Risky Business (24 page)

Mom fingered the zipper on the maroon and gold duffle bag. She took a deep breath. “Kate, I don’t search through your things, you know that. I just wanted to put a few granola bars in your bag because I’ve been concerned that you’re not eating enough. You’re getting too skinny, honey.”

Kate opened her mouth, but Mom held up her hand to stop the protest. “But that’s not what we need to talk about right now.”

Kate closed her mouth and waited.

“I found these.” Mom reached into the bag and pulled out a small pile of caffeine pill packets, little bottles of single-serving energy serum, and four cans of Red Dragon—two full, two empty. She just stared at Kate.

She had to answer this just right if she had any hope of convincing her mom that she didn’t have a problem.
But I can’t lie to her
. She rose from the bed and went to the mirror where she picked up her comb and pulled it through her hair.
Be calm—stay casual
. “Mom, I don’t understand. What’s the problem?”

“Kate, these are addictive substances, like speed.”

She shook her head. “No, they aren’t speed at all; and they’re no more addictive than coffee. Most people drink coffee every day. You can’t start your day without half a pot, yourself. And this stuff won’t discolor your teeth,” Kate said, trying to brush it off.

“Kate, this is far more serious than coffee.” Mom took several moments before she spoke again. “I have some questions, and I expect honest answers…. First of all, where did you get this stuff?”

“Oh, they sell it at every gas station, drugstore, grocery store—everywhere. I’m not sure where I picked up each item.” Kate kept her tone casual, knowing the wrong answer would seal her fate. “Most of it came from the gas station by school, though. It’s all perfectly legal, Mom. As legal as buying a cup of coffee.” Still trying to diffuse her mom’s concern. “By the way, I checked; there’s really no more caffeine in these drinks than there is in a good cup of coffee. So, what’s the difference?”

“First of all, comparing it to coffee isn’t a great move, Kate. Coffee has three times the amount of caffeine that a soda does—it’s not good for you regardless of how many people drink it. Including me. And caffeine is only one of the ingredients in these products. Here, look.” Mom tossed a can to Kate as she read off the one in her hands. “Guarana, ginseng … do you know what those are and the effects they can have on your body? How about the other unpronounceable words on there? Do you know what they are? I sure don’t.”

“No. I don’t know.”
What does she want from me?

“Do you have any idea what your heart rate is before and after you drink these?”

Kate shook her head and crossed her arms.

“Well, isn’t it possible that the ‘energy boost’ involves an increase to your heart rate, which you wouldn’t want to add on top of what an intense swim workout does to your heart? Right?”

Kate nodded.
Busted
.

“Do you know that kids have died from drinking these drinks?”

That did it. Kate held up a hand. “Mom, come on. Kids have died crossing the street or from choking on gum. That’s not my fault, and it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t cross the street or chew gum, right?”

“But this is completely different, Kate, and you know it.” Mom looked up at the ceiling as though collecting her thoughts. “Let me ask you, Kate. Do you only take one pill
or
one energy drink
or
one cup of coffee?”

“At a time, sure,” Kate reassured her mom.

“Kate, I want you to level with me. You know I can tell when you’re not being honest. I want to know how much of this stuff you take in a day. I know you drink coffee in the morning on the way to swimming. Then what?”

“I usually take a caffeine pill at school.” Kate hesitated. Could she get away without telling her the rest?

“And …? Then what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t keep track, really.” Judging by the look on her face, Mom wouldn’t let it go at that. And if she didn’t give her mom the information she wanted, it would make the whole thing appear a lot worse. How could she say this without lying? “I take a caffeine pill at the start of every practice and then drink an energy drink midway through if I feel like I need it—you know, if it’s a hard practice or I’m unusually tired.” She almost added “That’s it” to the end of her sentence, but that would have been a lie.

