Risk & Reward (11 page)

Forget the goddamn jewelry. Her eyes were clearer and more flawless than the purest emerald. “Hi.”

Wyatt adjusted himself so she could straddle him better, and slid his hands up her back, his fingers flirting under her bra strap. He glanced down between them. Her breasts were plumped up against his chest, the cups almost revealing the areolas. It would take a flick of his fingers to unhook her bra and pull those nipples into his mouth.

“You didn’t ask me what I was thinking about.”

Attention caught by the words and the serious tone of her voice, he looked up from her breasts. “I think I might know.”
I was an asshole. And I’m probably going to be an asshole again at some point. But forgive my latest display of assholic behavior.

She kissed him, her lips soft and sweet. He tasted strawberries and wine and her. Hours could be spent on this, hours where they wouldn’t have to fight, hours where he could get drunk off of her.

Tatiana pulled away, too soon, and he tensed until every muscle was locked, aware of what was coming.
You deserve this. Let her get it out of her system.

“Why did we break up?”

Caught off guard, he could only stare at her. “What?”

“Why did we break up? Back when we were kids?”

What did this have to do with anything? “I— Lots of reasons.”

“Do better than that. What were they?”

He opened his mouth and closed it again. He didn’t know. No, he knew. But he couldn’t verbalize it.

Fuck that anyway. It was ancient history, and hardly relevant right now. “Does it matter?”

She fiddled with his tie, loosening it. Her sparkly pink nail polish was starting to chip. That would drive her crazy. “My mom asked me that today, and for the life of me, I couldn’t answer it either.”

He took a deep breath. “Tatiana. Why don’t you get dressed, and we can—”

“No!” She had the element of surprise on her side, so she was able to knock him backward so he lay flat, a hundred and fifteen pounds of furious woman on top of him.

Yes, it was the surprise. He winced at the twinge in his lower back. It wasn’t that he was getting old and slow.

“I don’t need to calm down. I don’t need to relax. I am not hysterical.”

“Okay.” He wrapped his hands around her upper arms, trying not to flinch at the loudness of her voice.

He didn’t want to be here. No, he wanted to be here, on the carpet, with Tatiana on top, but he didn’t want to be
here
, in this moment.

Her breasts trembled with the force of her emotions. “This is important. I know that you hate that I’m confrontational and loud, but this is important.”

He clenched his jaw. “I do hate when you’re loud.” The admission was dragged out of someplace deep inside of him.

She blanched. He closed his eyes in order to block out the sheen covering her own. The sight made him want to rip his chest open and offer her his heart.

But when she yelled in anger, it was all he could do not to run.

Her small hands patted his face. They were callused from the work she did, a contrast to the rest of her soft, delicate body. “I told you to leave. That last time. Do you remember?”

How could he ever forget? The scene played out behind his closed eyes. A younger version of the woman on top of him, angry and crying and screaming at him.
I can’t take this anymore, Wyatt! We’re done. Get out.
“And I did.” They’d never spoken again. Not even to exchange the things they’d kept at each other’s places. A week later, after packing everything in his rusty Civic, he’d headed west.

“Don’t you ever wonder what happened to us?”

“We were young. We weren’t able to handle that kind of a serious relationship.”

She tsked. “That diminishes us both.”

“We had problems. We didn’t know how to deal with them.” Wetness dripped on his cheeks. Her tears. God, how he hated her tears.

“I think we still don’t know how to deal with them.”

When his eyes flew open, Tatiana swallowed. They were hot and anguished, the cold and controlled Wyatt gone.

She adored this man, the man he’d grown up to be. She probably loved him, though she refused to even contemplate that seriously until they got past this stumbling block in the middle of their path.

“We didn’t have many serious problems, not ’til I graduated high school.” They’d fought then, but they’d been fights that had often ended in steamy make-out sessions in the backseat of Wyatt’s car, quickly forgotten and forgiven in the midst of their rioting hormones.

Wyatt looked so uncomfortable, Tatiana almost let him up. But he was a big boy, and she figured if he really wanted to run, he could toss her off and run already.

His nod was curt. “I remember our problems.”

