Road to Absolution (2 page)

Carter

C
ARTER WATCHED HIS girl walk with her
father toward their gate, smiling as she blew him a final kiss and then
disappeared from his sight. He stamped down the pain of losing her, reminding
himself that he’d see her again in a year and he’d finally be able to tell her
how he felt. He’d kept his adoration of her quiet because she was young,
sheltered, and the epitome of a good girl. It wasn’t as though he was a bad
boy, far from it, but he didn’t want to be the one to take her virginity before
she was ready, especially since her father would kill him if he did.

He wanted the
timing to be right… when they were ready to make a life together. He’d dated a
few girls, screwed a few girls, too, but it didn’t take long for him to realize
there would never be anyone else for him. Cassidy Dennis was his. She had been
since she was six and she would be until she was ninety-six. She was his best
friend and he would wait for her as long as she needed him to.

Arriving at his
truck, he swore when he couldn’t get the door open. He’d lovingly restored his
1971 Ford pickup with his own two hands, and the occasional passing of a wrench
or something from Cassidy. He’d always considered the truck just as much hers
as his, considering they’d talked for hours while he worked on it, but he still
had a few things he needed to fix, including a sticky lock.

It took him a
few minutes, but he managed to get the door open, and climbed inside. He
started the engine and forced his desolation away. Cassidy would call him
tomorrow, he’d hear her voice, and he’d know she was safe. He wished he’d been
the one to go with her, but it didn’t surprise him that her dad had taken up
that responsibility. Her family was close and Mr. Dennis wasn’t about to let
his baby go out of the country without fully vetting where she’d be living, who
she’d be living with, the faculty and school.

Carter sighed.
Cassidy had been gone fifteen minutes and his heart was heavy. As he reached
for his wallet to pay for airport parking, his hand caught the chain he’d
slipped into his pocket. At the end hung a nut and bolt, threaded together. He
smiled and pulled it out, looping it over his neck. He’d kept it hidden from
Cassidy because he’d had one made for her as well. A far more feminine version,
granted, but matching all the same. He’d sneaked it into her carryon as she
checked two bags at the ticket desk and he couldn’t wait to hear what she
thought.

His heart
lightened as he headed home. He could do this. One year would go by quickly and
they’d be able to pick up where they left off. It was their way and he knew
nothing would change that.

* * *

I stared out the plane window and forced
myself not to sob as we took off. Dad was on the aisle seat and we’d been
pleasantly surprised to find that no one was between us.

“You okay,
honey?” Dad asked.

I grimaced and
turned to face him. “Is it wrong to feel like my heart is breaking?”

“Not at all.” He
smiled. “I promise, you’ll be fine.”

“But will
Carter?”

“He’s made of
tough stuff, Cass. He’ll be fine too.” He took my hand. “Just focus on this
year and if you’re meant to be, you’ll be. I know those are just words to you,
but when you get some distance, things will be clearer.”

I nodded,
although, I knew he’d never understand. He was cursed (he said blessed, but I
personally think he just replaced the word to convince himself) with a house
full of women and womanly emotions, which meant drama was prevalent. Most
things for my sisters, Shannon and Mia, were emotional tens (on a scale from
one to…) when it came to boys and life. I was far more even-keeled, but that
also meant I didn’t openly share my love of Carter with the world. I did to my
mom, but Dad’s eyes would glaze over and Mom said he was going to his happy
place when my sisters started in on their emotional blackmail, so Dad didn’t
know about the extent of Carter.

I turned back to
the window and as soon as we were cleared to use our electronic devices, I
pulled my backpack onto my lap and unzipped the front flap. Tugging out my iPod,
I found a
little
wrapped package
with Carter’s distinctive script scrawled on the front.

I ripped it open
and forced myself not to totally break down at thirty-five thousand feet. I
pulled out a feminine but very sturdy silver chain that had a threaded nut and
bolt, a pair of ballet slippers, and a mini dog tag hanging from it. It had
been wrapped in tissue paper with a note.

“What’s that?” my dad asked.

“A little
surprise from Carter.” I handed the chain to him and he smiled before handing
it back.

“Clever,” he
said.

“That he is.” I
secured it around my neck and found myself reaching for it several times during
the flight. I couldn’t wait to call him and tell him how much I loved it and
him. I didn’t care that I was leaving for a year. I wanted him and if I had to
wait for him, I would. Now I just had to convince him I was the one for him.
That would prove harder.

Still, I had a
smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep, my hand over the charms that had
settled over my heart. Appropriate.

Little did I
know, my phone call to Carter the next day would be too short to tell him
anything substantial and the last time I’d hear his voice until I returned to
the States. In less than a year, my safe little world would be rocked to its
core.

