Rita Hayworth's Shoes (19 page)

“The photograph,” Amy warmed slightly.

“Yep,” he nodded to her. “Me and the old bastard. When he was still young and kind of nice to me. Anyway, the dolls—my dolls now, I guess—are actually quite valuable.”

“Because they're antiques,” said Jane.

“Kind of, but the real value lies in what the dolls are keeping under their clothes.”

“Their clothes,” Zoe mused. “Of course…”

“Under their dresses are the pages of a short, never-published section of a very important piece of literature,” he said as he looked at Amy. “A section actually missing from
Candide
.”

She smiled.

“And in that section is the map.”

“Not the car again,” said Enid, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth and rolling her eyes. Everyone shook their heads.

“I don't understand,” Mort said.

“Voltaire held back a section of
Candide
because it featured an actual map to the city of El Dorado, and he didn't want it ending up in the wrong hands. That section of the book had been kept hidden with the dolls for years.”

“The dolls belonged to Voltaire?” Grant asked.

Amy laughed. “That would be impossible considering Voltaire died in 1778 and bisque dolls weren't around until the nineteenth century!” she exclaimed, proud to know all this. Though the looks around the table were more like “Is that really necessary?”

“No, not
his
dolls,” Deck said. “The pages were put there by his descendants and passed down through the ages. Heimlich, crazily enough, was one of those descendants. So I guess it follows that, well…”

“So is Deck!” Hannah beamed.

Amy felt like she was going to faint as a gigantic “Wow!” rose from the table.

Deck looked at Amy, but neither spoke.

“So, you're saying you're an heir to some literary fortune?” asked Grant.

He brushed it off. “It's not that important.”

Jane looked at Amy. “Kind of a literary prince,” she said, but Amy was too stunned about everything to respond to Jane, or even to hear her.

“Unbelievable, right?” Hannah asked.

“This does seem a little bit far-fetched, now that you mention it…” said Joshua.

“Just wait,” said Hannah. “Because it just gets better.”

“So Marny somehow found out about the dolls and the secret, and realized she wasn't ever going to get them unless I fucked up big time. So she set out to make me look like a killer.”

“You can't fuck up worse than murder,” Clarabelle mused.

“I don't understand. You
knew
all this when I found the dolls?” Amy asked, starting now to absorb the situation. “Why didn't you ever say anything?”

“Not at all,” he said. “All news to me. I swear it. I happened to casually mention the trunk and the dolls to Chuck one day and he told me there was a rumor. But if it was true….”

“How did
she
know about them?” Amy asked.

“Because when I stopped having a relationship with Heimlich, Marny continued hers,” Deck explained. “She got it out of him in just the way she does this kind of thing.”

“But how was she going to get the map? How was this woman, this Marny, going to get the dolls if she was missing?” Aunt Clarabelle demanded, dramatically. “If she was dead!”

“Aha!” said Deck. “Now that's where Liz fits in to the plan. Marny could not have made it work without Liz.”

“Marny needed someone to make sure her note fell into the right hands, but she also needed someone to get those dolls out of Heimlich's hiding spot,” said Hannah. “So while she was hiding out, Liz was supposed to be tracking down the dolls.”

“But they weren't there anymore because I had them.”

“Yep.”

“So that's why Liz helped David move my books?”

“Probably.”

She gasped. “And that's why David…”

“No, Amy. That was all David wanting to get back with you. And who could blame him really,” he said, and she looked away. “You aren't still…”

“Oh, God, no. That was just temporary insanity.”

“Oh? Good,” he smiled. “Did he take the snakes?”

“Can we get back on point here? I think I see what's going on now,” said Joshua, looking back and forth between Amy and Deck, and stopping on Deck. “But who are you again?”

“And where on earth did you contract leprosy?” asked Mort.

“Deck, sir. Decklin Thomas,” Deck said, extending a hand, and ignoring Mort. “And you must be Joshua?”

