Rite of Passage (13 page)

“I don’t mean that,” she interrupted. “I mean for coming. For putting up with my moodiness.” Her eyes were fixed on mine. “You don’t know how much it means to me.” She touched my arm, letting her fingers linger. Every intimacy heightened my desire. She was the most stunning and brilliant young woman I had ever known. I wanted desperately to take her in my arms. It took all my self-control to resist. I kept wondering
what was happening to me. Was I bewitched? Being a lovesick suitor was not me. How had Courtney hypnotized me so completely in such a short time?

“So, what’s for breakfast?” I asked and looked away.

Courtney opened one of the saddlebags. She extracted a thermos of orange juice and a water bottle, then unwrapped muffins and croissants.

“You’re quite the cook.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I bribed the chef.”

We took off our riding helmets and gloves, leaning next to each other, our backs against the giant oak, shoulders touching. She passed the breakfast stash toward me. We devoured our muffins and breakfast rolls, punctuating our eating with long drafts from the orange juice thermos.

“That hit the spot.” I closed my eyes, luxuriating as the scent of her body mingled with the wildflowers in the nearby meadow.

When we finished, I lit a cigarette and passed it to her. Courtney inhaled deeply and handed it back. “I think I’m corrupting you,” I said, pointing to the pack as I laid it on the ground.

Her face grew soft, lips turned up in a gentle smile. “You’d never do that to me,” she whispered, lowering her dark lashes as I crushed out the cigarette.

“Let’s save the water for later,” she suggested. “We’ve still got a way to go before we get there.”

“There?” I was curious.

She leaned forward, shaking her loose braids. Turning to look at me, she drew very close, softly brushing the crumbs from my face and lips with her hand, the way she had with the ice cream two days ago. I closed my eyes. The scent from her leather glove lingered on her hand, mingling with the telltale jasmine fragrance from her damp blouse.

“Thanks,” I said, clearing my throat. “Where’s there?” I repeated, fighting to maintain my self-control.

She hesitated, looking up at me from beneath dark lashes. “A special, private place I want you to see.”

“I’m all yours,” I confessed.

She turned, studying me. “That would be nice, if it were true.” Courtney waited, watching me. When I said nothing, she turned and stood abruptly.

I had no idea how to answer. I wanted to tell her that this morning was special, to promise to be hers for as long as she wanted me, but I stood silently. I knew how she felt about me. If last night had left any doubt, her behavior this morning had dispelled it. I wanted to bend over and let Pumpkin Patch kick me.

She sensed my frustration. “Let’s go,” she commanded.

“Please, Courtney…wait.”

“It’s all right,” she whispered as we retrieved our horses. She slid up into the saddle. “I’m just being silly again. You don’t owe me anything.”

But I do.
I wanted to tell her I owed her so much. Before meeting her, I thought my life was full, rewarding, had a purpose and meaning. Now I realized how shallow my existence had been. Since Thursday evening, life had taken on its real purpose: being with Courtney. It was all that mattered.

We rode in silence for another thirty minutes, traveling on ever narrower, steeper paths. The unresolved conversation made her quiet and melancholy again. When she spoke, it was curt and clipped. Courtney had taken my silence as rejection.

It was almost eleven. The June sun was high and warm as we emerged from the pine forest. Beyond, stood a small turquoise lake, fed by a slim waterfall that cascaded down the front of a blue granite cliff. In the foreground was a grand meadow covered by a dizzying tapestry of wildflowers and tall aromatic grasses swimming in the hot breeze. The White Mountains served as the backdrop for this glorious scene.

Courtney cantered toward the lake and pulled up, dismounting twenty yards away. Taking off her helmet and gloves, she ran her fingers over her hair. “This is it.” She pointed toward the lake as I came up beside her. “I wanted to share it with you, Robbie.” Her enormous eyes were ablaze in the bright morning sun. She exhaled deeply.

I got off my horse and left him, reins hanging, to stand by her side, staring at one of the most incredible vistas I had ever seen. “Thank you, Courtney. It’s breathtaking.” I touched her shoulder, then took her hand loosely in mine. “Can we go to the lake?”

“Of course.” She nodded, tugging me toward the shore. She sat on the grass a few feet from the rocky beach, patting the ground. I joined her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I know I’m acting like a spoiled brat, but I have a lot on my mind.” She shot a look at me.

