Ripped (Siren Publishing Classic ManLove) (6 page)

“It’s your body and heart I crave, Kyle,” Roman murmured as his lips kissed his partner’s neck.

When Kyle started struggling again, Roman pinned his hands above his head. “So impatient, still just a needy manipulator! Do you really think I am going to make love to you again without telling you that I love you? I love you, Kyle,” Roman responded against his husband’s lips.

Reaching for Kyle’s hand, Roman slid the ring onto his partner’s finger.

“The fighting has got to stop, silly boy. I won’t hurt you again.”

“Don’t make promises like that, Roman. I’ve heard them before.”

Thinking he saw tears in Kyle’s eyes, Roman put the unopened condom on the nightstand, spooning Kyle against his body.

“It’s time you told me about him,” Roman said quietly, lacing his fingers through Kyle’s and bringing them to his lips.

“There’s not much to tell. Other than the fact I’m living with AIDS because of my own stupidity.”

“You thought you were in love with him, didn’t you?”

Kyle nodded in reply.

“I love you now, and that’s all that matters.”

“He drank. I was on the receiving end of his verbal abuse. One night, about two years before you and I met, he decided to have unprotected sex with me. I agreed. It was something that I had always wanted, bareback with someone in a committed relationship. Something that I want to do with you now, and we never can.”

“That’s not important, sweet boy,” Roman said. “We can explore other things, more intimate ways of bonding.”

“It doesn’t get more intimate than that,” Kyle replied.

Roman flipped Kyle so that his husband was beneath his body again.

“I’ll be the judge of what’s intimate with us,” Roman said, smiling. “I am sorry for making the wounds of that relationship surface.”

Reaching for the condom on the nightstand, Roman said quietly, “I am going to make love to you like I should have. I love you, silly boy.”

“My gay baby has finally arrived,” Kyle breathed beneath Roman’s body.

Before Roman had time to reply, pain shot through his legs. Motionless above Kyle’s body, he waited, hoping that it would subside as it had a few times in the past before reaching its full intensity. The pain was unpredictable, varying in length, and striking at will. As another wave burned its way through his flesh, Roman rolled off Kyle.

“It’s your legs again, isn’t it?” Kyle asked.

“Yeah, it’s so frustrating!” Roman said, reaching for his medication in the drawer.

The pain was blinding, as he realized his hands were shaking. Kyle took the medication from him.

“Lie down, and I’ll get your meds ready,” Kyle replied, slipping on his pair of jeans over his nude body.

As Roman drank the Demerol, he heard Kyle ask, “I’ll do whatever you want, the whirlpool, massage…”

“I wanted to make love to you,” Roman replied, “we needed it, and you needed it, and I wanted you to believe that my words were real.”

Roman felt Kyle pull him into his arms on the bed, stroking his hair.

“You need to rest,” Kyle whispered.

“I didn’t want to rest! I wanted to work you over!”

“That’s a nice thought, gay baby. Maybe we can try that when you’re more coherent. The meds are altering your behavior just a bit, honey.”

“I guess I’ve always been bisexual…” Roman said, “attracted to women, but wondering what the hands of a male lover would feel like on my skin.”

“I know.”

“You did not!”

“It’s part of that
gay vibe
I told you about.”

Roman laughed, snuggling closer to Kyle’s chest.

“Have I told you that I was profoundly jealous that morning in the kitchen after our fight? Wearing that white spandex shirt with your abs visible? My man only dresses that way for me.”

“I love your body, too, Roman. Now rest before you end up making an absolute fool of yourself.”

“I have been a fool,” Roman replied. I was too afraid to explore my bisexuality. I thought I would always be in the closet. I didn’t plan to fall in love with Lisa, or that my love for her would consume me. Before Lisa, I wanted a relationship with a male but was too shy to explore the options. Since I was attracted to females, too, and it was
acceptable
, I guess I hid as an outwardly straight male. I did eventually confide in Lisa. She loved me anyway. I miss her so much!”

Tears began to flow freely down Roman’s cheeks, turning into violent sobs, as Kyle held him quietly against his chest.

“Hurting you was never my intention. We should have left Hot Springs for our honeymoon. My lame excuse of wanting to stay in town, in case an emergency happened at Ripped, was a ploy to get you to visit the cemetery on schedule.”

“I figured that was the reason.”

“Then why didn’t you demand different?”

“I tried. Remember? I think it culminated in me being angry, you kissing Catherine, and a hot interlude on the sofa. I think we will have to have this conversation again when you are more coherent.”

“We are having it now!” Roman said, pulling Kyle up so that both men were sitting face-to-face on the bed.

“Quit fighting the effects of the medication, Roman. Go to sleep.”

“No, there are things that need to be said between us. Things that I need to say to you, so I will never have to see the hurt in your eyes that I’ve had to live with for the last few days.”

“Then can you lie down to do it?” Kyle asked, curling Roman back into his arms.

“Catherine told me that you are not welcome in Andrew’s life. I informed her that you were my life and that what she was asking was very unfair. I will not choose between my son and the man who is the source of my existence!”

“It would be nice if you could be this open without the medication.”

Roman winced.

“What’s the pain doing?”

“Better…like bee stings…I want you so much right now. I don’t think I’ve told you how good you feel.”

“I like the slur in your speech, gay baby, really sexy. However, I am not in the habit of having drug-induced sex.”

“She isn’t Lisa. I realized that tonight. She is a raging homophobe, and probably other things, too.”

“But she is a beautiful woman. If I was straight, I might have problems resisting her, too.”

