Risky Business (26 page)

The next three chapters tell the story of what happened to Kate when she decided to do what she knew was right
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The clock ticked on the locker room wall while Kate stared at the little blue pill in Pam’s hand. Her thoughts spilled over each other; and every time she opened her mouth, the words just stuck to her dry tongue. Finally, she looked at Pam and then at Brittany. “I’m not taking speed,” she sputtered. “I can’t believe you even thought I might.” She shook her head. “We’ll talk about this after I swim. I have to go now.”

“Well … I … I mean …” Pam’s face reddened like she’d been slapped.

Kate spun on her heels and bustled out of the locker room. She held her head up high and her shoulders back, confident she’d done the right thing. But right or not, she still had to find a way to swim her race, even though shewanted to just collapse on a bench. A new level of nervousness assailed her senses—one she never imagined.

For once, Kate couldn’t hear the sounds on the pool deck because of the drone in her ears. She couldn’t smell her beloved chlorine because her chest ached and she couldn’t take a deep breath. And now, facing her most important swim ever, she’d thrown it all away—any chance at a record and a college scholarship—by not preparing mentally and physically.

Kate squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and set off to find a secluded corner of the deck to collect herself in the minutes before the race. She passed a few people who called out her name, but she ignored them. She’d given too much time to external things. Right now she needed to focus within herself, to take a moment to pray.

After a few jumping jacks, Kate shook her arms, trying to loosen them up. She rotated her head from side to side in half circles, and stared at her hands, willing them to stop shaking.

“You okay?” Coach approached her with concern in her eyes.

“I don’t know, Coach.” She shook her head and looked down at her still-shaking hands. “I can’t focus. I’m not ready to get in the water. I wish I had another hour.”

“Well, kiddo, you don’t.” Coach put her hands on each of Kate’s shoulders and made solid contact with her stormy sea-green eyes. “Whatever it is, Kate, whatever happened …”

Kate opened her mouth to speak.

“No, don’t tell me, we don’t have time to let your mind go there now. Whatever went on in that locker room, it just doesn’t matter.”

“But …,” Kate protested.

“Listen to me.” Coach squeezed her shoulders a little bit tighter.

Kate looked away, but Coach moved into her line of vision, forcing her to maintain eye contact. “Even if it matters more than anything, nothing can change it over the next few minutes. Five minutes from this very second, you’ll be done swimming, and you can think about whatever it is that’s troubling you for as long as you want to think about it.”

She tightened her grip on Kate’s shoulders. “Right now, though, you need to focus. You’ll regret it if you don’t take control of yourself, Kate. Look at me. You can do this. You know how to swim this race instinctively better than any swimmer I’ve ever had the pleasure of coaching. You have a very long future in swimming still ahead of you.”

Kate shook her head, hopeless. “But what if …?”

Coach brushed her off. “Your swimming future—no matter how much you’ve told yourself it does—does not ride on this one swim. Take some pressure off yourself. Lighten your load, and get out there and do what you love to do. Let the water wash away your cares. Listen to the sounds of the rushing water, not the voices in your head. Shut them off.” Coach waited, searching her eyes. “Are you doing it?”

She gave a weak nod.

“Come on, kiddo.” Coach released her grip. “You. Can. Do. It. Do it. Do it.” She whispered, pounding her fists in the air in front of Kate’s face.

Kate offered her coach a shaky smile, second by second taking more control of herself. She looked from her coach to the pool and then back to her coach and nodded. “I’m good.”

Satisfied, Coach didn’t say another word and steered Kate toward the starting blocks.

“Swimmers take your mark…. Get set….”

The gun went off, and Kate flew off the block. Awesome start, maybe her best ever! She swam with all of her might and talked to herself the whole way.
Come on, Kate. You can do it, Kate. Don’t think about it, Kate. Don’t
…

But no matter how hard she tried to prevent it, her mind wandered back to the little pill. She couldn’t believe that she’d allowed herself to come so close to taking drugs. How had that happened? She pictured a bent radar antenna coming from her brain. Apparently, she’d been clouded and blinded by the glamour of being the best. So clouded that she almost risked everything for success.

Having trouble clearing her mind, Kate forgot to watch the lanes next to her as each stroke brought faces to her mind:
Mom, Julia, Olivia, Pastor Rick, Mark, Olivia, Mom, Dad … Oh, Dad, did you see me today? Did I scare you? I’m so sorry, Dad
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What is that scripture? There’s no temptation that I might face that isn’t common to everyone? Something like that. Okay, I was tempted. I passed the test. Right? Right. Now swim, Kate. Swim!
Kate snapped back to attention as she realized that she only had about half a pool length to swim in her first State competition. She glanced to the right. Clear. To the left—a swimmer almost neck and neck with her! Panic set in—she could still win it, or she could give up. Kate knew what she had to do.

She tucked her head down, reached a little farther, and pulled a little harder. She turned to breathe every fifth stroke instead of every third—her lungs on fire. Fifteen meters—Ten meters—
PULL!
Five meters—
Stretch!

She gave it all she had and touched the timer pad with the very tips of her fingers before she slammed the full force of her body into it. The swimmer beside her plowed into her timer mere milliseconds later. But that was all Kate needed to place first.

Kate pulled off her goggles and patted her closest competitor on the back. “Nice swim.”

