Authors: Laura J Whiskens
Riot Girl
Also by Laura J Whiskens
Danny Boy
The Entity
Hunter (The Hunter Series)
The Boy (The Hunter Series)
Becoming (The Hunter Series)
Pieces of Me
Telling Tales (Collection of Short Stories)
Coming Soon
C is for Cancer
The Memory Box
My Immortal
Riot Girl
Laura J Whiskens
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the
inclusion
of brief quotations in a review.
Copyright © 2015 by Laura J Whiskens
First Edition, 2015 Published in the United Kingdom
For the first loves that become the last loves, this is for you.
It’s real, I’ve seen it.
Sally & Richard
Kate & Rich
Hev & Dan
Kelly & Lee
“He smiles at me, and I am suddenly seventeen again - the year I realize that love doesn't follow the rules, the year I understood that nothing is worth having so much as something unattainable.”
―
Jodi Picoult
,
My Sister's Keeper
Table of Contents
Laura J Whiskens was born in 1980’s Britain in a council estate full of colourful characters. The youngest of three girls, life was far from dull. She discovered her love of books and writing from a young age and her earliest memories include the wonder of her local library as a Sunday afternoon treat with her stepfather These early days are responsible for her love of all things book-related, including the smell of old book shops and libraries.
In the early days, Laura was horrified at the thought of new-fangled e-readers… until she realised just how many books she could take on holiday with her without exceeding her baggage allowance!
Laura’s writing career truly began with a little girl called Cathy and her best friend, Danny. In the summer of 2013 Danny Boy was published on Amazon’s Kindle store and the short story still receives rave reviews some two years later.
After years of actively trying
not
to write (because writing was an ‘impossible’ dream, or so she thought), Laura cannot now go a day without a new character popping into her head for a chat (she’s not crazy, honest).
Laura now lives in a picturesque country town in Warwickshire with her boyfriend and the cats… because every write has to have a cat–it’s in the job description.
First and foremost, thank you to my partner Ash for listening to me say “I need to work on my book” a million times a week for almost a year. For supporting me and believing me, and for dragging me along to countless gigs with your old band–thank you.
To my family and friends, who inspire me every day and give me the strength to believe in myself. You mean more to me than I can say.
A huge thank you to all at the Robot Review Club–you have taught me so much and have been such a wonderful support for me. Without you I’d be completely lost in this world we call “indie”.
From the same group, a special ‘thank you’ to Natasha, Shannon and Kyleigh–you spurred me on when I was convinced I wasn’t good enough. For your reviews, suggestions and ‘you can do its’ I will be eternally grateful.
Thank you to the 120 Club for pushing me to write every day, even if it’s just a ‘to do’ list; writing really is an exercise which should be practiced every day otherwise it’s hard to get back in the frame of mind to get anything done.
To my late and dear Mum, who’s voice is always in the back of my mind urging me on–“Where’s the rest of my book?” echoes in my head throughout each new project. I love and miss you every day.
Finally, a thank you to
you–
the reader of my book! Without you I wouldn’t still be here, tapping away on this keyboard and publishing this book. Keep reading and reviewing, you make it all worthwhile.
Part One
Indi, Aged Seventeen
It was not long after my seventeenth birthday that Joel Travis climbed through the window of my bedroom. He entered the trailer that I called home, as he always had, but this time I could sense that it was different. There was a hunger in his deep blue eyes that I had never seen before. The sight made my heart race and my cheeks flush.
The atmosphere was so intense that I didn’t dare utter a word in case I broke the spell he was apparently under. My heart was thumping so hard I was sure he’d be able to hear it. We’d been best friends since we were four and I had been in love with him since we were thirteen–almost four whole years of waiting and hoping that he’d open his eyes and realise he loved me too.
“Indi,” he said breathily, causing my heart to stop dead.
For a moment I forgot how to breathe. Joel paused for a second as his feet found the bedroom floor and I worried for a moment that he had changed his mind. I needn’t have been concerned.
He rushed at me, pulling my body close, kissing me harshly and running his fingers through my long black hair as he pulled my face closer to his own. It was a good thing he was holding me because I didn’t trust my legs not to buckle beneath me.
I could have cried with joy and excitement in that moment–which would have been a bad move since my eyes were thick with black eyeliner and my heavily mascara-ed eyelashes would definitely have run.
