Road to Redemption (13 page)

Bailey handed me my tea and sat back where she’d been before.

I filled them in on the events of the night, leaving out Alex’s more violent outburst and our private time in his room, and told them what Kayla had told me before dropping my head to my bent knees and groaning. “I’m not
so
naïve to think rape doesn’t happen to men, but I mean, how many people do you come across who’ve dealt with it? I never have.”

Brock frowned. “It happens more than you might think, but men aren’t ones to freely admit it, so it’s not reported as often as it should be.” He squeezed my hand. “Rape doesn’t always mean you’re physically harmed, although, that’s certainly the most common.”

“I just don’t know where to go from here. How do you process being dumped and all this crap happening on the same night?”

“You broke up?” Bailey asked.

“Most definitely. I’m not in the habit with staying in relationships with men who tell me to fuck off.”

Brock sneered. “He told you to fuck off?” he ground out.

“Hypothetically,” I rushed to say, realizing my folly of revealing that to my older,
very
protective brother.

“I will jack him up if ever talks to you that way.”

“I know, Brocky. But never fear, I can take care of myself.” I stifled a yawn and smiled. “Sorry. I hate crying.”

Bailey nodded. “It’s exhausting.”

“Very,” I admitted.

“Do you want to stay?” Bailey asked.

“If that’s okay,” I said. “I don’t have my car, so I’ll hoof it home tomorrow.”

Brock’s home was only a few blocks from my parents’, so it was a pretty easy walk.

“Come on,” Bailey said, and rose to her feet. “You can borrow my makeup remover and I’ll give you something to sleep in.”

“Thanks.” I stood and my brother did the same, pulling me into a bear hug.

“You know you can tell me more,” he said.

“I know,” I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head. “Love you, sissy.”

“Love you too.”

I followed Bailey upstairs and into the guestroom where she left me to do my thing, which was to fall into bed and cry myself to sleep.

T
HE BUZZING OF my phone on the nightstand woke me and I grabbed it, answering it without opening my eyes. “Hello?”

“Where do you want me to drop your shit?”

“Alex?”

“Where do you want your shit?” he repeated.

“What time is it?”

“Can you just fuckin’ answer the question, Payton?” he snapped.

I sighed. “Are you drunk?”

“Fuck me, woman. I have your shit, I don’t want it. Where the fuck do you want me to take it?”

The hurt came flooding back and I bit back tears. “Just give it to Dani. I’ll get it from her.”

“Are you fuckin’ cryin’?”

I shook my head, but didn’t answer him. Clearly, it was over and he wanted nothing to do with me.

“Payton?” he snapped again.

I took a deep breath. “Just give the stuff to Dani¸ Alex. Thanks.”

I hung up and shoved my face into the pillow, dissolving into tears. I felt sick and sad, hurt and angry, all at the same time. I’d never felt like this before, and quite frankly, being dumped by someone you loved totally sucked. I suddenly had a great deal of empathy for my exes.

My phone buzzed again and this time I checked the ID. “Hey, Dani.”

“Hi. Sorry to call so late. I honestly thought I’d get your voicemail.”

“It’s okay. Alex woke me.”

She let out a quiet hum. “I’m sorry honey.”

“It’s okay. He wanted to know what to do with my stuff, so I figured you two hadn’t talked.”

“Well, that’s not entirely accurate.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“He won’t give me your bag.”

“Can Kayla get it?”

“No.” She groaned. “I debated on whether or not to call you, but he’s locked himself in his room with a bottle of whisky and he’s threatening to burn your things if we try to take them from him.”

“Sounds like he’s drunk.”

“That’s an understatement,” she said. “What do you want me to do?”

“Honestly, there’s nothing in there I can’t replace. Just leave it. If he burns it, he burns it. It would be an apt ending to our relationship that went down in flames,” I added somewhat pathetically. The call-waiting beep on my phone sounded and I glanced at my screen. “Ohmigod, he’s calling again.”

“Do you want to get it?” Dani asked.

“No. I’m just going to ignore him.” I saw the time, just after midnight. “I’m assuming Kayla’s with Lily?”

“Yeah. I talked to her and they’re fine. We’re staying here tonight so Austin can keep an eye on Hawk.”

“Okay. Sounds good.” I rubbed my forehead, trying to stave off a headache. “Thanks Dani. Sorry to drag you into this mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll still try to get your stuff.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Okay, better go,” Dani said. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

We hung up and I rolled onto my side and squeezed my eyes shut. My phone buzzed again, but it was Alex, so I ignored it. He continued to call well past midnight, so I turned off my phone and forced myself to sleep. Needless to say, I didn’t really get any.

* * *

Sunday I awoke to the headache from hell… and a note from Bailey sitting on the kitchen counter.

Brock and I are at the store. Help yourself to coffee. Stay if you want, we’ll be home in a couple of hours, but if you decide to head home, just lock up behind you. Love you!

I poured myself a cup of coffee and powered up my phone. Forty-two missed calls from Alex. I groaned.
Stalk much?

No voicemails from him, which disappointed me. Again. Insane.

I rummaged in the fridge for breakfast, finding cream cheese and a ripe tomato, so I checked the pantry and found bagels. I loved my sister-in-law. She always bought the best food.