“Do you remember us fighting?” She placed her finger over his lips. “Or really, us apologizing, or using what we fought about to move forward? I remember the former. Me yelling. And you, either making sarcastic comments that only made me madder or storming off until we both cooled down.” Her shrug was jerky. “I can’t sustain my mad for long. So I would calm down. And we’d push that problem aside until something else happened. Nothing would ever get resolved.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m… I don’t know what to say. Is that really how you remember things? That we broke up because we
didn’t
fight?”

“More like, we fought, but not in any constructive way.” She grimaced. “Do you know what I mean?”

He stilled, his gaze far away.

“Wyatt?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. I-I said something earlier to Esme….” His thumb traced over her cheek, wiping away the wetness of her tears. “Come here.” He pulled her closer until she was lying down on top of him. Her face rubbed over the fine cotton of his shirt. She gave a spare thought to the snot and makeup she’d leave on it, but she knew he wouldn’t care.

His hand smoothed up her back, his fingers scratching her skin the way he knew she loved. “I do remember you yelling.”

She winced. “I know.”

“I don’t want this to end.” His voice was quiet. “I know we haven’t been together long, but I’m falling for you.”

“Are you? Or are you only falling for me when it’s easy to fall for me?” The question was brave of her. Brave, because she feared the answer so much.

“What kind of a question is that?”

“Look at our track record. We’re not good at handling things when the going gets tough.”

“That’s not true. Some marriages don’t last as long as our relationship did.”

“But it didn’t last forever,” she pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t make things work now.”

She softened, attuned to his upset. “I don’t want this to end either. That’s why I think it’s important to not repeat the mistakes we made before. We have a second chance, Wyatt. We shouldn’t blow it.”

There was silence as he rubbed his fingers over her neck, but she could practically feel Wyatt’s clever brain thinking.

“I hate shouting,” he finally said.

No, he never yelled or shouted. He motivated employees by treating them with respect and hitting them with his icy displeasure.

“I know,” Tatiana replied.

“I’ve gotten better at handling my reaction, but…you make me feel like I’m a nineteen-year-old again. That’s great when it comes to my cock, but probably not for my emotional maturity.”

Her lips curled up. “Yeah.”

Wyatt hesitated. “One of the first things I did after I was financially stable was visit a psychiatrist.”

She tensed, eager to look him in the eyes after words like that, but he held her pressed tight to his chest. She gave in after a brief moment, willing to give him whatever he needed.

“It wasn’t about you. Not entirely at least. I was in a bad place, overall. Most of it was tied to my dad and the way I was raised.” He paused. “I stopped going to see her after a few visits because I got busy, but it was helpful anyway. It was the first time I ever spoke about my family to anyone.”

She didn’t dare breathe, for fear that he would stop talking. Over the course of their long previous relationship, Tatiana could count on one hand the times Wyatt had talked about his father. She’d never been allowed to meet the man, though she’d known of him by reputation and had caught glances of him around town.

He’d moved out of his dad’s house when he was eighteen. At that time, she’d been titillated by the idea of her cool older boyfriend living on his own. When she’d matured and made comments about their estranged relationship, Wyatt’s rebuffs had been so intimidating she hadn’t pushed for more.

“Talking about it helped me sort of put things in perspective. Helped me process why I react the way I do to things sometimes. You’re right. It’s true, I shut down when people yell, but it’s probably because…” He breathed out roughly, his chest rising and falling beneath her cheek. “I don’t remember my father when he wasn’t shouting. Some people get mean when they drink, but he would get loud. Loud and angry. I hated that. Hated the noise.”

She licked her dry lips. “I’m so sorry.” Guilt churned within her, every moment she’d ever raised her voice to this man replaying in her head.

“It’s not you. You were and are being yourself. I’m the one who—” He made a frustrated sound. “Stands to reason that I hate fights, right? Confrontation is fine, I have to confront people every day, but usually I hold the power there. It’s different when I can’t…”

“When you can’t what?” Tatiana prompted him when he closed his eyes, his dark brows drawn together, as if in pain.