Crying would not be cool right now and Joel would certainly poke fun at me forever for being such a girl over a kiss. I’d have to keep my rock chick persona in check; I couldn’t have her running for cover while the fluffy pink girly girl took over.
Joel backed me over towards my unmade bed; I hoped to God that there were no underwear or teddy bears on there that could ruin the moment. If this was going to be ‘it’, then I was ready. I loved him, and not in a stupid schoolgirl way. I truly loved him in a real and forever kind of way. I knew everything about him and even the bad stuff only made my feelings for him stronger.
“Is this okay?” he whispered, pulling back to look deep into my eyes as he lay on top of me on the bed, the weight of his body pressing down on me.
I nodded yes, and pulled his t-shirt up over his head with hands shaking in anticipation. This would be my first time, but I wasn’t nervous in the way I thought I would be. I ran my hands through his dark, spiked hair and returned his kisses as he slowly undressed me.
I knew Joel well enough to know he’d take care of me. I was pretty sure that this wasn’t his first time but it didn’t bother me. We were in a band together with two of our close friends–I sang while he played bass guitar and growled obscenities–and after gigs there were usually groupies around, waiting to throw themselves at the guys.
I didn’t know what had brought Joel to the trailer that night, and at this point I didn’t care much either. All that mattered was that he was here; undressing me and kissing me with a passion I’d dreamt about for the last few years. Adrenalin rushed through my body and I ached for him, pulling him as close as I could.
My dad was out drinking as per usual and my mom had gone AWOL years earlier so we were completely alone in the place I loosely called home.
I lay naked on the bed and Joel drank me in, looking at me in a way he never had before. I felt exposed and suddenly scared; in this moment everything was about to change. Even if I tried, I couldn't go back to pretending he was just my friend.
Joel brought his head level with my own and kissed me softly so that I got goose bumps. My body reacted to him without having to think about it.
"You're beautiful," he touched my pale face softly while his other hand ran down my side and he gently kissed my collarbone.
I didn't know how to respond to that–no one had ever called me beautiful before–so I just kissed him back and allowed my hands to wander down his chest. I'd wondered for a long time how his bare flesh would feel against my own skin. So I allowed my hands to touch all of the places I wouldn't normally be allowed while in the 'friend zone'.
I sat up slowly, feeling braver now, and removed his jeans and boxers. I let out a little gasp as I released him. Joel smiled, a little embarrassed. Even if it wasn't his first time, I guess he must have felt vulnerable too, baring himself so wholly to me. The thought made me feel bolder somehow and I grasped hold of the length of him as I gazed at him, chewing on my bottom lip. He closed his eyes and pushed me back down on the bed.
As he moved into me I bit on my lower lip to stifle a scream. It hurt and I hadn’t been expecting that. I didn’t have any close girlfriends and the snippets I’d heard from the girls in high school hadn’t prepared me for the burning pain between my legs. I was afraid if he saw the pain in my eyes he might stop so I closed my eyes and tried to keep my expression straight.
After that, I lost all logical thought as I gave into the feeling of him.
Afterwards we lay together for a while and for the first time since I’d known him I didn’t know what to say to Joel. He, it seemed, felt the same way. Years of my hopes and dreams had led to this exact moment but I hadn’t actually considered what might happen if he had opened his eyes and realised what was standing in front of him. Not half an hour earlier I was full of teenage bravado, and now here I was: feeling incredibly conscious of the fact that my naked body was exposed. I thought of ways to gracefully cover myself, none of them were actually possible.
Shit
, I thought to myself as I remembered that my dressing gown was on a chair across the room. I’d have to show my ass to him if I went over to get it, and I didn’t trust my legs to carry me anyway. In the end I sat up and put a pillow across me, covering as much as I could as I hugged it close to me. Joel sat up and hunched over but didn’t bother to cover himself.
“Are you okay?” he asked, not looking at me.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I replied and fidgeted as I found a t-shirt sticking out from my pillow and pulled it on. “Actually… I’m a little confused.”
“I’m sorry Indiana.” The two words crushed me. He thought the whole thing was a huge mistake; I felt my stomach do a flip and I fought the urge to cry.
My fury was heightened by him using my full name; my parents, both drunks, thought it would be amusing to call me Indiana when I was born. Yeah, nothing wrong with that name... unless your surname is Jones. Indiana Jones–what a joke; it’s not like I didn’t like the films, but it took years of bitch-slapping to get people to stop teasing me over it.
