Rise (12 page)

She was definitely entertaining, and she’d done so much screaming and jumping around before the game even started that I couldn’t in my right mind figure out how she was going to last four more hours. Honestly, I was relieved that some of her energy had been burned and she might be calmer during the game itself.

I should have known better than to hope for something so ridiculous.

The Sooners scored four times in the first quarter alone and three more in the second. Attie showed the same amount of excitement for each and every touchdown—not to mention every tackle, every run, every pass, and every field goal. She may not have been worn out, but I sure was, and it was just from watching her and listening to her never-ending play by play.

By halftime, when it started raining, the Sooners were ahead fifty to zero. Luckily, as the rain fell, we were safely sitting underneath the deck above us and didn’t get wet. A few minutes in, the announcer asked everyone out in the open to seek shelter due to lightning and thunderstorms nearby. At Attie’s insistence, we stayed put.

“After all,” she said, “we’ve got cover.”

“Attiline, it’s fifty to zero, and it’s pouring down rain. Can’t we just go ahead and head home?” Dad asked.

Attie looked disgusted. “Do the players get to go home?”

“Well … no.”

“Then we shouldn’t go either. I don’t think true fans should leave until the players have finished playing.”

“You wanna stay the entire time?” he shrieked.

“Don’t you?”

“I guess?” He was asking himself a question more than agreeing with her.

And so we stayed. We stayed through the one-and-a-half-hour game delay. We stayed through the third quarter in which the Sooners only scored one more time. And we stayed through the entire fourth quarter, even when nobody scored and practically everyone in the stadium but other morons like ourselves had left.

We didn’t leave the stadium until almost 10:30 p.m., and by the time we made it to the car, we were tired, sopping wet, and our ears were practically bleeding from her constant talking.

To top it all off, as we climbed in the car and made ourselves comfortable, Attie said something mind blowing.

“Good grief, did you guys hear that obnoxious woman behind us? She would not shut up.”

Dad’s head turned my direction so fast that I thought he was going to fall over. “The woman was loud?” he whispered. “Is she kidding?”

All I could do was shrug.

Not surprisingly, Attie kept talking. “She complained about this and she complained about that. My Lord, we won by fifty-six points; what does the woman want? Riley, next time, remind me to wear headphones so I can listen to the play by play and I don’t have to listen to all that noise.”

I hung my head in my hands. “I’ll do that.”

Next time? Did I even want there to be a next time?

“I say we all get headphones,” Dad announced. “You know, to drown out all that noise.”

“Oh,” Attie said, “so you heard her too?”

chapter 14

Joshua and I stood in the pasture out behind my house throwing the football to each other as we had our debriefing and the females all made dinner in the kitchen. Even though we were several yards away, I could hear them cackling through the open kitchen window. Of course, my mom’s voice was the loudest, but Attie’s wasn’t far behind, and she was giving my mom a run for her money in terms of who talked the most. In that moment, part of me realized that God had a very big sense of humor, and the reality was that I was dating a younger version of my mother. The other part of my mind refused to believe it.

“I heard about the tire incident. What’s happened since then?” Joshua asked.

“Not much. As a group, we decided not to respond. We didn’t even acknowledge that it happened.”

“That was a smart idea.”

“Attie gets the credit for it. She’s under the impression that if we don’t get involved, eventually we won’t be any fun and they’ll move on and bug someone else.”

“And have they? Moved on?”

I caught the ball, lined up the threads in my fingers, and threw it back. “It’s only been a couple of weeks, but they haven’t really done anything else big like that. Tiffany gives Attie fits at practice and games every once in a while, but the coach has really got that under control. I think she hears things that are said about her, but she ignores it. I’ve been proud of her.”

“I have too. She seems to have risen above all the mess. It’ll only make her that much stronger and a better role model for other kids going through the same thing.”

“Yeah. I know people are watching to see how she handles it.”

