River: A Novel (13 page)

 I glowered at
him, unwilling to go through caffeine—and whatever else—withdrawal. Today
especially, I needed to be alert to every possibility.     

 “Then I
should go to River Elodie’s apartment before the coffee wears off, and I pass
out in the street.” I upped the volume and embraced the snarkiness. “It probably
wouldn’t be good to wake up in the hospital with my so-called parents there. I
haven’t a clue what they look like.”

 Danny
didn’t bother to patronize me. He just laughed in his breathy way, as if he’d
expected my less-than-subtle reaction. Grabbing the paper, he wrote while I stewed,
clutching my coffee cup like it was made of gold.

 I peered
down my nose at the paper.

I still think
I should go with you.
What
if you run into someone you are supposed to
know?

 He had a
point. Sulking, I realized that bringing up not knowing what the parents looked
like had probably given him this very convincing line of reasoning. I didn’t
want him to be in unnecessary danger. I was the un-muted one here.

 Okay,
then
, he signed
without waiting for my answer.
Let’s go
.

..................

Hi George
,
I lost my key. Do you think you
could retrieve the
spare?
I greatly
appreciate it.

 In
practicing the motions of the phrase dozens of times, they had begun to lose
all meaning to me. Dan had thought of every possible question the doorman may
have, and he planned to intervene should George go into a tangent and cause me
to freeze up, which was probable.  Danny knew George from his visits to the
apartment, however, and anticipated no problems.

 Nervous,
but willing to face death just for a change of scenery, I tied my scarf a little
closer around my neck. The air was absolutely freezing. I was lost in thought
on the tram, as the one form of transit was called here. It was a cross between
a bus and a train, with a cable that ran above ground. The tram was very
comfortable and faster than I was used to. Everyone lumbering on and off smiled
at each other, which was sort of nice, but mostly weird.

 I had been
thinking about breakfast the previous day, when Dan had asked me what he was
like in New York. When I’d mentioned the good and the funny, he balked at the
idea that I’d had to clean for him. Well I didn’t really
have
to clean
for him, as he hadn’t cared either way, but I was compelled to do so. He had pretty
much called me a liar after I’d acknowledged his lack of laundry skills.

..................

 
I did not smell. Ever.

 He looked appalled
at the mere suggestion as he signed to me. I laughed, of course.

 “It wasn’t horrible—you
didn’t knock me over with it. But yeah, you got a little ripe sometimes. Don’t
worry, it was endearing. It didn’t keep the ladies away, either.” I threw that
in, just for the reaction. He flushed under his tan skin before turning away
from me, arms crossed.

  After a
few minutes, his curiosity won over sulking. He signed, haltingly, almost as if
he didn’t want me to understand.   

 
Was
I… with anyone?
A girlfriend?

 Danny paused
for so long between gestures that I thought I’d misinterpreted.

 “Not really,”
I answered cautiously, for we were breaching dangerous territory. I decided to
tell him the truth and swerve the answer far from the two of us. “You liked to
flirt, and you were… are really good at it. Women swoon at your feet.” Teasing
him a little, I took it upon myself to make up for all the practical jokes he’d
pulled on me, before. He just snorted through his nose in an airy way and
rolled his eyes.

 “Are you
seeing someone here?” I just had to ask. Well, I didn’t have to, but thought it
would come in handy if we ran into whomever he might be dating.

 Dan seemed
uncomfortable. After a minute I retracted, “You don’t have to tell me about
your personal life, I was just wondering. You know, the more details I know,
the better…  I think,” I rattled out, trying to be non-intrusive.

 He shook
his head
no
and signed, but I didn’t recognize it and handed him the paper
and pencil we kept near us at all times. 

 “Sorry,
there’s something I’m not getting,” I apologized and stopped squinting. I
always narrowed my eyes when I didn’t get something. In high school, the algebra
teacher had me take an eye exam to find out if I needed glasses, convinced I
couldn’t see the board. The glasses had helped me to see, but the squinting
never did subside.

 When he
handed me the paper, the laugh lines were gone from his eyes. My own eyes widened
when I understood. I didn’t know the sign for Petra’s name.

 “You broke
up with her… over me?” I whispered, wishing I hadn’t brought it up. 

 He shrugged
and then signed quickly in a stiff manner.
She was wrong to spread rumors, and to
bring the Speakers down on the both of you. Even if it would have been true, it
was dangerous.

 It took me
a long time to interpret, only getting every other word, and then even longer
to comment.

 “I’m
sorry.” It was all I could think of to say.

..................

Now, we were
headed out into this strange place, and I hoped that I was competent enough to
fake my way through an interaction with a local. My nerves were on full alert,
my brain on overload. I had four lines; I just couldn’t screw up. While going
over the signs again and again in my head, the repetition of it calmed me a
little. Still, I fiddled with my scarf as I stared out the window, wishing I
could practice the gestures without appearing insane.

 The streets
of River were as immaculate as the first day I’d arrived. The residents looked tranquil
and stately, nodding and smiling to each other as they slowly passed. I noticed
no one had pets, and the kids were very restrained compared to some little ones
in the city I was used to; in the world I was used to. The quiet was
nerve-wracking, and the constant stream of music did nothing to quell my unease.
I wanted to clean my ears out to hear the disruptive chatter that I had always
tried to block out, before. Even the trams were free from squealing brakes, clatters
and dings. It was a well-oiled machine of a town.   