“Don’t be,” I replied coolly and pulled on my pants before standing with my back to him.
I couldn’t stand the thought of being weak in front of him. So I shut myself off completely; to hell with him anyway.
I was surprised to feel his arms circle me from behind, hugging me with his head coming to rest on my shoulder. My heart fluttered at him being so close, feeling his breath on my neck.
“I’m sorry if it hurt you I meant, I’m not sorry that it happened.” How well he knew me after all. The sick feeling subsided.
“How
did
this happen, Joel? I mean, I thought we were just friends? I had no idea...” I trailed off as I turned to look him in the eye. Awkward as it might be, I couldn’t help but speak to him like I always had: frankly and without hiding, like I did with almost everyone else.
“It doesn’t matter,” he avoided my gaze and I felt angry with him. Now he was hiding from me.
“It does matter! You make me so mad!” Joel looked surprised as I flung myself out of his embrace. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you?”
“What?” Now he was genuinely confused.
No going back now though
, I thought to myself. It was time to get everything out–everything between us was now changed forever anyway.
“Four years Joel, four years I’ve waited for you to look at me like you did tonight. You’re my best friend; you have
no
idea how hard it’s been for me to hide my feelings from you. Billy and Waz knew about it a long time ago.” Billy and Waz, our best friends, always could see right through me. They’d teased me about my ‘crush’ a couple of times in the beginning but were more sympathetic as we’d gotten older.
Joel sat back down on the bed, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me down next to him.
“Don’t be such a pain. Sit!” Joel laughed and I huffed as I sat down next to him, trying to keep my legs from touching his. “I didn’t know, okay? I actually had no idea. We’re friends, you’re my best friend. I didn’t know you felt that way. If I had...”
“Then what? You wouldn’t have come here tonight?” My inner riot girl had her spikes out now. I could be such a bitch sometimes.
“Then maybe I would have come here a long time ago, actually,” he replied, stroking the side of my face gently with his hand.
My heart skipped and my cheeks flushed. Now I was mad at myself. For years I’d tortured myself for nothing?
“Someone was being a douche, talking about you tonight and I was furious. I punched him in the face and the next thing I know, I’m outside your window.” He put his head in his hands and I was about to ask who the hell was talking about me when he grabbed my hand. “I thought about leaving, I really did. I caught sight of you through the curtain and I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to him, I didn’t know how I felt about any of it.
“Honestly, I didn’t think I felt anything more for you than friendship. A couple of times when I’ve seen you speaking to other guys it’s pissed me off but I shrugged it off I guess,” he carried on. “Like you said, I guess Billy and Waz knew better than I did.”
Billy was his brother and Waz our wayward fourth. The two of them would gladly tease us about anything, except for this it would seem. They would often look knowingly at me after gigs when gaggles of pink fluffy girls would gather around Joel, laughing like hyenas even though he hadn’t said anything
that
funny.
“I hated girls even looking at you, that’s when I started to realise,” I revealed. “Then when your dad left and you came over here and fell asleep as I held you, I couldn’t stop myself.”
The year we turned thirteen Joel and Billy’s dad went out to get milk. Their younger sister opened the refrigerator to find a full, unopened bottle sat on the shelf. He didn’t come back that night, or any since. When their mom came home she flipped out and got drunk, shouting abuse at her three children. Billy was fourteen but Casey was only seven and seeing her mother that way really hurt her. Joel came over to my trailer once they’d managed to get her to sleep.
He’d climbed through my window and burst into tears; the first time I’d seen him cry since he broke his ankle climbing trees when we were eight. We lay down on my bed and he’d cried himself to sleep in my arms. I’d never loved him more that right there in that moment.
“I always find myself here; whatever goes on, this is where I want to be.” He was playing with a strand of my hair.
This week it was jet black all the way through, the week before I had purple streaks through it. I dyed my hair on a whim, most of the time just to see if anyone noticed. Without a mother to tell me off I felt the need to draw attention to myself. Dad never noticed, of course.
“It’s a happening place,” I joked and bumped my shoulder against his. We were sat there in just t-shirts and our underwear and I was starting to get cold.
“It’s you, it’s always you,” he replied and looked into my eyes again. The passionate look was starting to smoulder in them again.
The spot between my legs was still sore but I was excited in spite of myself. No one had ever looked at me in this way before, and the fact that it was Joel was perfect to me. I smiled as he moved in to kiss me again and before long we were naked once more.
