Ripping Pages (15 page)

“Yep, I’m free. Yay. I miss you.”

“Miss you, too,” I said as I walked to the shower.

The next few weeks went by in a blur. I worked and rehearsed, and saw Van when I could. He was gearing up for a video shoot, and then they were going on tour. I wanted to see him more, but work and the play took up most of my time, and his recording and photo shoots took up his. We talked and sexted constantly, and I wore my bracelet every day. Seth kept his distance, for the most part. Only speaking to me when he needed to direct me. I had a few lunches and spa days with Tatum. She was serious with the guy that she wouldn’t tell me much about. She said she didn’t want to jinx it. Tatum wasn’t the relationship type, and I was proud of her for trying with this guy who was making her all kinds of giddy and female.

Opening night was upon us, and I was a little sad. Van had to leave for his tour, which was kicking off in Los Angeles. He wouldn’t be there at the premier. I didn’t have a major part, but I wanted him there. He felt horrible and wouldn’t stop apologizing, but the label was in charge, and people had already purchased tickets months before. He didn’t realize that my play coincided with his tour, because he hadn’t really been focusing on the details, which he admitted to me and in turn, made me feel like crap. This was his livelihood and he was concentrating everything he had on me.

We had been together for over a month when he had to leave for LA… the same day as my Opening night.

The night before he was to leave, and after my dress rehearsal at the theater, it was late, but I wanted to spend our last night together before we would be apart for two months. I got to Van’s apartment, and knocked softly.

He opened the door, barefoot and dressed in his sexy jeans and a black tee that hugged him just right. He smiled that breathtaking smile and pulled me in for a kiss.

He immediately dropped down to his knees and gently grasped my wrist that the bracelet dangled from, and he looked up at me. His eyes darkened and became very serious.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small blue box and opened it up smiling up at me as he did.

“I got you this a while ago, because I knew I was in love with you then, but I didn’t want to scare you. I want you to know now even if it scares you. Even if you don’t feel the same way.

I haven’t said this to anyone the way I’m about to say it to you, Tinley. I. Love. You. I know it hasn’t been that long but I do. I love you, Sweetness. I think I loved you the moment I caught you snooping around my house.”

I think I stopped breathing altogether. He watched me with a look of total admiration and love.

I didn’t even have to think about it.

“I love you, too, Van. I really do. You have shown me in these past few weeks that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

He kissed the back of my hand and pulled out the new charm for my bracelet. It was a silver heart with the words “nouveau depart” inscribed on it.

I smiled as I played with it and looked down at him, inquiring what those two words meant. I could barely speak English properly, so I had no clue what it meant or what language. All I knew was that it was beautiful, and he had it made just for me.

“It means
New Beginning
in French.” He stood up and cupped my face in his big hands. “You, Tinley, are my new beginning, and I love you more than anything. I’ve never felt this kind of love before. I’ve never felt the way I feel when you’re near me. You bring out the best in me. You make me want to be a good man for you. Just you.”

He kissed my nose and then my forehead, and then he kissed me passionately on the lips, sealing those beautiful words forever within us.

The next day he apologized relentlessly as I rode with him to JFK airport. I kissed him goodbye near the private jet, which he was about to board. I felt bad that I was missing his concerts, too. I wanted to go with him when he’d asked—only half-kidding, knowing I had prior commitments in New York.

He hugged me and kissed me passionately in the middle of the crowded area of the airport. People took pictures and openly stared at the display of PDA Van and I were putting on, but in that instant, I could not have cared less. I was going to miss him for two months as he toured. He would be coming back right before Christmas.

“I’m gonna miss you, Sweetness. I love you. Do great tonight. I’m so proud of you. I’m Sor—“

I stopped him with a kiss. “Stop apologizing. This is your job, Babe. Your fans are waiting for you. I will be fine. Love you.”

“You are amazing. Love you. I’ll call you when we land.”

“Ok, be safe.”

He kissed me again, longer this time.

“I will. You, too, baby. Knock ‘em dead.” He winked and ascended the stairs leading into the plane.

I took the cab back to the apartment to get ready for the biggest night of my small career, alone.

I got to the theater at around three that afternoon. The place was buzzing with excitement. Backdrops and stage pieces were being set up. I went to the dressing area backstage. There was a sectioned off area for the women and one for the men. I went inside the women’s room and got my costume on for the first scene. I met a nervous Laura.

“Hey, Laura. You look great. Are you ready?”

“Hey, girl. You do, too. You ready for your first performance?” she asked as she adjusted her hair in the mirror and checked her teeth.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I smiled.

Van sent me a text before the play started.

“I’m in LA. Good luck tonight, baby. I love you.”

Someone came backstage carrying an enormous bouquet of purple orchids, and my face lit up.

Attached to the card was a charm for my bracelet.

It was a silver tiffany charm with the
Wicked
icon on it.

I smiled as I opened the card.