“How about you?” He rested the ball between his arm and hip. “How are you handling things?”

“I’m fine. Nobody really gives me problems.”

“What about with Attie? How’s your relationship?”

“Incredible. Wonderful. I’m crazy about her.”

“Living with her isn’t causing problems?” He finally grabbed the ball and threw it again.

“No. I think the rules you guys laid out have helped. They kinda keep us from going into boyfriend/girlfriend mode at home. It’s more hanging out than anything.”

“And when you aren’t inside the house?”

“We spend a lot of time outside, I’ll be honest. But really, even then we just go for walks or hang out on the front porch. Nothing more than PG stuff, I can assure you. Well, maybe a little PG-13. I mean, there’ve been a couple of instances where it’s been more difficult.”

“What’s more difficult?”

“Following the guidelines we agreed to. You know, one minute I’ll be kissing her and all’s fine, and then the next it’s all I can do to not cross the line. It’s a constant battle.”

“I can understand that.”

“Like, the first day of school. We were playing a joke on the students and acting like we weren’t dating. Well, she started flirting with me in the hallway, and it really messed with my mind. It was all I could think about all day. And the more I thought about it, the more I turned completely innocent remarks into suggestive ones—to the point that by the time I saw her that afternoon, I wanted to break every rule known to man. If she would have shown one weak moment, it would’ve been all over.”

“So she’s the one that’s keeping this ship afloat—in terms of not going overboard?”

“Mostly. Don’t get me wrong; I agree with everything. I wanna wait, but sometimes I don’t think clearly.”

“That’s when you really have to work on taking your thoughts captive.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you watch the Olympics?”

“That was a random question, but yeah.”

“Have you ever watched a gymnast or a diver as they visualize the stunt they’re about to do?”

“I’ve seen them do it.”

“They visualize themselves doing it perfectly because the mind and body don’t know the difference between reality and imagination. The visualizations—the thoughts—are so real that the body thinks they’ve actually just performed the act perfectly. They can literally train the muscles of their body and mind by imagining perfect moves.”

“I had no idea.”

“What I want you to see is that when you let your mind wander into areas that are questionable, when you focus on thoughts that are different from reality, your mind doesn’t necessarily realize it isn’t real. So it can become much more difficult to resist something that your mind and body thinks it already did.”

“It doesn’t help that I have done more with other people and before Attie came along. Not everything, but more.”

“And don’t think Attie doesn’t realize that too.”

“I know.”

“She’ll wonder if you always want more.”

“The problem is, no matter what I wanna believe, the truth is yes, I always want more.”

“You’re a seventeen-year-old guy. That’s normal. Controlling yourself is going to continue to get more difficult.”

“We do better if we just don’t get close to the line.”

“The line?”

“Yeah. It’s this imaginary place that I can feel if we get too close to. It’s that point where my mind starts to shut down and my body wants to take over. As long as we stay away from that place, I do pretty good.”

“But when you get right up to that line?”

“It’s darned near impossible to stop.”

“So what do you do at that moment?”

“Stop, or back off and cool down and stay away from each other. But I swear, Josh, sometimes all she has to do is look at me, and I’m right there with my toes hanging over that line just a little bit. We don’t even have to be doing anything; it’s just that look. And what’s worse is that she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.”

He laughed. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s like she’s a freakin’ Jedi who hasn’t figured out that she has the Force, so she walks around with all this power and doesn’t even have a clue. It’s her eyes and the way she looks at me. Dear Lord, I wanna cross the line right now just thinking about it, and she’s not even out here!”

“Well, stay away from me. You keep on that side of the field.”

“Lucky for you, you look nothing like her.”

“Thank God for small blessings. Although, she is cute.”

“She is, isn’t she?”

“Yes. You have excellent taste.”

I juggled the ball back and forth in my hands as my mind raced. “Can I do this, Josh? I mean, for years? Is it even humanly possible?”

