Role Play (34 page)

My heart felt pierced, literally stuck right through, and it was pounding too fast. It felt like I was still finding out, still realizing the extent of how terrible this betrayal was.

It showed me what Vic really thought of me. He thought that I liked him because he was rich. He knew I talked to him in the Chamber because Monica told me about his Connecticut house and great job, and I thought he was different from the others.

While h
e thought I was a shallow gold-digger.

My
day dreams about Victor were shattered, dead and gone along with his imaginary house. And now I also had to feel bad about myself because I was mercenary enough to think that a man like
Victor
could make my life easier.

The last thing
I wanted to do was tell Candice and Devi the truth. It was awful. If it was only one lie, even one big lie, it would be different. But there was something awful about a continuous lie. That every time we were together, he was lying to me about who he was, pretending to be something he wasn’t, and laughing at me for believing him.

Even last night, when he sort of
started to confess but not really. What was that about?

It reduced everything to a game, and
I was the prize to be won. Whether by trickery or deceit, it didn’t matter.
I
really didn’t matter, only the fact that I had surrendered to his lies, to the phantom man he had created that no girl in her right mind could resist.

That was the worst part.

...

Later that afternoon, the sounds from the rest of the loft finally reminded
me that a big Labor Day bash was being held on our roof tonight. Everyone else didn’t have work on Monday morning, but I did. Not that it mattered.

It was going to be a long night.

I hoped to avoid everyone, but a girl had to pee. And I had to leave my room to get to the bathroom.

Devi came running out of the kitchen
to intercept me before I reached the bathroom. “What happened last night? Did he like your outfit?”

“
He loved it,” I told Devi. “He gave me a corset…” That I had left behind on his desk. Along with the bagels and coffee. “And a beautiful mask with golden trim…” Also left behind with the rest of my future.

Devi tilted her head. “What’s wrong?”

Candice poked her head out from the kitchen, watching us.

This was the downside to living in the loft.
The lack of privacy. I wanted to crawl off and cry alone, but I couldn’t.

I
had gotten the support I needed from them since I moved in, and I was grateful for it. I couldn’t turn on them when I didn’t want them up in my business.

“It’s awful,”
I admitted. “You’re going to die when I tell you.”
That brought Candice out of the kitchen. “What is it?”

“He confessed last night. He’s been lying to me. He pretends to be a
wealthy airline executive to trick women into sleeping with him.”

“What?!”
Devi exclaimed. “Who does that?”

“Someone
with serious issues,” Candice said, her lips pursed up in disapproval.

“Yeah,”
I agreed. I wasn’t going to break his confidence and go into his tragic family background. But that qualified as “serious.”

“But… he’s
so cute!” Devi protested. “He could get any girl. Why is he lying?”

“It
’s New York,” Candice pointed out. “Most beautiful women like Sierra want a man with money.”

I
frowned. “I’m a salesgirl. I don’t care if he’s a garbage man, as long as he’s good to me.”

“Come on,
Sierra,” Devi chided. “You have to admit he would be the total package if he actually did have the goods.”

I
drew in my breath. “I know that’s what
he
thinks! And yes, maybe it’s true. But I liked him as soon as I saw him, and that’s when I thought he was a schmuck from New Jersey. Which is exactly what he turned out to be!”

Devi raised her hand
as if to dismiss all of that. “It doesn’t matter. Any man who does that is not worth your trouble.”

Candice shrugged. “People
do make mistakes. It seemed to me like he really cares about Sierra.”

“
So he doesn’t work for the airline?” Devi asked.

“I saw his airline ID so I know he works for them
,” I said. “He’s a baggage handler.”

Devi made a disapproving sound. “That says it all.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a baggage handler,” Candice protested. “It’s a union job. There’s benefits.”

“Yeah, I don’t care about that,”
I agreed. “It’s the fact that he lied to me. And made me feel like I was less than him because
I’m working class.”

Devi
lifted her fingers and fluttered them as if to silently say that a baggage handler might be good enough for
me.
At that moment, it felt like Candice and I were standing on the other side of a distinct class divide. We exchanged a look, and Candice rolled her eyes as if to say that on some things, Devi was impossible.

Suddenly
I was done making nice. “I’ll get your blouse back once I’ve dry cleaned it, Devi. Excuse me, I’m on the way to the bathroom.”

Candice called after
me. “You can toss the skirt in my room. I’ll wash it with my other whites.”

An ignoble ending for a costume I had loved so much. Yet it seemed fitt
ing considering everything else that had happened.

...

I did my best to avoid everyone that evening as the party prep picked up in pace. Music blared from the roof long before the party started, and with my open windows to catch the nice weather, there was no way to avoid it. Eventually Candice completed whatever creation she was making in the kitchen and finally took it upstairs.

I
ducked out to grab my stuff from the bathroom. Likely friends of my roommates would be coming down all night to use it. I could hardly imagine the state it would be in tomorrow morning when I would be trying to get ready for work.

Living in the loft
had its negatives, that’s for sure.

As
I was returning to my room, I noticed that the door on the end was sitting open. Our other roommate was finally home. Marky, a dancer who had been on tour for the past couple of months.

