Role Play (41 page)

“I feel so bad,” Liam apologized. “I’m
really sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sierra
said faintly. “I’m not good at first scenes.”

In all honesty,
I told them both, “I saw what went down. You couldn’t have done anything different, Liam. It was one of those things that happen sometimes. We’re playing with intense things here.”

Liam met
my eyes, startled. “That’s decent of you.”

“I’m trying
,” I said.

Both Liam and Sierra were eyeing
me warily when Lola ran up. Her face was scrubbed but pink patches still speckled her arms and legs. She actually went up to kneel next to Sierra, looking concerned. “What happened, Sierra? Someone told me you fainted.”

“No,
I just got knocked off balance,” Sierra explained. “It’s nothing.”

“She’s shook up,”
I told Lola.

“I
should go home,” Sierra said quietly.

With her brow furrowed
, Lola said, “Martin is getting the van. We can drop you off. Greenpoint, right?”

Sierra nodded, relief spreading over her face.

I had never seen a more sisterly moment between the two, as Sierra stood up and Lola made sure she was steady on her feet. I was so glad for Sierra. She had been waiting a long time for this breakthrough. Nobody deserved it more because nobody could be more loyal than Sierra.

I
led the way, breaking a path for the girls, while Liam trailed behind. Liam wasn’t looking too happy. It wouldn’t do his rep any good to have rumors spreading around of girls fainting on him. As for me, I didn’t care what anyone said about me. I was only thinking about Sierra.

N
ow she knew that I loved her.

Chapter 42

Sierra

I
held onto my sister’s arm, desperately needing her support, more for emotional reasons than to keep me steady on my feet. I wasn’t going to let go until I had to. It was the first sign of a thaw in our icy relationship in months. There was something so fundamentally comforting in having Lola by my side, wanting to help me. We had been through so much together our whole lives—this rift between us was unbearable.

Having Lola there at that moment did more to
revive me than anything else could have done. Our past was in the past, and I had always dragged her along with me as I did everything humanly possible to get away from that life. My frightening flashback had shown me one thing—hearing my mom hook up had taught me that love came with pain. Those men had taught me not to question them, or I would suffer in response.

So
maybe that’s why I had gone along with Vic’s fantasy relationship, letting him set the rules, secretly afraid to rock the boat because didn’t that always end in sorrow? I had stayed away from men for so long, that only my overwhelming need to help Lola had beat back my fear that first night in the Chamber.

But
I wasn’t that scared girl sleeping on the couch anymore. No matter how bad the memory of it could still make me feel, I would never be that girl again. I had proven I could do whatever I set my mind to, and I wouldn’t put up with anyone’s shit anymore.

Behind
us was Liam, who had lost his usual easy smile. Maybe it was the sight of Vic ahead of us, breaking a path with ease. Having Vic there was more comforting to me than it should have been, considering everything that had happened.

I
was doomed. My questions had been answered by my scene with Liam. The entire time I had been mostly disconnected from him, but with Vic, in just a few moments as he rescued me, I had felt a rush that electrified my whole body. It couldn’t be denied. I could still feel Vic’s hands on my arms, soothing the rope marks on my skin. His eyes looking into mine as if he was searching out my secrets.

It was a
taste of heaven.

Somehow
Vic had known the moment the scene went bad for me. I barely knew something was wrong when my panic hit. But he was there instantly, cutting me free, taking care of me.

Just as he was taking care of
me now, making sure we got outside without being jostled again. I wanted to wallow in that feeling of being safe. Of having Vic stand between me and the rest of the world…

“Let me use your cell,” Lola said. “Mine is
drained.”

I
dug into my purse and handed over my phone. Lola typed in a text. Later I read it:
It’s Lola. My sister needs a ride home. We’re waiting in front.

“Are you sure?”
I asked. “Isn’t it out of your way to take me?”

“How do you know where I’m going?” Lola retorted.

I wanted to say,
Greenpoint is on the road to nowhere, believe me I know.
But I closed my mouth and shrugged. I didn’t want to set Lola off again. Things were finally going well.

“Here he comes,” Lola said, waving up the street.

I turned and realized I had a dilemma. Both men were standing there looking at me. It was staring me in the face—Liam was a nice, handsome man, but he wasn’t Vic. I tried not to look into Vic’s eyes because I would get lost in them again and feel everything I couldn’t for him.

So instead
I looked at Liam and held out my hands. “Thank you for the scene, Liam. I’m sorry it ended that way.”

“Don’t apologize
. I wish it could have been better for you.”

“It was
fun, thank you. I see what you mean about endurance…”

“Call me if you need to talk.”
Liam slipped me his card, which I didn’t need. I sneaked a glance at Vic. He didn’t seem to care that I was talking to Liam. He was devouring me with his eyes.

“
Martin’s here,” Lola said, jolting me from his gaze.

“I’ve got to go,” was
the only thing I said to Vic. Thanking him was useless. He didn’t want thanks. He wanted
me
: heart, body and soul. I could see that. Anyone could see that.

I could hear him say,
I’m not pretending anymore.
I love you, Sierra. I always will.

I
turned at the sliding door of the van to see him one last time. I couldn’t have told you if Liam was still there. I only saw Vic, with his eyes telling me that he knew. He knew the effect he had on me.

