Roll Against Discovery (3d20 Book 3) (8 page)

BOOK: Roll Against Discovery (3d20 Book 3)
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Chapter Fourteen

Wednesday came and went without contact from Evan or Trevor, and I couldn’t ignore my disappointment, even if it was unreasonable. On Thursday, I decided it was ridiculous to wait for them, and sent them both a
good morning :)
Trevor replied with a similar message, but it hurt when I didn’t hear from Evan.

Thursday afternoon, I finished up Aikido class, shouldered my duffel bag, and hovered at the edge of the floor mats, watching the next class. They guy teaching was a classmate of mine. He’d been doing this for years, like I had, and now he stood up there, in front of a group of pre-teens, taking them through their forms.

I wanted to be doing that. Why wasn’t I? I had no right wishing Evan and Trevor would step up and recognize how they felt, if I wasn’t willing to do the same. I was happy to admit how I felt about them, but I was still holding back when it came to work. I set my bag aside and padded to the main office.

My sensei—the guy who owned the dojo—looked up from his computer. “What’s up?”

I twisted my fingers in on themselves, grabbed my will to do this from deep inside, and stood straighter. “I’d like another chance teaching.”

He shook his head and turned back to whatever he was working on. “I’m sorry, Kathryn. You’re very talented. It’s obvious you love doing this, and you’ve learned a lot over the years. But you don’t have the kind of presence a teacher needs.”

The words stung even more the second time around, and left my skin prickling. I shoved it aside and forced the confidence into my voice. “I don’t agree. I think I can do this.”

Now I had his full attention. His brows were half raised, his eyes wide. A combination of surprise and… hope? “You did poorly during your practical test,” he said.

That was the part where I had to actually teach a class. “I know. It was a poor performance. I really think I can do better. Let me assist someone else, to prove it. Then if I do better, let me take on classes of my own?”

He drummed his fingers on his keyboard, not compressing any keys, and then stood. “All right. One more chance. Do this, and I’ll let you start teaching classes. Follow me.”

I fell into step behind him but almost stopped moving when he stepped up in front of the current class. He halted them and bowed. A dozen heads returned the polite gesture. “We have a special treat today,” he told them. “One of our black belts, Kathryn, is going to face off with your sensei. It will give you an idea of what you’ll be able to do if you keep at this.”

All those faces turned in my direction, and a hot flush spread over my face. I gritted my teeth, locked my hesitation aside and stepped to the front of the class. I could do this; that was the point. What Jackson had told me bounced in my head. It didn’t matter how many people watched. Those who were going to talk would do so, no matter what. Besides, these kids were living life, like the rest of us.

I bowed to my counterpart, and we both fell into defensive stances. A twitch from his foot, and the spar began.

For the next five minutes, to the tune of gasps, claps, and
ooh
s, we grappled, tumbled, and danced. The demonstration ended with me dropping him to the mat and pinning him until he tapped out. I helped him to his feet, we faced the class, and gave one more bow. Seconds later, the kids surrounded us, asking questions and talking over each other. They looked at me in awe, instead of disgust or amusement.

Sensei stood at the far end of the mats. He gave me a small smile. “One week. You help with classes. Then we’ll see. Email me your schedule, and I’ll fit you in.”

I wanted to squeal and clap and give him a thank-you hug, but I restrained myself. Instead I simply bowed. “You’ll have my schedule tonight. Thank you.”

My mood increased another notch when I pulled my phone out on the way to my car. One missed call, from Evan. I dialed my voicemail and dropped into my vehicle.

“Hey, Kitten.”
His voice was more soothing that I thought possible. “I’ve been in meetings with contractors on the East Coast since early this morning, and just got your note. If you’re free, call me.”

I wanted to get him on the line right away, but I also wanted to be somewhere I wouldn’t have to hang up anytime soon. Traffic seemed to flow like molasses as I drove home. By the time I unlocked my apartment door and pushed inside, every inch of me was tense. I tossed my duffle bag aside, already bringing up Evan’s number.

“I think I’m addicted to your voice,” he said as a greeting. “I’d much rather hear you say
good morning
than see a text. Not that I’m complaining.”

Even though it had been almost two days, the conversation with Trevor was still fresh in my mind. Not that I’d re-read the messages or anything, trying to figure if I could have said something different. Well, not more than a few times. Would flirting with Evan end in the same disaster? I couldn’t be rude. “How about a
good evening
, instead?”

“It’s a start.” His smile was audible. “At least one of you is still talking to me.”

That answered the question of whether or not bringing up Trevor was off the table. “I’m sorry you haven’t heard from him.” Was this my segue to ask if Evan was interested in a more-than-two-person relationship? I didn’t have any right. Trevor made himself clear, so even if Evan was interested in the same thing as I was, it wasn’t going to happen.

“Can I tell you something?” Evan asked. His voice was so quiet, I had to strain to hear him.

A million possibilities raced through my head. Among them, the selfish option that he’d spend more time with me regardless. But I’d struggle with only being with one of them. I needed to stop guessing, before I drove myself insane. “Of course.”

“For the longest time, I thought I was gay.”

Wow, that came out of nowhere. And here I thought
I
was about to dump an intense conversation on us. “Past tense?”

“Trevor doesn’t know. It’s the one thing I never told him, growing up. Because”—Evan sighed—“he was the reason I thought that, and there was no way I’d tell my best friend I was interested in him
like that
.”

The air rushed from my lungs, as if a vice squeezed them tight. That was nowhere on my list of guesses. Should I feel bad that it was a relief to hear it? “What did you do?”