As I’ve said so many times before, I’m so, so sorry I can’t be there to see your beautiful face light up that stage. I’m so proud to call you mine. I love you. Do great tonight, and think of how much you mean to me.

Love, Van

Holy Swoon.
I put the bouquet down by my makeup station and put the charm safely back in my bag so I wouldn’t lose it.

Before I knew it, the play was starting and the house was packed.

The play went off without a hitch. Laura and the rest of the cast were amazing, and I have to say, I did awesome as a member of the chorus.

The patrons started to leave and we started to clean up the theater and head out to the restaurant down the road where our Premier Party was happening.

Almost everyone had left, and I was on the phone with Van in private when I heard footsteps behind me. Thinking it was Laura, I turned around still talking to Van.

“I know. Ok baby, I love—“

My words died on my tongue. There, standing before me, and looking every bit as gorgeous and rugged as he always had, was James, the one who had shattered my heart.

Van was still trying to get my attention on the other end of the phone as I stared, open-mouthed, at James.

I got a hold of myself for a few seconds and spoke into the receiver. “Sorry, one of the girls came in. Ok, talk to you later. Love you, bye.” I pressed the end button on the phone and waited for James to speak.

“Tin, baby…”

I took a few soothing breaths.

“Where the
fuck
have you been? And why the
fuck
are you here now?” I said angrily, but surprisingly calm.

He took a hesitant step toward me, and I noticed a bouquet of red roses in his hand much like the ones he always gave me.

He extended his hand to me to give me the flowers.

I slapped them out of his grasp and they fell to the ground, the petals falling all over the worn wood floor.

“I’m so proud of you, Tin. You did it. You’re here. Your dream. And you did it. You were amazing.”

“Stop! You don’t GET to be proud of me, James. Yeah,
my
dream. I’m here, and do you know why?” I asked with a sneer. “Because you FUCKING BROKE ME. You left me. You shattered me, James, and now you come to give me fucking bullshit flowers and tell me you’re proud of me? Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a joke? Where’s the cameras? I have to be on Punk’d, right?”

“Tinley, I left you because I didn’t have a choice. I had to leave you, to protect you.”

“Umm, ok,” I said sarcastically. “What the FUCK are you talking about? To protect me. What does that even mean?”

“May I?” He asked timidly as he walked closer to me and grabbed a chair, one for me and one for himself.

I sat down and hoped he would hurry and spit it out already.

“Tinley, do you remember before I…” He cleared his throat. “Before I left you, how I became distant, and you really didn’t see much of me?”

“Gee, James. How could I forget?” I knew I was being a hateful sarcastic bitch, but how else was I supposed to act?

“Well, that month, Jake came back to Houston.” Jake? As in his brother that he wasn’t close to?

“And?”

“Jake came back, and he called me to come see him. I didn’t want to, but he said he needed to see me. So after seeing him that first night, I realized he was mixed up with the wrong people. I kept trying to get him out of whatever he had gotten himself into.

“The night before I had to leave, I went to talk to him and watched a huge drug deal go down with him and a very, very bad gang. I was mixed up in the middle of this fight, and eventually, a shootout ensued. My brother’s friend was murdered, and my brother and I had to go into hiding. They knew too much about us. It was the ONLY way I could keep you safe, baby. The police said I could only tell you goodbye and that was it.

“So, you see, I didn’t leave you. I hated to hurt you, and I’m sure you were so hurt, and I wished for all these months that I could call you or hold you. I hated that you were hurting, but this gang is no joke. I had to go to a safe house until they could get the leaders of the gang and put them away. I’m so, so sorry, baby. Please understand that I would NEVER leave you. EVER.”

I sat there stunned, as James got quiet. It all sounded so unbelievable. He had been in the witness protection program? That just didn’t sound plausible. I couldn’t wrap my mind around this. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
He really hadn’t left me. He was protecting me. He wanted me. He loved me. My James was back.

He slowly stood up from the chair across from me and walked over to me. He squatted down so that he was eye level with me. He took my hands in his and caressed the back of my hands with his thumbs like he used to do. “I know this is all crazy and unreal. But baby, I’m telling you the truth. I love you just as much as I did when I left. I’m sorry I had to put you through that. If you don’t believe me, I can get you proof.”

I looked down at him and into those big brown eyes, and I knew he was telling me the truth. He never was a good liar.

He stared back at me for a moment, and I immediately felt at peace.

He leaned in slightly, and I smelled that familiar scent that had always been James. He smelled like fresh laundry and cinnamon. His lips lightly brushed mine, and I instinctively bit his bottom lip as always, and the memories and the safety I always found with James were back. He was here. He was in the flesh before me. He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me roughly. He lifted me from my chair, and I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist. Our lips and tongues still tangled together, he walked us to the small couch on the far right side of the dressing room. He laid me gently on my back and then leaned down to press a kiss to my neck.