep aid.

“Do kindly get him because I booked my two hours of fuck-time with the toy boy four weeks ago, and he’s already an hour behind.” The woman’s tone cut like a diamond to glass.

I shook all over, not just my hands or lips or my legs. Everything, everywhere until the only thing holding me up was undiluted rage.

“You can kindly kiss my ass!” I ended the call. I fell to the floor.

Not for long. Tossing his phone aside, I found mine.

Benny answered on the first ring. “Hey, Mouse! What’s hangin’?”

“It’s Jase.”

“Oh yeah? Does he hang left or right? I always wondered.”

“Bethenny, he’s been cheating.” Twin tracks of tears slid down my face and I angrily wiped at them.

“He WHAT?”

“He’s an escort. He’s a prostitute!”

“I’m gonna feed his dick through a sausage grinder after I get done with Duncan. What the fuck, Avery?”

“I need to get out of here. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

“That’s easy. You’re coming to my place. You should’ve come here the first time. Pack your shit. I’ll send a cab.”

“Benny . . .” My voice cracked.

“Don’t, Mouse. Don’t break down, not yet.”

I sucked back the sobs. “Okay. I won’t.”

“You call me when you’re on your way.”

“Okay. I will.”

I burst into action. I’d show Jase I didn’t need him. I’d get away from him like I hadn’t done with Duncan. Jase had taken me in—in every sense of the phrase. He’d
lied
to me. Or omitted the truth. It amounted to the same thing.

He’d used me. Toyed with me. I’d never been more than a game to him. A naïve, stupid, foolish game he played.

In my room, the one he’d given me free of charge—just the cost of my pride, it turned out—I filled my biggest backpack. It overflowed with all my must-have books, notebooks, journals, pens. A smaller duffel sat open on the floor. I threw skirts, blouses, and sweaters inside. I added my bras and panties, all those pretty pieces of lace I wished Jase had never seen. My clothes spilled out over the top.

The zipper jammed.

My eyes and mouth were dry as dust as I tried to tug it free.

The front door opened and closed. A jumble of keys hit the ceramic bowl in the downstairs hall. The creak of a well-worn leather jacket filled the air. Wildfire raced through my veins.

The goddamn zipper wouldn’t budge!

Jase start up the stairs as he called out, “Ave, you home?”

Jase

WHEN AVE TOLD ME everything Duncan had done to her, I wanted to murder him on the spot.

I’d asked her to sit with me in the living room instead of taking her upstairs to hold her in my arms. I didn’t want Duncan’s rape to be a painful memory she told me in our bedroom or anywhere near the bed we shared.

My hands had shook as I’d stroked her hair. I’d needed to break something so badly, starting with Duncan’s face by my fists.

He’d raped her. He’d stolen her virginity. He’d made her life hell.

I always want you to touch me
, she’d said. After everything that had been done to her, Ave still wanted me.

I wanted her, too. All the time, in every way, yet I held back.

I’d finally put my fists to work tonight. My bruised knuckles felt fucking great, so what if it took me a few tries to get the key to fit in the lock of our apartment?

Striding into the house, I tossed my keys into the bowl and called Ave’s name as I bounded up the stairs.

“Ave, you home?”

She didn’t reply. Maybe she was already asleep. I couldn’t blame her. It was late. I’d slip off my clothes and slide under the covers with her.

A light shined from her bedroom, the one she hadn’t slept in for over a month. One aching beautiful, amazing month. I creaked the door open.

She was huddled over in the middle of the floor.

As usual, her bedroom was tits-up, end-over-end. My lips twitched as I held in a laugh. “Watcha doin’?”

She didn’t answer. Her shoulders jerked while she struggled to pull together a . . . a canvas bag full of clothes?

My amusement from moments before curdled on my tongue. I tried again, this time sterner. “What the hell are you doing, Ave?”

Long blonde hair clung to her damp cheeks when she snapped her head around. “You said
just hold onto me.
You told me you’d make sure I didn’t get hurt!”

“What?”

She rose to her feet in full glorious anger and I had no idea where it was coming from. She slammed her fists at me, hiccupping and yelling through wracking sobs. “You didn’t tell me you were going to be the one to hurt me most!”

I grabbed her hands. “What the hell’s going on, Ave?”

“Are you still doing it?” She glared at me.

My confusion turned to coldness. Fear ran through me like sharp shards of icicles injected into my veins. “Doing what exactly?”

“You left your phone. I answered it.” She twisted her wrists until I let her go. “Doing them. PS. You’re two hours late for your date with someone called M. Delesselaine.”

Colder than fear, worse than shock, the instant loss of Avery immobilized me.

“Are you still whoring yourself out for money,
sugah
?”

Getting in her face because I’d rather deal with her fury than the grueling pain if she left me, I roared, “YES! Damn you, yes!”

Ave shrank back.

