RockYourSoul (18 page)

They walked along quietly for a few minutes before she
finally spoke. “Did you write that song for your wife?”

“No.” He stared at the car rumbling slowly down Main Street,
a cloud of gray smoke billowing from the tailpipe. “My son.”

“It’s not every day I watch a country music legend who
walked away at the height of his career hack out his heart and hold it up on
display.”

“Sorry. I hadn’t planned on singing that song. It just
happened. I didn’t mean to ruin the night.”

“Why did you never sing anything like what I heard in there
when you were still touring?”

“You’ve been checking up on me.” He snorted as he kicked at
a rock on the sidewalk. When he’d first started singing, he hadn’t much cared
what he sang. As long as someone put a piano and a microphone in front of him,
he’d been happy. As his popularity had gained momentum, he’d learned to
partition off pieces of himself in order to not lose sight of what was really
important.

“Some things are private and the general public had no
business knowing. Besides, record sales proved it time and time again—sex
sells, even in country music. Dogs, trucks and sex. And don’t forget the
occasional tractor thrown in for good measure. What a fucking combination.”

“So you chose to make money rather than bare your soul.”

As sick and twisted as it sounded, he’d have done anything
to keep himself separated from those who only wanted him for one thing. He’d
done a good job of it too until the reporter at the hospital had plucked his
last nerve. “To millions of fans—yes. Just because I only sang superficial
songs about sex and the like doesn’t mean I believe in them any less. I rather
enjoy sex, or haven’t you figured that out?”

She folded her arms in front of her. “You’re a Dom, you’re
supposed to enjoy sex.”

“Thought you’d already figured that out too,” he teased,
determined to lighten the subject matter.

“You’ve purposefully set out to misinform people, be it in
your past or your future. If you sang more songs like you just did in there,
maybe people wouldn’t have had so many misconceptions about you.”

And here they were back to this topic again. He kept his
tone light. “Ever think maybe I enjoy people having those misconceptions? I
fought very hard to maintain my private life and keep it just that—private. Why
do you think I live out in the middle of nowhere? Why I only reluctantly carry
a cell phone? I like my privacy. Other than what you just saw in there, I’m
done singing. So get rid of whatever dollar signs are forming in your head
about me making some kind of fucking comeback.”

She pressed her fingertips to her forehead. “Sorry. I’m
pushing when I shouldn’t. I just…hate to see a talent like yours go to waste.
Especially when I’m around this kind of thing day in and day out. I understand,
I do.”

“It’s all right. It’s been…a long night.” He leaned against
a tall light post, pulling her against his body. This close, he could all but
feel her body vibrate against his. Drawn to her building passion, he drew her
mouth closer, brushing his lips against hers a few times before tilting his
mouth to the side for better access. She sighed against his tongue as it slipped
into her mouth. The vibration swelled, begging his body to join with hers. “How
about we head over to your place, curl up on the couch and watch old science
fiction movies?”

“Deal.”

* * * * *

Ryan sat with his legs crossed in the center of his room at
Sanctuary, a length of black cord coiled on the floor in front of him. He
absently ran his fingers over the smooth woven surface, studying each nook and
crevice of the tightly woven fabric. He’d been surprised to wake this morning
filled with a consuming need.

He’d tried to dismiss the sensation as nothing more than a
whim, but the idea had firmly taken root and didn’t seem to want to let go.
He’d never thought he’d ever arrive at this juncture of his life.

When he’d never been able to shut away the sounds in his
head, he’d always felt his life was as good as it was going to get. He had his
house. His business. His boats. Sanctuary. What more did he need? Then Beth
entered the picture and in a very short amount of time she’d showed him there
was so much more he needed. So now he sat alone in his room, absently playing
with a length of cord that would become Beth’s collar.

