Road to Paradise (46 page)

“Candy!”

“Shelby.”

Oh my God. That’s why she liked bars and grills and clubs, the dark places where men drank. She knew. She was drawn to them like a fly to a flame because she knew they were drawn to her like flies to a flame. They knew.

“Is that what you’ve been doing all along?”

“What did you think?”

“What did I
think
? I thought you were like us!”

She laughed softly. “The Jackson state trooper was off the clock. He was just a sweetie pie. But … you’re so funny.”

“No.”

“You’re in Reno now,” Candy continued. “Where there’s gambling, all other vices follow.
All
other vices. Where men gamble, they drink, and where they drink, there are women, ready to separate them from their money. Think of it this way—the house gets 51 percent. We get the other 49 percent. That’s a lot of cash. Give yourself two days. Freelance. You’ll make plenty.”

“Candy, I’m not talking about this with you another second.”

“Fine.”

“Is that how much
you
make?”

“No. I make more. Because I give full service, I offer a larger menu.”

“I will never do what you’re suggesting.
Never
.”

“Never’s a long time, Sloane.”

“Answer’s still never. God!”

“Tell me,” she said, “that little fun night in Indiana you and
Gina had when you gave it up to complete strangers, and all you got out of it was a free drink. You feel that was a fair exchange? You wouldn’t have cared they didn’t say hello to you in broad daylight if you’d taken their money.”

“Candy, I’m not listening to this! Is that why
you
wouldn’t have cared?”

“Right.”

“I thought you said you’ve left all that far behind?”

“No. I said, I don’t do it if I can help it.”

“Oh, my God.”

“I’m going to tell you a joke,” she said, “and then I have to go. Because unlike you, lounging about, I have to go work. Someone’s got to go out and earn a living. I can’t just sit on my hands like you and your friend over there.”

“Is that why you came to Reno?” I gasped.

“Why else?” She winked at me. “Now. A man comes up to a pretty girl and says, ‘If I give you a million dollars, would you kiss me?’ And the girl smiles and says of course. He says, ‘All right, now kiss me for ten cents.’ She slaps him, and says, ‘What kind of a girl do you think I am?’ and he replies, ‘Oh, we’ve already established what kind of girl you are. Now we’re just haggling about the price.’”

The joke took the heart out of me. But she leaned over, kissed me on the lips, laughed, and hopping off the bed, went to wash, change, get ready. I lay and waited for her to be done, gone. She was crazy. Lifting her skirt to her thighs, for everyone, oh God, what in the world was she thinking? I had been worried about her, but clearly, I had not been worried enough. I had thought Erv forced her into the worst of it, into impossible things, but there was no Erv here. What kind of life could she live with her baby anywhere, if this is how she was planning to conduct her days?

Candy came out of the bathroom. She looked so young and pretty. Her soft brown eyes were shining, her lips slicked with ruby-red
gloss, and she’d teased her bleached hair into meringue-like spikes. A sexy mini-skirt skimmed the tops of her slender, smooth bare legs and her cheap, blue costume jewelry chimed with her every movement. She sat on the edge of the bed, smelling of soap and musk. “The last movie Erv made with me, he tied me to a tree in the woods upside down and tortured me. He was making a porn S&M underage video because that’s where all the money was, and is. It sounds awful, I know, and it wasn’t pleasant, but four hours and it was over. He paid me 3000 dollars for four hours of work, plus two re-shoots. I thought that wasn’t a bad deal.”

“Not a bad deal? And where’s that money now?”

“Gone. But if I don’t go and work, it will be gone forever. Come with me.”

“No.”

“If you come with me, you won’t have to touch a man if you don’t want to. You can just touch me. For this you and I will make more money in two hours than if you were giving six blowjobs an hour with upskirt for two days straight. We could make enough money in two nights for your ride back home in a limo and hire Jeeves to drive your ’Stang to Harvard. Your choice.”

“Out of the question is what it is.”

“Nothing is impossible. Only after death are things impossible in this world.”

“What you’re proposing is impossible.”

“To touch a girl or to touch her for money?”

I moved slightly away from her on the bed. “To touch her for money,” I whispered.

Candy smiled, reaching for me, her hands on my hips, on my ribs. “Come on, Sloane. Come with me.” She hugged me, ruffled my hair.

I hugged her back. “Never in a million years.”

“Have it your way.” She got up, glancing over at Gina. “Bet she’d go if I asked.”

“Wake her up and ask. I’d pay to see that.”

“See—even
you’d
pay to see that.”

“Stop it. Go.”

“I’m not giving you any of my money.”

“Oh, yes, you are. You’re the reason
I
have no money!”

Candy got up to go. When she was at the door, I called out to her. “Candy, give Erv back his movie. Save your life, give him what he wants and run. You know he’s only chasing you because he’s scared.”

She shook her head. “He’s chasing me because that movie is his dinner. But I’m running because that movie is my life. I just have to outrun him. But I can’t do that without money. And this is the only thing I know how to do. Except make caskets.”

“Is there much call for that in Reno?” I muttered. Yes, she said, people die, even in Reno, then she grinned and added, “But not as often as they want to get laid.” She left me then, left me to my miserable midnight thoughts, my wretched reelings from her revelations, my shame at myself, my false pride. All of this was in the Motel motel with me, under the grimy bedspread in a room smelling of old wet towels, where Gina softly snored under the broken air conditioning. Candy closed the door behind her, but where was she going? The strip was miles south; how would she get there? I couldn’t imagine how Lena and Yuri’s mortal sin made Candy feel. I know how it made me feel. My arms were over my face.

