Risking It All (36 page)

How could he expect her to just throw herself at him like everything was okay? As much as she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, she couldn’t pretend like it hadn’t been nine months since she last saw him—since he told her to get out of his life. They had both said some very hurtful things, things that couldn’t be forgotten about or forgiven just like that.

“I guess I shouldn’t expect it to be that easy, huh?” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“I wish it was.” She was unable to tear her eyes away from his. “Where have you been?”

“I was in Fiji on assignment after I finished with Alaska, and then I went to the South of France for a few months.” He shifted uncomfortably. “My, uh, dad has a place there, and it was the only place I could think to escape where no one would find me.”

“You just left. You disappeared on everyone. On me,” she added, her voice catching.

“I know. I just needed to get away so I could think and sort shit out.”

“You ran away.”

He nodded. “I did. Yeah.”

Kennedy wiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks and cleared her throat, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky as she felt in that moment.

“So did you—sort shit out?”

“I did. Yeah,” he repeated and took a step closer to her.

Kennedy refused to back away like a coward or scared little girl. She raised her chin a little higher and tried to gather as much strength as she could to stand her ground and not throw herself at him.

“I like the place,” he said. 

Kennedy arched a brow at his attempt at small talk, debating whether or not to play along. 

“What made you decide to move?”

“I guess I decided it was time to grow up.” He gave her a knowing look, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Okay. And I was tired of paying rent for two places.”

“Seems I recall telling you years ago it would make more sense to buy a house than shuffle back and forth.”

“Yeah. Well, buying a house is a big commitment. It’s not something to be taken lightly or jump into, right?” Hostility made her words sharper than she intended. “I mean, once those papers are signed and the deal is made, you can’t just flake out and take it all back. It’s there waiting for you whether you’re ready for it or not.”

Memphis watched her as the words sank in. “I guess that makes you the house?”

Kennedy blinked back tears and looked away.

“Is that what you’ve been doing? Waiting for me?”

“I’ve been waiting for you for years, Memphis.”

“Funny, because how I remember it, I was the one waiting for you.”

Kennedy glanced at him before shifting her eyes away again. 

“I didn’t come here to fight with you, Kennedy. Although, I admit I miss seeing you get all fired up,” he teased.

She ignored his last comment. “Then why are you here? I think you made it fairly clear the last time we saw each other what you think of me.”

“You know I think the world of you.”

“Yeah. When I’m not being a two-timing bitch who only keeps you around as plan B, right?” The words sounded as bitter and angry as she felt. 

“I’m not the only one who said things that can’t be taken back, Kennedy,” he reminded her, but she stayed quiet. “I stopped by the gallery,” he said, changing the subject.

“You did?”

“Ryder told me about the new show, and how he’s working with Alec now also.”

Kennedy waited for the jealousy to seep into his words like they had before, but there was none. Her heart sank, not knowing if that was a good thing or not. 

“He’s doing well,” she said, not offering any more than that.

“So are you.”

“Well, we can’t all run away to the South of France. Some of us have to stay and continue on with our lives as best we can.”

She wasn’t expecting the grin that spread across his face. She was trying to be hard, to show him that she wasn’t going to just give into her hormones and heart and forgive him for disappearing, and he had the nerve to stand there and
grin
at her.

“What?”

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed hearing you be so snarky.”

Kennedy bit the inside of her cheek to keep from returning his smile. He was winning; he was breaking her down and he knew it.

“How have you been, Kennedy?” He took another step in her direction.

“Miserable.” He stopped walking toward her. “How did you expect me to be, Memphis? My best friend thought I was using him and only cared about myself, and then he told me to get the hell out of his life. That wasn’t exactly a high point or something to be happy about.”

“I guess we both said some pretty hateful things. I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Everything?”

“Well, not everything.” He gave her that sexy smirk that made her insides melt. “I’m not sorry for being with you. I’ll never be sorry for that. But I am sorry for everything I said to you that night. I was angry and hurt and confused.”

“I know. I’m sorry, too.” She knew her resolve was weakening and she decided to let go of trying to be the angry, bitter woman and just go with how she really felt. Memphis was there, after all. He was right in front of her, the place she had wanted him to be for months. “What did you figure out, Memphis?”

He took another step closer to her, so close that he was almost touching her.

“Remember when you told me that your life just doesn’t work without me in it? Turns out my life doesn’t work all that well without you, either. You were all I thought about while I was gone.”

“You wouldn’t know it from my end,” she said. “It’s been nine months, Memphis, and nothing. Not a text, not an e-mail, not even a damn postcard!” Her hands balled into fists, and she had to stop herself from beating them against his chest. “You just left me, Memphis! You left me, and maybe I deserved it—I know I didn’t handle things the right way and I hurt you, but you
left
me!”