“Ah,” nodded Joshua, as he tentatively shook Deck's red meaty paw. “You're ‘the boss',” he said, looking to Amy for confirmation.

“
Was
, and that's relatively speaking, sir,” Deck smirked and nodded towards Amy. Joshua smirked back. “I know
just
what you mean,” he intimated.

Lauren glared at them and shook her head. “So what you're saying is…?”

Deck looked directly at Amy, now beaming. “What I'm
saying
is something you've always known, Amy,” he said as he gleefully looked back and forth at everyone present, appearing as though he would burst at any moment.

“That Liz French is…?” Amy tried.

“Is the Missing Link!” squealed Zoë.

“Indeed,” Deck smiled.

“Yes!” Zoë said and slammed down a tiny fist. “I'm back!”

“Huh,” said Amy, a bit overwhelmed. “I was going for something else,” she said, as her mouth curled into a smile, “but I kind of like that.”

“I thought you would,” Deck grinned. “Marny has always preferred women. I thought I could change her, but… Anyway, I guess after a few months of your ex, Liz remembered that indeed, so did she.”

“So when Marny left the first time, she left you for Lee…”

“I didn't tell you it was another woman she left me for?”

“No. You kind of skipped that.”

“Huh. Well, I guess it didn't seem that important at the time.”

“My husband left
me
for another man!” Jane proclaimed, almost too proudly. “What?” she looked at everyone, now a bit self-conscious. “Well, he did. You hadn't figured that out, yet? Come on!”

“We all knew it, Mama,” said Zoë, poking the new space in her teeth with her tongue.

Ollie gave Jane's hand a gentle squeeze and he twitched his moustache affectionately at her. “So now both women are in custody, being charged with attempt to defraud, embezzlement, and, well, kidnapping.”

“Kidnapping?” Mort shouted.

“Yes,” said Joshua. “Let's get back to that.”

“Kidnapping,” Hannah confirmed, looking at Deck, who seemed to blush even past his high-voltage redness. “It seems Marny was in cahoots with the Pygmies.”

“Wait a minute,” said Amy. “There are no Pygmies in Amazonia. They're in Africa.”

“There you go again, Amy,” said Hannah, with an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders and a light giggle. She shook her head. “You don't know everything.”

“But I know—”

“Remember that I told you there were more than forty tribes in Amazonia that had never had contact with the civilized world.”

“I guess.”

“Well, guess what? Not only does El Dorado really exist, but there are Pygmies in South America. The rash of abductions clued me in to the possibility and now I've proven it.”

“Cool,” said Zoë. 

“Okay, but I don't understand how this Marny had anything to do with the abductions,” said Mort.

“And Liz,” said Amy.

“Not Liz, at least not the whole time,” said Hannah. “But Marny. The first time she disappeared, with Lee, they were armed with the knowledge that El Dorado did indeed exist, and they headed straight for Brazil.”

“And took over Jungle Jimmy's,” said Ollie.

“Marny believed she could win their secrets,” said Deck. “That she could get the natives to lead her to the city without the map.”

“She even tried to bribe them with the promise of riches of their very own for their help,” said Hannah. “But of course they weren't interested.”

“So that's when she started to offer up the tourists,” said Deck, carefully.

“Captives being a much more appealing prospect than riches,” she said.

“And the more they got, the more open they became to sharing the secrets of the jungle with her,” said Deck.

And Hannah steamrolled on. “But it was slow going, and Lee got bored finally and left,” said Hannah.

“And then Marny found out from Liz that Heimlich was dead, so she decided to come back to New York,” said Ollie. “She figured if she could get her hands on the map, she could find the city herself and get out of the tourism business once and for all.”

“Such a horrible industry,” Jane mused. “What? I once worked as a travel agent. I know.”

“Anyway,” said Ollie. “They never made any kind of release deal with the Pygmies for the tourists, so their captives were essentially theirs for good.”

“But how did you…how could you…” Grant wanted to know.

“When we found Marny and Liz,” Deck said, “Marny wouldn't talk but Liz eventually spilled it.”