“When we hit high school, I got so much tail, it distracted me. Football team, student council… It was easy. I threw myself into being with girls, and it wasn’t bad. If I pretended hard enough, Trevor was just another guy. I don’t know why I’m dumping this on you. Like I said, you remind me of him, but you’re different.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” I was intensely curious, but it was only my business if he felt like sharing. It didn’t feel right to push.

“Thanks.” A hint of relief lifted his voice. “So I enlisted, thought I’d put it all behind me, and when my bunkmate hit on me, I wasn’t into it. There weren’t any other guys catching my attention. I came back, and there Trevor was. My best friend and the only guy I dreamed about at night.”

“I don’t blame you for dreaming about him.” I tried to keep my tone light and teasing, but still sympathetic.

“Because you’ve got good taste.” More of the tension faded from his voice. “The first time we picked up a girl together, it was my idea. I needed an excuse, and that felt more subtle than,
I think you’re hot, but I need to suck you off to find out if it means anything
. It turned out we both liked the experience, though he didn’t enjoy it for the same reasons I did. So now you know my secret. I pick up women with my best friend, as an excuse to be with him. And then you came along and—”

My heart sank. “Got in the way.”

“No.” He spoke quickly. “Completely the opposite. You fit too well, but he and I don’t have
that.

“Maybe you could.” It was selfish of me to encourage Evan, knowing how Trevor felt, but I couldn’t take it back.

“Not going to happen,” he said. “I’ve hinted at it, asked him indirectly, and he’s not interested.”

“What if the question simply needs to be asked differently?”

“No.”

I hadn’t expected the abrupt retort. “Okay. Forget it.”

“It’s not that. I meant it when I said I can’t lose him. Dancing around the subject is better than the last few weeks of not talking to him have been.”

“I’m having dinner with him tomorrow night.” I shouldn’t have said that.

“He gets you first?”

Defensiveness raced through me. “It’s not like that.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it to be.”

I twisted my ponytail around my finger. “Meet up with us. Talk it out. Not necessarily
that,
but make things right with him.” I was negotiating for them, as much as for me. An empty ache grew inside when Evan sighed again. I wanted to see him happy, with or without me.

“I see what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it”—his voice was low and sad—“but this has to stay between you and me. Always. Promise me.”

“Of course.” I could do nothing else, given the intensity in his plea.

“It’s not right that I have to make this choice. In a perfect world, I’d know he felt the same, we’d get to know you better, and… This isn’t that world. He’s only interested in me as a friend, and neither of us is mature enough to see you with the other. God, Kitten, it kills me things happened this way.”

“Me too.” Killed me. Devoured me. Tore me apart. “But think about it. Please? I’ll send you the address.”

“You’re meeting at the Italian place on Fourth and Thirteenth, at eight.”

I stared my phone for a minute. “Did he…?”

“I assumed he set the time and place. Lucky guess on my part.” Evan’s words were tinged with sadness. “I’ll think about it. If I’m not there though, please don’t take it personally.”

“How else am I supposed to take it?”

“Good point.” His laugh was strained.

We chatted for a while longer, but the levity that was there during the con and on Tuesday was missing. A heavy cloud hung over the conversation, nagging that this wasn’t going the way either of us wanted.

When we hung up, I sent Trevor a text. I didn’t think anything would come of it, but that didn’t stop me from hoping.

I invited Evan to join us tomorrow night.

I couldn’t wait for a reply. I sent one message after another.
I don’t know if he’ll show.

And if you don’t either, I’ll understand.

It’ll hurt, but I’ll understand.

But you can’t let this ruin your friendship. The two of you deserve more than that. So let him make things better between you.
I had no intention of breaking my promise to Evan. I was willing to take a lot more of a stand than I used to, when it came to anything, but I couldn’t try to open Trevor’s eyes when this wasn’t my secret to share.

I could push and prod for them to work things out, though.

 

****

 

I sat in the restaurant parking lot, staring at my steering wheel and listening to my mind ramble on. I wanted to walk in there and tell Trevor how it was. Nudge him until he admitted he felt the same way about Evan and me that we did about him. Except that wasn’t my right. I’d already told him how I felt, but the rest was out of my hands.

The clock ticked up on meeting time, and I stashed my internal argument. Maybe it was time to play things by ear. I found Trevor on the sidewalk, right outside the front door, his hands jammed in his pockets. He grinned when he saw me, and my heart danced happily against my ribs. I reached out for a tentative hug. He squeezed me tight, and I sank into the embrace. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this the last couple of weeks. Part of me wanted more. A kiss, long and passionate.

“I missed you,” he murmured against my hair. “And I’m sorry for how I left things the other night.” His apology sank into me, soothing an anxiety I hadn’t been able to quell.

“I thought you might not show, because of the messages I sent last night.” I didn’t want to bring them up, but sweeping them under the rug wouldn’t help anyone.

“I almost didn’t.” He pulled back enough to study my face. “I… uh… made a call, after you texted me. What you said on Tuesday made me think about things I’ve been trying really hard not to think about. I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking, but you’re right. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

A hand settled on the small of my back. I assumed not Trevor’s, since he still grasped my hips.

“Hey, Kitten.” Evan’s familiar voice lifted my spirits further. I leaned back into his touch, careful not to break contact with Trevor.

“We talked a lot,” Trevor said.

This had to be good news, or they wouldn’t both be here. “And…?”

“But not about
everything
,” Evan added.

Trevor furrowed his brow. “Apparently there are some things he can’t say without you here. You’re his translator?”

“I don’t think that’s quite right.” Then again, I didn’t know for certain. Evan seemed to hold a few missing pieces to this conversation. I reluctantly extracted myself from his touch and turned to face him. “I can’t translate, unless I know what I’m saying.”

BOOK: Roll Against Discovery (3d20 Book 3)
8.27Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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