Roar (28 page)

He doesn’t allow me a moment for second thoughts or truths; he drags me from the bed, dressed me in a pair of his gym pants and tee. I am giggling as he dresses me like a child and then has to tie them in knots for them to resemble a fit. I probably look like a homeless person. My hair is wild with the slept-and-shagged look, but against my protest, he holds claim that I am beautiful and practically launches me into the truck. It’s once we are two blocks from home that I flip the visor down and gasp.

“Jesus!”

“He has nothing to do with this.”

I glare at Nate and then laugh at the glint in his eye and the massive grin plastered across his face. “You may think I’m beautiful, but I assure you, I need a shower and some clothes that actually fit me before I step out of this truck.”

The sun was quickly rising, making me squint while Nate continued to beam and ignore my plight. I obviously wasn’t going to win. I was going to be stuck in these ridiculously large clothes until Boston Store opened. I needed to buy some new clothes; I could not continue wearing clothes from my childhood, either.

“Fine,” I continue since he ignores me. “Be like that, but you will be taking me to Boston Store as soon as they open.”

He chuckles, and I fight my own. I don’t want to show him how much he affects me. He knows it all too well, but I refuse to show it. “Sure. We’ll grab a few things now, and in a couple of days we’ll make sure we get into the city so you can get a whole new wardrobe.”

It’s then I remember my accounts are frozen; I need to go see the bank again.
Shit.
It meant I would have to see Molly and her judging eyes and scornful tongue. By the afternoon she will have condemned me to the population of Beaver Dam, Nate included.

“Nate, don’t be mad.”

Instantly, the big grin is gone and he looks at me, flicking his attention back to the road and then back at me, before pulling over to the side of the road.

“I can’t imagine ever being mad at you, but I hate that sentence.”

I scrunch my face and apologize. “I didn’t tell you before because I was scared for you…”

“Go on.”

“The day you came around and I was painting, I found out Paul froze our accounts. I have no money until I see the bank, and possibly a lawyer. Oh, my God, I’ll have to see a lawyer. We have accounts, car loans, bills. I’ll have to find out what to do with those now he’s gone. Our rent…”

“Slow down. Take a breath, Charlie.” Nate has his belt off and is beside me before I can follow his instructions. His hands are warm as they wrap my face. All I can do not to disappear in the flurry of tasks ahead is to think about how warm his hands are. “Nothing needs to be done today. I can help you through it all.”

I know that, my brain knows that, but I can’t stop the panic from rising. What will people say? What will his lawyer say? Has Paul left a will? Has he told my secrets, our secrets, to anyone?

Nate’s lips suddenly clash with mine, his mouth open as his tongue invades my mouth. Although shocked, my body knows what it wants and Nate has always been at the top of that want list. Of their own accord, my mouth, hands and body, dive in hungrily, drinking the passion Nate served on my platter. It was quick and it was unfair that he deprives me of more, but when his mouth ceases to caress me, and my eyes flutter open to see his beautiful green eyes, I see clearly.

“You with me now?”

All I can do is nod.

“What am I going to do with you, huh? When are you going to get it that you’re not alone in this?” I smile and stroke his hands that still lay against my face as he continues. “I don’t want you to have to do things alone anymore, as I don’t want to go on alone with my life.”

“I never want you to leave me either.”

Nate’s face scrunches and he squeezes my face. “You still don’t get it. I. Will. Never. Ever. Leave. You! Neverever.”

“You say that now.”

His forehead leans against mine, his eyes darken, and I’m torn between wanting to know what he’s going to say and the need to feel his lips against mine again. “I will say that forever. While there is breath in my body, I will always be yours.”

“I don’t deserve such a man as brave as you. You wear your sins on your sleeve and fight harder, while I hide mine, drown, smother and bury them so deep I ended up losing myself along the way.”

His lips caress mine once, and I sigh when he stops. “I will always find you.”

I feel the warmth of my heart reaching my growing smile. He is my hero, and he is mine.

I HAD CARMEN SEND
some basic clothes over from her Boston Store. Carmen had already heard what happened to Charlie and was happy to bring them to the office.

Sheriff Noel seems like a different man; he seems to have lost the large, misplaced chip on his shoulder for me and her. I don’t, by any means, give him that credit. No, that was all Charlie. She calls me her hero, but she is so wrong. She is and has always been the strong one—the hero. I won’t say heroine because it just doesn’t sound as epic as it should, it sounds like she is the sidekick when in reality, she is the shit. She would never think so. She thinks she is weak, but again, she is wrong. She survived and fought hard against all odds, right up until she had no other option than to tell Noel everything that would expose her, and her life she had tried so hard to hide. She showed him the horrid videos I wished and hoped had burned down with the garage. The sick fuck kept them to watch again and again. Charlie threw her freedom to the mercy of a guy who could have thrown it all back in our faces, like he had in the past. She, like a hero, sacrificed everything in the hopes she could end this nightmare for all of us.

Yes, Charlie is my hero, and one day I will tell her how much of a hero she is to me, but she’s not ready to hear that yet.

I have sorted a crew ready to help me clean the house; I can’t have her coming home to that, all that blood and history. I’ve got a shitload of paint being delivered, and plans for doing some renovations. Of course, I should run them by her, but I want to surprise her. Besides, I know she will agree.

I feel like today has been a race against time and I’m losing. I glance at my watch for the thirtieth time in twenty minutes.

“Nathan, we’ll get as much done this afternoon as we can; I don’t think she expects a miracle.” Connor pats me on the shoulder, and although he means well, it makes me want to punch him. He doesn’t get it; she
deserves
a miracle.

“I know, but I want the miracle. I just need to make sure she’s still busy organising all the details of her bank and lawyer.” I could have killed Paul for throwing her out with no money. I would have actually marred him for less. Which is why she kept it from me, I guess. “When she’s done, bring her home for her surprise.”