She hadn’t asked him for this. Hadn’t asked for this strong
of a connection. But there’d been no way to prepare either of them for the force
and power hammering at them both. He’d never set out to take on a submissive to
teach. He looked forward to their time together and it had to do with more than
just utilizing his skills as a Dom. He and Beth shared a unique connection he’d
only ever experienced one other time in his life.

With his wife.

This was more than simply wanting Beth under his command.
More than showing her what she was capable of. This was a rare emotional
connection between two people who transcended their D/s relationship. He wanted
her under him, accepting him and the man he was as he made love to her.

Feeling more certain of his choice, he lifted one end of the
rope, weaving the fabric. Given her history, he wasn’t sure if she would even
accept the token. Or that she would be open to this level of commitment. She
could very well tell him to stuff his collar where the sun didn’t shine and be
lost to him forever.

He knew, perhaps better than anyone, life was about taking
chances. And this would be the biggest chance he’d ever taken because of her
past. He was still sickened by the thought of what her former Dom had done to
her. So much so that he wished he could take out his anger and frustration on
the dumbass. The man had wanted a broken woman to bend to his will, not a submissive.

Ryan gloried in the fact he’d shown her what she was truly
capable of.

The care and patience he’d taken with her meant she would
have the tools necessary to know herself better. But the fact he was making her
a collar was a clear indication he didn’t want her to go elsewhere. He wanted
her under him, in him, surrounding him completely each and every time she chose
to submit.

He didn’t want her to leave and find another Dom.

He finished one side, picking up a solid steel ring he’d
purchased from Dutch Broeck at the hardware store. He secured one end and began
folding and knotting again to continue the strip. Crafting the collar was much
like tying a submissive up with rope. The calm, serene feeling of ropespace
became just as prominent.

The noise he’d always fought so fiercely against hadn’t been
as dominant a force in his life recently. Instead of every day, he noticed it
only during times he pushed himself too much by working too hard to get the
boat finished. Only those times when he was truly exhausted did he have to
fight the noises away.

He hadn’t forgotten them—Lisa and Tobias. He never would.
They’d made such a strong impact on his life. The impression of them was too
ingrained on his soul to simply brush them to the side now that he’d decided to
start another facet of his life. But he agreed—finally—with Dade and Elena. He
needed to move on and find new things in his life to motivate him, instead of
searching for things that would make it all go away. He’d been hiding. Looking
in the wrong place for the solace he needed to exist.

He was looking for some
thing
when he should have been
looking for some
one
.

When he looked down the collar lay complete in his hands,
the black a startling contrast to the calluses dotting his palms. The fine
weave of the knotwork seemed a bit stiff since it had just been fabricated, but
time would soften the piece.

Panic stabbed his gut so hard he had to set the item down on
the floor in front of him. Could he do this? Could he ask her to commit herself
to him? There were few things in his life that made him nervous, but the
thought of all the things that could go wrong petrified him. But time was his
enemy in this instance as he’d be gone in a few days. He needed to ask her now.
Or else he’d forever wonder.

The shrill ring of his cell phone startled him. He couldn’t
contain his smile when he saw Beth’s name flash on the screen. “Hey there.”

“Hey yourself. Shift is ending in a few, got any plans?”

The nervousness honed to a sharp point, forcing him to
quietly clear his throat to swallow back the sensation. “Other than to ravage
you, nope. Schedule is all clear.”

“Oh good. I was hoping you’d say that.”

The lightness in her voice signaled she hadn’t picked up on
the nervous energy threading through his voice. Apparently, it was evident to
only him. Knowing it was now or never, he closed his eyes. “I’m at Sanctuary.
Come on over when you’re done.”

“Be there in an hour.”

He snapped the phone closed and scooped up the collar as he
stood, shoving it into his pocket. A quick inventory of the room told him he
had a lot of work to do in a very short amount of time. He set to work,
determined to change the course of his life forever.

Beth could only stand in stunned silence as Ryan swung open
the door. He encouraged her to move forward with a push of his hand against her
lower back. Still shocked at what she saw, she moved forward.