Feeling distinctly anti-social.
I hurried into my room and locked the door behind me.

I
was determined to sit out the party there. And wallow in my misery.

But people kept gathering
down on the sidewalk below, calling out to tell the roof partiers to buzz them in. And by sunset the sound of talk and laughter finally melded with the music, and the smell of the BBQ on the grill made my stomach rumble.

It was hard to wallow when there were so many distractions.

I knew I looked awful, with my hair stuck up in a pony tail and my old shorts and tank top, but what did I care? I slipped on a pair of flip flops and went into the living room. There were two people who I didn’t know grabbing a bag of ice from our freezer.

I
followed them up the two flights of stairs to the roof.

It was packed with people.
Some dancing, most just hanging out. A lot more chairs had mysteriously appeared. Yellow police tape was draped along the top of the walls on the long sides to keep people from sitting there.

Keith was in his usual spot, guarding his potted garden with a beer in hand. The grill was belching out smoke under Jake’s smiling eyes. Jake called out a greeting to
me and offered me a hamburger, which I devoured like I’d just crossed the Serengeti. Keith saw me standing there and ordered one of his friends to get out of the chair so I could sit down and eat.

I
got by without talking much. It felt good to be among people who liked me, a balm on my soul. I felt pummeled by the city, by those I cared about most.

I wonder what Lola is doing now?
I thought. I had spent my whole life knowing exactly what Lola was doing. It was weird having my sister disappear so completely from my world.

On a sudden impulse,
I texted Lola my address and said:
We’re having a roof party. Bring Martin if you can.

After a few minutes,
my phone dinged. Lola replied:
Busy now but next time yes.

I
took a deep breath, trying not to feel hurt by the blow-off. Lola might not be ready to try, but I wasn’t a quitter.

Still,
I might have to accept the fact that I wouldn’t be able to have a relationship with Lola anymore.
If that’s her choice, I can accept it.
But I wasn’t going to give up trying.

“Hi, there,” a guy said
, standing above me.

He was dark-haired and smiling. It took
me a moment to recognize Liam from Pleasure Salon. Josh’s friend.

“Hi,”
I said. It was a little weird. The last time I saw him, he was offering to show me and Devi what kink was all about.

“Devi invited me,” he explained. “But I came because I wanted to see you.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I saw you at the Masquerade last night. At least, I think that was you. Wearing a white dress?”

Before he was even finished, I got up from my chair to close the distance between us. I didn’t want him talking about that in front of everyone.

Liam immediately caught on, lowering his voice and moving aside with
me, away from the clutch of people around Keith. I noticed that Keith kept glancing at me to make sure I was okay. I must have been radiating my distress.

“Sorry about that,” Liam said. “I didn’t realize you weren’t out.
But I have to warn you that Devi is telling everyone that you both went to Pleasure Salon and that’s where we met.”

I
closed my eyes briefly. “Great. Just what I need right now.”

Liam shrugged. “Most people don’t care. But you have to be careful with your job.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

His smile was so easy and relaxed, his eyes admiring
. “You looked beautiful last night. It was the best scene I saw in the bathroom all night.”

I
blushed hard and fast. I could hardly bear to look at him. Everything I had felt last night surged up inside of me, along with the memory of my burning need to give myself to Vic completely.

To think that other people like Liam had been watching us…

No, that wasn’t
us
. It was
Victor
who had master-minded that scene, not Vic. It was Victor, the fake millionaire who was designed to bring women to their knees. Literally.

“I don’t mean to embarrass you,” Liam said. “Unless you like that
sort of thing…”

I
put my hands to my head. “I really can’t deal with this tonight.”

“I’m sorry. Is something wrong?”

My throat began to close. “Yes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. It was too raw. How could I tell him that last night was an illusion? That I didn’t really know the man was I was playing with.

Liam patted
my arm, his smile turning sympathetic. “I understand completely. You have my number if you want to talk to someone. It can be confusing sometimes, exploring this side of ourselves. I’ll go now and get out of your way.”

“You can stay,”
I said. “Enjoy yourself. It’s a party.”

“I came to see you. And I’ve done that.” He gave
me a very sweet smile. “Hopefully I’ll see you again sometime.”

With that, he nodded pleasantly and
threaded his way through the crowd. I watched him leave, so I caught his last wave from the doorway to the stairs. I lifted my hand in return.

I
was almost sorry he had left. Thinking about Liam was better than thinking about Vic, but everything was a reminder of Vic.

Now that Liam
was gone, I was able to relax back into silence, letting the party flow over me. I felt as if I was floating above myself, stunned by the body blow of Vic’s lies.

After a while,
I went back downstairs and locked myself in my cubicle. The party raged on overhead, showing little signs of wearing down.

I
t was the worst night ever. I had lost more than Vic. I had lost my trust in myself, in my own judgment. First Dick, then Vic. If I couldn’t take care of myself, then I was seriously screwed. And I should have known from the warning signs and red flags that Vic was not what he claimed to be.

I
lay awake for most of the night and had to get up early for work. I wanted to curl up and protect myself before I was fully awake. Aware of the pain before I was aware of anything else.