Risky Business (19 page)

There were no more hot dinners waiting for her after work that they could linger over while they talked about the day. Now they just rushed into the house, threw something together, and ate in a hurry so Kate could disappear to do her homework. She had morning and Saturday practices, too—so no puttering around the kitchen on a lazy Saturday morning, no stopping for a bagel on the way to drop Kate off at school, no more late Friday-night movie rentals with a big bowl of popcorn.

The image of her mom walking around the house alone haunted Kate’s imagination. She promised herself that she’d make an effort to spend more time with her mom—time like they used to spend together. While Dad had been sick, they’d grown especially close and bonded over his care. Then he left. Gone. Kate only hoped that one day she could find the kind of love her mom and dad had—even though it hurt so much when it was stripped away.

She smiled and shook her head at her predictable mom, gripping the steering wheel and leaning forward toward it, bouncing to the beat of the song on the radio. How could Mom be so happy when the greatest love of her life had been taken from her? She went from having it all to being alone. Yet she seemed happy.

Once at the entrance to the church, they waited in line just to enter the crowded parking lot. Mom groaned. “It’s getting more and more difficult to find a space on Sundays if you’re not here an hour before service.” She shook her head and turned down one of the last rows of parking spaces. “They’re going to have to expand the parking lot again—they’ll need a shuttle service like they have at the airport.” She went up one row and down the next with no luck. She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation and shrugged her shoulders toward Kate. Finally, she gave up her search and pulled the car into the grass at the far end of the lot. As soon as she did, other cars filed into the grass behind them.

As they made the long walk toward the church, Kate twirled in a circle and gestured at all the parked cars. “Who’d have thought this many people would be beating down the doors to get into church? I guess that’s a good thing, though.”

“That’s true.” Mom nodded. “Good way to put it into perspective, Kate. I guess I shouldn’t complain.”

They reached the side door where a waiting usher handed them a program and took them to a pair of open seats against a side wall. Sometimes the enormity of her church felt impersonal to Kate. But when they visited other churches, none of them felt like home.

The purple curtain began its slow, billowy ascent to the thirty-foot ceiling just as the band started playing soft music. As the drape lifted, revealing more of the stage, the music got louder. A massive choir, in their amethyst robes with gold braiding, stood across the back of the stage on risers, swaying to the music. They opened the service with a rousing medley of familiar, old hymns rewritten in a contemporary style.

When the people stood to their feet, the theater-style seating made quite a racket as the seats popped into place. Kate jumped right in,

singing along and clapping to the music, her rich alto harmonies blending in with the choir. In moments like these, she missed singing with them—after having been a member for five years. But, she reminded herself, there would be time for that later. She couldn’t do everything at once, and a one-year break would fly by.

After the worship time ended, Kate stooped back to push down her seat and then reached over to help her mom—she never could seem to get the hang of them. While the pastor walked across the long stage, the white-haired couple in front of her turned to compliment Kate’s singing and asked why she wasn’t in the choir.

“Thanks.” Kate beamed. “I have been in the choir before. I’m just taking a break for this year.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as the pastor began to speak. “I’m still planning to sing in the Christmas musical, though.” Even as she said the words, she wished she could take them back. She would love to add that to her time off. But she promised Mom that she’d participate.

“Shh, Kate. He’s starting.”

Pastor Rick opened his sermon with a thought-provoking statement. “The trial may be inevitable, but the misery is optional.”

Kate shifted in her seat, thinking about what he’d just said.
The trial may be inevitable, but the misery is optional
.

“Sometimes life’s twists and turns aren’t always what we want, but we can’t avoid them. We have to go through trials and pain in life. It’s inevitable. But in the midst of those trials, it’s up to us how miserable we become. We can choose to become bogged down in the mire of disappointment, fear, anger, bitterness … or we can remain hopeful and joyful.”

Kate nodded involuntarily.

“Think of Paul and Silas,” the pastor continued as he walked across the stage from one side to the other, involving the listeners in every crevice of the large auditorium and even looking into the cameras now and then to involve the at-home viewers. “Paul and Silas were imprisoned for their faith. They were stripped of every comfort of life and were in physical danger every minute of every day. What did they do? They sang. They praised God. They were filled with so much joy. Not because of their circumstances, of course—their joy came from the Holy Spirit, from within them.”

He seemed to look into the eyes of every person seated in that room. His eyes bore through to Kate’s soul.

“Joy is a gift from God that we can open in our lives. Joy has nothing to do with our circumstance. Nothing.”

He let that sink in.

“Jesus promises that trials and tribulations will befall you. He also promises that He won’t let you face anything so difficult that you and He can’t get through it together.”

He paused again and moved to the side of his podium. He leaned one elbow on it, resting conversationally. “Now, I have a question for you. Could it be that He might allow something to happen in your life in order to force your attention back to Him?”

Screeech!
Kate stopped short on those words.
Could it be? Did He strip me of my best friend, my sister, and my dad so I’d turn to Him?
She couldn’t accept that God would cause such pain and upheaval just to get her attention. How could He work that way? That’s not the kind of God she wanted to follow. No way. Kate could believe He would help her
through
a trial, but she’d never accept that He
caused
it or even just allowed it as a way to turn her focus to Him.
No way
.

Kate forced herself out of her pensive reverie to hear the final chords of the last worship song as the choir closed up the service. She’d missed the last few minutes, so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even stood for prayer. She gathered her things and hoped Mom wouldn’t question her lack of focus.

Before she had time to look at her mom, though, Kate felt two cold hands over her eyes. “Guess who!”