Hundreds of candles lit the room, illuminating a large item
positioned in the center of the room. Her fingertips touched the smooth, thick
blanket covering the mattress because she didn’t think it was real. An illusion
left over from the long hours she’d been putting in at the station as she took
over more responsibility.

“What’s going on? What happened to the other bed? The one
you usually keep over in the corner.”

Ryan shrugged as he leaned against one of the tall posts. “I
did say everything I have in this room serves a purpose. The other bed is
merely functional. A soft surface to lay a naked body on. This is meant to
serve a different purpose.”

She caressed the wide beam of the bed, the oak tinted a warm
and inviting shade of brown. Four thin posters rose high above her head. “Maybe
that’s why this seems to out of place. These are way too thin to secure someone
to. The wood would snap if someone pulled on it. At least the way I’m thinking.
It doesn’t seem to scream BDSM to me.”

“That’s because you’re going to be the one screaming
instead.” Ryan shifted behind her, molding his body to hers. “Never
underestimate my resourcefulness, California. A lot can be done with very
little in the hands of the right Dom.” His hands slid under the hem of her tee.
The smooth slide of his flesh against hers caused a thrill to shoot through her
body. “If a Dom is skilled enough, all he needs is his body.”

Her libido screamed into overdrive at the raspy notes
playing through his voice. She tamped down on her arousal until she could find
out more about what he had up his sleeve. “Says the man who used a bunch of
heavy-duty leather straps to suspend me while he and another Dom fucked me. Or
bound me with a complicated network of ropes while he put me in subspace.”

His hand trailed across her abdomen, his short fingernails
scraping lightly against her skin. “There are times when such measures are
called for. There are also times when minimalistic is the best way to go. The
trick is knowing your partner well enough to know when to employ the correct
tactic.”

He pushed her arms into the air, slipping her dark shirt up
and away. She shivered when his lips gently pressed against the juncture where
her throat met her collarbone. “To answer your unspoken question, I have plans
for you tonight. But the decision about where this goes is entirely up to you.”

Alarmed, she turned to face him. “What? Ryan, you’re talking
complete nonsense. Of course we’ll have a scene together. That’s why you
brought me here, isn’t it?” She’d actually looked forward to what he had in
store for her. The fact she’d been willing to go through the experience showed
her just how much of a change Ryan had brought to her life in such a short
amount of time.

His fingers combed through her hair, gently sweeping the
soft strands to the side. She noticed there was something different about the
gesture. It was if he simply wanted to touch her instead of use it as a
conditioning gesture.

“Not entirely. You’ve come a long way since you first showed
up at my house and found me working on the boat. You were like a skittish cat
who didn’t know what direction she wanted to take.”

She felt his muscles tighten and bunch under her palms as
his chest moved in controlled deep breaths. “Until you ordered me to my knees.
Everything came into focus then.” The moment stood out clearly in her mind to
this day. It seemed like so long ago that she’d come asking him for his help. In
retrospect, she wondered how she’d ever grown the brass balls to do such a
thing in the first place.

His hands moved up to cradle her jaw. “It was the same for
me. And I didn’t know it at the time either. We’ve had our fair share of
rockiness since then, but we’ve both come a long way.”

The hint of sadness in his voice made her stomach dance in
nervousness. What was going on? Did he feel as if they’d reached the end of
what she’d asked of him? The thought of ending this arrangement made her sick
to her stomach. She wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

“I still don’t see what point you’re trying to make. If you
want to change up the game between us a little, Ryan, that’s fine. You haven’t
steered me wrong yet.” She reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind his
ear. “I trust you.”

He caught her hand, turning her palm face up as his thumb
traced over the edge of one of her cuffs. “I’d like to ask you to wear my
collar, Beth.” Before he finished the sentence, he set a length of his cording
woven into an intricate pattern into her hand.

