Rock Me Deep (31 page)

Her nod was deliberate. “Your first CD.”

My nostrils flared, hands dragging her to me so I could taste that plump little mouth of hers.
She found my first CD,
I thought in quiet shock.
She heard my lyrics and they changed her life. This amazing, insanely wonderful girl...

She's been meant for me from the start.

There was so much in my heart and head. I was linking her hard past with my own; we were so similar. At the same time, I was struggling with her decision to bravely display her wounds, while I'd done my best to bury mine. Our souls were so similar; our beliefs were not.

I couldn't be like Lola and wear my damage on my sleeve.

That wasn't the path for me.

Nuzzling her throat, thrilling with her beating pulse, I sighed. “Lola, you didn't need to tell me all of this. What made you do it?”

Suddenly, she couldn't look me in the eye. “I just—I think it's important to share this stuff. We should know what's made us who we are. We should... talk about it.”

'We' she says.
“I thought about this earlier,” I said. My stubble traced along her jaw; I spoke against her skull, as if I could penetrate her brain. “There's a better word for us than
we
. Let's call it like it is, we're a couple, right?”

In my embrace, she shuddered. “Boyfriend and girlfriend... it's more than I ever imagined.” Around my middle, her limbs stitched into place. “I want that. I want everything that comes with actually dating you—dating Drezden Halifax. I want to know everything about you.”

A wriggling line of paranoia crawled in my guts. Was I crazy, or was Lola hinting that she knew I was keeping something from her?
No. She doesn't know about that. I've been careful. She couldn't have seen.
But she was going to learn eventually.

Wasn't she?

I hadn't fully thought it through. If I wanted Lola as completely as I did, it was inevitable that she'd see my scar, that she'd ask about it.

I'll have to explain it to her.

Lola's teeth gnawed at her own lower lip. I kissed her, gave her a new thing to chew on.

But not yet.

Not just yet.

Buried in her smell, her flavor, I begged for more time.
Please, just let me have this for a little longer. Don't make me have to tell this wonderful woman what I went through.

What my father did to me and my mother.

It was as close to a prayer as I'd ever made.

****

L
ola's breathing was steady in her sleep. It hadn't taken her long to drift off, but my own unconsciousness alluded me.

We were curled in the small bed, her head under my chin, her scent invading my senses. I'd have blamed her nearness for keeping me awake if I hadn't known better.

I was swamped in the tepid images of my past, Lola exposing herself to me, and the events of the day. In her dream, Lola whimpered. The noise jolted from my scalp to my prick. She trembled against me, flesh smooth and hot. It took a massive effort not to wake her up with my hands down her panties.

Even in sleep, she draws me in.

Her next soft, sad mumble deflated my arousal. She jerked violently, her muscles exerting energy, her eyelids fluttering as the nightmare took her. When her lips parted, I realized she was talking to herself. I strained my ears in the almost-darkness.

“No,” she pleaded, “Don't leave me. Please.”

Narrowing my eyes, I gripped her hips.
I won't ever leave you. Never.

Those beautiful lips twisted again. “Please stay... Sean.”

I stopped breathing.

In this late hour, the girl I loved—
loved—
was fighting devils in her mind. This wasn't about me, but the strife she was having with her brother. For a long while she shivered on my chest, the air shaking with her gut-wrenching mumbles. Staring at the ceiling, haunted by those sorrowful whispers, I debated what to do.

Craning my neck, my probing gaze fell on Lola's bed-side table. There, calling to me with a solution, sat her cellphone on its charger. The decision I was about to make was a heavy one—but for her, I'd do anything.

Carefully, I guided Lola off of me. She looked peaceful, and still, it killed me to leave her alone. Even so, gathered up her phone in one hand, my jeans in the other. A shadow, I pushed her curtain aside, moving deeper into the bus. No one waited for me in the aisle; I'd heard both Colt and Porter return to their rooms over an hour ago.

Ducking into my room, I zipped my pants on, then shoved my head through the neck-hole of a hooded sweatshirt. In the darkness, I flipped Lola's phone open.

It wasn't hard to find Sean's number.