“Hmm, the Easter Bunny,” she teased, unfazed, turning to look.

In feigned horror, Mark grabbed his heart, pulled out an invisible stake, and fell back against the faux plaster wall. He slid to the floor and to his certain death.

“Drama anyone?” Kate rolled her eyes.
That Mark. Funny, charming, and always entertaining
.

“Ha-ha. So, what are you doing right now? A bunch of us are going to go for pizza after church and then hang out at the mall until tryouts at three o’clock.”

“Tryouts? For the Christmas musical? Oh no! I totally didn’t know they were today.” She glanced to see if her mom had heard. Lowering her voice, she said, “Mom and I have plans.”

Mom interrupted. “You should go, Kate. That sounds like fun.”

“Mom, you and I were going to hang out today. I can skip tryouts. I’ll just sing in the choir for this year’s musical and not audition for a special part. I wouldn’t mind that at all.” Kate pleaded for a reprieve.

“No way, Kate.” Mom shook her head. “This is much more important than whatever non-plans we had. You’d have wound up being bored all afternoon after we had lunch together anyway. This is much better than sitting home alone all day.”

Kate shot her a look. How could her mother not realize that she wouldn’t want Mark to think she’d just sit home alone, bored?
Mothers
…. Kate shook her head and smirked.

“Will you have a ride home, or should I pick you up?” Mom, oblivious to her recent blunder, pushed Kate ahead with the plans.

Mark cleared his throat. “I’ll be happy to see that she gets home, Mrs. Walker.”

“That’ll be fine. Thanks, Mark.” She gave Kate a quick kiss good-bye, squelching any protest, and slipped ten dollars into her palm before she made the trek back to the car, alone.

Kate sat on the tile floor of the entryway and leaned her back against the wooden door of thevestibule to watch the cars go by outside. What was taking Mark and his buddies so long?
Ah, footsteps, at last
. But they stopped on the other side of the door. She leaned forward to grab her bag and started to zip it closed when she heard her name. She paused in mid-zip and didn’t move a muscle. They had no idea she sat on the other side of the door.

“Did you guys see Kate Walker sing? Does she have any idea how great she is?” Mark asked.

Steve chuckled. “You’ve got it bad, man. Does she even know?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Steve. Kate’s just a good friend. But that girl’s got chops, that’s for sure.”

Steve and P.J. both laughed. Kate heard a slap—she pictured them high-fiving each other. “You owe me five bucks,” Steve said.

Kate panicked. Frantic, she looked all around her with no idea how to get out of her current situation. She didn’t want them to think she’d been spying now that she’d heard them talking about her. She could feel the heat rising to her face—sure that her neck had turned a bright shade of pink.

“Yeah, right. They have to go out on a date first,” P.J. protested.

“Oh, they will. I guarantee it,” Steve assured him.

“You guys have a bet?” Before they could answer Mark said, “Oh, never mind, I really don’t want to know. Look, I’ve known Kate for over ten years. She’s like a sister to me. I just think she’s very talented. Have you guys seen her swim? She’s amazing.”

In the momentary silence, Kate imagined that Steve and P.J. raised their eyebrows while they waited for Mark to dig himself out of that last statement. Even she could tell he was deflecting. She patted her flaming cheeks and wondered how she would get out of this predicament. She would be mortified if Mark found out she’d overheard.

Now or never. With the stealth of a leopard, she leaned over to the glass door that led outside and pushed it open. Just as it closed with a loud clunk, she stood to her feet as though she had just come through the door. Then, with her head held high, she opened the interior wooden door that separated them and approached the boys as though she hadn’t heard them. But she had … she’d have to sort through all of that later.

She didn’t dare look back. She lost more of her lead with every single stroke. Had the water turned to mud? Kate’s arms had never felt so heavy before. Rather than glide across the surface, her hands landed with a resounding thud on the water like when she swung the mallet at one of those amusement park games.

The unthinkable happened. She felt a flutter on her calf—the dreaded touch of the swimmer behind her. Her stomach sank to the bottom of the pool. First she saw a pair of hands pulling through the water near her face. She tried to speed up—not a chance. She just couldn’t do it. The hands gave way to arms and then the top of a head. Who could be passing her?
Ugh!
It was Pam—a very smug-looking Pam. Kate knewshe swam better than Pam—or did she? Maybe everyone had been wrong about her.

Kate had failed. She didn’t want to talk to anyone or even show her face. She hurried through her shower and then rushed to her locker to try to get out of there before the other girls finished with theirs. She just wanted to go hide out in her classes until the afternoon practice. Maybe she’d even go home sick. She clipped her wet hair back without even combing it and shoved her things into her locker, but she didn’t make it out in time.

Pam and Brittany, wrapped in towels, turned the corner down the row they shared with Kate. They got dressed in deafening silence while Kate shoved things in her bag and slammed her locker door. Pam sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Then, she stared into Kate’s eyes and said, “Hey, Kate. It’s no big deal. We all have bad days. Don’t let it get you down.”

“Yeah, I have bad days all the time.” Brittany rubbed her hair with her towel.

“Listen …” Pam put her foot up on the bench and rubbed lotion on her leg while she talked. “I had a really hard time my second year on the team. I started to take my swimming more seriously, so I worked really hard. I was tired all the time and my schoolwork started to suffer.” She grimaced at the memory. “My parents almost made me quit the team because I just trudged around, barely making it through the day.” She put her leg down and started on the other one. “Eventually, I just had to find a way to get the energy I needed to get through everything and still perform well.”