So something had changed in her life, perhaps in both our lives. I wanted to help, to be her Perseus, that dashing prince, a shoulder if she needed one. “Is it something you can share with me?” I touched her hand. “I want to help if I can.”

“No, but thank you.” She pursed her lips and shook her head.

“Can I ask you something?”

Courtney looked away. “You can ask.” Her shoulders slumped. “I can’t promise an answer.”

“Does it have anything to do with us?” I waited. Time slowed, then stopped. After a long pause she looked back at me, finding my eyes. Courtney had the most expressive eyes I had ever seen. Today they were unfathomable. What I saw could have been sadness, regret, even fear.

“What do you think?” she whispered, nodding slowly. “Is there anything I’ve thought of since we met that hasn’t involved you?”

I should have been overjoyed but her words had a bitter sound. They held no happiness. I opened my mouth to speak.

Courtney shook her head. “No more questions. Not now. Please.”

She sighed, lounging back in the soft grass, staring into the warm sky, avoiding my eyes. I lay down next to her. Our bodies touched. The setting was so tempting, the day so spectacular, and her scent so intoxicating, I wanted desperately to take her in my arms. But after what she said, I resisted.

“Do you like the Bard, Robbie? He’s my favorite,” she said.

I had no idea what prompted her question, a change of subject, a signal that the other subject was off limits. “Shakespeare? Of course. I love him.”

“Really. What do you like best?” She propped onto one elbow, studying me.

“Oh, let’s see.
Macbeth, Hamlet, Julius Caesar
. Thunder and heroism, I suppose.”

She lay on her back again, her arm pressed against mine. “My God, you are a morbid one.” She laughed softly. “I was certain you were more romantic. What about
Romeo and Juliet?
”

“One of my favorites.” I was willing to say anything she wanted to hear.

A chickadee flew down and lighted next to her. When she put out her hand, it hopped onto her upturned palm. The bird’s mate landed beside her, chirping. Her ability to commune with the animals was disquieting. She raised her arm and they flew away.

I shook my head. “Courtney…”

“Please, Robbie. Enough,” she said dismissively. “I told you before. It just comes from spending too much time alone in the forest.” She turned toward me. “Perhaps this was a bad idea.” Shielding her eyes, Courtney studied the sprinkling of fluffy clouds passing slowly overhead, pushed by the warm breeze. “I wanted to come here with you, so we could be alone.”

“It’s not that simple,” I lied. But it really was. I wanted her so badly it hurt. All I could think of at that moment was pulling Courtney to me, surrounding her with my arms, and kissing her till she begged for air. God help me, Rachel was just a distant memory.

“Come here,” I whispered, giving in to temptation. She hesitated for a moment, then grinned, putting her head on my chest. She looked up at me shyly, slowly circling my waist tightly with her arm. Whatever demons she was wrestling with, Courtney was still irresistible. I played with her damp hair, pulling her braids like a schoolboy.

“Ow,” she protested, giggling, her eyes closed as she breathed deeply. “Thank you,” she said softly, resting her fingers on my shirt.

“For what?” I asked. “You know how I feel.”

“I do, but I wanted to be with you so badly,” she confessed. “I felt it as soon as we touched that first night—the magic, the electricity between us.” Her words were whispered, as if she were telling a secret. “I thought it would be different, that it was my imagination, but it was real and strong and each moment we spend together it grows stronger. I’ve never felt like this.” She continued whispering, lips posed in a tranquil smile. “I’m so happy. No matter what happens tomorrow at least for a few hours, we’re here together.”

Tomorrow? Since she raised the question, I had to ask. “What if it didn’t have to end? What if we could stay together?”

She sat up and stared, her eyes searching mine. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” Her smile was so gentle yet so inviting excitement surged through my body.

“Of course I’m serious.” I took her hand, working my fingers into hers. “Do you think I could leave you after the last three days? When I arrived here, I thought I had a perfect life. Now, none of that matters.”

“I’m so sorry, Robbie. I didn’t know it would happen like this.” She shook her head violently, eyes moist.

“You keep talking like you were performing a script, something you’d planned ahead of time.” I raised my voice. “What’s going on? Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Yes. But if you care for me, don’t ruin this special time together. Please, I’m begging you. Can we enjoy just being with each other for now?”