“That plus the half-a-pot of coffee you have in the morning equals …”—Mom did the math in the air with her finger—”… anywhere from one thousand to twelve hundred milligrams of caffeine a day, not to mention the other stuff in that can. And that’s if you’re telling me the truth about how much you use.” She stared hard at Kate. “But I’m concerned that you’re understating the truth.” She paused for a moment, rubbing the creases in her forehead. “Tell me this, Kate. Where do you get the money to buy this stuff?” She gestured in disgust at the stash of promised energy that lay in a heap on Kate’s bed.

“Oh, it’s just a few bucks here and a few bucks there. I don’t know—my allowance, I guess.”

“Tell me what you’ve had for lunch this week. And I’ll be able to check the school cafeteria menu to see if it was on the menu that day.” She shook her head and held up her hand, reconsidering. “No. That’s not necessary. We have an honest relationship, so I think I can just ask you what I need to know and believe that you’ll tell me.”

Kate nodded, grateful. At least her mom still trusted her enough not to check up on her.

“So, here’s what I want to know.” She paused, staring into Kate’s eyes as though willing the truth from them. “How many times last week did you skip lunch so you could buy energy supplements?”

“Twice.”
Liar!
But she couldn’t tell her mom that she only ate lunch once. Not only would she have a fit about the misuse of her lunch money, but she’d start in on Kate about her health again.

Mom pursed her lips and shook her head. “Well, Kate, that’s going to stop right now. If I have to, I’ll put your lunch money in an account at the school so you have no choice but to use it for lunch. I hope I won’t have to do that, though—I’d rather trust you. And if you keep losing weight, I’ll come to your school on my own lunch hour and sit with you while you eat.”

“Okay, Mom. I promise. I’ll eat a good lunch every day.” She meant it but had already started doing mental calculations to find a way to have enough money to buy her energy drinks anyway.
Babysit? Sell some stuff? Borrow?

“This has to stop, Kate. No more energy supplements, okay?”

Figures
. But Kate wouldn’t give up without a fight. “Mom, I promise that I won’t ever touch that stuff again once the swim season is over.

I have State coming up, and I really need the boost.”

The light dawned on Mom’s face, and she asked, “I hope your coach doesn’t push this stuff on you … does she?”

“Oh no! She has no idea. She wouldn’t like it, either.”

“Good.” She sounded relieved. “It’s decided. You’re done. State or no State, I’m not having my daughter pouring this garbage down her throat every day. If you’re under so much pressure that you can’t swim without this stuff, I’m happy to let you quit the team.” She stared hard into Kate’s eyes. “I hope you don’t feel that kind of pressure from me.”

“No, Mom, of course not. I just really want to do well.” She pondered her situation and paced across her beige shag carpet. “I tell you what. I’ll stop completely except for the day of Sectionals and the day of the State competition. Okay?” By clearing out her system before then, the supplements would have more of an effect on those days, anyway.

“No way. I want to go and watch you swim knowing that you’re doing the very best job you can without hurting yourself. I can’t support the need to win at all costs. What kind of mother would I be if I did that?” She stood to leave, bending to scoop up the pile of contraband. “Kate, don’t forget that you have power through Christ to not get sucked into the trappings of the world. You don’t need this stuff.” She gestured to the substances. “You can pray for strength, power, energy. He’ll give you what you need if it’s His will for you to have it.”

“I’ll try that, I guess.”

“Prayer isn’t something you ‘try.’ You’re either committed to God’s will for you, and then you surrender to it through prayer … or you don’t trust Him, and you look to outside things. That’s something you need to work out.”

Mom stood at the door. “I know that teenagers use this stuff, and I know it’s legal, Kate. But it’s not healthy, and I won’t allow it. I care about you too much.”

Frustrated, Kate looked out the window in the dark backyard, watching her mom in the reflection on the window.
Mom won’t be in the locker room
, Kate told herself. If she really needed help, Pam would get her what she needed.

Mom put her hand on the door frame and turned to add, “You’re done with this stuff. I’m going to trust you not to go against my wishes on this. Don’t sneak around, Kate. Our trust is strong, but it can easily be eroded.” She left without another word.