“I have only cried one other time besides tonight. The night after Lisa’s funeral.”

“I don’t need any explanation. She was your wife, and you loved her.”

“I love you now.”

“Yeah, you’ve already told me that numerous times,” Kyle replied, smiling.

“I thought you wanted to hear it. I may never let you leave my bedroom.”

“Why’s that?” Kyle asked, continuing to stroke Roman’s hair.

“So sexy, like you are now. Silly boy, you are not the only one who felt an attraction when we first met. I find solace and peace when I am with you. Loving you has lessened the pain of losing my wife.”

In an unexpected gesture, Roman felt Kyle kissing him.

“Thought you said you didn’t have drug-induced sex.”

“There’s always an exception,” Kyle said, flipping Roman so he was face-first on the bed.

“Something smells good,” Roman said, encircling his arms around Kyle.

“French toast with strawberries and whipped cream. It’s almost finished,” Kyle replied, turning off the heat on the range.

“I didn’t get a morning kiss, since you obviously crawled out of bed at the crack of dawn to make us a gourmet breakfast.”

“I don’t guess you did,” Kyle said, turning to meet Roman’s lips.

The kiss was tender but brief as Roman said, “Now isn’t this better than fighting?”

“How are your legs?”

“The usual dull ache.”

Roman sat down at the table while Kyle brought their plates. Both men ate in silence for a few minutes, exchanging smiles.

“I’ve not only been blessed with a sexy husband, but with a great chef. However, if you continue to walk around in those tight little jeans bare-chested, I’m going to have to put you back to bed. I also don’t think I have told you that I love you today, either.”

Kyle covered the distance between them in a matter of seconds, kneeling on the floor beside Roman’s chair.

“I was almost afraid to believe that last night had even happened, or that the medication might erase you memory.”

“I remember everything, including the look on your face when I told you I loved you.”

Kyle leaned forward, hugging Roman in a tight embrace.

“What, silly boy?”

“I’ll sign the papers. I want us, this marriage, and what we share right now. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“I want us to go somewhere for the rest of the two weeks. I’ve got some money in a savings account. It has been sitting there for five years. Lisa and I built it together. It was supposed to be used for a down payment on a house. I want it to be used for the house that we are going to buy together, and to raise the children that I want so desperately with you. There is enough to do both. So pick a place? All I care about is learning about my man. Three days has not nearly been enough time. Also, I like this side of you.”

“And what side is that, gay baby?” Kyle laughed, standing
and
pulling Roman with him.

“I’m enjoying the fact that you have been so openly homosexual with me the last few days, and it isn’t so visible around others. Silly boy’s been reserving his gay vibe just for me.”

“I would say that you are learning well.”

“I guess I really didn’t understand your meaning of physical therapy,” Roman replied, pulling Kyle closer.

“I need to clean up the kitchen, Roman.”

“It can wait. Right now, tell me where you want to go?”

“Camping and rock climbing sound nice…sharing a sleeping bag.”

“It’s the middle of summer.”

“Before we can make any plans, you need to call Catherine to discuss visitation with Andrew.”

“I’m not 100 percent sure that Andrew is even my son. She was married at that time. I thought I was sure, until we had dinner with her last night…and then the car episode…and the comments she made about you. She’s not like Lisa. She may look identical, but it stops there. Besides, I will not exclude you.”

“It’s okay, if that’s the only way she will let you see him. My heart knows you are with me.”

“No, it’s not okay!” Roman replied. “I will never exclude you again! You are my husband. We are one. Our relationship spans five years. I’ve only known Andrew for a few brief moments. Ultimately, he is Lisa’s child. She will raise him with her views and her ideas. My influence will probably be short visitations, no doubt supervised by her.”

“I know how important children are to you. I don’t want you to give that up because of me.”

“It means nothing without you.
Everything
means nothing without you. I thought I made that clear last night.”

“Then I will support whatever your decision is.”

“I think you are asking to be taken back to that bedroom,” Roman said, still holding Kyle close, feeling his chest against his own, and wondering if they had time for more.

“Call Catherine,” Kyle said, pulling from his embrace.

As Roman made the call, he reveled in Kyle’s movements as he loaded the dishwasher, wondering how one person could complete another so well.

“She has agreed to come over later this afternoon, without Andrew, of course. That will give me a chance to discuss the blood test that I want.”

“I can go to the gym. I probably need to pick up something for dinner anyway. Thought I would cook for you.”

“No, you are staying right here. We can go out to dinner later.”

“Does Catherine know I will be here?”

“She didn’t ask. It doesn’t matter anyway. I want you with me.”

Later that afternoon, Catherine was sitting across from them on the sofa. As Roman held Kyle’s hand, he could feel her eyes fixated on their gesture.

“I wasn’t expecting to discuss our son with him present.”

“
Him
has a name, Catherine. I will not discuss Andrew, or anything else for that matter, if Kyle is not here,” Roman said quickly, glancing at Kyle and tightening the grip on his partner’s hand.

“When I came for dinner last night, I thought you were trying to shock me, but I can see that you still insist on playing house with him,” Catherine said, avoiding Kyle’s eyes and directing her comments only to Roman. “I thought I made myself clear!”

“I guess I didn’t make myself clear enough! I am very much in love with Kyle and have been for a long time. Whatever decisions that are made in this will include my husband, or there will be no decisions at all!”

“He is my child! I don’t have to let you see him. Mama and Daddy already don’t want you around him. I just remember how much you and Lisa wanted children.”