“We? You mean…Deck, you were there?” Amy asked.

“When we learned all those people were there, that's when we realized we had to go in,” said Hannah, and she walked toward the door as she spoke. “And all thanks to Deck, we were able to bring you back a souvenir,” she said, and she pulled open the door.

“Mom! Dad!” Amy shouted, as her parents swept in and wrapped her in a giant hug.

“This was what initially inspired my research,” Hannah said, beaming. “The other stuff just kind of fell in my lap.”

“That happens sometimes,” said the waiter, who had slipped in behind Eric and Shirley Miller to set two new places for Deck and Hannah, and to see if the water glasses needed re-filling. 

“Oh Amy, I thought we'd never see you again,” said Shirley. “Just look at you!”

“You're a vision,” her father said.

There was a huge commotion then as the family rose and greeted their prodigal members.

When everything had quieted down, the waiter set two more places and Eric and Shirley sat down to relay their harrowing tale.

“It was the
best
trip we ever took,” said Eric, to a room of confused stares. “Let me clarify,” he said. “Although being abducted by the Pygmies I think we could have done without.”

“They were actually very nice to us,” said Shirley, and Eric nodded. “They treated us like family and shared their customs with us,” Shirley continued. “And I have some pretty interesting ideas about how to incorporate some of these into some of our upcoming celebrations,” Shirley said, beaming at Zoë.

“Why is she looking at me like that? Mama, don't let her look at me like that.”

“But we wanted to be home,” said Eric. “And we never would have made it home without this guy,” said Eric, smiling at Deck.

“It was Deck who swooped into the camp and demanded our release,” said Shirley.

“You can only imagine the visual,” Hannah laughed. “They came up to his knees!”

“But he wouldn't lay a finger on them,” Shirley said, choking up. “He was a perfect gentleman.”

Lauren screwed up her face and asked, “Then how…”

“They apparently play this game called Vinga,” said Ollie, “which is kind of like Scrabble, but, well, without letters.”

“How does that even make sense?” said Grant.

“He's apparently an expert,” said Ollie, a glint in his eye.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” said Amy, only now getting the whole picture. “You
went
to Brazil? Since I saw you at the precinct?” she asked Deck.

“Yep.”

“That's like twelve hours on an airplane.”

“You bet.”

“To meet up with Hannah?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And then you guys found Liz and Marny in the jungle?

“We did.”

“All while I was in Pennsylvania.”

“Haven't slept in three days!”

“But that's not the only reason why you went down there?”

“No, not really.”

“You went for me?” He smiled as she began to understand. “To rescue my parents.”

“And you did this by winning some letter-less game of Scrabble?” asked Enid.

“Indeed,” he smiled. “Apparently it's the letters that get in my way.”

“Huh,” said Mort.

“But he didn't only rescue them, Amy,” Hannah gushed. “There were others. You'd never believe how many people those crazy Pygmies had collected thanks to Marny.”

“He was a hero,” said Eric.

“So what happened to the map?” asked Enid. 

“Well, we burned the map,” said Deck.

“My God, whatever for?” Morty demanded.

“To protect the region, of course,” Joshua nodded. “I get it.”

“We have to protect those tribes from looters and other crazies,” said Hannah.

“Really, it was the only way,” Deck said.

“So you gave up all those riches?” Clarabelle asked.

“I guess,” said Deck.

“Damned tree huggers,” Morty groused.

“But we have all the riches we need right here,” said Shirley, as she hugged her little girl.

“And we're so proud of you, Amy!” said Eric, smirking at the placard, and squinting at the sign the photo he and photo Shirley “held”. “You finally did it. You earned your doctorate, at last!”

“I did, yes.”

Eric squinted more closely at the placard. “Hey, what happened to my face?”

“And you're not with that idiot David, anymore,” said Shirley. “Thank God. I think it goes without saying that we really like Deck,” she smiled.

“Oh, but Deck and I are just, I mean we were….” Amy stalled.