Kate looked at her reflection in the window. How had Mom read her mind?
Oh, she was a teenager once, too. She probably knows you better than you know yourself. She’s right, though. I haven’t prayed about this at all—not for real. But I can’t. I wonder why I can’t
.

The next day, when Pam and Brittany went to the locker room for a quick shot of Red Dragon, Kate stayed in the pool to avoid the inevitable questions. She felt proud, even glad she’d quit. At the end of the workout, she had to admit that she hadn’t craved an energy supplement at all. She had plenty of zip without them—maybe she didn’t need them after all. The day after that, though—another story completely.

“Come on, let’s go get you a boost of energy.” Pam nudged Kate, who sat slumped on a bench, and motioned toward the locker room.

“I’m fine,” Kate snipped, not even lifting her head off the concrete wall where it rested with the crook of her arm covering her eyes. She lifted her arm just enough to look at Pam with one eye. “I’ll let you know if I need something,

not the other way around. Okay?”

“Fine. Sheesh, Kate. What’s gotten into you?” Pam looked like she’d been stung. “Are you getting nervous about Sectionals next week?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be cranky. I don’t know what my problem is,” Kate lied and squinted through her blinding headache.

“You seriously need some pep in your step. Let’s go get a drink.” Pam turned toward the locker room but realized that Kate hadn’t moved at all. “You coming?”

“I can’t.” Kate shook her head and told Pam the whole story with her eyes closed while she rubbed her temples.

“Oh, no problem.” Pam waved in the air. “We can fix that. I’ve got stuff in my bag. I’ll share.”

“No. I can’t.” Kate sighed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to think of a way to explain. “First of all, I can’t afford it. And … well … my mom and I have a trust thing. I don’t want to break that.”

“Well, don’t worry about the money. I have all of my birthday money. I’ll get you through the next couple of weeks, and you can pay me back a dollar a week if that’s all you can do.”

Pam shrugged. “But as for the trust thing, come on, Kate. No one ever does everything the way their parents want them to. It’s no big deal. She’ll never even find out.”

“Seriously, Pam, I can’t—the money is only a small part of my reasons. The real issue is that ever since my dad died, I’ve tried to make things easier on my mom. Then my sister got married and moved out this summer. So it’s just me and Mom.” Kate shook her head.
No backing down
. “If I disappoint her or break her trust in me, it’ll hurt me more than it’ll hurt her, I think. I just can’t do it.” She looked away, teary eyed. “She’s been hurt enough.”

For a moment, Pam looked like she had more to say. Instead, she just shrugged her shoulders. “Well, it’s your call. The offer stands if you change your mind. I’ll be right back.”

Even though she had a headache, Kate finished the rest of the practice as best she could. She felt like she lost even more steam about halfway through, but she didn’t give up. When the day ended, at least she could say that she’d remained true to her mom’s wishes.

She got dressed in silence, trying to formulate a plan. She’d just have to really buckle down even more and get plenty of sleep. She’d shoot for nine hours a night for the next couple of weeks and hope that the added recovery time would make up for her lack of energy support. But would it be enough?

Coach Thompson balanced in the aisle of the moving bus as she looked up and down the seats. “Team, this is a momentous occasion. But we’ll talk swim stuff tomorrow morning. Tonight, just rest your minds and your bodies. Have fun, girls. Soak this in. This is the experience of a lifetime—for some of you, this is only a stepping-stone.” She made eye contact with Kate. Kate nodded almost imperceptibly.

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen. We should arrive at the hotel in about five minutes. We’ll get checked in and then head right over to the pool. Tonight is the diving competition. We’ll all go together to support our divers.” A cheer erupted at the front of the bus as the divers and their coach waved back to the swimmers.

“Then, it’s early to bed. There will be no movies, staying up late, hanging out, or chatting. This is the very last night that you can do anything to affect your performance. Please, don’t throw it away because you want to party. Let’s stay focused—for your own sake, for the sake of your team. Deal?”