I typed fast, just my thumb doing the work. It was after two in the morning, there was a strong chance the guy was asleep. Lola's message—my message—was sent. It said 'Meet me outside Belly Up. We need to talk.'

Clicking the device shut, I shoved it deep in my pocket. Yanking the hood over my head, I drifted out of the bus. There were a few security guards loitering outside, and to their credit, they were still awake. I nodded at them; they let me be. They were there to keep stalkers and groupies out, not to keep me in.

The Colorado breeze was crisp. I was grateful for my sweatshirt. Hunkering down against the furthest darkened wall of the bar, I looked out on the lot and waited.

I didn't have to wait long.

Sean walked my way like a phantom. He must have been awake when I'd sent the text, there was no way he'd have come outside so fast otherwise. The dark grey jacket he wore came into focus. “Lola?" he hissed. "Lola, are you out here?”

He couldn't see me in the shadows, the street lights were too far away. I curled my fist in his jacket and ripped him closer. He stumbled, struggling against me with a surprised shout. “What the—what the fuck? Who the hell—” My wide hand covered his mouth.

Wrenching him around, my muscles worked to slam his back against the cold wall.

Here, no one would see us.

I knew his eyes had adjusted to the dark when they finally went wide, recognizing who had attacked him. “Shh,” I growled. “Not so loud. Calm down.”

There was still stiffness in his body when Sean released my forearms. With one more pointed glare, I removed my hand. “What the shit, man?” he asked. “Where's Lola?" His eyebrows went up. "Fuck, did you use her phone to message me? You've got some balls.”

Ignoring his obvious distress, I said, “You wouldn't have come if you knew it was me. I need to talk to you.”

“About
what?
” Scoffing, he buried his hands in his pockets.

His attitude sent an anxious buzzing down my fingers. I wanted to shove him against the wall again, just to make him realize how serious I was. “About you and Lola, what the hell else?”

“What's going on between her and me isn't your problem.” Sean's chin bent low, his blue eyes that looked more like ebony narrowing at me.

“
Everything
that has to do with her is my problem.” Snarling, I slammed a palm flat on the wall beside his head. His flinch was glorious, goading me on. “And right now, she's miserable because of how you've been treating her.”

“How
I've
been treating her?” He shoved my shoulders, the impact solid enough that my heel slid back an inch. “She's the one who's been ignoring me, treating
me
like shit!”

Our voices were rising. Someone might hear us, our secret meeting could be ruined, but I'd stopped caring. He thought Lola was the one treating him badly?
Her?
“You're overreacting," I warned. "She cares about you. She's just been busy getting into the swing of being in a real band.”

Madness—disgust —bloomed across Sean's features. “I don't know if that was a fucking dig at Barbed Fire or not, but she's in your 'real' band because I'm the one who pushed her to audition. Getting into the swing of things? That's bullshit. She was just as busy before and she always told me what was going on.”

“Talk to her.” It was less of a request, more a demand. “You
make
the time to talk to her and clear this up. She's dealt with too much already. Lola doesn't deserve the tension between you two bringing her down.”

Out of the blue his anger deflated. Folding his arms, he leaned against the wall and scanned me closely. “She told you, didn't she? About our parents and how those shitty kids in school bullied her. She told you everything.”

“Yeah, she told me.”

Laughing bitterly, he ruffled his own hair. “Well, good. So you know I'm the only one who ever gave a shit about her, that helped her out." He gazed up at me from under his crinkled eyebrows. "You must think it's easy for me to go talk to her, to clear all of this up.”

“It
is
easy, Sean.” I softened the razor on my tongue. “If I could be the only person she needed, I would be.”
I'd be everything if she let me.
“But she's torn up because you're pissed at her. I can't fix that. Just—man, just fucking talk to her.”

The guitarist cocked his head like a bird. “And if I don't?”

Clenching my hands into fists, I took a deep breath. Sean watched me closely, I made sure he could see my gigantic smile; how hollow it was. “Then I'll break your fucking jaw. I've wanted to since you kicked my amp over years back, anyway.”

He didn't laugh or squirm. His expression was purely blank. “Guess we are similar after all.”