“Oh, it’s possible. It’s very difficult, and it’ll feel impossible at times, but it is possible. All things are possible if you trust that God will help you through it. On your own, using what little willpower you’ve got, it isn’t possible at all.”

I felt my eyes roll.

“Look, Riley, you need to stop focusing on what you can’t do with Attie and focus on what you can—and I mean that in a completely nonphysical way. You two have a lot of fun together. You carry on some of the strangest conversations I’ve ever had the pleasure of overhearing, and you seem to be very honest with each other. I mean, is there a topic you won’t discuss?”

“Not really.” I threw him the ball again.

“Do you realize how rare that is? It’s true intimacy. A true connection and an honest and safe environment is where true intimacy is created. That’s what you two are forming right now. And in the future, if you guys end up together, then you’ll be that much better off because you focused on developing the emotional and communicative aspects of your relationship long before the physical part.”

“In my mind, I know that. In my lower region, not so much.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to learn to ignore the lower region and focus on your mind. And that, my boy, is the struggle of males everywhere. No matter what age, race, or culture.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No. It’s intended to let you know you aren’t alone.”

“Can I come out yet?” Attie screamed.

Joshua laughed. “Yes, Attie. You can come out now. It’s all clear.”

She burst out the door and through the pasture before throwing herself into Joshua’s arms. We were both surprised by her affection.

“Congratulations!” I realized by the sound of her voice that she was crying.

“What’s going on?” I looked back at the house and saw Nicole and Mom standing in the doorway. Mom had a tissue pressed to one of her eyes. “What’s with the crying?”

Joshua smiled over at me with Attie still attached to him. “Nicole’s pregnant. Four years of trying and we’re finally having a baby.” A tear ran down his face as he wrapped his arms around the spunky blonde.

Sprinting to them, I dropped the football and joined Attie in her congratulatory hug until Nicole made her way out and the four of us stood crying and celebrating in a huddle.

It was one of those rare moments when you believe that everything’s going well and all’s right with the world.

chapter 15

We were learning the hard way that football weekends were exhausting. Friday night games got us home past eleven, and Sooner home games easily turned into eight- or nine-hour days. Night games were most difficult. We usually didn’t make it home until close to one o’clock in the morning, and our promise of making it to church every single Sunday was getting difficult. Today was no different.

Attie trudged into the kitchen and plopped into her seat at the table. She looked like she’d been hit by a truck.

“Good morning, sunshine,” I teased.

“Hello.” She sounded bleak. “My name is Attie Reed, and I’m a Sooner Football-aholic. It’s been less than three minutes since my last fix.”

Dad placed a mug in front of her and filled it with coffee. “And in what form did this indiscretion present itself?”

“I perused Soonersports dot com.”

“How many times today already?” I asked.

“About four, and I’m seriously jonesing to read the sports section of the newspaper.”

“We hid it from you already, Attiline. We thought you might be having a problem.”

“How’d you guess?”

“Maybe it was all the weird comments you’ve been making for the last few games.” Dad noticed that Attie hadn’t fixed her coffee yet, so he grabbed it and added cream and sugar. “What were some of the best ones, Riley?”

“‘In Bob we trust’ was a good one,” I said.

“One nation under Bob,” Mom added. “She also threw out the ‘Bob bless America’ a time or two.”

Dad laughed from behind his coffee cup. “Yeah, well, my personal favorite was ‘Our Bob who aren’t in heaven.’”

Mom walked over with a plate of bacon. “Now when she’s talking about Bob, I don’t know if she’s talking about Bob Stoops or Riley. I think she’s equally in love with both of them.”

Attie’s forehead crumbled as she looked over at me. “Sorry, Riley. I’m sick. I don’t think there’s any hope for me.”

I smiled over at her. “At least you’re dedicated. Who knew being a head football coach could get you so much praise and adoration? I wonder if Bob Stoops has ever heard his name used in so many interesting ways.”

“He’d be horrified, and they’d probably consider me a stalker and take away my season tickets.”