His adam’s apple bobbed. “When I can’t walk away.” He looked at her, stricken. “You’re right. I’m the one who screwed everything up last time.”

Unable to handle his distress, she shook her head. “No. It was my fault. I had no idea I was traumatizing you.” But she should have. She’d been an overdramatic idiot sometimes, but she’d known that he was emerging from a dysfunctional household. She sniffed, and a tear splashed onto his thick forearm.

He pulled her up. His eyes were red, though she saw no tears. “Hey, don’t cry.” He searched for words. “I did walk away back then. The minute I started to feel uncomfortable. Just like I tried to walk away last night, when I could tell you were angry. I’m the ass.”

She cupped his face. “You’re not an ass.”

Clearly wracked with guilt, he shook his head. “Should have told you then.”

“I may not have understood. I was pretty dumb, Wyatt.”

He snorted. “Not dumb. Young.”

“And so were you.” She grasped his shoulders and searched his gaze. “We aren’t any longer, though.”

“No. We aren’t.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t only want you when it’s easy or convenient. Please, believe me. This isn’t easy. But I’m here.”

Tatiana pressed her lips together. “That’s promising, because I’m not sure if I could keep this up forever. I was trying so hard to keep everything smooth and happy for the past few months. Stay nice. Don’t get mad. Don’t get cranky.” She sighed. “It was
exhausting
.”

His hands stopped in midstroke on her back. “I was doing the same thing. I’d get bugged by something, but instead of talking to you about it, I’d shove it down.”

“We can’t live like that. I mean, we’re doing this, right? Knowing that it won’t always be smooth sailing and that we’ll have problems?”

A hand curled over her ass. “We’re doing this.”

The spurt of pleasure at his cool announcement was not unexpected. “Then we have to figure out a way to learn to disagree. Or I’m going to stab you one day when you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle.”

His fingertips slipped under the waistband of her panties. “That would not be pleasant.”

“We should set some ground rules. I think you do well with structure.”

His chest vibrated beneath her. The tension that had gripped him had lessened, she could feel it. “I do.”

“I won’t yell at you anymore.” She dropped a kiss on each cheek to punctuate the solemn vow. “I mean, I might, but I’ll make a conscious effort not to. And if I start to turn shrill and it’s bugging you, say the word and I’ll put myself in timeout.”

He raised a dark eyebrow. “Like a safe word for fighting?”

She seized on the concept. “Yes! Exactly like that.” She thought about it. “The safe word is ‘bacon.’”

“You pick the most bizarre safe words.”

She kissed him, her tongue flicking against his teasingly.

He pulled back, solemn. “I’ll work on not disappearing every time things get heated. Today was miserable.”

“I’m going to safe word you if you try to run away,” she threatened.

He hugged her closer. “Either that or take your top off, and I’m sure I’ll stick around.”

Tatiana narrowed her eyes. “Oh no.” She propped herself up on his chest and shook her finger at him. “That’s another avoidance technique we need to get rid of. No solving problems with sex.”

“Aw, shucks, Ms. Tatiana,” he whined. “Really?”

“Really.” Her breath caught when he craned his neck up and captured her finger between his very white teeth.

Slowly, he sucked her finger into his mouth, his cheeks hollowing. He pulled back, his teeth scraping over the pad. “But angry fucking is kind of hot.”

“I can still slap you during sex even if I’m not pissed at you.”

His eyes flashed, and his hands went to her hips. He dragged her down his body until she could feel his erection. “I think you can tell how I feel about that.”

She grinned. Their problems weren’t at all solved, but her chest felt curiously light. “Liked that, did you?”

“You hit like a girl. Which, during sex, is perfect.”

His cock was notched into her slit. If it wasn’t for her panties and his trousers, he’d be inside of her. “I’m not going to angry fuck you so you won’t run away.”

His sigh was deep. “Fine. I won’t run away. You can even tie me up if I look like I’m going to bolt.”

Aww, yeah. That brought some lovely images to mind. “Sold,” she responded immediately. “Can I tie you up now?”

He laughed but stopped when she rubbed her pussy against him in a slow grind. His eyes darkened and dipped to her cleavage. “I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”