Her voice broke, and Memphis pulled her to his chest as sobs shook her body. She pushed at him with her fists, but he held onto her until finally she stopped struggling and slumped against his chest.

“I swear I’ll never leave you again, baby,” he whispered against her temple, stroking her hair while she soaked his shirt with tears. “Trust me when I tell you that. As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters. Even when we’re fighting, it feels right. I only want you. I love you, Kennedy.”

 She finally gave into what she wanted and wrapped her arms around his neck so tightly she was sure she was choking him, but in that second she didn’t care. There was no way she was going to let go; he’d have to pry her off him with a crowbar first.

But she didn’t think she had to worry—not if his hold meant anything. His arms were wrapped around her middle just as tightly as hers were around his neck, and he buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her scent deeply.

“God, I’ve missed you, beautiful,” he murmured.

A thrill shot through her at being called that again, and she grinned from ear to ear as tears slid down her cheeks.

“I’ve missed you, too,” she cried, laughing and sniffling at the same time. “I’ve missed you every single day, but everything you said to me that night was true. It was all my fault; I wish I could go back and change everything.”

“As strange as it sounds, I wouldn’t.” He felt her stiffen at the confession and quickly went on to explain, “I hate everything we said to each other, but I think it was what we needed. We needed to get it all out there and have our say, and maybe we even needed this time apart, as much as it hurt. I knew that you were the most important thing in my life before, Kennedy, but now . . . now I know I can’t live without you.”

“Well, when you put it that way.” She laughed and pulled back so she could look up at him when a thought occurred to her. “How did you know I was here?” 

“A little birdie told me.”

“Vanessa.”

“Do you know anyone else who would interfere in our lives?” He laughed. “She told me what went down with you and Brooks,” he added, pulling away.

Reluctantly, Kennedy let him go, but kept her hands fisted on his jacket just in case he decided to make a run for it.

“Why didn’t you tell me you broke up with Brooks?” he asked.

“We weren’t talking, remember?”

He snickered and shook her hips. “You know what I mean.”

“I didn’t want you to think that because Brooks was gone, I was looking to automatically replace him with you. You have no idea how many times I had to stop myself from calling you.”

“I wish you had.”

“I was afraid to. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me,” she confessed. She tugged on his jacket and smiled up at him, remembering. “I saw the article.”

“You see all my work,” he reminded her.

“But not all your work features me.”

“Those were my favorite ones I took of you. I wanted to share them somehow.”

“
Those
were your favorites?” she asked, pretending to be insulted. “I received some pretty good ones in the mail a few months ago.”

He chuckled and pulled her closer to him.

“Well, those ones are my favorites out of the private bunch.”

“Does that mean you kept some?”

“I needed something to help with the frustration.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and she smacked his shoulder.

“Eww.”

He laughed and caught her hand, pressing his lips to her knuckles, over her palm, and then wrapped his arms around her waist again.

“So does this mean we can start over?” he asked. “Just go back to the way everything was before we fucked it all up?”

“I don’t think I can do that,” she told him.

Memphis pulled back and looked at her.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t go back to the way we were before we fucked it all up,” she said. “Because we were just friends then, and I can’t be just your friend again, Memphis.”

A slow smile spread across his lips, and he slid his hands down to cup her ass.

“Baby, I had no intention of being just your friend.”

“Oh, yeah?” She smiled at him coyly and asked, “What are your intentions, then?”

“I intend to never let you go again. Ever. You should really just think about chaining yourself to me. Naked, if you must.”

Kennedy laughed.

“Anything else?”

He tilted his head toward her left hand on his shoulder.

“That finger looks a little bare. We should eventually do something about that.”

Kennedy tried to keep the goofy grin off her face and failed miserably.

“Anything else?” she asked, her heart fluttering in her chest to match the butterflies going crazy in her stomach.

“Well, while I’m not ready for three a.m. feedings and diaper changes just yet, I think we should definitely practice. A lot.”

“Hmm.” Kennedy dragged her fingers down his chest and slipped her hands inside his jacket, sliding it down his arms. “Practice does make perfect.”

“Kennedy, we’re already perfect when it comes to that. I just want an excuse to christen every room in this house.”

She giggled as his jacket hit the floor and then grew serious when she looked up at his smiling face. 

“I love you, Memphis.” She had thought the words a thousand times, imagined what it would be like to tell him, but the high she got from finally being able to say the words didn’t feel anything like she had imaged it would. It was so much better. “I love you.”

She closed her eyes when Memphis cupped her face and brought his mouth to hers. She wanted to take it slow. To remember every press of his lips, every stroke of his tongue. She wanted the moment to last forever. 

They stayed like that for what could have been hours, just holding each other. Neither said a word or made any attempt to move. It was just them, lost in a moment that had been building up for over a decade.