“Probly.” I threw her a piece of cinnamon toast. “You’re like a super-fan extraordinaire. You’ve taken it to a whole ‘nother level.”

As she took a bite of toast, cinnamon and crumbs fell down the front of her shirt. “Good grief, I can’t even eat, I’ve got withdrawal shakes so bad. We aren’t even halfway through the season. What in the world am I going to do?”

“We’ll put you on a football diet,” Dad suggested. “Limit the intake.”

“To what?”

“How often do you normally watch it?”

She peeked at him through her fingers as she covered her eyes in shame. “Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays, and Friday nights when we have a school game.”

“Maybe cut out Thursdays for a start. We haven’t had a movie night since football season started. Maybe we can start doing a movie night every Thursday.”

Her face collapsed, but she nodded in agreement before looking down at her shirt and wiping off the crumbs. She stopped midbrush and her face cringed.

“What?” I asked.

She rubbed her chest lightly. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing. What’s the matter?”

She rubbed her chest again and then looked over at my mother with a confused look on her face.

I jumped out of my chair. “Charlie, what? You’re freaking me out.”

“It’s nothing, Riley. It’s probably some scar tissue or something; I’ve just never noticed it before.” Her eyes darted in my mom’s direction again.

“Where is it?” Mom asked.

“Right here.” She rubbed a small area just above her left breast. “I just don’t remember it ever being there, and it feels different from the other scars and stuff.”

Mom scurried over to Attie and placed her hand on her chest. “Attie, that’s not a scar. That’s a lump.”

Suddenly nauseated, I fell back into my chair.

Mom continued rubbing the spot. “It’s definitely round, and it’s about the size of a large gumball. How could you have not noticed that before?”

Attie shook her head in confusion. “I … I … ”

Mom looked over at me. “Riley?”

“My hands don’t enter that territory. How would I know?”

“You don’t check yourself regularly, Attie?” Mom asked.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to. Do you think it’s bad?”

“It could be a lot of things, but it certainly isn’t normal. I’ll call and get you into the doctor tomorrow.”

“Attiline, do you know if cancer runs in your family?”

“Cancer?” The word spilled out of my mouth.

“MeMaw died of cancer,” she whispered.

“What kind?” I asked.

Attie looked at me but didn’t answer. Her eyes were wide.

Mom grabbed Attie’s cheeks, turned her face to her, and gave her a kiss on the nose. “Let’s not get all freaked out. I’m sure it’s nothing serious. We just need to get it checked out as soon as we can.”

“Call the doctor right now,” I begged.

“It’s Sunday morning, Riley. They aren’t open.”

The room started spinning, and I felt cold and clammy.

“Babe,” Attie said, “you’re looking a little woozy. Put your head between your knees.”

I leaned over and tried to relax, but the words Attie and cancer continually ran through my mind.

After a few minutes, Attie appeared under the table. She’d crawled underneath and was peeking up at me with a large grin on her face. “Don’t freak out, Riley. I’m fine. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“You’re crazy.”

“About you.” She whispered quietly enough that my parents wouldn’t hear.

“No, you’re just plumb crazy.” I slid my chair away from the table as she crawled out and knelt in front of me. “What time do you think we can go see the doctor tomorrow?” I asked.

“We?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, ‘we.’ I’m not staying here while you go. I’ll be losing my mind.”

“It’ll be during school.”

“So? Can’t we call the principal and let him know?” I looked over at my dad and waited for him to respond.

“I’d excuse that absence.”

“See?”

“And Molly, we’ll need to get you a substitute.”

Attie struggled to get out from under the table. “None of you need to go. I can go by myself.”

“No,” we answered.

“Good grief. It isn’t that big of a deal. They’ll do an X-ray or something and that’ll be about it.” She ran her fingers through my hair. “Buck up, camper; it’ll all be okay. I have a good feeling about this. It’s all going to be okay.”