But she didn’t have to look at the timer to know she hadn’t set a record. She’d swum a good race, some would say great, but not a record-breaking swim. It didn’t matter, though. She had won a different kind of race today—one that she knew would impact her life in even bigger ways. Definitely cause for celebration.

She climbed out of the pool, breathless and shaky. The team ran over to her and jumped up and down, suffocating her with hugs.
Smile, Kate
. Their hands slapped on her wet back, and her hand got pumped by numerous, faceless people. She couldn’t see out of the crowd that encircled her, so she had no idea if Pam and Brittany stood among the cheering crowd. But it didn’t matter. This was her moment—no one could take it away from her.

After the fervor died down, Kate looked up to the bleachers where her mom still sat. Kate held up one open hand, asking for five minutes. Mom nodded and beamed at her, clearly proud, and reached into her purse. Kate smiled when her mom pulled out a tissue to wipe tears from her eyes.

In the locker room, Kate looked up and down the aisles hoping to find Pam and Brittany so they could talk. She heard the zip of duffle bags, the flushing of toilets, someone with headphones on sang off-key—but no Pam and no Brittany. Kate sighed. She really didn’t want to have this conversation by phone. It would probably have to wait until school on Monday. Oh well, she’d have some time to think things through and work out what she wanted to say to them.

“So, what’s going on, Kate?” Mom didn’t waste a single second when the car finally turned on to the expressway and they started on their trip home through the mountain pass. “You should be much happier, but you seem so solemn. What happened? Did your coach get mad at you for not breaking the record?” Mom’s eyes flared like a struck match at the possibility.

“Oh no! Not at all, Mom. In fact, before the race she even told me to take some pressure off and to just do it because I love it.”

“Oh, okay then.” Mom sighed in relief. “I don’t want you put under a lot of pressure…. So …”

“There is something wrong.” Kate hesitated. “I’ll tell you all about it. I need to.” She spilled the whole story out onto the dashboard. At least she didn’t have to start from the very beginning—Mom already knew that part. “You were right. It was leading down a dangerous road, one I almost traveled.”

“Yes.” Mom squeezed her eyes shut for a brief moment, and her lips moved as if in prayer. “I’m so relieved that you see that. So, what now?”

“I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t know.”

“Well, let me ask it this way, then.” She bit her lip. “What is it about all that’s happened exactly, that’s upsetting you the most?”

“I guess I’m upset that Pam and Brittany are doing drugs.” She contemplated her answer for a moment and then added, “And I’m upset they offered them to me.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah. I … um … I think so. I’m not sure. I just feel unsettled,” Kate said, feeling confused but still not sure why. “That’s why I didn’t want to ride back with the team.”

“Do you want to know what I think, sweetie?” When Kate nodded, she continued. “I think those are two of the reasons, but I don’t think they’re the main ones.”

Kate scrunched the corners of her eyes and peered through her lashes at her mom, perplexed. “What do you mean? What other reasons would I have?”

“I think more than anything, you’re mad at yourself. I think you realize you were spiritually unaware of the danger you were in. You risked some big trouble over some issues you’ve always prided yourself on being able to avoid. You found yourself right in the middle of temptation, and it scares you. I think you’re also mad at yourself because you came close to doing it. Thank God you didn’t”—Mom blinked her eyes, moisture coating her lashes—”but you came close, didn’t you?” She spoke in a casual tone, but white knuckles gripped the steering wheel.

“Well … I wouldn’t exactly say ‘close.’ But I definitely considered it. I felt the weight of all that was riding on my performance, and I thought maybe I could do it just once and never again.”

“There would have always been a next time, Kate. Once you take one step, it’s far too easy to take the next step because there are fewer unknowns with the second step and even fewer inhibitions with the third and the fourth. It’s a slippery slope.”

Kate nodded. Looked like Mom had been right. “Yeah, that makes sense. I am mad at myself, I guess. I mean, how could I have let that happen? Even worse, how did I not see it coming? What if I had taken that pill?”

“Whoa, one question at a time.” Mom laughed. “How could you let that happen? Because you’re human, Kate. You didn’t want to see that your dependency was misplaced on energy sources other than the true Lifegiver.

But thankfully, God doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He just expects you to get back on the right path when you realize you’ve veered off it.”

Kate flipped the zipper of her duffel bag back and forth while she listened.

“How did you not see it coming? Because you wanted to be a part of the elite group. You wanted to be in control of your body and make it do what you wanted to do. You didn’t want to see that what you were doing was wrong.” She loosened her grip on the steering wheel and shook out her right hand. “As to your last question, what if you had taken that pill? I’ll tell you, Kate, it could have been bad. If you guys had been caught somehow, you’d have had trouble with the police. Or worse, you could have had some kind of physical reaction to it and had trouble in the pool. But even if none of that happened, it would have continued. That wouldn’t have been the end of the drugs.”

“No, probably not.” Kate looked out the window at her beloved mountains zooming by. “What now?”

“I think you need to pray about what to do, sweetie. You’re going to have to figure this one out for yourself. In the end, though, Pam’s and Brittany’s parents are going to have to know.

You realize that, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m not quite sure how to deal with that, though.”

“I could tell you what to do. But I’m not going to this time.” Mom shook her head. “You need to think about things and pray for a solution. I’ll support whatever you come up with.”