* * *

Eleven months later…

“Cassidy!” Pierre grinned and held his
arms out to me as I walked into the practice room. “
Vous êtes magnifique
!”

I chuckled as I
accepted the double cheek kiss and hugged him back. I dropped my bag on the
floor and pulled out my toe shoes. “
Bonjour
Pierre.”

“Well done,” he
exclaimed. “You might just be fluent by the time you leave.”

“You never
know.”

I had been in
Paris for about a week when I was introduced to Pierre Desrosier. Tall and
lanky, albeit muscular, he had the perfect dancer’s physique and with his sexy
French accent, I couldn’t help but be drawn to him. Almost from the start, he’d
pursued me and I was flattered. What initially gave me pause was that he looked
quite a bit like Carter. I couldn’t imagine dating anyone who looked like the
love of my life unless it
was
the love of my life.

Lately, however,
I was beginning to wonder if I should find out if it would work with Pierre.
Granted, I had less than a month before I returned home, but who knows? It
could be fun and who didn’t love a power couple? Especially, when they were
portraying a couple in art and happened to love each other in real life.

Besides, Carter
hadn’t contacted me in almost ten months and it didn’t seem as though he cared
as much as he said he did. I had been in a constant state of fear after three
months without a word, but when Aidan mentioned Carter was safe, that fear
turned to anger and hurt. He’d managed to get word to his family, but not me? I
was devastated and wondered if he couldn’t get past the fact that I’d left.

“We will work on
the transitions today,
oui
?”

Pulled out of my
melancholic thoughts, I nodded. “Oui.”

When our time
came to an end, Pierre hugged me tightly. “Beautiful, Cassidy. You were so
uninhibited today. Finally.
Parfait
.” He stroked my cheek. “Have dinner
with me.”

I smiled. “Why
not?”

“Oui?”

“Oui, Pierre.
Dîner
serait belle
.”

“I’ll collect
you at seven.”

“Perfect… um…
parfait,” I corrected, and Pierre chuckled, kissing me on the cheek.

I headed back to
my dorm room and took a hot bath. We’d worked out hard today and my body was
hurting, but it was my heart that was suffering more. The moment I’d said yes
to Pierre, I knew I had to let Carter go. Irrational, perhaps, but I didn’t
know if I could continue to hold out hope that he would ever be mine and it was
time for me to live a little. I hoped it was, anyway.

After taking
extra care with my hair and make-up, I opened the door to the handsome and
incomparable dancer and let fate take my life wherever it led me.

* * *

One month later…

It was the beginning of October, and I
had been home from Paris for just over a week and couldn’t get out of bed. For
the most part, my mother had left me alone to my depression up until now, but
the morning before Carter was due home, she pushed into my room and sat on my
bed. The time had come to confess.

“Okay, my sweet
baby girl, I have given you some space, but now I’m really worried. I realize I
have barely a week before you’re eighteen and then I can’t technically make you
go to a doctor, but will you please tell me what’s going on? Carter’s coming
home tomorrow and I need to know why you’re not excited. I need my Sassidy
back.”

“I’m not feeling
very sassy today, Mom.”

“What’s going
on, honey?”

“I did something.
Something bad,” I whispered.

She slid my hair
away from my face. “Cassidy, what could you have possibly done that would make
you dread seeing the man you love?”

I sat up and
pulled the covers up to my chest. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll hate
me.”

“Baby girl,
there is nothing in this world that you could do that will make me stop loving
you.”

I tried to calm
my churning stomach. “I slept with someone in Paris.”

My mom took a
deep breath. “Okay, honey. It happens. Was it someone you loved?”

“Not really,
no.” I shook my head.

“Was it Pierre?”

I nodded. “How
did you know?”

“Well, he’s
handsome and you’d been spending a lot of time together,” she said. “Plus he
looks a bit like Carter and I wondered if you’d be able to resist Carter with a
French accent. I know I couldn’t.”

I snorted.
“Well, I should have because I’m pretty sure I slept with him for all the wrong
reasons.”

“Oh, honey, been
there.” My mom smiled sympathetically. “Why do you think you slept with him?”

“I was mad.”

“At Carter?”

I groaned with a
nod. “I hadn’t heard from him and I was really hurt that he found a way to let
his family know he was okay, but not me. I get that they are more important.
It’s not like I thought I should know something they shouldn’t, but I was just
so sad. Pierre was in the right place at the right time, I guess. Plus, I just
thought I’d get it over and done with...the losing my virginity thing.” I
swallowed down the bile threatening to spill and dropped my face into my hands.
“But I regretted it the second it was over.”

“What happened?”
Mom pressed.

“It was awful,
Mom. I mean, sex wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be… it didn’t really hurt,
but when I was naked with him he pointed out everything wrong with my body,
and—”

“Like what?” Mom
asked, her voice had taken on a weird shrill quality about it.