His craftsmanship with knotwork had certainly come in handy
for this piece. She’d never seen this kind of quality before. The cord had been
dyed jet black and a small ring about the size of a quarter had been woven
through the knots at the center. It was fashioned into a drop collar so the
ring would rest at the hollow of her throat.

“This must have taken hours to make.”

“Well, that’s certainly not the answer I’d expected or hoped
for. Or the reaction.”

She looked up to see his worried expression. “Oh. Shit.
Sorry. I’m just a little stunned because I never expected anything like this.
It’s just so beautiful.”

“Like you.” Leaning forward, his lips lightly touched hers
as he closed her hand around the collar. “If you don’t like the color, I can
make you another one.”

“Hell no. The black will add to my tough, kick-ass
rocker-chick look.”

“Is that why you keep me around? So I keep your reputation
intact?”

“No, you’re pretty handy wielding the occasional glass dildo
when I need to get off.”

“Unfortunately, I haven’t included one of those in the plan
for tonight. So you’ll have to take a rain check. The only thing I have to
offer tonight is myself.” He bent, sliding his forearm behind her knees to lift
her onto the overstuffed mattress. His hand still circled her wrist, touching
the leather she never took off.

“Ryan, there’s…something I need to show you first before we
do this. There’s something important you need to know about me.”

Concern darkened his eyes. “If this isn’t the step you want
to—”

“I do. But I should have shared something with you a long
time ago. Perhaps even right from the beginning.” Sliding her hand from his,
she began unbuckling the cuff from her right wrist. Dread coiled in her belly
as the straps holding the buckles sagged, the seam of the leather parting to
reveal the skin underneath. He said nothing as she dropped the cuff to the bed,
quickly unfastening the remaining one so it too exposed her deepest, darkest
secret.

His warm fingers traced the long, ugly stripes of knotted
skin as his gaze met hers. That kissable mouth of his twisted into a grimace.
“Did
he
do this to you?”

“No. I did.” Ryan’s fingers flexed against her skin, a hint
to the emotion rolling through him. “The morning after his little foursome
scene, I subdropped. Very, very hard. I fell into some kind of black,
bottomless pit where all I could do was curl into a ball in the middle of my
bathroom floor. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything but think about what a
horrible, awful submissive I’d been. I was certain that I’d failed Ethan and
nothing I ever did would make up for my mistake.”

“So you tried to commit suicide?”

She shrugged. “It worked for my dad, so I thought why the
hell not? I managed to crawl into the kitchen, found the biggest butcher’s knife
I owned and started hacking away.”

“I never thought I’d tell anyone I’m glad they failed at
something.” He bent over, kissing each of her scars.

“My landlady found me when she brought the maintenance man
up to take a look at the leaky toilet I’d been complaining about for six
months. They were the ones who called the ambulance. I managed to earn myself a
few days in the psych ward and a one-way ticket out of Nashville. My family
wouldn’t stop doting over me in Florida and I couldn’t take it anymore. I called
in a favor with my old boss and he’s the reason I have the job at the radio
station here.” She swallowed the thick knot of emotion clogging her throat. “I
wear the cuffs to cover the marks because I don’t like looking at them.”

“Because they remind you of Ethan?”

“No. They remind me I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was.
So, if you can accept a broken, ruined submissive as a permanent fixture in
your life, yes, I’ll accept your collar.” She held out the collar, tilting her
chin in offering.

“You are by no means broken and you are most certainly
anything but ruined.” His lips lightly touched hers. “I promise you.”

The cording felt soft against her skin as he placed it
against her throat. She dipped her head, sweeping her hair to the side in order
to get it out of the way. It only took a few moments for him to tie off the
knot to secure the collar.

When he was done, he wrapped his hand around the side of her
throat, pushing his thumb under her jaw to lift her face to his. He lifted his
other hand, running a finger under the collar, checking to make sure he hadn’t
fastened it too tightly.

“Perfect.”