As the door slammed shut, and
I thanked Martin for offering me a ride, my last glimpse was of Vic. I tucked Liam’s card in my pocket, but I knew I wouldn’t use it. Liam was very nice, but not what I wanted.

Vic was what
I wanted, but he wasn’t very nice.

It was
a disaster.

My
only distraction was listening to Lola and Martin talking. Spike and June had stayed behind to play, while my sister and her boyfriend were going home. Their conversation was so ordinary that it took a while for me to appreciate how comfortable they were together. Martin asked if Lola still itched, and Lola pointed out the deli where he could stop and run in to get his cigarettes. It was warm, homey kind of talk. The kind I had been missing for months and months.

But they were definitely an odd couple. Martin was fatherly with Lola, if anything, while Lola was far more respectful of him than I had ever seen her with anyone.

It didn’t matter
if I liked it, or the fact that Lola decided to paint herself pink. I was determined to be supportive of Lola, even if it didn’t make sense.

When
we arrived at my loft building, Martin let me out of the back. I told him, “I’m so glad to get to know you better.”

“
Uh, me, too,” he said, a little surprised at my enthusiasm.

“You
two have to come to our next party,” I said, offering up the most enticing thing I had. “The last one was amazing.” I pointed upward. “It’s on the roof.”

Martin grinned, showing too many crooked teeth
with a gap on the side. “We’ll be there.”

“Sure, why not?” Lola asked. She
hesitated, then gave me a brief hug, and hopped back in the van. I was glad that Lola was being this friendly.

It made
me feel even better when Martin waited until I was inside before he pulled away. If he was that conscious of keeping me safe, maybe he would keep Lola safe.

As
I went upstairs, I realized I had a lot to think about. One flashback had turned my emotions upside-down. Now I had to figure out which way was up.

...

I went straight to bed and slept soundly for the first time in a week. When I woke, it felt like my feet were back on solid ground, instead of dangling over an abyss. Perhaps it was because I had new memories of Vic, instead of
Victor.
And they were good ones.

He had taken care of
me again. Like he always did. Like when I overheated in the suit. And when he saved me from Dick.

Now
I felt like
Vic
had been taking care of me those times, the real man instead of the fantasy master he had created.

I
worked the late shift on Sunday, still feeling strangely calm. Like my emotions were in a lull. Maybe I was tapped out, but it was a relief after the turmoil of the past months. Peace was an underrated thing, and I drank it in deep.

Over the next few days,
I kept checking my phone. I wasn’t expecting Vic to contact me because I had told him not to. But part of me wanted him to reach out.

Then
I would shake myself.
No, I’m crazy and ignoring the massive red flags again!

Vic was trouble—he had already proven that.
I had been psychic the first night I met him and called him trouble, but despite every warning sign, I had forged ahead.

My
treacherous feelings were leading me astray again.

So
I resisted the urge to contact him. What could I say, anyway? The fact still remained that he had lied to me for months. How could I ever trust him again?

The next
morning at work I got a text, but it wasn’t the one from Vic that I had dreaded yet hoped for.

It was from Martin:
Do you know where Lola is?

W
hen I saw those words, I knew instantly that this wasn’t good.
No,
I texted back.
I haven’t talked to her since you dropped me off.

She
didn’t come home last night
, Martin replied.

“
Shit!” I exclaimed. I ducked into a changing room and hit call on my phone, listening impatiently as it rang.

“Hi, Sierra,” Martin
answered.

“What’s going on
with Lola?” I demanded.

“
She didn’t come home last night.”

“You said that
already! What happened? Did you have a fight?”

There was a noncommittal sound.
“Not exactly.”

“So what
exactly
was it?” I demanded. He wasn’t winning any points with me right now.

“She wasn’t happy with an order I gave her. But she said she would obey me.”

“
Obey
you?”

“Don’t be judgmental
, Sierra. It’s our dynamic.”

I
told myself to not rise to the bait. “What did you order Lola to do?”

“Does it matter?” he asked impatiently.

“It would tell me how bad the situation is.”

“It wasn’t that big a deal. I told her to stop talking to someone.”

Startled, I asked, “Me?”

“No! Not you.
Someone who isn’t good for her.”

Mollified,
I asked, “So you told her that, and she stormed out?”

“No…
she was quiet after that, but I thought it was settled. I don’t think that has anything to do with her being gone overnight.”

“You mean she up and disappeared for no reason?” That sounded much worse.

“Yeah, did she ever do that with you? Not come home and not answer her phone when you called?”

I
gave a harsh laugh. “Join the club, Martin! The Lola Club. Cut off without a word. Left behind like we’re trash.”

There were a few moments of silence on the other end
, then Martin protested, “But nothing happened between Lola and me.”

“Nothing happe
ned between Lola and me, either. She just up and disappeared. I still don’t know where you live.”

“But
… you keep showing up at our events. You’re always so angry at her.”

“I
’ve been trying to find out why she won’t talk to me! I had to stalk my own sister to get near her. I’m worried about her. You’re not exactly the typical boyfriend Lola chooses, if you know what I mean. And this kink stuff can be dangerous—
believe
me, I know.”