In the chilly air, the two of us waited. I couldn't have said for what; perhaps just the chance one of us would strike first, that there'd be someone to blame for ruining this fragile attempt at an 'agreement' so the other could get violent without repercussion.

Sean's exhale broke the moment. Pushing off the wall, he strolled around me, speaking as he went. “I'll talk to her. But don't you dare tell her we had this chat.”

I won't,
I thought privately. When Sean vanished from sight, I finally uncurled my fists. The tendons throbbed. The discomfort was good, it helped to center me so I could wonder if I was crazy.

Messaging Sean... making him promise to talk to his sister... Who
was
I?

I'd never worked so hard at making someone else happy.

Lola really had changed me. 

She didn't wake up when I crept back into her room, or when I set her cellphone back down, the message to Sean long erased. Not until I invaded her bed, my jeans scratching along her bare thighs, did her eyelashes flicker. “Drez?” she mumbled, rubbing at her cheek.

Coiling around her, my tongue explored the side of her ear. “It's just me, yeah.”

Every goosebump on her body rose to its peak. “I could have sworn I was alone in here.” Her chuckle was frail as new snow.

“It was just a dream.” My lips made a trail down her neck; her gasp was sweet candy to me. “I'd never leave you, Lola. Never.”

“I know.” She kissed my chin, her mouth warm and wet. “Like you said, it was a dream.”

My thumb glided over the back of her ear. “When you fall asleep, don't dream that you're alone. Always try to dream of me.
Just
me.”

Heat grew in her cheeks, the shadows not capable of hiding it. “That sounds easy enough.”

Soon, we were swirling tongues. It was my brain that felt twisted, though.
If it's so easy, why do you have nightmares about your brother, your pain, your torture?
Closing my eyes, I fought down a twinge of hard guilt.

This night, I'd created another secret for myself. Another lie to hide from Lola.

With her resting on my chest, I luxuriated in her warmth through my shirt and wished I was brave enough to expose my skin. Lola was breathing gently within minutes, returning to her dreams. I hoped they'd be pleasant this time—and I wondered what I'd dream about.

I would have prayed for it to be pleasant...

But I was sure I'd already spent all the prayers I was allowed.

Lola

––––––––

T
eeth glided down the inside of my thigh. In the cocoon of my bed, my blankets, only one thing burned warmer than me.

Drezden.

I was still shaking off the mask of sleep, trying to make sense of why I'd gone from dreaming about the man to waking up to something even sweeter. Curled between my legs, he revealed the danger of lying beside him in the late hours wearing nothing but some silky blue panties.

I could hardly see him under the covers. Squinting down, I was rewarded with a flare of green eyes—a beast on the hunt—and a rough squeeze of my ass. Gasping, I arched with my cheek in the pillow.

“Eyes up,” was his single command. That whisper burned like pure vodka.

For a man who demanded so much, he had acquired a terrible patience in how he teased me. Gently, he rolled his mouth up my smooth skin. On each inch he left a simple kiss. The distance felt like miles by the time he got to my knee.
Wrong direction,
I thought in a haze.

No. Drezden knew what he was doing.

Back down he went, slower than before. His casual control tugged at my center. My clit was throbbing already. In the blackness of my room, I heard my frantic breathing. Could someone go insane from being tormented like this?

He was on my opposite leg, licking the top of my calf, when I broke. “Stop teasing me,” I sobbed.

Stubble raked my skin, his chin dragging down until he hovered just over my shaking pussy. I was hyper aware; his words could have been fingers on my slit. “Stop?” He inhaled; sharp, precise. “Lola, I haven't even started.”

Biting my lip didn't stifle my whimper.

His hands came down hard on the insides of my legs. He spread them until I was taut, a violin string he could easily snap. The tip of his nose brushed deliberately down the front of my soaked panties, nudging the swelling node of my clit.

Maybe I'm still asleep.
My lashes fluttered, nails curling in the sheets.
Maybe this is a dream.

Kissing my stomach, he glided the hard muscles of his torso across mine. Climbing upwards, his weight settled, the bed creaking. His jaw angled down to kiss me; I met him halfway.