I was lifting the pastry to my mouth when the doorbell rang. I walked silently to the door and peeked out the side window, frowning to find no one there, but when I turned my eyes down, I saw my bag sitting on the porch.

I unlocked and opened the door, dragging my bag inside before glancing out to the street. Alex stood beside his truck looking as wrecked as me, his hair a mess, his clothes disheveled, and all I could think was how much I loved him.

He hesitated for a few seconds before walking toward me and I couldn’t decide whether I should close the door on him or not. He stopped within in hearing distance and grimaced. “Hey.”

“Hi, Alex. Thanks for bringing my bag back.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How did you know where I was?”

He slipped his hands into his pockets. “Your brother told me. Kayla said she dropped you off here.”

Well, this was interesting information.

“You could have given my stuff to Dani,” I whispered.

“Fuck, Payton, I’m sorry.”

My composure crumbled and I burst into tears. I found myself wrapped in his arms and that just made things worse.

“Shh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“I don’t even know what you’re doing here.” I sniffed, but didn’t pull away. “You told me to fuck off. Why didn’t you just give the bag to Dani?”

“Because I love you.” His fingers slid into my hair and tilted my head back. “I am a total fuckin’ dick, baby, but I love you and I don’t know how to apologize so this is alright again.” He wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Tell me what to do. Anything, baby. I’ll do anything.”

“You scared me last night.”

“I know, Payton. I’m so sorry.” He sighed. “I know it’s lip service right now, but I would never raise a hand to you. Please give me the chance to prove it.”

“I don’t want to be chained up and hit during sex, Alex.”

“And you won’t be. Kayla confessed she told you what happened with Jenny.” A second of irritation crossed his face but he shook his head. “There’s more to it that even she doesn’t know. But, I will tell you everything… and I mean everything… and I promise, if you give me another chance once I do, you can make all the rules. Anything, baby. I mean it. Just tell me what I have to do.”

I couldn’t fathom what more there could be, but I knew he was telling the truth, and if he was willing to let me in so that I could make an informed decision, then I felt I should give him the chance. The fact I loved him played a little into that as well. I couldn’t just turn off that emotion, but I also wasn’t going to move forward blindly.

“Come in,” I said, and pulled away from him.

“Are you sure you feel comfortable? Because we can wait until your brother gets back, or you can follow me somewhere public.”

“I feel comfortable, Alex,” I said. “I’ll fill my brother in on what’s going on and we’ll go from there.”

He nodded and followed me inside. I texted my brother, poured a cup of coffee for Alex and, after he said he didn’t want breakfast, grabbed my bagel and sat with him on the sectional in the family room.

“Kayla filled you in on the stuff with Jenny, right?” he said.

I nodded as I chewed.

“Do you have any questions about it?”

“I don’t think so. It’s jacked up and I’d like to claw Jenny’s eyes out, but no, I don’t have any questions.”

He seemed relieved and I figured he was probably pretty over the subject.

“My dad turned me onto porn when I was around ten. At the time, I thought it was twisted, but when puberty hit and all that that entails, things changed and I found myself obsessed with it I guess. I found girls fucked up enough to manipulate and I went with it. I lost my virginity at twelve, and I fuckin’ loved sex…but when the girls didn’t want to try the kinkier stuff, I realized that I either forced them, which I would never do, just to be clear, or I had to go down a darker road when it came to sexual partners.”

I sipped my coffee, trying to keep it down. I couldn’t imagine a life where going down a ‘darker road’ was even an option, let alone a need.

“There were a couple of older high school girls that were up for anything and so I went wherever they’d let me go. Light bondage, spanking, stuff I don’t need to go into detail about, but you can imagine. I remember saying something to my dad about it and he told me, fuckin’
told
me Payton, to do whatever the hell I wanted because they were askin’ for it, and ultimately, they’d like it. That was the beginning of the end for me with him.”

I nodded and continued to sip my coffee, not trusting myself to speak.

“And then he started eyeing Kayla.”

I gasped. “Did he… ?”

“She says no and I believe her because the second I recognized it, she was never alone with him. I’d sleep on her bedroom floor in front of her door the nights he’d get drunk. The only good drunk nights were when he’d pass out, but by the time I was fifteen, I could beat the shit out of him, so he knew not to mess with me.”

“I’m sorry, Alex. That must have been hard.”

He nodded. “Then I found the club. Or I should say, the club found me, and I discovered a safe place to land, so to speak. But it also opened a door to women willing to do anything that both excited and disgusted me. This brings us to Jenny. I slept with her once… and talk about warped. She’s totally fucked up, baby, and coming from me, that’s sayin’ something.”

“I picked up on that.”

“I didn’t want to touch her again, so, as you know now, she took matters into her own hands.” He took a deep breath. “After she did what she did, I don’t take any chances anymore. It’s all within my control, but I never do anything someone doesn’t want to do, so call it warped, called it depraved, but it’s always consensual.”

“But I can’t do that,” I whispered.

“I know, baby. I don’t expect you to.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Last night I realized that I trusted you. With everything. Well, until Jenny showed up, then I had a moment of doubt. But I didn’t once feel the need to control anything with you. I was able to just let go and love you.” He stroked my cheek. “I have never trusted anyone outside of Kayla, Payton. Until you. Even if you never wanted to see me again, I know you’d never breathe a word of this to anyone, and that’s a lot to take in for me.”