She put her head back on my chest and hugged me tightly. Her tears dampened my shirt.

“But Courtney,” I protested.

“Please,” she pleaded. “For me.”

I lay with this beautiful young woman holding me as if our very lives depended on it. Perhaps they did. I was sure she loved me. But I had offered her my life, and she balked. I was angry and frustrated, but still her prisoner and so deeply in love, I acquiesced.

I lay exhausted, watching her face move with the slow rhythm of my breathing. I played a game, searching, trying to find an imperfection, some tiny flaw in her face or figure. I found none. After a few minutes she fell asleep. Her thick lashes fluttered lazily as she dozed. Soon, my eyelids grew heavy and I joined her.

I had no idea how long we slept. When I awakened, Courtney was sitting up.

“It’s so warm.” She exhaled as she stood and walked to the horses, patting them. She came back with the saddlebags. Sitting down, she pulled out the last of the juice and a canteen, moisture dripping off it.

“Pick your pleasure.” She glanced at me as she shook the thermos.

“Being here with you,” I confessed, my face flushing.

“I know,” she assured me.

I reached for the canteen.

She lowered her eyes and played with her loose braids. The warm wind blew across the lake, bringing her familiar jasmine fragrance with it. We sat in awkward silence, taking a drink and avoiding each other’s eyes after the deep discussion earlier. Courtney broke the stalemate.

“Well.” She cleared her throat. “What happened to the breeze?” she asked, putting down the thermos as she unlaced her boots. She looked in my direction, pulled the boots off, then her socks, putting them next to her helmet and gloves. Standing, she tiptoed over the small smooth stones on the beach, putting her toes in the icy water.

“Oh, it’s so cold.” She laughed. “I think you’re a fraidycat,” she said, pointing at me.

“No way,” I snapped, joining her laughter as I pulled off my boots and socks. I walked across the small stone beach and dangled my toes.

“My God,” I cried, backing away. “That’s the coldest water I’ve ever felt.”

She giggled and closed the small space separating us, putting her arm around my waist as she gave me a playful squeeze.

We bent to retrieve our boots and socks. “Well, what now? Back to the real world?”

“Absolutely not,” she protested and took my hand. “We’re going to be pioneers, woodsmen, and stay in this beautiful place forever.” She let go of my waist and touched my cheek. “Would you like that, dear?” The term of endearment sent shivers through every fiber.

“I’d love nothing more.” I took her in my arms as I wanted to so often. Pulling her to me, I let my chin rest on her damp, fragrant hair. I reached down and gently took her face in my hands, letting myself get lost in her luminous eyes. They were soft and inviting. Her full lips parted slightly, her innocent smile waiting, anticipating. What was she thinking? Did Courtney want me to kiss her? I thought so. But once I had, there would be no turning back. It would change our lives forever. I was beyond caring. Closing my eyes, I found her lips. The kiss was soft and gentle, over too quickly, but like nothing I had ever known. In the brief instant our lips met, I was lost in a magical world, hypnotized by the sweetness of her mouth. The taste of Courtney’s lips was something I would remember as long as I lived.

“Oh, Robbie.” She sighed deeply.

“Are you all right?” I asked. Despite all that was happening between us, had I made a mistake?

“Oh yes,” she assured me. “That was wonderful. But I’m not sure I could stop if we…” Her words trailed off. She gave me a shy smile, pushing away, taking my hand as she headed toward the horses. “Now, you take our friends for a nice long drink while I fix lunch.”

“Lunch?” I managed, still lost in a state of pleasant arousal, luxuriating in the memory of our magical kiss.

“If we’re going to stay here forever, we have to eat don’t we?” She paused. “Or perhaps you’ve changed your mind already. Are you just going to kiss me and then run off?” she asked, eyebrows raised as she pushed her lips into a pout. “You are a fickle one, McGregor.”

I grinned, shaking my head. “You know better.”

“Then do the manly thing, get our mounts a drink, round up the helmets and gear and I—will—fix—lunch.” She stood, putting out her hand. “Give me your boots or put them on.” It was an order.

“Actually the grass feels wonderful.” I handed them to her after stuffing my socks inside.