“You think I like it? Fucking those women? Getting bankrolled and bed-rolled by broads I couldn’t give a shit about? Do you think I wouldn’t rather be here, with you?” My fists clenched, released, clenched. “Who else is gonna pay the bills, huh? How else will I make this much, this fast, so I can still have time to study and finally get what I want!”

“How can you slut around every night with a new . . . what? What am I supposed to call them, Jase?” Ave sent a ringing slap to my cheek when I didn’t answer. “How can you fuck them when you’ve never made love to me?

“Am I that horrible?”

“No. Jesus Christ no, it’s not like that, precious.” The pain of losing her this way almost made me collapse.

“Don’t you call me that. Don’t you dare call me that. I deserve better.” With her eyes ablaze in bright blue anger, she smacked my other cheek.

“I know. I know.” My head hung low. “That’s what I tried to tell you. I tried not to fall in love with you, Ave—”

“Love.” She snorted. “Bullshit. I told you every fucking detail of getting raped, Jase. And you’ve raped me with your lies. I trusted you!”

The truth of her words punched right through me.

“I can’t be with you, Ave. I’m dirty inside.” My head bent further. My whole body did, too, until I kneeled on the floor in front of her. Eyes shaded with loss, longing—the world of emotion inside them—found hers. “I’m too dirty for you.”

Her hand landed on my shoulder, and I looked up at her.

“Have you forgotten I’m broken, too? I’m broken without you.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “What do you want, Jase?”

“I want you, Ave. Only you, always you . . .”

She strained away from me. “Is that where you were tonight? Did you double-book? Lose your calendar?”

“No.” My laugh held no mirth. Lifting my hands, I blew across bloodied, cracked knuckles. “I was kicking Duncan Locke’s ass, like I swore I would.”

My heart found a new rhythm when she lifted my hand, kissing the swollen mess.

“You’re hurt.”

I hooked my discolored fingers under her chin. “Not as hurt as you. I’m sorry.”

“Did Duncan apologize?”

“Yeah, after he screamed like a girl. I only broke a couple ribs.” With my boots. I grinned, remembering the crunch of bones. “And his nose.”

Duncan had cried like a baby when I threatened to rip off his puny cock. I’d jumped him right outside of his frat house, knocked him out with a quick punch of my fist upside his head, and dragged him several blocks away. When he’d come around, I’d taken the utmost pleasure in his whimpers and his pleas. I’d made sure he knew why I was beating the crap out of him—and for whom. The woman I loved.

I’d left him with more than a few broken bones. I didn’t care if he reported me. I didn’t think he would. I imagined—with a sickening feeling—he’d raped other girls, too.

“Why?” Ave asked me.

“Because Duncan took what wasn’t his. Because he tried to break you.” My throat closed tight, and I wanted more of Ave’s hands on me, her embrace around me. I needed it to erase the image of her being fucked against her will. “Because you are a treasure. No one has that right. Fucking no one.”

“You . . .” Her voice caught and broke. “You hurt me, Jase.”

I clenched my hands at my sides, overwhelmed by shame. “I know. I’m sorry, Ave. I love you. I don’t know if that means anything to you but, Jesus, I love you so much.”

She stared at me for a heartbreaking moment before she reached up to cup my cheek in her hand. “I’m whole with you, Jase.”

A thick choking sound preceded me crushing her to me.

“You are so . . .” Ave’s words ran out for once as she kneeled down.

“Stupid?”

She pressed small kisses all over my face, lastly on my lips. “So honorable.”

My gut clenched. All those women. Night after night. Premeditated fucks. Dollar signs and decimal points instead of names and phone numbers was what they added up to.

“I’m not. Those women, they’re jobs. I don’t have fun. I fuck and get off ’em, get out.”

Ave winced but stayed wrapped around me.

“I’ll stop. It’s just you, it’s only ever been you, Ave. Just forgive me, forgive me, please.”

“Yes. Always yes, Jase.” On her feet, she extended her hand. “Let’s clean you up, bruiser.”

After she’d cleansed my hands in the bathroom, she unbuttoned my shirt. I shivered when she traced the muscled slabs of my pecs, a lone finger trailing through the line of brown hair that bisected my abs.

Ave breathed a laugh when my stomach muscles contracted under her touch. Half-lidded and heavy, her blue gaze found mine. “Will you?”

“Stop? Yeah, I said I would.” I shuddered through a long groan as she pushed the shirt from my shoulders.

Ave stood back in her white shirt, which was my white shirt. Dropping her hands from me, she removed her pants and panties. My ears hummed. Blood rushed to my groin, engorging me. Her heavy, round breasts filled out my shirt in a way that made the masculine cut insanely fucking sexy.

Ave touched the buttons of my jeans beneath which my cock stretched the faded fabric. “No, I meant, will you make love to me tonight, Jase?”

Avery popped the top button free, and that time her hands were sure.