 The tram
sped out of the residential neighborhood and into the small metro area quickly.
White buildings with shocks of color went by in a blur. Costumes, artwork, and pastry
concoctions lined the streets, gleaming out of clean windows. It would look
like any other artsy block in any other small city if this was Normal Town,
U.S.A. … but this was not a normal place. The feeling of malice and foreboding
returned in full force. The Speakers could be anyone. Danny had written about
them before we’d left, after I asked if they looked any different than regular
citizens. No, they did not; in fact, some Mutes commissioned tailors to make clothing
that expressly resembled what Speakers wore. For a while, it had been all black
and white with brightly colored accents. 

 “
Control
freaks,”
I’d muttered. But I was the one who was freaked. I was hoping for
some kind of identifying moniker, a flashing neon sign perhaps, to be able to spot
a Speaker and clamp my tongue down with my teeth. Instead, I had to be on full
alert and not even think of forming words. To make my anxiety worse, my
presence in Danny’s life positioned him in just as much danger, possibly more.

 The tram
slowed, and Dan gave me a quick nod as we arrived at our stop. Following his
lead toward the exit, I smiled at every passing face. The knot in my stomach
ate through to my chest and shoulders, which were hunched up painfully with
stress. We stepped off to the street as the door closed behind us. The cold air
cleared my head, for a split second causing another déjà vu. It was of frigid
air moving into my lungs and relaxing as I exhaled. Twice in three days was a
little coincidental for someone inexperienced with déjà vu. I didn’t have any
more time to consider these cosmically charged notions, for Dan was signing to
me in a foreign language… and my mind was a total blank.

 He grabbed
my arm and raised an eyebrow. Watching him as he gulped, I nodded and smiled
tentatively, willing myself to be okay and get through this. I went over the
gestures in my head again.

 Suddenly,
he spun me around and hugged me, smiling, but with wild eyes.

  N-O-T  G-E-O-R-G-E

 As I
retained an odd calm, my only thought was regret that we hadn’t rehearsed for
this scenario. Right outside the door, which was really just a large window, we
were definitely conspicuous. Impossible to turn and leave, a covert plan began
to form in my head. Plastering a more seductive smile on my lips, I pulled
away. 

 Hooking Danny’s
elbow as though we were a couple, I patted his arm and gave him a look that
suggested he follow my lead. It was time to wing it.

 I walked in
as though I owned the place, the way I imagined River Elodie would walk into a
room. Removing my borrowed gloves in the manner of royalty, I took a deep
breath and smiled again.

 
Hi,
I forgot my key. Is there an
extra I can use?

 Praying I’d
signed correctly, I touched my collarbone in a demure fashion. I’d chosen the
phrasing to make the doorman of unknown origin think that I was wrapped up in
my own world and didn’t care who he was.

 He smiled
without taking his eyes off me, tilted his head, and rummaged through a drawer,
pulling out a key. He handed it to me before signing.

 Good
day, Miss VonCambridge.

 His reddish-blond
mustache wrinkled up. I returned the happy grin, thanking the heavens I hadn’t
introduced myself. 

 Beginning
to thank him too, I bit my tongue at the last second, blinking rapidly and
swallowing the words. My face reddened while it became clear that I needed to
practice my undercover act. Dan nodded to him while bundling me up under his arm,
pushing me toward an elevator.

  
C-L-O-S-E

 His quick
look was stern, but with a tight smile on his lips. There was an elevator
operator, as there had been in Dan’s building—just like in movies. I took another
deep breath. Yes, it had been close.

 He kept his
arm around me as we stepped out of the elevator doors to a bright hallway. It
was probably to keep me from jumping out the window at the far end. He had
nothing to worry about. Not only was I afraid of heights, but I had nowhere to
go. Danny took the key from my hand when we arrived at a door, which was a good
call since I was still trembling.

 I waited
until the door clicked shut behind me to crumble in a heap. My head was on my
knees, to slow the hyperventilation, when Danny tapped on my shoulder.

  Y-O-U  D-I-D  I-T

 “I did?” I
mumbled into my jeans, unable to look up yet. “I did, didn’t I?” Peeking out the
corner of my eye, I saw him grinning at me. I fell back and stared at the
ceiling. “That was kind of fun,” I said with just enough volume for the two of
us as he came into view above me, shaking his head indulgently. Dan had too
much faith in me. He truly believed I could pull this off.

 Sitting up,
I looked around River Elodie’s place. It was spacious and bright white. I stood,
squinting, trying to get the gist of it. “It’s very… fluffy,” I murmured incredulously,
unable to think of another way to describe it. It was like the inside of a puffy
cloud on a summer day, pink accents peppering the cumulus. I was having a hard
time with it.

 “It‘s
really not me,” I commented. “Way too girly.” A breathy laugh responded. Following
Danny to the bedroom, I spotted my face in a photo for the second time since
I’d come to River. On a white nightstand in a pink frame, there was a picture
of her between two other people, a man and a woman. I shook my head at the
impossibility.

 “These are River
Elodie’s parents?” I whispered. All smiles, she was in costume, cradling red
roses in her arms. “They look happy.” Numb and at a loss for words, I wasn’t
sure how I should feel. I could only stare. The woman was blondish brown, like
me, but a little lighter in color and complexion. I was closer to a brunette
these days; my dry skin was tired and washed out with dark smudges under my swollen
eyes. Valeria looked very warm and intelligent. Marcus was handsome with graying
hair and white teeth. Their smiles were genuine, it seemed. River Elodie looked
exuberant, leaning her forehead against her mother’s. It was a perfect picture,
and I suddenly felt heavy with sadness. In my entire life as a dancer, I had
watched parents come backstage with flowers after performances. 

 Nanette must
have felt sorry for me, once, because she had given me an assortment of wild
flowers after I’d had a small solo. No one else could get the fan choreography
right when dancing full out quite as well as I had, even managing a little flip
over my head during a grand jeté, catching it upon landing.