I couldn’t begin to deal with the stark reality of it—they had taken all our money, and I hadn’t even gotten to California yet. I still had my car, but no money to put gas in it, no money for motels, or food, or Cokes. Gina had no money. She might not even have a quarter to call Eddie. She’d have to call him collect. I know how he felt about that.

I waited for Candy, but I could have gone to hell and back before she returned. I wanted it to be morning. I wanted this to be over. All of it. I wished I’d never left Larchmont. I would trade every moment on the road to be back there. There was nothing the road had shown me that I wanted to see.

Except for the empty tabernacle and the song of the monks.
Here, songs grew up around me like a jungle
.

Except for the trill of the voice of the laughing girl who had absolutely no reason in the world to skip, to feel joy, to laugh—and yet did.

I struggled to stay awake. I fought my exhaustion and insane anxiety. I scratched my chest from worry, and tried not to think the unthinkable:
That fucking woman took all my money. Oh God,
what am I going to do
? I rolled around in bed, I put all the pillows over my head to deafen the noise, the calamitous hammering. I waited and waited for her, waited for dawn, to do something, to say something to someone and, while waiting like this, fell into unconsciousness.

When I opened my eyes, it was light. Gina was in the bathroom, and Candy was lying next to me, naked, damp from the shower, sleeping. The shower stopped; I pushed Candy until she woke up.

“How’d you do?”

She smiled, her eyes remaining closed. “Leave me alone, I came in like six.”

“But it’s 9:30.”

“A girl’s gotta sleep.”

“How much?”

“A few hours.”

“No. How
much
.”

“Oh. Seven hundred bucks.”

I tried to whistle.

“I knew you’d be impressed. It wasn’t as easy as I expected. Lots of competition. Imagine—I wasn’t the only one trying to work. Half of it came from a man who wanted me to sit next to him while he played poker.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all. Well, that is, until the end, when he made me give him a handjob in front of his wife who was wearing flannel pajamas and foil hair curlers.” She giggled, and drifted off once more.

Gina came out of the bathroom, dressed, coldly eyeing us both.
“Are we checking out? Because I’m going to walk, try to find a Western Union office.”

“Check out and go where? The Western Union office? Do they have beds there? A shower? Rides to Bakersfield? You can check out if you want,” muttered Candy, sleepily. “I paid for one more night.”

I got up. “Cand, you sleep. Gina, I’ll come with you. I’ll call Emma.”

Candy turned away from us on her side. “Nothing works out as we plan it,” she said. “Nothing.”

She was so right, this could have been a premonition. At the first phone booth we found, half a mile down the road where the racket from the traffic was not too great, Gina called her mother. Turned out, her mother, father and sister were in Hawaii. Who knew—a vacation in the summer. Her grandmother, who told her this, had no money to give. Scottie’s small social security check had been spent. I couldn’t
believe
it. The billboard right above my head said, “
BORED? I HAVE A BOOK FOR YOU
.”

I wished I could fall temporarily blind before I called Emma so I wouldn’t see the reflection of myself dialing the phone. The only money the three of us had was Candy’s, and I flushed hot from shame as I dialed, sharp-as-a-razor me finally realizing that all the burgers from Mickey D’s, many of the hotel rooms, breakfast, gum, and a third of the gas, were bought on Candy’s back. She traded her body for gas, and I closed my eyes as I pumped, didn’t care, didn’t want to think about it, and I certainly didn’t want to think about it now.

Emma was hard, disappointed in me. She didn’t know what to say except, “Shelby, I bought you a car. I gave you extra money for the road. Come fall, I will have to give you for college, no? Maybe for books, supplies? My income is static, I’m not getting extra tips because you’re across the country. You’re calling me from
Reno
? Did you gamble away your money, and that’s why you now need more?”

“Emma …” I too didn’t know what to say. “We were robbed.”

“You picked up hitchhikers?”

“A mother and her son.”

“What a ruse. What a con. I don’t know what to do. Shel, I don’t have enough to give you for all the way back home. Have you at least been to Mendocino?”

I didn’t speak. I wanted to say I wouldn’t go if that would make it easier, but didn’t. Couldn’t.

“Oh, Shelby. Where do I get that kind of money?”

“I’m sorry, Emma,” I whispered.

She made low noises on the phone, helpless noises of an adult who wishes she can wash her hands, wishes it desperately and grinds her teeth raw with her desire. “Let me go to the bank,” she finally said. “I’ll see if they’ll increase my overdraft. Mine’s full. I’ll give you whatever they give me.”

“I’ll pay you back,” I said; a lame perspiring fool. “I promise.”

“Oh, Shelby,” said Emma, and I felt even more ashamed. Yes, in some distant future, one I couldn’t imagine, and one she didn’t care about, I might give her back a few hundred bucks. What was that to her when her overdraft was full now?

I hung up and couldn’t face Gina.

“Is she going to wire you the money?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “She doesn’t have any. Is your grandmother going to wire
you
the money?”

“No.” Gina frowned. “She doesn’t have any.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Come on!” She started walking toward the road. “My grandmother doesn’t work.”

“And my Emma works like an indentured servant,” I said loudly. “Eighty hours a week.”

She continued to walk without turning around. “Are you coming?” she called.

“In a minute. I’m going to make one more call.”