She touched the small silver ring as it rested against the
base of her throat, surprised how right the item felt there. The few collars
Ethan had placed on her during the scenes at the club had never felt this right
around her throat. Then again, he’d only placed them there to use as an anchor
to the chains he used to secure her. This collar was so different.

The expression on his face softened as he stepped back. His
eyes darkened as he inhaled sharply. The heated reaction further cemented her
belief the collar belonged there. It also let her understand why he’d taken
such great pains to change the room around. He wanted to show her things would
be different tonight. While she may not be familiar with the entire process of
collaring a submissive, she knew the implications. Ryan took this process very,
very seriously.

The rest of the night would be about the commitment that
came with a collar.

He pulled her face to his and spoke softly against her lips.
Quiet promises filled the space between them as he told her in great detail
just exactly what his plans were. His breath was hot and moist against her lips
as he continued to speak.

Sitting before him, wearing nothing but his collar while he
stood before her fully clothed, was overwhelming and exciting. Her blood pulsed
like a bullet racing through her body and she wanted nothing more than for the
feeling to grow and flourish.

His finger found its way back to her waist, trailing a slow
line down her abdomen to disappear between her legs. He made no move to step
closer, the single finger the only contact between their flesh.

She inhaled sharply as his finger slid into her wet heat.
Instinctively her legs slid apart, exposing more of her pussy to him. A groan
rumbled in his throat as his finger slipped easily inside her without
resistance. Her eyes fluttered closed as her head fell back.

His free hand came up to press gently against her shoulder
and she allowed herself to be guided back so she lay on the cushioned fabric.
Arousal swelled when his finger pressed farther inside of her as he moved to
stand between her legs. She arched her back, urging his finger to slide deeper.
He pressed farther, sliding the pad of his finger against the walls inside her.

Her entire body hitched in reaction.

He withdrew slowly, drawing a low groan from her. Lowering
his head, his tongue flicked over her clit. Her body jumped at the contact,
spinning helplessly out of control. Pressing his lips to her, it was only a
matter of seconds before she squirmed against him. Her hips subtly pressed
upward to the ceiling, urging more from him as her voice rumbled out a groan
each time his finger withdrew or his tongue grazed over her clit.

The candlelight illuminating the room splintered into a
thousand pinpricks of light as her vision blurred. A slow, sweeping orgasm
rippled through her body, a deep sigh filling the air as the climax washed over
her. Her taste flooded his tongue and he sipped greedily as if he wanted to
consume every last drop.

As her muscles relaxed around his finger, she sighed again
as warmth washed over her. A feeling of serene calm filled her so fully, she
felt as if she was going to burst. His finger withdrew, causing her to whimper
in protest at the cold air swirling between her legs. She fidgeted against the
comforter, wondering where he’d gone. Lifting her head, she saw him still
standing between her legs simply staring at her.

“What are you doing?” Arousal wove heavily through her
voice, sending a thrill down the column of her spine. She thought about how he
made her aware of her strength and her fragility with a simple look.

“Looking at you. Wondering how I got so lucky.” His voice
cracked as he spoke and his eyes darkened abruptly as she shifted her legs
wider in offering. Within seconds he was on top of her, clothing discarded and
forgotten on the floor.

His fingers traced the skin where the rope collar met her
throat. He continued the slow pattern, tickling her flesh with his delicate
touch. His mouth moved so his tongue mapped along a path to her breast. She
inhaled sharply when his mouth closed over one of her nipples.

She wanted him to ravage and take, becoming so intoxicated
on her and everything she alone offered him that he forgot what had brought
them to this very moment. She wanted him to forget who, and what, he even was.

The candlelight faded into the background. Her only
conscious thoughts were of the man hovering over her and their single
connection of his hand on her throat. She accepted him easily when he pushed
his cock inside her, shifting as he began to slowly move. Lifting her legs, she
accepted him without reservation and smiled when his eyes dropped closed as his
cock thrust into her.