“I don’t know if she will come with me, she is…”

Connor is squirming; he has something to say, but is too nervous. I may not want to hear and he may not want to tell me. I guess I don’t blame him, really; we shared time in a place where I was a different man. But when it comes to Charlie, maybe I wasn’t; maybe I was just as ruthless. “Connor, spit it out.”

“I spent enough time with the abused to know when they are ready to trust again. Your girl is like an abused animal, not ready to trust strangers yet. Her eyes tell so many horrible truths, man. It breaks my heart.”

I can’t believe he is comparing her to a mutt. Though, once upon a time, Connor was a veterinarian, so I get it. I’m actually glad he went there instead of the horrible story of his life. He lost his wife and daughter to a home invasion. In one night they invaded everything dear in his life and after tracking the monsters down and killing them, he shared a cell with me. I would have done the same.

I know all this; he told me years ago. My mind still betrays me by thinking of it. I’m just not ready to go there with Charlie in mind; my heart just isn’t ready to face all Charlie has already gone through.

“Connor, I will assure her to trust you. She’ll be a while in that office, and it’s not like you have to take her across state; you’re just coming across town.”

“You ever taken a feral cat in a car?”

“Will you stop with the animal analogies? You’re freaking me out.”

“I don’t know any other way. I’m better with animals than humans.”

I laugh, because it’s funny and the truth. “You’re fine with me.”

“You’re the biggest animal of all.” He throws his arms up in the air in a huff. For a few seconds we both freeze before we burst out laughing.

Jake comes out of the work shed, his brows high. “There’s a crew waiting outside the house. Tanner and I are about to leave. Would you like us to start without you?”

I would love them to, but I’d never ask them to clean blood up without getting my hands dirty first. “No. I’ll be just a minute. Tell them to wait for me.” I look back at Connor, “She will be fine; just don’t refer to her as a feral cat, or she might think
you
are
crazy. I’m going to say goodbye to her now. Wait for my call, okay.”

“Sure, boss.”

“I keep telling you not to call me that,” I call over my shoulder as my boots beat across the dusty yard to the office.

“Sure thing, boss.”

Jesus, the day he actually calls me Nathan, I might just pass out. I take the steps to the office three at a time and open the door. I must have scared Charlie, because she jumps in her seat and drops the phone.

“Oh my God, hold on, I dropped the phone,” she calls to the floor giving me the stink eye. I chuckle, feeling just a little bad for scaring her. “Mr. Millard, are you still there?”

I grab my handheld CB and kiss her forehead. “Mr. Millard, could you hold on a second? Thank you.” She frowns at me, and then the CB in my hand. “Where are you going?”

“I have an errand to run that might take an hour, maybe a little more. If you need anything, Connor is out there working in the yard; he’s a good guy, he will look after you. I won’t be long, I promise.”

She nods, “I have a couple more things to organize anyway.” I kiss her then watch her for a second as she returns to her call before I leave and head for the truck.

Yep, we are going to make it. I feel it in my bones.

All the way across town, all I can think about is her face when she walks into find the new paint job that goes all the way to the ceiling. When I arrive at the house, there are three of our trucks out front, and a group of guys standing with Nona and Davey on the front lawn. I pull up, pumped to begin. This isn’t just for Charlie, but me, too. If this is going to be our home, we need to make sure we scrub the past from its foundations.

I kiss Nona on the cheek for the second time this morning; I’d seen her on our way out of the sheriff’s station earlier on. Everything is taking its toll on her. I hate that. “You need some rest. Go back inside with Davey.”

“You need a woman’s touch and your Nona’s help.” She slaps me lightly on the cheek, and I smile.

“How about you let me clean the mess up, and then I’ll call for you? I really don’t want you to see all that again when you don’t need to. Davey doesn’t, either.”

She glances over to my brother, he’s animatedly speaking with Jake, Miles, and Bobby.

“You’re right. Davey and I will go make some biscuits and iced tea for you boys.”

“You do that. Make them ginger, I like them best.”

She pecks my cheek this time and nods. “I know they are, son.”

Nona takes Davey up to the house and as soon as the screen door slaps closes, I clap my hands. “Well, boys, let’s do this. I will clean up the blood. You can start painting in the other rooms.”

“We’re all in, boss,” Miles calls.

“Great. Let’s get this done before she gets here, and for the hundredth time, stop calling me boss.”

There’s a few cheers and a lot of murmuring as we enter the house, until we are in the living room; that’s when all is silent. The room is musty and still laced with a tang of rust; it reeks of death that we all smell and feel.

I’m actually not the first one to move, it’s one of the lads, Jake, who steps forward and grabs the dust sheet that’s stained in a red-brown. He drags it across the floor, rolls it up, and stuffs it in a large plastic bag as the rest of us watch in silence. It’s when he ties the bag up and walks past me that I move with him and watch as he throws the bag out on the lawn. He turns back to me with empty hands and, all of a sudden, I feel lighter. He didn’t have to do that. I didn’t expect any of them to deal with the death, but he stepped in like a friend instead of just an employee.

I hold my hand out to Jake, and he shakes it. I owe him one.

We both head back into the house, and I grab a bucket and head for the sink. I told them earlier it was too dangerous for them to actually clean the blood, even with gloves, so I need to do this part while they all work around me.

The boys have some rock music pumping away, filling the void. Their avid voices prove that they enjoy the song, especially when Miles bellows out a solo.

I try to sing along and ignore the fact I have been scrubbing for the forty minutes, refreshing buckets of soapy water after bucket of soapy water. Still, the blood and the smell are thickly soaked into the floor. The guys have made a first coat on this room, the dining room, and kitchen, when I decide I need to stretch my back and go for a walk through the house.